.jpg)
Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Building Resilient Families Through Community
What does it mean to parent with a purpose in today's ever-changing world? Join us as we unpack this essential question and explore the art of empowering children to thrive in uncertain times. We promise you'll gain insights into the ripple effects of shifting government policies on family life and how community collaboration can be a beacon of hope and innovation. Discover how parents can remain steadfast as the guiding force in their children's lives, equipping them with the values and skills needed to navigate a complex world.
Experience the power of storytelling, as we share heartfelt narratives illustrating the profound impact of nurturing values like caring and generosity in children. Through personal anecdotes and age-old wisdom, we reflect on the importance of raising kids who are not only prepared for their future but are also capable of making meaningful contributions in the present. From the inspiring story of young Victoria's candy gram kindness to the timeless lessons from the biblical tale of Josiah, we celebrate the potential of children to lead and inspire.
Come along as we discuss practical strategies for investing in children's experiences and teaching them the invaluable lesson of letting go. From redefining luxury spending to prioritizing educational and travel opportunities, we highlight ways to enrich children's lives beyond mere material comfort. Parents, imagine yourselves as bows guiding arrows—providing direction and support without stifling independence. Tune in for an episode filled with laughter, reflection, and actionable insights, all designed to empower you on your parenting journey. Join the conversation on Audible and other podcast platforms, and connect with us on Facebook and Instagram under Donna Janelle.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
Hey everybody, welcome back to Parenting with a Purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle, I'm your co-host, pamela, and, as you know, here at Parenting with a Purpose, our aim, our strive, our mission is to bring the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting. As we know, parenting there's challenges. It doesn't matter what age your children are. There are challenges in parenting. However, even though there's challenges, there's so much beauty in parenting. Right, though there's challenges, there's so much beauty in parenting right, it's so much there's some tears of joy and tears of sadness, but at the end of the day, we want to make sure that our kids are successful. Right, every parent wants to make sure that their kids are successful. And you know, with that being said, the other thing is listen, our saying around here is that parents are the bulls, our, our children arrows, and they will land wherever we aim them, as long as we, as parents, give them the proper tools to be successful. And with that, you know what that means, because you can't give what you don't have. So here at Panther with Purpose, we are equipping you to have so that you can give. Maya Angelou quote says when you, when you learn, you teach. Right, so that's what we're doing here, and when you have, you give. So you can't pour from an empty cup, right? I know that's like an old saying and I don't even know, is it an African proverb, an Asian proverb, an English proverb? I don't know what proverb it is. However, it is true to the fact that you cannot pour out of an empty cup because all you're going to do is right there, right here.
Speaker 1:So today, you know, we've been talking about I don't have any stories about my 17 year old, right? I don't have any stories about, you know, my, the one that touched my end of gangers. Surprisingly, y'all and I don't know if it's surprisingly or through prayer that this girl is okay right now. She did just have the flu and pneumonia, so she's probably just still trying to recover from that, because she has not done anything to me right now, y'all, I don't know, she's requesting a lot of hugs. Lately, though, she's requesting a lot of hugs, so that's the space she in right now. So I ain't got nothing to say about her testing my inner gangster. She's trying to test my inner love right now. That's all um.
Speaker 1:But you know we're we've been talking heavy, pam and I. We've been talking heavy about a mandate on parents. All right. What does that look like? Um, with the climate that we're in, given the things that the government are now, uh, removing from under our feet different services, right, and how it affects our children and affects how we parent in general? So we want to continue. The government are now removing from under our feet different services, right, and how it affects our children and affects how we parent in general. So we want to continue the topic about one I believe and Pam correct me if I'm wrong do you believe there's a mandate on parenting right now?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, you definitely have to pull up, yeah, pull up.
Speaker 1:I'm curious what the real parents step up. Pam, you're saying it's like listen, pull up. I'm curious. What the real parents step up, pam, you're saying, is like listen, pull up. Right. So that's what we're going to talk about today. It's like what is parenting? You know, here we talk about parenting with a purpose. What does that actually mean? What does that look like? How do that? You know that we grab a hold of and really be able to strategize of how we need to do this differently, right, and that what we were doing in our parenting is wrong. But there are some shifts that need to be changed, because we are the ones who are the first teachers, the first advocates, first lovers, like we are the ones who are with our children and if they're going to get anything from us, it is really going to be tools of how to be successful in life. Yes, so, pam, what you got to say about that?
Speaker 2:I agree with you, but what's the thing you said? I said parents gotta pull up. You said it's time for the real parents to stand, step up.
Speaker 1:Listen, we talk about standing 10 toes down.
Speaker 2:I'm so serious, I don't care if you got 10 toes and nine toes, you better stand on what business right in a parenting, it's gonna stand on business yeah, because I feel like every so often like as I've gotten older, I realized every so often certain things like this happen, whether it's in a month, month time frame, or you say, years, like every three to five years I feel like something traumatic like this happens. And I was watching a clip from um CNN and the lady wanted to talk about something and the guy was basically like well, is this affecting you? And she was like no, it's not affecting me. It's like so what are we talking about then? And she was like hold up, you're being very rude because just because it's not affecting me or affecting you or your family doesn't mean it's not a topic to talk about.
Speaker 2:So, with that being said, like me personally, I'm not being affected by it, but I am because it affects some of my family members. So it affects how they think they're going to be able to show up, or they're debating if they have to quit their job and then go find another job, or they're really like scrambling right now, almost like being a kid, like what do I do? Like I got to make sure my kids are good. I use the transportation services, I use the different before and after care programs. So what are we going to do if they're taking a funding form, is it going to increase? How am I going to pay when I'm only making this much a month? You know, as I said on the show before, we might got to go back to what we know.
Speaker 1:Remember, it was somebody in the community who would keep all the kids yep, I think that is so and and I was talking to akil, you know and I talked about the same thing, like when we, back in the day, you know, when we were fighting for civil rights, human rights, voting rights and all those rights, like, even though we were fighting against them to do it, but we still made a way in our community of how to get these things done, even while we're fighting government. So it's a such thing as you can fight for what's right, but in the meantime, in between time, what we gonna do? Like we ain't just gonna sit around and wait for you to hand us what's already ours because we paid our tax money for, like yeah, we know that's a fight. We paying you to do stuff that you're not doing okay, that's a fight. But in the meantime, in between time, what does that look like in my everyday?
Speaker 2:living absolutely does that. Do we put everything on pause or freeze? You know, no, you, you still gotta work. You still gotta show up for the pull up for the children at this point, for you showing, you know you gotta pull up and do what you gotta do. You know we gotta put our our big boy, big girl pants on and, like you were saying before, it's being firmly ten toes down, like, don't be afraid to reach out to the community. You know, because, whether you know it or not, you have a voice in your community and all it takes is a knock on somebody's door.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what does your schedule look like? Just going around surveying what everybody's schedule look like? Because, as I stated before, you're not the only one going through it. Some people don't want to speak up. They, like you know I've been used to figuring it out. I'm gonna figure this out, you know. But what, what, what is it gonna hurt you by knocking on the door to survey and then letting your community know? Hey, I realize 78% of us have children that are still in school, that can't be left alone 100% by themselves. I noticed that 25% of the parents do not work, or this is their work schedule. We can alternate days. We can do this to make it work. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Come together instead of allowing the division to separate us even more like that, because the whole concept when we talked about parents with the purpose all right, we talked about it takes a village like let's get to the village. Like let's get back to. Everybody in the community knows our children, can correct our children and really be responsible to, knows our children, can correct our children and really be responsible to raising our children together. I think that you know this whole the way that the world has turned. It's like you don't even know what your neighbor's doing anymore. Like and then your neighbor kids, like that's not how it's supposed to work. Like they're not supposed to trust that my kids can play with your kids. I don't even know how you operate. Like it don't make no sense, right?
Speaker 1:You know, I think, even though we are in the time, it may seem dark. You know, akil said something on the last show. He said that it's the best that it could be. It's the worst of times, but yet it's still the best of times Because we can really stand up and really create some great things right now.
Speaker 2:There you go, that create word. I was thinking that when we was talking previously, the creativity is is now being tapped into and that that's the source we can tap into. My main source is god. I'm gonna keep it funky with you. But that that source right there, creativity. When you get some hard trying time, that creativity come out a whole another way, listen the music now.
Speaker 1:I know that you you might be familiar with some of this music pair don't start. You know, back in the day we said make a dollar out of 15 cent, like when we were able to make things happen with the little bit that we have. So I feel like now is the time for us to really, like you said, be creative and just being able to man do life like. I feel like this is not like a restart, but it's like a reboot, like like yeah, really reboot something that I think in order for the community, the state and even our country as a whole, as a world, I think the mandate on parenting is so necessary because we are the ones that are creating these children and building these children to make change.
Speaker 1:So if any change is going to happen, it's really going to happen in our households, right? How do we do life? How do we communicate with others? And you know it trickles from your household to your community, from your community to to your city, to your state, to the you know to the country, into the world. That's how it's supposed to work. It's all, it's growth in all those areas. So if we don't have our households together, we are scrambling and chaotic like oh my god, what's going on? We might have have taxes, we might not have taxes.
Speaker 1:You know using taxes, you know as a savings account, right, we don't know what they're doing with the government. But, as you said, I'm a believer, just like you, pam, and I know that God knows everything and he sees everything, but I also know that he has given us the ability and he has empowered us to be able to do what is necessary to make sure that we're successful in parenting and in life, because you keep hearing life be lifing, but I know God is still God, that's all I know. Maybe lifing, but yes.
Speaker 2:God, absolutely. But hold on. I think I might gotta disagree with you when you said you think it's a reboot. No, I think it's honestly a reset, reset, a restart like, because, if you think about it, every day that we get to wake up and be in the land of the living, we are getting a restart at what we didn't do yesterday, what we didn't get to do. It's a whole new experience. I call each day an experience because you, you don't know what, what doors you're going to walk into, what doors you're going to have to leave. So each day is an experience and at this point we're getting a reset, just like when covid covid happened. What happened? That was a reset and a restart for so many people. Look how many businesses evolved. Look how many businesses came out of COVID. Look how, look how people came together came together.
Speaker 1:Yo listen, fam, they was coming together when we weren't supposed to come together. Right, and do you get?
Speaker 2:what I'm saying. So it's like, right now, I think it's a charge, whether people want to believe or not. It's a charge that, whether people want to believe or not, it's a charge that are on the people of God. Mm-hmm, yeah, what are you going to do in trying times If you say you got faith, you say you believe. What are you really going to do in trying times when times get difficult?
Speaker 1:Like you said, it's already been given into us, so go ahead and let that thing burn and you know, I think, again, when we talk about parenting, this is such a teachable moment Like what we're dealing with is such a teachable moment, like you know, if we can show our kids how to strategize, how to really, you know, be creative even at such a young age. I think that this is a time, honestly, parents going to shine because we're able to give our kids, because it's like we're being forced. You know, some of us are already have been attention with parenting right, but there's people who really didn't really see the, the urgency in it, right, but now that's like you're back against the wall, like hold up, like you said. I love how you mentioned COVID, because I've seen like people came together we weren't supposed to come together but they're like, listen, they homeschooling these kids.
Speaker 1:I know nothing about no dad going zoom. I got them sitting here. I'm still in my nightgown. How do we come together where they all have class even in the same house? Like it was crazy because you'll have. You have somebody on zoom that's in kindergarten, somebody that's in first, somebody's in middle school, somebody's in high school. Then you got your college kids who are being zoomed, like I literally had every age being zoomed. It's like, okay, we don't need a community for this, but no, and then it was like parents who've never been technology savvy, who didn't even know, grandparents who's never been in this position, where people came together to help them navigate the system. So I'm like, hey, it's time to navigate the system again. What are we going to do?
Speaker 2:how you guys seriously and, um, how ironic is it that it's happening during Black History Month? You know like we're getting all this information right. Mm-hmm, I mean, take it, people can take it how they want, but I've never really been into like, oh, this is Black history. Yeah, I feel like you should learn about things all throughout the year. Right, sorry if I make that ignorant to some, but I just feel that way. Like why are we waiting for a month to teach our children and generations about what's taking place to get us to where we are? That's just like my whole take on it. So I'll be interviewing my daughter and let me tell you what's her career day.
Speaker 2:And I literally have been talking to the girl because she always tell me like I want to do what you do. You know I want to. I want to work in the banks. And I was like, well, the way you get money in, you know, make money. I think you're gonna own the bank. And she said, for real, mom. She said, and you know they're gonna call me and I'm gonna say this is victoria, how can I sit this shit? She said, mom, and people gonna be working for me. So I said, on that this day, yesterday, we in the car and I'm like you know who are you going to be for the birthday. She was like you already know, keep doing this. You think my answers going to change? So I was like nah, because sometimes they do what you want to be. She was like mom, sometimes I really don't know said and you know what. That's what I love about you.
Speaker 2:Because she loves the arts. Victoria has loved painting, drawing, everything in that area of the arts since before she was one, because I introduced it, introduced her to that by the time she was like two months. So we was always think every week. So then she got like she loves music, she loves singing. Now she's into like dancing, but she still does all three.
Speaker 2:So she was like mom, like I don't know if I want to be a dancer. I I like helping people and I like money, so like maybe I could do all of it. And I was like yeah, there's a way that you can. She was like so maybe I'm gonna be a, um, a professional ballerina, nurse. And I was like okay, god, no, no, and she's so serious, like she's so serious.
Speaker 2:So today I was like what's gonna be your speech? She was like you know, when I grow up, she's like mom, I'm not not going to tell them the ballerina nurse because they're not going to understand me. I said, ok, so what you want when I grow up? I want to be a nurse. And the reason why I want to be a nurse is because I watch how they help people. I watch how some nurses care for people and I love to care and help people, make people feel better. I say and you keep that regardless if you become a nurse the professional nurse, ballerina, whatever it is you keep that in you because, like you said, you love to see people caring for people. You love to help people feel better keep that inside of you.
Speaker 2:So, going back to what are we instilling in our children, what are we teaching our children? And right there, that's a lesson where I can pull up people in the past Martin Luther King, cleopatra connecting them, saying hey, we talk about this monthly because, like I said, she changes.
Speaker 1:I really don't know what I want to be, but I know I want to care and help people and I think that is so important, pam, and I like how she did that because, again, like you said, things change, we get exposed. The more things that we're exposed to is trees are our interest, right, it was like, okay, oh, peaks our interest a little bit. That might be something different and being so young, but I like how you said listen, the core of that, right, the core and the foundational pieces, that caring and helping people. And I thought about, you know, when I think about in a Bible. You know, again, I love the Lord and I love to incorporate some of those stories into everyday living because when we think about it we think about the boy in the Bible when Jesus went to feed the 5,000, and it was a young man and his mother packed his lunch. Like the loads of bread, right, two fish and five loads of bread he packed in his lunch. Now, first of all, that's a lot of food, but you know she know her son be out there in the streets, I guess. Well, she knows the heart of her son. Who might want to pray, right and be caring.
Speaker 1:So I thought about I constantly think about that who might want to share, right and be caring. So I thought about I constantly think about that when we talk about what we're instilling in our kids like, what are you packing up for lunch that they're able to share with someone else? And what you just said to me is that how Victoria Foundation is caring and loving with people, so that's something she's packed with, right, so now she can share with others. And that's what it is really gotta pack our kids lunch so that they can share with others. And you can look at it.
Speaker 1:Even I know when my kids were younger, I would pack their lunch and they wanted extra snacks to help those around, right? So that story is always dear to my heart. Because if he didn't pack his lunch, how was the 5,000 got fed, like whatever it looked, that little bit that he had, how God blew on it and made it more right. So his benefit is to feed her son, but her son is able to feed others. So how are we pouring our kids where they can feed others?
Speaker 2:Yes, oh, so look, yesterday was sunglasses day, right, it's spirit week, how about? She didn't think that I had packed her stuff and I was like if you don't stop playing with mommy, you know I'll be on. It had packed her stuff and I was like if you don't stop playing with mommy, you know I'll be on it. She was like oh um, I thought you were gonna pack these hard ones and I'm like well, the other ones are hard, but they're just not as fancy as those ones. If you want to wear those ones, it's fine. She was like okay, and I was like well, let me get the other pair back. She was like no, I think they should stay. And I was like like well, why should they stay? And she was like just in case someone else forgets theirs, they won't feel left out, mommy.
Speaker 2:And she was like Mom, you know, I always have something to be able to give somebody else. She said because the only thing I can't help with is when we don't have to wear a uniform and somebody comes with their uniform. That's the only thing I can't help with, but like with my food and like my other stuff, yeah, I could help with that. And I was like okay, how about? Somebody forgot their glasses and he came running out the building. Both are in. Mom. Mom, guess what? I'm so happy you let me keep both pairs because I was able to help somebody. I said what is it? She said you let me keep both pairs because I was able to help someone. I said what?
Speaker 1:is you?
Speaker 2:she said yeah, and she gave them back to me.
Speaker 1:I didn't have to ask that. Look at that. I'm like wow, wow, that that's. That's amazing and that's what I'm talking about those foundational pieces. Like you know, we always, we always hear that my cat, my child, is going to be back. What are you going to be when you grow up? Right? A basketball star, a lawyer? This than yet.
Speaker 1:And like so much parenting has been focused on to getting our kids to be those things and yet missing the whole foundation piece, because you can be, you know, the wealthiest person and have just a disgusting character, bad integrity, right. So a lot of times that we look at these external things with our kids like, all right, what makes our kids successful? Because they got a good job, because you know they're famous or whatever. No, what makes our kids successful is what are we instilling in them, like what kind of character they have, what are their integrity? And I think for so long we've missed out on what is the foundational pieces in parenting, like the shelter. That's all we kept hearing, right? Food, clothes and shelter. And we're making our kids be able to. You need a job so you can provide your own food, your own clothes and your own shelter, right?
Speaker 2:now, what age they starting?
Speaker 1:they starting like 18 yeah, so it's like those things that you just talked about. Victoria has is like those foundational pieces we're talking about, because don't go in the long gone ways of food, clothes and shelter. Now. I need my babies to eat, I need them to be warm, right, I need to have security, but I also need them to have a sense of self. Yes, who?
Speaker 2:am.
Speaker 1:I, yeah, I'm walking in Like I am royalty, like we did. You know the girls and men. I'm confident, I'm bold, I'm lovable. All those things affirm aren't, aren't just words that we're telling our kids. These are words that we're showing our kids how to be. Yes, and that is, and that is parenting, one-on-one, teaching your kids, because when you first born, you know your identity. Listen, I didn't realize my identity until I was literally probably like 39, 40 years old. I'm literally early learning who I am right. So just imagine a kid and we are solely responsible of making sure they realize who they are. The world closed them. It's like we're giving them some foundational pieces, some character, some value, some morals, some integrity, so that when they do go on the run, they're not just getting picked because, oh, they can do the job. They're getting picked because they are an asset to the company. Oh, they can do the job. They're getting picked because they are an asset to the company, not only they can do the job but who their character is.
Speaker 1:So with this mandate on parents and that's just what it is Like we got to really pour into our kids so they can pour into somebody else. There you go, and you don't even know.
Speaker 2:By it's two things I want to hit by pouring into them who they'll even reach, because my six-year-old I had a teacher who's a special ed teacher. She's not even in my child's class or anything they had. They didn't have to, but my daughter chose to do candy grams for other teachers because we always get her teacher stuff, but for other teachers she's like I want to get them stuff too. Mom, like they work at the school, they help with the kids and shout out to miss Holmes. She said she's seen me today. She said I've been looking for you and I said yes, I said everything. Okay. She said I cried.
Speaker 2:She said what that note said on that candy gram, like that meant more than everything that was in there. She said those words. I said, and those were not my words, those were not my words, those were Victoria's words. She asked me to write it on there. How I write nice and fancy for you guys. Those were her words.
Speaker 2:I had to do a rough draft on sticky notes and then write it nice and fancy, her exact words and victoria's. Right. There she goes, because we appreciate you and sometimes we have to get in the building so fast we can't tell you that. And she said please don't do it. Please don't do it. She said I already had four days of. She said I just kept looking at it and it let me know that what I am doing doesn't go unnoticed.
Speaker 2:So that's a six-year-old to. I don't even know how old this fucks is, but the impact and she was just I have to walk away right now because I'm about to start and I was like oh. And then another teacher followed up and was like she's always blessing someone. And I said oh, she was like victorious. She was like she's always blessing someone and I said she was like victoria. She was like I don't know who this little large person is. She was like but she's so great and we look forward to seeing her like I hope she returns next year because we look forward to seeing her presence in the building, because it's just like I don't care what they're doing.
Speaker 2:It's not dictating what's going to happen today yo and I'm just like, wow, I get to see my parenting, I get to see how I'm pulling up me and her father, like those times when we like girl, you are not listening. No, she really is, because she is a product of us and she is showing what we're instilling in her, regardless if we think she's listening or not. She really is because it comes back to us tenfold, you know. And then back to the community. Remember, when we had the community, people knew each other way better. People were more in touch way better. So there was more love, there was more unity.
Speaker 2:Now that everybody has put their separate ways, like you previously said, I don't even know what my neighbor does for a living, like I don't know if they have children, I don't. I don't know what goes on over there, why. Why don't we know who lives next door to us or across the street, and so we need to get back into that. That's pulling up. Yeah, that being intentional, with parents and with a purpose knowing who your neighbors are, whether you're on the in street, whether you're an apartment building, you should definitely know lives with with you in the apartment building, because that's even closer than it. So what they got going on in their house could be coming through your walls.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think you know I like. There's two things that you said, and I know you got more, but I like the first thing when you were saying how you never know who they're going to impact and so for so many years I don't know if you heard this when you were younger what are you going to do in the future? What are you going to do in the future? Oh, they're going to be something when they grow up. Instead of they are something now, like right, right now, like we're not just creating stuff just for their future. Yes, we're creating stuff to for they to be successful in our future, but we need our kids to be successful right now like what are we right now, when they get older, this is going to happen.
Speaker 1:No, they can make such an impact right now. Josiah in the bible and and I know I keep going back to the Bible, pam but there are so many stories and so many things when we think about parents and I'm like yo, who is Josiah's parents, because that boy was nine years old, nine-year-old king Like for real, being able to really pull up and show our kids, like you know, that song is by our children of the future.
Speaker 1:Yes, they are the future, but our children are supposed to skip out the first 18 years of life and say, oh, when you're 18, you're going to be this, or when you're 18, you're going to be that or like that. I can't wait to see you when you're 18. Why are you acting at one years old? What are we going to do about all these temper tantrums?
Speaker 2:Hello, that is so good. I never looked at that is like way until you're 18.
Speaker 1:But then here's the other, the caveat to that right 18, it has the time. I'm telling you, I've been coaching parents for a long time now, pam, they 18, and now, at 18, you're ready for that. Oh, you 18, you on your own to get out, but you ain't give them that all 18 years. I'm so confused how they're supposed to go when they own where you done skipped out the first 18 of really intentional, impactful parenting. And now, oh, the law says you're 18. I ain't responsible for you, no more. Well, ma'am, sir, these other 18s with years, so that when they turn 18, that we don't have to do things that we didn't do the first 18 years. I get baffled of people when I'm coaching families. Oh, they're 18. They need to find their own place. I get baffled of people when I'm coaching families. Oh, they're 18. They need to find their own place. First of all, what age did you find your own place and how did that look out and how did?
Speaker 2:that work Like where? Let's go into that, Because were you setting them up to buy 18 to have their own place?
Speaker 1:Right. Did you invest in some business? Did you show them financial literacy? What did you do to set them up Again? It's not about I'm just here providing food, clothes and shelter. Parenting is more than that. I think we got to understand parenting is more than food, clothes and shelter. That's the parents who want to know, recognize and understand that it's more than food, clothes and shelter. I just need for all the parents out there to understand it is more than food, clothes and shelter. Young, old.
Speaker 2:It don't matter, all ages. Parenting is more than that, and I get bad food, pam by.
Speaker 1:You know people in the generation above me, older generation, when they say, well, that happened to me when I was younger. Look at me, I turned off, fine. I'm like did you, did you? Okay?
Speaker 2:silence in a room, okay all right, there's some things that's okay to keep, but then you have to remember that you have to move with the times, like you like, like you said oh, what should I category categorize you as? Because you love making your, your little side remarks about me. Now listen down. So what should I categorize people with at this moment? No, but they'll be like you ever hear them say like oh, that baby grown, or that baby moving too fast, or it's another one on the way. No, you guys were just treating the baby so baby-fine that you thought they were slow and really your child could have been doing this. Right, right, you just wasn't allowing them.
Speaker 1:The smart girl was hilarious girl the parents back in the day was hilarious for real, I'm so serious. And then they got offended when we started doing it a little different. They like, uh, uh, don't bring that baby over here, but it's crazy. Like, oh, my god, it's so. It's so funny, though, because some stuff you hear you like no for real though, and then when the kids come back to you talking about that, doesn't even make no sense. Now they're disrespectful because they tell them what you said ain't even adding up. That don't make no sense.
Speaker 1:I remember a situation with my. She was younger and she was talking to my dad and you know my dad from an older generation and my daughter is having a conversation with him, right and she was saying and she wasn't being malicious or anything, but she was like, oh well, that's just pure ignorance. What the hell? Ignorance, ignorance. You never call him ignorant. She said, based on the conversation, you're ignorant. And she's using the word ignorance as if the lack of knowledge, like she's using it in a proper, proper way. You know, my dad got so offended, so hard not to ever come back to his house. The girl was fingers old, she was nice. Oh, don't you disrespect me, I was mean. She was so confused. I never called him ignorant. I was saying that, based on the conversation, that was an ignorance, just lack of not knowing. Like that's all I'm saying. And then she said Mom.
Speaker 2:I went to the dictionary and tried to show him the definition of. She made it worse.
Speaker 1:She said I don't know how you're writing them kids down there, but you're writing them kids to be disrespectful to that. I was like what? When they told me the whole story and I was like, well, yeah, they were kind of in ignorance, but not on her behalf, it was more on his behalf, but I didn't want to say it because the next thing, you know, I might not be able to come to the house. It don't need to be both of y'all, we don't need to be bad, right so, but just in that, and I think like we really have to be open-minded and really understanding, hearing our children, our children, is operating from a different system, right?
Speaker 1:So back in the day, um, especially particularly for african americans, they weren't educated, right, they weren't able to be educated, and they weren't educated in a way where there's certain words that was being used. Right, they was like more of like keywords or whatever. They weren't really, you know English standard dictionary, right, because that's how we created our onyx, right? This is what we say. You know, each culture has their own language. However, I know for a fact that my mom didn't graduate high school and my mom I had to teach her. I started teaching her when I was younger of how to read Right.
Speaker 1:So you have you coming from a generation who aren't as educated as our children are now, so where our children are using words and using terms in a proper way and then the older generation is getting offended and they don't understand Right. So it's like generations are understanding each other and that's where a lot of conflict comes in. Aren't understanding each other, and that's where a lot of conflict comes in. But if we go to the root of things and get some understanding and be open-minded, that I think we will be in a better place. When we talk about crossing generations and our in a generation where they even know more than what we know, so as parents we got to be like oh okay, I'm telling you there's some stuff that my kids say and do and my old school parents in ways would have been like what? But now I'm listening to them because, yeah, you can teach me how to do this. Like it saves a lot of time if we just listen to our children.
Speaker 2:It sure will. I know cooking in the kitchen saves me time.
Speaker 1:Me too With that Darnay. She is such a chef and I know like even then, being younger, not being able to cook in the kitchen and not being able to kid being in the kitchen, kids are supposed to be here. Kids are supposed to be there. Unless you're raising a kid to be a kitchen maid or something like that, you really are really exposed to, like really domestic things, domestic things in the household, unless it was going to be either their job or how they're going to serve their spouse. And but my daughter, he cooks for us and she cooks, and I had to myself restrain myself. It's like, oh, you cooking with this expensive stuff? We gotta test and trial some cheap stuff, but why did I want it? That's her standard of cooking, this is the one that operated. And who am I to say, oh no, you need a lighter, you need a watered down version of this. Are you crazy? And that's what we do.
Speaker 1:On parenting, sometimes we think, because we don't want to a make the sacrifice, put the invest in it, and say, nah, I want you to be lesser than who you are and we don't do it intentionally, right, but it's based on, again, how we feel that what's going on. It's like it could be how we were raised too. We weren't able to do certain things because how we were being raised. But now we're not responsible how we were raised, but we're responsible how we raise our children. Yes, if you want, I had to learn.
Speaker 1:Listen. She cooks with the most expensive stuff, I'm like and it'd be good and it's gourmet, and she's telling me the difference of why she shows these products. It's not. I need the best. You know this because of this. And it ain't about form and fashion. It is about service, excellent and the taste and on your palate like for her to be able to describe that to me made me say cool, I'm okay paying for whatever you want, because the way that you want your standard to be and who am I to make you water down and you just learning who you are that just learning who you are, and I'm watering down everything that you're trying.
Speaker 2:You're trying or want to experience yeah that's crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, are we? Are we watering down our children's ideas in their thoughts? Because when we were helping the young ladies do the budget board and I gave them a word, I said your vices how much money do you spend on your vices? They were like vices. I was like, yeah, things that you do outside that you really probably shouldn't do or spend money on. And one one young lady once already had a mission to be set her child up. She said I, I could pull money from my wife. So that goes back to oh, I'm trying, you want the most expensive and it's that. Third, but why would I want to take that from you? Her thing is why not take this from myself when I know I really don't need it? So now I can invest in my child. So what? So what are some things that we can pull back from that we really don't need so we can invest in our children, so they can get the best experience, even if it's just a one-time, they experienced it. At least they experienced it.
Speaker 1:Right, I like that opportunity Because I thought about this. Like, sometimes, a lot of times, you hear parents say I can't afford to do this, I can't afford to do that. And I'm not saying that, you know, it's called like what are we willing to do so that we can get this? Not this whole. I can't afford this. Right, when I'm coaching families, right, I'm asking them about family vacation, what do you do? What kind of time you spend? Do what kind of time you spend? Because I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think I mentioned on here, like, when my kids were growing up, my goal was for them to see every state in the united states and figure out the historical fact in that state. Right, whatever um is going on in that state is that's part of teaching, right? I don't school tell, teach my kids about history of each state. So that was my goal. We're going to every state in the United States to figure it out. So that costs money, right, but it also costs investigation and research so that you don't have to spend as much money.
Speaker 1:So a lot of times, parents say they can't afford that. But I also see them buying Gucci, prada, michael Kors. It's like sometimes I get it, you want some name stuff. That's why Marshall's TJ Maxx is there, because you can get some real name stuff on a cheaper budget. I'm just telling y'all, absolutely you want Michael Kors, you want Prada? Okay, but go to TJ Maxx and Marshall because you're going to get a 50% off and it's still in style a little cute. You want the name on, okay? So I'm just saying we invest our money in the wrong things, and I won't even say invest, because when you buy in those purses, whatever, I don't know how, what's the return on that right?
Speaker 1:so we put our money in some wasteful things instead of so, pam, when we talk about pull up, that's what we're talking about. How are you? Yes, it don't take much to look. Listen, parents, every state has stuff national. Anything that's national is free the national national parks, the national museum, the national zoo. It's all free because it's not. Only thing you might have to do is pay for some parking. Okay, put that in your budget, but you can plan stuff to take your kids and expose them to things that they're not typically exposed to.
Speaker 1:And it's a norm for them now. And let me tell you, when they go in class and they start talking about different parts of the world and stuff like that, oh, your kids already know, because you already taught them that they already. Yeah. So now don't, don't cancel it out because you think you can't afford it. Pull back so that you can pull up.
Speaker 2:There you go and I like that, Not only the national, but there's also transportation out here too. Certain trains they offer different things throughout the year. Greyhound, they offer different specials and then if you get their membership, oh, their tickets are like, during certain periods of months and time frames they are so cheap. So even if you don't have a car or you know you don't want to get on a plane and different stuff, there's other ways for you to travel also.
Speaker 1:Exactly you need to be. We talked about being resourceful. You said resetting, like there's things that we need to do to be able to teach our kids like, again, it starts with us. I'm not waiting for my kids to learn about history based on what the school system decides, what they decide they want to omit so if, if I did that, my daughter is six now, say I started when she was one, that means she don't.
Speaker 2:That's crazy, yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. That's a little goofy, like let's reset some stuff, that's what.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I think we don't think that, though I think a lot of times, parents don't think that again because they focus on food, clothes and shelter, like really, how I'm going to make ends meet. Well, understanding that if we don't want our children to have the struggle that we have right, or we've had, there are some things that we need to do with our parents and now to set them up successfully. When we talk about giving them tools right, like we're talking about, how do we, you know, set them up now? And I think again, everything is a teachable moment. Everything is really not like. I feel like we have to be so intentional with this parenting that, you know, in order for this world to change, it starts in our house, man, yes, yes, as we say that in our home just take a moment to reset.
Speaker 2:I don't even say if it's broke, don't fix it, but something's not neat if it's not broken.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait, wait. That was your young mom. They say if it's not broken, don't fix it. Yeah, you said, if it's broke don't fix it. There you go. I'm doing that. Oh, I'm sorry if it's not broken. Don't fix it.
Speaker 2:You were trying to call an older an older thing and that's why it shouldn't be a saying, because some things need to be reset exactly yeah, just because it's not not broken, that doesn't mean you leave it there either. Right, some things can find a new home, some things need to be removed after y'all you know, so you can reset properly, because little do we know. We pull things from the generations before us and we don't even realize it yeah, it already put into our bank.
Speaker 2:So, like you ever see people who hoarder or like hold on to stuff my, my oldest brother, my mom, they do that thing like, like I'm bad, like to the point. It's like you need to shake, you need to shake.
Speaker 1:You need to shake, but that is what mine said. That is because my daughter, the one that's in the Marines, lizzie, she said to me she was like Mom, you know you're a hoarder. When she calls me TT, you know that you're a hoarder. I got so offended for her calling me a hoarder. I said I'm not a hoarder. I was so mad, pam Pam, I was like Pam Pam, I was like this generation. I felt like my dad Get out of my house.
Speaker 2:Like no, seriously, and I was my mom is the baby out of 14 children, right? But then my brother is the oldest, so it's kind of like well, what would be what if there's no excuses Like don't do it? You now both are, are well off, you should not still be carrying this tray. And guess who does it? My little person. She wants to keep the tab and it's. She went to her birthday party at age three. My girl told me who birthday party it was from and I was like pause, pause to her. Like no, no, this bag. How do you still have this goodie bag? Like I didn't even travel with her. Like what?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's crazy because we end up building a scarcity mindset in our children and not realizing by things that they're exposed to. So when my daughter told me I got offended. I ain't going to lie, parenting was the purpose. I was not parenting, I said for real. But the real thing she was telling again, we gotta be open and, um, welcome, open-minded when we talk to our children and a different generation. Because she just was saying what is the point, what's the purpose of keeping this? How?
Speaker 2:does this?
Speaker 1:help us to evolve and grow. When she said that to me, I said you sound like me what you talking about, but it's true. So now even my son like the same thing, like and because it's crazy, because it's something I'm teaching them not to do, like, not to hoarder, but yet I was still hoardering and hopefully I was still hoardering and it was a scaredy mindset of I don't want, maybe I might need this later. What if I won't have later, not understanding that god supply all our needs and even things can be built again and if you're not, you know why keep holding on to it. That's like you walking around with all these bags, right, and it's like well, you got these bags for a bag lady, can you put your bags down? Like, but for real, I love that. So just teaching our children like it's okay to let things go, it's okay to let things go and not hold on to everything, and even if you want to think about it in holistic living, it's okay to let things go, let people go, so that you can grow.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, and a lot, a lot of us had challenges in that. I'm not sure about your generation, because your generation be like I ain't doing it ain't having it. But my generation, the generation before us, is like, no, okay, we got to hold on you, we got to fix you, we got to do this, so we got to do it. Your generation said, uh-uh, that ain't even my fight. No, seriously.
Speaker 1:And my kids' generation generation like why would you do that? Like so stupid. Sometimes we're like, but that doesn't even make any sense. Well, why would you do that? And I'm saying, yeah, but when they're younger, we telling our kids, well, why would you do that? Now they're, they're teenagers, they're like mom, why would you do that? All right, yo, a flag on the play. What we doing.
Speaker 1:That is good, though, yeah. So when we talk about pulling up, standing 10 toes down or how many toes you got like, when we talk about that, we really talk about what does this look like everyday living, the things that we're just like everyday living. This is not something we're conjuring up to say you know, this is how you run your household. We just want you to be intentional, we want you to be impactful and we want you to understand that our role as parents is really to lead and guide our children and if we got to pull them back, prune back a little bit so that they can grow. That's just what happened. In order for do that, that means that we had to learn how to prune ourselves so that we grow period.
Speaker 1:so again, this mandate on parenting is serious. Absolutely, absolutely. Ain't no government going to run my kids, my household, you know, around here we put in the work and that way, when our children go out in the world, things that will try to attach themselves to them, they have wax skin. Well, it just roll off of them.
Speaker 1:Yes, Say that again, when our kids go out in the world and the world try to attaches itself to them, they have built such a wax skin that things just roll off. It won't penetrate. Yeah, because they're going to have a sense of identity, a sense of power. They're going to understand their power. And how did they do that? Yeah, mom, be a powerful. I see my dad be powerful, I see my, I see my mom.
Speaker 1:And that's one of the things that I don't recommend parents hide the struggle from their kids like. They're things that I don't recommend parents hide the struggle from their kids like age appropriate. Now you don't need to be saying everything to everybody. Your kids tell your business, y'all out there, your kids will tell your business, but age appropriate. Age appropriate so that they understand that everything is not always perfect.
Speaker 1:You know, talked about, you know, with my oldest daughter she said you know I talked about you know, with my oldest daughter she said Ma, why do we have to live a porcelain lifestyle? It hit my heart. I mean, like porcelain, we ain't fake. She was like not saying that it's a fake lifestyle, but everything has to be perfect and in its place and on the shelf. It really is. There hasn't been nothing happen to it. That's not how we're supposed to live. We really have to live. We really have to live. We're supposed to experience life and we need to teach our children to experience life and whatever we're dealing with and how to handle it. And if we teach our children at such a young age, by the way, we respond even to them.
Speaker 1:They didn't respond to people appropriately too. Well, they ain't always popping off. Talk about what?
Speaker 2:You was waiting to do that. How you do that? No, no, how you do that, no, no, because you know my little person, she wants things done. Sometimes I'll be like look here, it's a place, it's a place to be in time. She be like her here, like what do you mean? She's like if it needed to be said, it needed to be said. And I'll be like what do you mean she's like if it needed to be sang? It needed to be sang, and I'll be like okay, I see, we got to cultivate this thing, boy.
Speaker 2:My friend said if looks could kill. She said what did I do to Victoria? I said, oh, you gave her the little finger, like finger wave thing, but you gave me a hug. She wasn't feeling it, she was like boy, because she gave me this look and it pierced me on the end. She said I didn't even realize. She said I would never not acknowledge her. I said, well, that's not a conversation, but maybe that's the conversation. But she said, and we had such a great conversation. She said I had to keep looking like this is not a stitch, this a picture. She said, because she was basically let me know, don't play with me. You give me a hug because I need to get my mama like or you don't get nobody, because that's what she thought. You don't leave people out. You shouldn't leave people out.
Speaker 1:You say hi to everyone and you know what, and then the older generation would think that's disrespectful. But that's her standing up and I love love that. I love that and I think if more parents are not afraid to let our children be true to themselves in such a respectful manner and just really speak up for us. So I think sometimes you know and I know we about to have to wrap this up, but we've been, we've been cooking Sometimes that we forget as parents, that we're raising our children to grow up, not keeping them as babies right where you have to defend everything that happens to them, or but teaching them how to be assertive, right, yeah, and and have it with confidence.
Speaker 1:I think something that really needs to happen, because where our children are not going to be babies forever, and because here's the thing, it's interesting I hear people say you know, and I think I feel like I've done it myself, where I'm trying to take care of my kids so much, giving them everything they need, but then, but it's not giving them everything they need so that they can go out and be themselves. It's literally what I need for you to do right now. Like I still have a whole person. Like when I said, when Lizzie said to me and I was telling her about ironing her uniforms for the Marines and I didn't understand why she couldn't iron them the way that she was like, but you got to remember, you never taught me how to iron. And I was like wait a minute, hold up. She said, no, you done that for us, said, no, you did that for us. And I said what? Say what? She said I thought I was teaching you. Yeah, but that's that whole intentional thing. We think that we're doing one thing, we're doing something else. It's good that you done it.
Speaker 1:She said when we were younger yes, but you didn't teach us how to do that for ourselves. So now she's 18 and she doesn't didn't know how to correctly iron her uniform, because I did it for her. And she said I'm at the age where I need to do it myself so it's literally a drawing board and teach her how to do it. And what I said? All that to say is that sometimes we think that we're teaching stuff, but we're actually doing it for us. Again, we're doing it for them so that they don't have to do it ourselves, because, again, we think that we're supposed to do everything for our kids. No, our kids have to be able to do stuff because we want them to grow up and get out and be successful. So and there was another life lesson in that parenting thing I thought I was I'm like yo I'm trying to get attention.
Speaker 1:She said you never taught me. Don't you say I ain't treat you, do nothing, girl.
Speaker 2:And it was.
Speaker 1:I showed you the tools, but I didn't let you use the tools yeah, I showed you what was going on, but I didn't, I didn't, so that's why, so when we talk about, there's a lot of.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of points and tips in here yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So when we talk about pulling up, what does that really look like?
Speaker 2:Yeah, mm-hmm, even when it doesn't apply directly to you at this moment, you know Right, what can you do to help even someone else, your neighbor, you know.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's what I'm saying. How does that look in equipping our kids to be able to even be impactful at such a young age?
Speaker 2:are we? Are we just showing them?
Speaker 1:the tools. We include in a minute of how to use the tools. Parents are our bows, our children are arrows. So, yeah, we're, we're the bow, so the bow is required to have a certain stance for that right for a bow. But also including because if I'm pulling you, if I'm pulling an arrow back, why am I doing that? If and how am I showing and teaching that arrow to go forward you?
Speaker 1:know I mean the weight of that, and I think that we really have to consider one. If you really want a parent, and if you're going to do it, you're going to do it with purpose, or what are we doing? And what does that look like in real life? And I think in this episode we we have so many different tools in here and just some things to think about, some like for us to say, wow, interesting. So we thank you guys for joining Panther Purpose. We're going to have to wrap this up and come back with you again, because this right here was some deep conversation. I love always my co-host is like the best. I love talking to Pam, because we cut up, as you see, but yet we give you guys some tools and we live this stuff on a daily, real life stuff we help parents.
Speaker 1:We coach other parents because we want you guys to be the best parents possible, right? The best parents for your child and not everybody else's child. We're talking about you, your household, your family, and what does that look like in real, real life? So we thank you guys for joining parents of the purpose. There are so many things that you could take away from this session today, like, if we start naming it will be in another session, because there are so many things that went on. So we want you guys to, if you got to repeat rewind, put it on pause, write some notes just to get back into it and you can find us everywhere.
Speaker 1:Now, pam, you know we're audible now so you could just it's a podcast on audible absolutely anywhere you listen to your podcast, you can listen to parenting with a purpose and you will find every episode that we've done in season three.
Speaker 1:Season one and two episodes are not up there, but season three episode is out there in the world and I believe, pam, it's like 36 episodes for season three. That's how parents can just listen to as you're driving, however you want to do it, as you're taking a shower, whatever you want to do, really listen to it and pause and take some notes, because there are some good things that have been coming through here and again. We just want to equip you with the tools to know that you can parent with a purpose, like it doesn't matter who you are, how you were raised, how you weren't raised, like whatever it is, that there is such a mandate on parenting that requires you to dig deep and we say stand 10 toes down and pull up go ahead and just remember um, as we said, you take time to listen back on um previous podcast that it's okay to reset it's.
Speaker 2:It's good that you realize that you need a change. So if you gotta pause, reset so you continue to evolve in life. So we can not just show our children the tools, but also include them in there so they can be evolved, and that we're setting them. We're not just setting them up for success, but we're setting them up to have character and to be somebody, not just in the future, but right now as well.
Speaker 1:All right, yes, yes, yes, until next time. We're Parenting with a Purpose. Again. I am your host, donna Janelle, and I am your co-host, pamela, and we are here to bring the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting. We are the bows and our children are arrows and they will land wherever we aim them eventually. Now we're not promising they're going to do this tomorrow, because it ain't happening. We didn't do it the next day, right, but they will land and they will be successful, given the proper tools.
Speaker 1:So, again, tune in to Parenting with a Purpose. We are on Facebook, parenting with a Purpose. We are on Instagram under Donna Janelle, and also you can go to the website under donnagenellecom and you will find our episodes and you will find other resources and other things on how to really tap into us. Where you know we can come and do a session, group session. We do the coaching, parenting, whatever you need. We are here, we are tools for you to be successful. So, again, we thank you guys for joining Parenting with a Purpose. Until next time, where we can laugh and have fun and talk about this right here. So you guys have a great day.
