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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Navigating Parenthood with Purpose and Community Support
Ever wondered how parenting can triumph over societal changes and reduced support systems? Join us as we promise to unravel the secrets of effective parenting in today's unpredictable world. Discover how reclaiming responsibility and leveraging community resources can empower parents to guide their children's development with resilience and intentionality. Through insightful discussions, we explore how local boys and girls clubs and other community initiatives can supplement the parenting journey, helping families create nurturing environments that foster growth and independence in children.
Collaboration is the cornerstone of successful parenting, and we shed light on the complexities of mentorship and parental roles. With a focus on working together rather than replacing each other, we emphasize the importance of holistic solutions that address root issues and foster cooperation. By understanding both parental and child perspectives, we reveal how mentors and parents can create sustainable, positive outcomes for families. This partnership is crucial in building supportive communities where children thrive, avoiding the pitfalls that come with taking over parental responsibilities.
Intentionality and decision-making are key themes throughout our conversation, as we reflect on personal anecdotes and explore the multifaceted nature of parenting. From setting structured schedules to addressing the emotional needs of children, we illustrate how intentional parenting shapes futures and instills foundational values. We challenge the notion of seeking perfection and instead encourage progression, focusing on cultivating a growth mindset. Join us in reflecting on the inevitable challenges and rewards of parenting, and learn how perspective shifts and empathy can transform everyday experiences into valuable teaching moments.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
Hey everybody, welcome to Parents with a Purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle, and I'm your co-host, pamela, and we are here live, full effect with Parents with a Purpose podcast. We have not been on here for a minute for a couple weeks, so we're excited to be back here with you guys, you know, bringing back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parents. As you know, parents are the bows and our children are arrows, and they will land wherever we send, wherever we aim them, pretty much as long as we give them the tools to succeed. And that means you know what that means. Parent. That means taking care of ourself, because you can't give what you don't have. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. Um, a lot of exciting things been going on with the parents of the purpose, but today we want to talk about the mandate on effective parenting. We're going to talk about being intentional in parenting. What is our purpose and what does that actually look like? Because there's a lot of words that we can say. It's a lot of things that you know, quotes that we can use, there's a lot of talk that we could talk, but you, you know a parent with a purpose we put in the work around here. So what does that actually look like in your life? So that's what we're going to be talking about today.
Speaker 1:Just, you know, the world is crazy right now. There's a lot of uncertainties, there is a lot of concerns, there's a lot of fears, there's a lot of. You know, everyone wants to, right now, get up and leave the country. There's just so many things, and our children are feeling the effect of that. There's a lot of programs being cut for our kids.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of things that what I feel like we was kind of dependent on the government to do is now being snatched from our, from under our feet, and I think that's not a bad thing, though. I think that it causes us, as parents, to really stand up to tell them what we really need to do for our kids in the world, and not allowing other people to kind of dictate of how we're going to do a, b and c. So I think it's. You know, it's an uncomfortable place to be in where we are right now, but I also think that is. You know, being uncomfortable is not always bad, you know, and I know there are some people going to disagree with me because they hate everything that's going on, but I'm thinking it's an opportunity for us to really hone in on our parenting. What you think about that, pam?
Speaker 2:I agree. Um, there's already been many conversations and different, different viewpoint agree to disagree. You know, and I feel as though how you make my personal opinion, how you look at what's you know being taken away, what may be supplied over here is how you're already showing up, and what I mean by that is if you are a parent that relies on a lot of others to assist you with your parenting. Don't get me wrong. It's not a problem having a village, I'm all for it. Problem having a village, I'm all for. But if you rely 100 on others more than you do yourself, then you're the ones who are looking at it in a more negative way. Um, and just a little bit more on that. Instead of saying you know what this is going to challenge me to show up in a different way, you looking up like now, that's not allowing me to do this, I can't do this anymore, I'm not.
Speaker 2:So is it really that you can't do something anymore? Is it? Your child doesn't have that outlet anymore, you know? And if you feel as though your child can't have that outlet anymore, what are you willing to do? How are you willing to connect with your village, your community, even maybe peers at your job to make this turn it. Turn it for the better, for not just you but for others around you, because you may not be the only one feeling that way. To me, it is a way for all of us to come together and, you know, invest more time in those boys and girls clubs that are already made available to us, bring back those old programs that we had, and we can help fund them ourselves. It's, it's it's people out here that's willing to help fund those different things. They have hundreds and millions of dollars that they have to put somewhere because, they still want.
Speaker 1:I like what you said, pam um, because you were saying that, instead of having such a negative connotation behind what was and what can't be anymore, literally make it be what you need it to be like. So many times, you know, we project stuff or point the finger at other people for things that we're not we're really responsible for, especially in this parenting thing, you know, it's just so interesting to me how people rely so much on like the government to really govern their children and it's like well, no, because the government didn't have our children. And don't get me wrong, we need, like you know, we need assistance.
Speaker 1:Like we're all together, we're community, we're city, we're state, you know we're well Right. So technically we all should be helping one another out right at some point. Right, but to rely solely on another system to govern you, it doesn't allow you to take responsibility. You know, I think about like often, like when I talk to different parents and and being an advocate for kids in foster care, like a lot of times parents get so fed up with their children that they give them to the state. Right, they're like you take care of them, and then, honestly, the state can't really take care of either. Like it's.
Speaker 1:Like, you know, I've seen so many situations where kids were, you know, handed over to the state because their child was out of control and the parents didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1:And I've always and that's what you know, part of this parent with a purpose thing is like giving parents the tools to parent successfully, because we they're not like a gift that you could just give back, like I'm so confused, like I don't like this gift or I can't handle this gift, like so you could take this gift and you do whatever you want and do with it, and it's like no, how about, let me empower you, let me give you the tools and unfortunately, history shows government has not been giving people the tools. What they've been doing is let me take your child and let me put them in a system and hopefully somebody in the system can raise them. But when we look at the stats and the outcome of these situations of kids who were in foster care or even perhaps adopted, they aren't the greatest stats, right? You know I'm an advocate of kids. Really belong with their parents.
Speaker 1:If their parents can do the job, yeah, and let's teach them how to do it absolutely you ever hear like I don't know if your experience is pam one of the things that a lot of times um with mentors or even those who like talk to, like young young adults, like young teenagers or whatever.
Speaker 1:A lot of times they try to take the place of the parent instead of like, and it's a lot of backlash yeah, yeah, instead of like working with the parent to try to help, I like I don't want no by kids, like I don't want no extra kids, like it's called. Like just being a village in the community, versus yeah, let me take this burden off for you because I can do it better like I think that it it'd be crazy. Like I've seen a lot where mentors become, or somebody who was like maybe coaching a family take their child on and now they become your child, they living in your house, and now you're trying to deal with it and you're dealing with the same situations that the parents dealt with.
Speaker 2:Yes, that when, as soon as you had said that, I'm like, yeah, like I've actually witnessed it, you know firsthand. It's like now you're like building trauma in that child and you don't even realize it because your original intent was let me just help. But you move so fast that you didn't get to properly assess the situation, because that child still has that same issue. So, no matter where you move them, until you deal with the root cause of what they are experiencing, no matter matter where you place them, it's going to continue to happen. Now it's going to continue at a whole different rate, because I entrusted you to move me out of this situation, but you're doing the same thing now. So what is happening here? That's what the child is experiencing.
Speaker 1:Until you really sit down, speak with the child, assess the situation, assess what the parent is experiencing as well, because a lot of times we think it's just the parent or the child, but no, both parties may be playing a part in what's taking place in all reality, absolutely one of the things that I do now you're the bad superhero, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, exactly, like one of the things that I tell parents constantly, as I'm coaching parents, like I, I don't, and I I don't just coach children, right, if I'm, if I'm dealing with a family now, I may just coach the parent right, but if you're, if you're requesting my services to coach your child, the parent has to be coached as well. Like I'm not just out here coaching kids. You know, I have a whole thing about repairing children and sending them back in broken homes. Like it has to be a holistic approach and that's and that's one of the things I'm not changing is that you know, I'll coach a parent to teach them how to parent, you know was correctly, but I'm more holistic.
Speaker 1:So my go-to is I need the whole family involved, like I can't like, because then you hear one thing from a kid and another thing from a parent and you know if we work together in order to make this household successful. I got to have both perspectives and then how to bring those together so they can see each other perspective. You know I had a mom who said listen, I just want you to coach my kids. No, no, no, ma'am, because you're going to be involved in this Right. We're not doing that. I'm because you're going to be involved in this right, we're not doing it.
Speaker 2:I'm not jumping in like you said, being a superhero? Yeah, we're not doing it. Um, you know, like the scare straight programs and the stuff like that and you send your kid off and it's like the child gets all this redirecting and correcting but then they're going back to the same thing and some shows would do like the um, what is it like an update or what do you call it?
Speaker 1:when you they'll have them like come back on, like you know three months, six months, yeah like a reunion or something yes, and then they're like well, how's it making out?
Speaker 2:and it's like, well, I'm standing on what you guys taught me, but what? What about them? And then the parents looking like they're still disrespectful. It's let's take some accountability here.
Speaker 1:Exactly One thing. That's what I love about parenting with a purpose, like bringing responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting, like we really like. There's such a mandate on parenting right now, way that the world is going. In order for a change to happen, it has to start at home, because we can't expect to send our kids out in this world and expect the world to dress them, the world to tell them a, b and c. We've already seen what has done, what has happened with that. Right, they gotta come from the household, because parents are the first teachers, the first lovers, the first, you know, cheerleaders like we are, we have our kids. Listen, we got our kids from not even birth, like from conception, right so as even while they're in their wombs. We talked about on the show before talking to our babies in the womb and then when they come out, like really putting that stuff into practice, because the goal is to raise our kids to be independent, the thinkers, be able to have the growth, the character, but they only get that from us right they only get that by the time we send them out there in the world, they should already have some foundational things straight, okay, yeah you
Speaker 1:don't have to worry about somebody else creating a foundation for them. It is like not starting from scratch. Yeah, sometimes parents, parents who don't show up in their life, the kid's life, in different areas it's literally like you're sending your kid outside naked and they're starting from scratch. What are they going to put on Everything that attaches themselves to them? Right, it's such a mandate on parenting. I think the power of intentionality is so important because think, for so long, for so many people, we've really been living like an autopilot life, like literally been in survival mode not thriving mode, like you know.
Speaker 1:I just got to get to the next. Like that autopilot thing, like all right, food, clothing, shelters, all right, how to make this happen, how to make that happen, and literally almost fighting yourself out of wet paper bag, consistently in this parenting thing and not really being intentional per se, like a pre um, like pre-thought about it, it is literally this is what happens now, this is what's going to happen.
Speaker 2:We're more active versus prepared it's almost like, um, you know how you set a budget financially. It's like you almost need to set a budget for your time, just like getting up in the morning. Some people say it's like you almost need to set a budget for your time. Just like getting up in the morning. Some people say it's like everything is repetitive and by the time I blink, I'm getting back up to go to work, or I'm getting back up to get the kids ready, and so forth. So it's like you almost need to set a budget. Like literally dedicating timeframes and days to certain things, because let's be realistic to health as well and to properly take care of yourself.
Speaker 2:And then now these children that you have setting that foundation because you're teaching. You're teaching them this as well. Right, do you know it or not? You got to set out that time, knowing that everything you can't you can't do it every day, and that's okay. So we got seven days in the week.
Speaker 2:So what is something that you know you need to dedicate more time to?
Speaker 2:Let's say, we'll make 40 hours for it and we're going to divide it up, just like you do your job. You work eight hour shifts, so we're going to put four hours, you know, a week towards this, we're going to put six hours for this towards that, you know, and just go through and just name that thing so that you can be organized, so you can set that foundation for your child. Do you know, like I was saying before, you're setting them up for chaos. So in the morning when they're, when they have that response to you, it's like, well, how are you showing them what to do throughout the day? Like you gotta set that structure up. And I always commend, like my sisters and, um, even my sister-in-law, because their children have bedtimes, and I'm like my child has never had a bedtime till this day, like we tried it, but just with our work schedule, it never. It never has worked. However, because how we respond at night and in the morning, that's how my child responds so.
Speaker 2:I know we're going to have those days where it's like, oh, I'm not ready for this, but I'm ready for it because I know how we responded at night, right.
Speaker 1:And you said something very important, pam and this is one of the things that we try to like. Uh, this is one of the things that. Listen, that's parenting. Listen, that's your hubby like y'all, parenting, that's what we out here doing, but I think it's so. Uh, you said something really, really, really good about as we prepare.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm a huge advocate about calendars, schedules, and people laugh at me and for years it has worked because, you know, being a single, I was a single mom of four kids, so everything had to be literally scheduled out, one to help me get myself together. So I'm not overwhelmed and creating chaos in my household, not presenting any extra anxieties on people, on the kids, because, like whatever we, even though we may not say it, our children feel it right. They feel it because our tone changed, our body language changed, like there are so many. So I've always been an advocate, right A counter, so many. So I've always been an advocate right a calendar. Even to this day, even though my kids are they about to be 26, 19 and 217 years, I still have a calendar. Everything is in my calendar.
Speaker 1:And it's funny my dad said to me the other day right, um, actually, matter of fact, yesterday I'm taking my parents. I was taking them on an errand tomorrow. Right, one errand. But then my mom called me yesterday. It was like they need to add something else to this errand to make make it two stops or whatever, and I said, okay, all right, let me check my calendar and see what time I could work that out. And then they was like, well, we could do it tomorrow, which means Wednesday, but we already scheduled for Thursday and, pam, you know how I am with my schedule, listen so they wanted to like break it into two days.
Speaker 1:No, they wanted to add on another errand but change the day to the day before. So I said so let me make sure I'm clear on that. I need some clarity of this situation. You want to add on an extra errand and you want me to do it a day early? Yeah, yeah, I said. I said, with all due respect, that doesn't work for my schedule. So then I said um, and then my dad said he in the background talking and he says wait till your son gets old enough and you ask him to do something. And he gonna say let me check my calendar. And I said I will be very a proud mom if he does that, because that means that he's done everything that I taught him how to do of really scheduling and making sure that things are done in decent in order. Sometimes people think that sketches are disrespectful because people don't want to be put in the schedule right somebody to do, like a schedule is necessary.
Speaker 1:So my dad, when he said that and I and he thought I was gonna get mad, I didn't I said no, I'm. I hope he does say to me hold on, mom, let me check my schedule, let me, let me get you in, because that means that he's learned a whole lot from me. Um, I mean urgent situations like I ain't gonna say, let me, I could drop and do what I need to do, but like when certain things, like you know, we got to run errands and things like that, we need to really write that in a schedule One because we have kids like I have kids, right, I have kids that are still in school and just got to make sure that things are in order. But schedules are so important. And to the fact that I think I mentioned it on the show before to the, my kids struggle in their adulthood right now because they're so used to schedules. You know, like when my daughter, my oldest person, went to college, she was on like the government and stuff like that in college and she had went to a college that was only 2% black and she was one of the blacks. It's an all girls private university and they had meetings like 10 o'clock at night. She was like Ma, I can't stand up Like I don't know what they want me to do. Like I know I'm part of the student government but I'm ready to go to sleep Like I don't know what they want me to do. Do adults be staying up this late? She was like mom, you wasn't staying up that late Like you. I don't know. I'm confused in this late right, but because she's so used to being structured where, even though she had a busy life in school, everything was still done to the fact. I mean, I was still able to eat dinner with my kids every night and put them to bed on time.
Speaker 1:And and another thing, one of the things that helped the structure with the kids and the calendar is they had no social media. They had no tv. They had no, none of that stuff during the school week. Like they weren't allowed to watch tv during the school week. Like we did things together. Yeah, I know people used to. You know people used to be like how your kids go to bed at 7, 30 and they don't handle, but we used to um, and we used I used to incorporate a lot of their education and and our family, like they used to do plays at nighttime with me, I used to incorporate a lot of their education and and our family, like they used to do plays at nighttime with me. They used to do different things so that anything we can make our own entertainment, like this. The tv is with the tv because you really can't fit to it to a certain point, uh, but even to this day you know they don't. They don't watch tv like a lot of other people. It's because they're either reading or writing or something like that.
Speaker 1:But calendars are important because now that Lizzie is in the Marines, she says to me all the time she was like you were so right.
Speaker 1:I understand, and I think that's like one of my proudest moments when she tells me I see why you did this, or I see why we were raised this way. I see it because now you know she's about to leave on Friday to move to California and she's able to like. She's like I see why it was so important to have a structure in order so that you can move things effectively and it just made. She was like everything you said was right and I was like not everything, I'm gonna tell you that now, but the fact that she recognized that the way that I raised her is set. It set her up to be a young adult, and that's our goal, right, our goal is to make sure that we raise our kids to be independent, because we don't want our kids to depend solely on us, because, one, we're human, right, and we make flaws, and two, they need to be able to think for themselves, because they're a whole different person, right.
Speaker 2:I'm with you, okay.
Speaker 1:so, given this day and age, when we talk about being intentional on parenting, we really want to talk about, like, what does effective parenting look like? Right, what does it actually look like? Because everybody says there is no book on parenting? No, but there's no manual on parenting, right, there's no manual on parenting, right, you know? Not. Like you know, it's not like you get a card and it tells you everything you need to do, right, you know, even though you know we do get different things, like I know, working in a medical field, pediatrics, like we there's a guideline of kind of, at this age, this is what you do at that age, that's what you do at that age, that's what you do. But that's just like kind of like a little outline, but that's not really. You know, you have to put your own child and your own self in that but what does it?
Speaker 1:look um and like what are our responsibilities in it? I haven't go ahead. You know, I have a quote here that and I think it's really so. I think it's really cool and it says children don't just need love, they need need guidance, structure and intentional influence. How do you?
Speaker 2:feel about that. I like that overall, just being intentional. Like you said, it's really no playbook. Even if you just sit there and the prime example I got this friend, she'd be like, oh my gosh, when I have my baby, like I want you right there because I'm not gonna know what to do and I'm like stop acting like you don't have like nieces and nephews and this, that. And she was like you, if I'm being honest. She was like I really don't spend like a lot of time with them.
Speaker 2:And I was like, well, if you plan on being a parent, I think that is something you should do. You know, I'm not saying you got to get all of them together, but just make a point to just get them here and there so you could see what some of it entails. I say, even though you can give them back, but just hang out with them for a day because they require everything from you. So, even if you know you don't know how to do something, just be intentional, knowing that you want to show up a certain way. So with becoming a new parent, you know, do you want to be feel like a full-time parent? You want to feel like a part-time parent? Like that's going to show you, you know, showing how you coming for your kid. Let's just be honest about it. If you want to be a full-time parent, you're going to be that parent to say you know what? I don't want to just make sure that they have a roof over their head and food to eat. I want to make sure that they have a foundation, that they know they have family outside of me, that they know what community is, that they understand what a village is. You know, understand what it is to show up and be the best that they could be. So I may not know how to change a pamper, but I believe that you got to get a new pamper and get some wipes and then wipe them off.
Speaker 2:You get what I'm saying. I know that if I'm changing my clothes every day, I should be changing their clothes every day. So if I take a bath, I know that they should take a bath. Now, hold up, because they are babies. So I may not need to give them a full bath every day, but I need to be wiping them. I brush my teeth, so I'm going to brush their gums. You get what I'm saying. I'm going to wipe their gums. I'm going to clean their tongue. I'm going to make sure they have the best milk they can have. As far down to those. To me I would say simple but basic things, but to somebody else it may be so much more. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So I'm saying so. I'm not going to downplay what it may be in somebody else's life, but do you want to be a full-time or part-time parent? That's going to dictate how you show up. So so, basically, what you're saying is this you got to make a decision first there you go, just make a decision of how you want to show up.
Speaker 1:you know, I know like for me the reason why parenting is so dear to me because of how I was fumbled right and I'm like I'm going to show up different in my kid's life, like, and what does that look like?
Speaker 1:I've seen other parents, other other of my friends and parents show up a certain way and I seen how my parents show up and I'm like, well, our dad parents was a little off too. So like, how do I like, how do I want to show up when I have kids? And it starts with a decision and then I think if we make the decision to show up fully, we're going to work towards that decision. Like it is called progression, not perfection, like I earlier said. Right, I think so many times I've lived a life where I was trying to be a perfect parent and I've learned so much from not doing that. So I tell people, don't try to be a perfect parent, be perfect for that child, but not, you know, it's really progression versus perfection yeah, but make a decision like can we just make a decision first?
Speaker 2:yeah like I know this is going to require a lot of me, but how do I? You know, how do I want to show up right?
Speaker 1:because when you make that decision and you become locked into that decision and then you're going to, you're going to figure it out. You know, one of the things that I often say is that we're not responsible for how we were raised, but we're responsible how we raise ourselves and how we raise our children right. So you know, so many times people make so many excuses in parenting because of generational things and it's like nah, that's like you, I think, when you're a kid you make excuses. When you become an adult, like that and I don't even know about a kid, because one of the things you know, walking around the house all the time with my kids, I always quote excuses are monument built by two to nothingness.
Speaker 1:Those who use them seldom accomplish anything. What would you like to accomplish? And, like my kids know that, like when they literally just walk around and say that, or if I started saying it, they literally finish the rest of the quote because they're already numb, or they'll come to me and say, listen, I have something to say, but it's not an excuse. I want you to view this differently than you think. This is an excuse, right, right. So it's not even just like as an adult, we don't make excuses, but even not allowing our children to make excuses. You know, really hone in and sitting in of what we're actually dealing with and handle it effectively and efficiently, not, you know, pushing it off or blaming or things like that and I think that's part of what makes us effective in parenting too is really how we help shaping our children's integrity integrity and character.
Speaker 2:you know that whole the guidance thing is so important character, like you said, teaching them responsibility from the jump to take ownership right then and there you know what. What. What did you say? What do you plan to do today? What are, what are your goals for today? So, and that's the same thing we have to say to ourselves, what are our goals now that we know we are, we have chose to keep this child. What are our?
Speaker 1:goals, yeah, and making decisions and taking action like with purpose, not just doing so again that autopilot life, like it's the purpose behind everything we do, and that might sound like a little cliche and that might sound like you know why you got to find something, that everything. But literally there's a purpose in everything and I don't think God has given us children just for us to say, oh, we parents now, or I'm a mom, I'm a dad, like no, he has given us to be able to pour into them, to be able to for them to grow and be productive in this world. Yeah, so it ain't just like here's a gift you put in a closet. You don't invest in that gift, you don't pour in that gift, you don't. You know, it's not like a gift that's just gonna grow by itself. And if it does grow by itself, it's gonna grow with the things that are not good for them, because you're not intentionally guiding them right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was good. That's like the things that you didn't intend for it to go with yeah, like again, everything will start attaching itself to there.
Speaker 1:You be, like, at one point you're like I had a nice little thriving tree here all of a sudden, why this tree got some thorns here, why this got here, why this thing growing some mold on it, like you know, like why did the leaves are withering now? Like what is going on? Like why the roots are being up planted? It's because what did you do to it? Bear no fruit, no food. And you know, one of the scriptures says like a tree that bears no fruit is miles will die.
Speaker 1:So, basically, if we're not giving our children what they need, that is a, that is a tree that will die because it won't be able to bear the proper fruit. And that's the same thing as with parenting, though, if we don't, you know, invest in our own self, because you can't give what you don't have right but you don't have in parenting if you're not going to get it, you know what I mean. Like, like you, you gotta go get it at some point, especially if you want to parent, make that decision to parent effectively. Um, but you know, just tap it into. Like, not just as we always talk about, not just food, clothes and shelter, like that is like, the, the basic, like. But I think people forget the rest of the hierarchy of Manslow's Law about what every human actually needs, right? So as we nurture our kids, we're talking about emotionally, socially and intellectually, right? Yep, these are people, they're not robots.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I'm a human, I gave birth to a human. Yes, I gave birth to a human, yes, so I think, really, just honing in on being intentional, being purposeful, um, and what does it actually look like in the lives of our children, as we just talked about? Like being present and figure out, like, what, where do we want to aim our kids like? First is make a decision. Right, I want a parent, I want to be the best parent I could possibly be right or I don't. I mean whatever, the choice is yours, right? And then it goes into. Okay, what actually do I need to do to ensure this happen? Right? Right, like, where am I aiming them to? You know, where am I aiming them to in order to them to get to wherever they need to in their journey? What do I need to do for my, regarding myself and then also my kid? Yeah, I think that that is the biggest thing, because a lot of times again, we go into this survival mode instead of, like getting the tools for us to thrive, like everything don't be a panic.
Speaker 2:Everything don't have to be a crisis yeah, like back to what we were saying don't making that decision, but also not looking at everything in a negative perspective. You know, like changing your perspective on stuff, because sometimes, like I know a lot of people first especially like if you wasn't planning for but even then you're planning for you consider how much your life is going to change. So some people that wasn't planning for their life oh my gosh, like this is no longer mine. I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do that verse. Like I'm going to get to be able to teach somebody to be the best that they could be.
Speaker 2:I'm going to teach somebody to have greatness, what it is to have greatness and to be greatness. Like going to teach somebody to have greatness, what it is to have greatness and to be greatness. Like it's one thing to have it, but it's one thing to be it as well. You know, I get to set a foundation, help set and create a foundation for someone else. Like do you know how big that is?
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying? Like that's a great accomplishment, versus looking at oh my gosh, everything is spiraling downhill because I no longer can go on movie dates by myself. Yeah, you still can, because that goes back to making that schedule, making that time, reaching out to different villages, coming a part of different communities, such as Parenting With A Purpose, so you can get connected with a village. You know mommy villages, dad villages, auntie and uncle villages, because we support all of that, even the grandpa, you know. So, being intentional about that, don't just look at how everything is going to change for the bad, because it's not for the red right some things you might need to separate from yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1:I think that whole how we perceive things and you know you said something earlier, I think we've said this on our show plenty of times instead of kind of looking at parenting as I have to do this or I have to do that, it's like I get to do this, like if you say something I have to do versus I get to do it, kind of changed the whole attitude yeah, like it's no longer a negative connotation behind that, it's literally I get to do it, because when I say I get to do something, it brings an extra layer of joy.
Speaker 1:Now, mind you, there are situations I always gotta remind myself. Donna, you get to do this because, like you know, I was talking to my half, half pint the one that test my inner gangster y'all and I was talking to her, um, the other day and was I had to check myself because she had missed the school bus again and it's like she knew I was home off of work, and I asked her. I said well, the bus comes three minutes after seven. What time do you show up at the bus stop? She said seven o'clock. Now I said, ma'am, what have I taught you? She said, yeah, we used to have to be there 10 minutes before the bus start bus come, so that we don't miss it. I said, yeah, so I've taught you to be there 10 minutes before, just in case, right? So then I'm talking to her and I was really at first upset because I couldn't believe one. You, I wasn't. You messed up my schedule. Now I got to take you all the way to school Then.
Speaker 2:I got to come back.
Speaker 1:But then I thought about it. I was like you know what? But this moment, what can I do about that? I can't take her to school. So I get to take her to school. I had to do a whole shift in a second. Y'all. I get to go to school and I get to enjoy this 20 minute ride and have a conversation, versus me snapping out and getting upset because you know better. You know like they don't know that they know better. She knew better, yeah like it's cold outside.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like I had to literally, even for me, shift my perspective that fast in a second, because I saw I felt myself getting upset because one, you took out of my time, but two you my kid, though like I gotta still even my schedule. But okay, let's flip this into something positive. So I get to take you to school, we get to have an enjoyable ride for 20 minutes, or we can have a terrible ride. So I had to make the choice.
Speaker 2:It's like okay, donna, get out yourself, be a mom, you're right and then how are oh, I'm sorry, no, no, you're good and like, what seed are you planting in her as well for the, the future parent and her, or mentor and her? You know, mom and her, that, oh, you know what, when my kids supposed to be at that bus stop, they better be at that bus stop or they're going to have to figure it out, or this is how you respond to them. You know if I do make a mistake, or you know what? If that was, I didn't know how to communicate, mom, I know you all for work, so my way of communicating was me missing the bus so I could ride with you, because I long for that.
Speaker 2:I see kids that get dropped off every day and they may take it for granted, but I don't get to get dropped off every day, like I have to catch a bus because this is mom's schedule. I had someone say to me, a girlfriend of mine. She was like how does Tua get to school? And I'm like I take her. She's like what Are you serious? I'm like, yeah, I was like, and I enjoyed that. She was like I'm sitting over here, like let me live through you because I got to take, our children are the same age. She's like I got to take her to the bus. I had to instill things in her so that, not only that, I know she going to be okay. So she, she's going to be okay. She's a kindergartner getting on the bus. She's like that's a huge transition. She already is going to a big school. Now she has to get on this big bus where it's like whoa.
Speaker 1:I went from riding in the car every day to now, I got to get on this bus and I don't know nobody, yeah, and that's scary and be able to recognize that, I think sometimes we as parents, we just go and throw our kids and then do that the other again, that autopilot living right, yeah, realizing like they have these are. They are humans, they have emotions and something's changed right, there's, there was a shift in something, so expect one, because they're not emotionally mature yet, right, and they don't even know half the stuff they feel. And so, again, that's where that guidance come from, like guide, you know, to what is going on. I think that is so important because we we sometimes don't realize our whole life has shift and we may be a half I was gonna say we may be able to deal with that shit, but half the time we can't like, half the time hey look how we deal with transition sometimes.
Speaker 2:So why do we expect? Why we put so much?
Speaker 1:on them. You know it'd be, it'd be. I'll be thinking about that, pam, I'll be like yo. So you did a little, but you expect your kid not to like.
Speaker 2:I'm a little confused about how you expect them to be better than you and you didn't give them the tools to do that true, I know how my little person be when I be like, okay, today I gotta get back home to get to work, or I got to get to work and do this, I got to go on up, so you got to walk down. I don't get to walk you today, you know, to the building. She's like man like, and some man left this in the car. Oh, I need to use your chapstick. Oh, I just needed a drink of your water. I say, dang, I just needed a drink of your water. I say, dang, I should have just walked you down, because what is going on? I'm thinking I'm saving time, but now I'm lost.
Speaker 1:You actually had another 10 minutes, yo, sis. I feel like this morning, when Dane was going to school, she came, she go excuse me.
Speaker 1:Can you take me to the bus stop? I said no, I'm not doing that right. And so then, like I'm so crazy, she, she called me. She was like I locked myself out and I left the glasses in the house, my glasses. I said what? So I'm like yo, you play too much. You play too much, right, I come downstairs like I was upstairs getting like I got out of the shower. I was like getting like I got out of the shower. I was like clearly no clothes on right. And I said you play too much, so I go downstairs still no clothes on. Open the door. She was like why would you open the door like that?
Speaker 2:So right, I'm being intentional about my appearance. It's true life.
Speaker 1:So yo I'm like all right, so get your glasses.
Speaker 2:So then, she left out.
Speaker 1:She banged on the door again, said I forgot my jacket really you're trying to miss this bus right and I was like no way that I would take her, I probably wouldn't have all these things. So I'm like praying to God, god, please don't let this girl miss this bus today. I'm like praying God, I'm not with it today and, like you said, sometimes I just take the extra time because they just really they want you to do something, but like you at the moment can't really do it and like really no, you're gonna you lock yourself up, but where's your key at? Oh, I left my key, walks right past it exactly. So, yeah, I think that is funny, but I think really just recognizing that kind of stuff with our kids, like they may be more attention or you know not so busy snapping.
Speaker 1:Why would you do this? Why would you do that? No, it's obviously they're.
Speaker 2:They're needing something a little more than what we're offering at the moment, right because here we are, we're like we gave you the tools, we know how we're equipping you, we know that foundation we set in you and maybe, sometimes just like sometimes we get overwhelmed. It could, it could be overwhelmed for them and, as I was saying before, they may not know how to say it because it's like, well, mom or dad is probably going to say you know how to do this yeah, I know how to do if I just want to do it with you this time right and they be saying that, yeah, I do, I just want you, but then that's okay though, it's okay, just okay Sometimes.
Speaker 1:That's when we got to check our frame, check our mind, be like hold up All right Flag on the play. Let me reverse this play Reverse. You know, you have a penalty, and that penalty is you still have to take them to school.
Speaker 2:Okay, Walk them down.
Speaker 1:Walk them down to the building, yeah, All right, so we're actually going to be wrapping this up. I think this was a good conversation. It really was. Yo, this is a good conversation. Um yo, your husband want to be part of this parenting conversation? Yes, we got a few things. Next time I'm gonna we're gonna have him on here during another time, because I do want to hear his perspective in parenting too, from a dad perspective.
Speaker 1:We gotta get him on the show yes, he's amazing but yeah, so we we want to thank you guys for tuning in to parents with a purpose.
Speaker 1:This is a different platform that we're on trying something new, so bear with us for some of the changes that we're trying to make yeah but the changes is to help uh grow parents with the purpose of help giving you guys the tools that's necessary and make sure that we're delivering great content and tools that you guys can actually use. So, with that being said, parents on the purpose uh website is now available. If you go under donnallecom, you will find every podcast for the last two seasons on there. You'll also find coaching booking. You can find any booking for speaking, coaching, retreats, whatever you need, workshops is right on there. Also, you kind of get a little bit of background of how Parenting with a Purpose started, and so we want you to go to Parenting with. You can go to parentingwithapurposecom or you can go to donandjanellecom to find that. We're also on TikTok. We're on Facebook. We have our Facebook page. We have our YouTube channel. Our YouTube channel is Parenting with a Purpose. So anytime that you look for Parenting with a or don and janelle, you should be able to find both of those things.
Speaker 1:Um, also, what else is coming up new? Uh, we are looking for guests. We are looking for guests and you don't have to be in the same city and state that we're in for now on. Yes, you are out of the country if you are out of state. If you are in a different city, it doesn't matter. You could be in a desert or you could be, uh, at the beach, like it don't matter what the water or what the dry land. We want to hear from you. We want to hear from parents in every shape or form grandparents, adoptive parents, step parents, you know, co-parents, whatever, anything things, parents, right. We want to hear from you. So reach out to us at Donjanellecom, send us a quick message and we will get back to you, be able to book you for a show at your convenience, whatever works for you.
Speaker 1:We now have a platform where we can actually do a lot more, and we're excited about that. Also, be on the lookout for a book coming. A book is coming. It's called Bringing Back the Responsibility, nobility and Beauty Back into Parenting. There is a book coming, you guys, before the end of the year. It will drop, so it's actually pretty much done. So I want you guys to be on the lookout and that is literally just a guide and structure of how we can best help you in parenting, so that we can get this thing right, though we all want to be parents into the best of our ability. So, again. Check our youtube channel our parents of the purpose. Check us out on instagram at donna janelle. Check us out on facebook at parents with a purpose. Check us out on tiktok at donna janelle, and there's more coming. Pam, what do you have to say to close us out? Because I'm so excited about this new platform, pam, that we can do so much, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I am too, no, just piggybacking off of what you said. Be on the lookout, stay tuned for the new that is coming for parenting with a purpose as it evolves, and we just thank you for your continuous support as we evolve, as we change up things, and just continuing to take this riding journey with us All right.
Speaker 1:So we will see you guys next week with another great topic from Parents of Purpose. Don't forget, you can email us topics too, if there's something you want to talk about. No topic is off limit. We are talking all things, parents. So listen whatever you got to say, we want to hear from you. So you guys, enjoy the rest of your week and we will see you next week again with Parents of the Purpose podcast.
