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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Embracing Vulnerability: The Transformative Journey of Motherhood and Resilience
What happens when parenting becomes more about the child than the parent? Join us as we explore this profound question with our special guest, Aisha Staples, a resilient mother of four who shares her enlightening journey from single motherhood to building a balanced household with a supportive partner. Aisha opens up about the challenges of raising three boys and a girl, emphasizing the crucial role of male figures in providing stability and calm. Her candid reflections offer valuable insights into the power of vulnerability and the importance of external support systems in navigating the complexities of parenting.
Through the courageous stories of young mothers facing unexpected life events, we uncover the resilience and strength that arise from life's unforeseen challenges. Dive into narratives of unexpected pregnancies and the emotional rollercoaster that follows, highlighting the blessings that children bring amidst life's trials. Hear personal accounts of societal pressures, critical life decisions, and the journey of self-discovery that comes with motherhood, providing listeners with a powerful reminder of the love and responsibility that guide us.
Concluding with heartfelt discussions on nurturing, motherhood, and personal growth, we examine the journey toward forming deeper emotional connections with family. Through themes of loss, guilt, and resilience, Aisha's story, along with broader reflections, emphasizes the ongoing balance between personal struggles and prioritizing children's needs. These conversations aim to inspire hope and offer a relatable narrative for all listeners navigating their unique parenting journeys, underscoring the transformative power of love and commitment in the face of life's challenges.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
Thank you, that's cool, so you can see the comments right there.
Speaker 2:I never seen nobody answer back the comments. Thank you, good evening, good evening, good evening. As you know, I am the co-host to Parenting with a Purpose and tonight we have two beautiful faces. I have Aisha Staples with me and also Mary Matthews. I'll let them introduce themselves. But here at Parenting Purpose, you know, we are bringing back the responsibility, the nobility and the beauty back in parenting. Tonight we are going to be speaking on parenting for yourself versus parenting for your children and, as I said, we have two lovely, beautiful faces. Aisha, go ahead and introduce yourself. Hi everybody, my name is Aisha Staples. I am born and raised in Chesapeake, I am a mother of four and I'm here to talk about my journey.
Speaker 1:Hi, I'm Mary Matthews and I've been here before, so I'm just hanging out with parenting with a purpose tonight, yeah, so tonight we are excited.
Speaker 2:Aisha is our special guest this evening. We want to thank you for coming on showing face, thank you. And we know that you are a mother of four. So if you could go ahead and you know, tell us your ages, tell us a boy, girl boy and girl mom, tell us just a little bit about yourself. So I have four and three boys, one girl oldest, 13, 10, six and my youngest is a little baby girl.
Speaker 2:She's four. Hold on. So when you say you got three boys and one girl, what's that household look like with baby girl? Believe it or not. My household is a very calm household, believe it or not?
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Believe it or not, she's bossy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:She acts like a boy, but she's really big at I am a girl. Make it very clear I am a girl.
Speaker 1:And she's always going to be well protected.
Speaker 2:I love that. I love that. And how is it for you, being a mother of three, raising three young kings, the boys? Raising the boys, yes Hard, it's not a hard, I mean an easy task. It's very difficult because they are really big on wanting me to understand them and as a woman, I can't really understand males. They're not men, but my little babies they. I treat them like babies sometimes. So letting them understand that I'm a woman, they need that man to lead them into manhood.
Speaker 2:So I think that's the biggest struggle. I like how you said that, like they need that man. Like I'm not trying to, you know, you hear sometimes the woman like I'm the mom and the dad.
Speaker 1:I have no desire, I can do this.
Speaker 2:I can do that. So I appreciate you. You know you being vulnerable enough to even say that, being transparent, to even bring voice to that, because sometimes raising children not having that male figure, you feel like you gotta try to replace or be that, knowing that really you can. So actually I don't know what you're experiencing at this moment, so can you try to help me, you know, invite me into your world so I can maybe get you the resources and help.
Speaker 1:So how do you go about?
Speaker 2:that challenge. So I can say that it's no longer a challenge for me, for myself because I do have a husband.
Speaker 2:Okay, so we have that father figure in the house. Okay, what I will say is, before he entered the household, although they had fathers outside of the household who are very active, it has become more of a home because he's able to navigate them, he's able to navigate me through the struggles that I have with them. I'm a lot more calmer as a single mom. I was like enraged all the time time. Every time I'm talking to them, yelling, I'm screaming, um, I just don't know how to be, you know, loving, when I have to be this dominant parent. So, um, starting off, I wasn't, um, a single mom from the beginning, as with my son. So I was in a relationship before I had him and after having him, at one years old, I became a single mother.
Speaker 2:Hardest journey in my life, hardest journey in my life. So for maybe a year into his life, I became single, okay, a working mom too. First job ever. Wow, being a mother having to work. I had to work, one of them low-end jobs. So going to work, what are you considering low-end For me? I would never work at a fast food restaurant.
Speaker 2:I said when I was younger, but I wasn't 16, 17. I was 20. So you think you hit home a little different, because of the age 20 years old, I got to go make tacos. I don't want to make tacos, but I don't have anything under my belt that tells them I can do this, this, this and this. I have a baby at home. Right, I have to take care of my child. I tells them I can do this, this, this and this I have a baby at home.
Speaker 1:I have to take care of my child.
Speaker 2:I went to Taco Bell. But thank goodness, going to Taco Bell taught me a lot about life. I wasn't a worker, a regular worker, as in my eyes. I always say you, regular worker. I wasn't a regular worker for long. Maybe, about four months in, I became a team leader.
Speaker 1:Team leader became a manager manager became manager now I'm under the. Rgm, wow so but all the way up.
Speaker 2:I went all the way up quick, right, but at home that mother I wasn't the greatest um, I worked crazy hours of the day, 5 pm, 3 am. I'm at home. I'm having panic attacks because he's crying. I'm so tired. I eventually focused on myself at that point. My son was around all the time. My mother was extremely helpful. So you had a support system. I had a support system. Not only my mother. My father was too Very supportive His father's, mother, auntie's, all that. I loved them.
Speaker 1:So you had a village.
Speaker 2:I had a village, but even with that village, I was lost. I didn't know what to do as a mom. It was my first time. Mind you, I've never changed a baby diaper, I've never held a baby, I've never made a baby bottle and I have so many nieces and nephews, so this was completely foreign. Oh, it was foreign to me. The crying, the I don't know what to do. So, moving on being a mom, you know, I don't know if I was as attached as I was supposed to be. You know how, when you rub your belly and you talk to that child and be like Mommy can't wait to meet you. I don't remember that Really. No, I don't. The disconnect was there. I might say so with the huge village, their, I might say so with the huge village. I still had a disconnect as a mom hold on.
Speaker 1:Can I ask you something?
Speaker 2:so, speaking of that, because I know I've talked to multiple different moms, especially with being a doula, and I'll have moms say like oh, when I gave birth, I thought I was supposed to cry. So do I not love my child? They ask all kinds of things. Moms say like oh, when I gave birth, I thought I was supposed to cry. Like so do I not love my child? Like they ask all kinds of things. So this is like new to me here and like I don't remember, like rubbing my belly and things like that. So when you found out that you were having your first child, like, do you kind of remember those thoughts? I do, all right.
Speaker 2:So before I found out, I was in high school. You know I had a troubled junior high. Okay, you know my high school, my junior high school years, it was very troubled. I was fighting, you know. Let me make it clear I feel like I was getting bullied as a young teenager, but it created this angry person in me. So as I grew and went to high school, I was a fighter. I got expelled in the 12th grade. This was 2010. Actually, my year that I was going to graduate. I was supposed to graduate in June. I got expelled, maybe like late January of that year Drastic so I had to figure out what I wanted to do. I'm like I don't know. Your girl wanted to be a dancer on top on the screens, like Alan Ella Young, like Usher background dancer.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:Not that kind of dancing.
Speaker 2:I never had a desire to show my body in no type of ways, Okay, but you know the background dancing of Usher, that's all I wanted to do. So I love Sierras. I was a real big dancer, entertainer, right. So right before I found out I was pregnant, I asked my mother to sign me up for an audition and I was supposed to go to Atlanta to audition to be one of those dancers, you know for sure. And it was a BET concert, the first year that he did the BET Awards. I mean, not the first year, but it was like this song Dun dun, dun, dun dun. That song, Okay, I wanted to be on stage, as if you remind me.
Speaker 1:No, that's old, do that deep beat again. You're going to have me looking it up. That's what it's called.
Speaker 2:I don't know that one. Oh, you got to go look it up. I Wanted to Be. Maybe I just don't know the title All right, but give me more of the story.
Speaker 2:so I wanted to be a dancer and I'm like, oh, I'm going to go audition. I have a boyfriend and all of those good things. I want to be a dancer. I'm going to do an audition, maybe. Like a couple months after that I thought I was pregnant. I'm like, oh, my life is over. I never wanted kids. I always said I wanted to be married, not to my race, and be rich. That was my dream, my claim to fame. I wasn't having no babies. They're all having babies all around here. Wow, I found out I was pregnant.
Speaker 2:I remember when I found out I was in the emergency room and they told me and I'm like, okay, I came home. I was outside with my, I think I told my friend, the first person I told and she's like, no, you don't seem happy. I'm like I don't know if this is what I really want. You know, I told my mom I'm pregnant. She's like so and yeah, you're keeping it. I said, okay, life. She's like so and yeah, you're keeping it. I said, okay, life was over in my head, my life was over, like I don't know what am I going to do with a baby, but really it was just getting started. So the belly and stuff.
Speaker 2:I remember having pictures like when I was pregnant, but I don't remember, you know, connecting with that belly. I don't being affectionate. I wasn't with that bully. Being affectionate I wasn't Because you felt like once you found that out, everything else was out the window. It could have been that and experiences while you're being pregnant. You know, I didn't have great experience with my significant other at the time. It was a lot with that and I'm like you know what. We've been together for a long time, maybe about three years.
Speaker 1:And I'm like we having a baby and no one's happy and so I'm not happy either. Wow, but after I had him question, I was gonna let you finish a question so I could see know you had a plan.
Speaker 1:You had a plan. I was real comfortable with it. You had a plan. Your plan was to basically go live your life. You wanted to be a dancer. So when you found out you were pregnant, you were like you know, my life is over, not realizing and understanding that you could still live with the blessing that you receive, because children are a blessing. So did you have, even though your mom says and I get the adage of moms being you don't keep that child, like you're not having a say about it, like you pregnant, you're going to keep it, you go. But did you have an ear? Did you were you? Did you have a rapport with your mom where you were able to say my mom this, and did you have somebody to pour into you? Were you missing, um, the compassion and the hope that, okay, you're, you could have the baby, but guess what? You're going to be fine, you can do all things.
Speaker 2:Well, I grew up in a household with a lot of siblings.
Speaker 2:My mother was a mother of nine. So you know, watching my mother, I think it was just for me thinking because she was just a mom, she was only a mom, that's all she could be with nine kids, I felt like I was going to live that same life. Was I able to communicate with her? I never tried to. I can't say that I wasn't able, because I've never said anything to her. I just took everything that she always said, just whatever. That's what it is. Or if I did question anything, never, I guess, had the guts to say something. You know, because I always had a mouth, I was real mouthy, but never for a purpose, like I can't come to you and say how I truly feel.
Speaker 2:I'll slip out you know like I'll say everything when I'm upset, never when I'm at that calm place and my thoughts are wandering, you know so imagine that, being a mom too, in the beginning yeah, so I can understand that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that makes sense, because you you saw something that you you've already deemed. I don't want no point.
Speaker 2:I don't want like you resented it Because I was an active daughter in the house. I was clean, I was cleaning, I was doing a lot of things and I'm like this is not what a child do. But it wasn't because my mother made me. I think it was me trying to be that child that helped my mom. So I was always a helper. I just wanted to be do for myself. I didn't want to take on anybody else that was going to stop me.
Speaker 1:You know, that's what it was. So now we move forward.
Speaker 2:You still be dancing a little bit. Um, I'm just yeah, I have to ask.
Speaker 1:Y'all know I got TikTok out.
Speaker 2:I do not have the guts to be on a camera with no TikTok.
Speaker 1:Do you make videos out for?
Speaker 2:yourself or anything. No, but I recently started getting in the house dancing with my son Doing TikTok. Okay, we will not upload them, they will not be on the internet, they will not be.
Speaker 1:But as long as you do it, I still got it.
Speaker 2:I might have to do a little dance off. You know what then? I still got it.
Speaker 1:I might have to do a little dance off.
Speaker 2:You don't want this to work If I call 911, I'll start dancing, okay, so, but I'm glad that you do that. You say you do it with your son, so now we fast forward. We know that you're a mother of four. However, you have him. Uh, things transpire, life is going on, life is moving, and now where does child two come in? I meet someone well, not meet um. I ran into someone I grew up with um and ended up communicating with him. That's father number two.
Speaker 2:Okay, it was maybe like a year and a half after my son, so it was about my son's turn. He's like two, he'll be turning three, maybe in that age bracket, and I was just invested to find a relationship. You know, I just wanted to be in a relationship. I don't have anything else to do, so I'm working, I got this child. I want a life too, you know, yeah. So I started communicating with him and I actually conceived quick, about three months in. Wow, that was quick, very fast, yeah. Now I think about it. No, no, three months and I had. I was conceived baby number two.
Speaker 2:Now, with this child being pregnant, it was different. I do remember being pregnant and I was actually happy being pregnant, but the disconnect came at the end because I was going to have my child and my child's father was incarcerated, like literally, like maybe the top of the month that I was supposed to have my child devastated. Now I have to relive, you know, connecting again yes, now with just one, two, that was a lot for me. I have to go in sacrifice again. Yes, that was just one, two, that was a lot for me.
Speaker 1:I have to go in sacrifice mode, right?
Speaker 2:So when we talk about that parenting for yourself, do you think that's the phase that you were in Very much Parenting? I also looked at it parenting from pain, parenting from past trauma, from resentment, because I remember when you said my mom was just a mom. So I don't connect with childhood trauma. I don't feel like I have childhood trauma because I was never like hurt as a child. I didn't feel like I was made, you know, to do anything that I did. I wanted to do it. I was connected to cleaning the house For some reason. As a child I loved the feeling of the house being clean. That's good.
Speaker 2:You know most kids they hate cleaning the house, but I loved organization. That was a passion for me. I loved it Bop the floor. When she came and sing she was so excited and I'm like, I like this.
Speaker 1:She never had to tell you oh, do this, do that.
Speaker 2:Never, never. So I guess that's how I connected with my mom, without talking to her, okay, but we, where was I at Baby number two, mm-hmm, okay, you say, and you didn't connect with childhood trauma, but we said parenting from pain, parenting for self Is that where that came in? Parenting for self came in sacrificing for them, believing that I'm sacrificing for them but I'm really doing it for my own good. Getting with someone and having another child was not the right idea of being a better mother to my first child.
Speaker 2:I still have connecting to do Because I'm working all of these hours in one day and I'm coming home at the wee hours in the morning, I'm sleeping, I'm having panic attacks, I'm franting, I'm going crazy because he's crying. How do I have time for a relationship when do I find time? Oh, but I found it. I was going to say you made it, oh, I made time, and I got pregnant too. I didn't think about are you really going to have another kid?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That's not the right thing to do. I was happy. I was happy, he made me so happy. I'm a little foolish again. I'm 23. I'm grown. I don't need nobody to tell me nothing. I'm grown, you know. No one said anything to me and I don't believe that it's not because they didn't want to. It's because I wasn't going to listen. You already had your mind made up man, I didn't like authority. Don't tell me nothing, nothing, and I meant that Don't tell me nothing.
Speaker 2:But moving forward. When he was incarcerated I got, I went into survivor mode. So after I had my child, my mother again was you know, this old provider, you know I got you go to work. Two weeks later I was back at work after having my child. Two weeks later, were you even cleared? The doctor couldn't tell me nothing either. I was fine, I'm up, I'm working, I'm back at Taco Bell. Mom. What would my mom say? Girl, your wound will fall out. Well, if that's the case, I have a great and shaped womb and I've been back to work with all my babies. Quick, let's say that, okay, I'm in perfect shape. My girl said I had a job to do, so I had to go to work. I had to take care of these children.
Speaker 2:I just moved the month before I had them. So I'm like you know, I was working this job and minimum wage was minimum wage, like that's when we were really getting paid minimum wage, even though it's still that price. We weren't really getting paid that in fast food. So I was making $7.25. My rent was $7.25. I'm going to do this can 725. My rent was 725. I'm gonna do this right with a word yeah. So I had my two babies with me and I didn't. I wasn't driving, I couldn't drive, I didn't have no license, I didn't know how to drive a car wow, that's two children I have to get on the bus.
Speaker 2:My mother made me live like 30 minutes away walk and my job was 30 minutes from my mom. So, okay, I got up, got my kids together I minutes from my mom's. Okay, I got up and got my kids together, I walked to my mom's and I walked to the job. Mind you, I just had a baby.
Speaker 1:So it would be a 30-minute walk.
Speaker 2:It would be an hour total and back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you walk in, it's going to be fun.
Speaker 2:So I go take my babies to my mom's. Got more good work. It's 5 pm, mind you. 3 am do the same thing. I walked, I got on the bus, rain, sleep, hell, there's no to take care of my kids. But I don't know if I was a nurturer because I came home I had to get up. His schedule was everywhere. So you know, when people make your schedules it's like yeah you gotta work monday, tuesday, wednesday, saturday this week and next week. You got to work Wednesday, friday.
Speaker 1:Now I got to figure out how I'm going to do everything.
Speaker 2:So it was so discombobulated my life was like crazy. I remember it was a storm and I was walking. No money for the bus, two kids Pay rent due. My ass, I'm going to walk. I was walking and my stroller got stuck and I just had a breakdown. So at that time my son was about to start school and I didn't know what school he was going to go to, because I'm like, okay, my mom already watched the kids. Who's going to take them? I don't drive, I can't take them, I have to go to work, I'm not going to be able to pick them up. Is how I'm going to do this. I called his dad that day, my oldest, and said I think I'm going to need you. Before this, we were were like split in a week, three days, three days, three days back and forth you know we always made it work with um co-parenting, so shout out to him, he's a great father.
Speaker 2:Um, oh, I think I got lost. It's a little hard. Um, I gave I.
Speaker 2:Well, I didn't give him, but I asked his father to take him. Okay, he's starting school. I need you. Like I can't do this. That was my first time saying I can't do something. I need you, I can't do it. I can't do this by myself, not even even though you have him. I can't do this. I don't care if it's for three days, I just can't right now. Um, he needs to go to school. I was worried about his education at that point. I do believe that I did parent for him. It wasn't about me anymore, it was about making sure my kid was okay. And you reached out, you opened your mouth and we were just talking about that, like, uh, I remember when she asked you um, did you ever like ask your mom this?
Speaker 2:and you were saying really, I never went to someone when I needed to, but this is a moment my first time when you did, you had to take a moment when, when that storm, when that storm, when that storm came, I got a real cute stroller, a three-wheel jam and it's bumping but here's, here's a point I want to make.
Speaker 1:You said that you had, initially, with your first child, that was a disconnect, right. But when you went to explain, tell us about the storm, you said this was hard, right. So was it hard because you never had to ask anybody for anything? Or was it hard because you know you had to ask his father to help out? What? What made it hard? Because for me, but at that moment there was a connection, even though you know you work, you come home, you're tired, you know you're frustrated or whatever he's crying.
Speaker 1:In that moment, when you just said, said that what I felt was a connection to your child. So was was a connection to your child. So was that a connection to him? You didn't want to let you. You know, because you're taking care of him, you're used to seeing him, having him around. So talk about that a little bit, because to me, even though you say there was a disconnect, okay, I understand that, but somewhere there was a connection.
Speaker 2:He was around me when I was carrying consistently the connect. I believe you know it was just in that moment it was. I can't allow him to go through this. That's your connection. I can't allow him to go through my decisions. You can't allow him to suffer.
Speaker 2:Yes, through my decisions. You can't allow him to suffer. Yes, through my connection, through my decisions. This is not his decisions and living, because living in this, in this dynamic, because of his mother, was just selfish. I knew in that moment. It's selfish because I don't want to say, oh, I'm not, I'm a great mom, I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm that.
Speaker 2:I'm not taking my kids through something that they don't have to go through if they have someone else to give them better, and his father was his only child and he was okay with having her. When I made that call he said cool, I got you, I had no problems, None whatsoever.
Speaker 1:I just want to say that's parenting with a purpose that is definitely parenting with a purpose. So I guess because you put the best interest responsibility, taking responsibility, being active All along.
Speaker 2:I feel like you was parenting with a purpose, whether you saw it or not. Even you saying I got to go get a job, I got somebody else to feed. Do you know how many people still choose to like sit around, knowing their situation is their situation, waiting for others to turn it around or to do something, or to make something happen for them? You knew that you now not only had to make something happen for you because things were on pause. You know, some things were on pause, so now you got to make something happen for you still, and your babies, and that at that point in time I was only thinking about me, though I can't tell y'all that it was fully about them. It was like it's hard for me to do this every day. It's hard Now I'm in the snow. It's hard for me.
Speaker 1:But you were doing it.
Speaker 2:So now that I'm older I understand it was for them and their safety. It was in that moment. It was for me. It was for me Because it was for me. It was for me, it was because it was just too hard for me. I'm getting up early in the morning and I'm. Can I ask you a question why you wasn't driving? I ain't know how to drive you never. You never wanted to learn, never desire to get in the car and go. No, so you drive now, Absolutely when did you start?
Speaker 2:Shoot After number two. So what the story on getting a car? I think I got my ex-ex-wife here and I said I'm going to buy a car.
Speaker 1:And you didn't have no license.
Speaker 2:I didn't know how to drive. I didn't have no license. It's funny because I'm serious.
Speaker 2:You're just rolling, you're just driving, wait wait, I didn't even know how to drive when I bought my car. So, oh man, so okay, I have to finish the first part before I can say the second part, because this is another thing. So wait, number two. You know, his dad was incarcerated at the time, so I didn't have to help him. So I'm like, you know, we're going to rock out, though he's going to go with his dad and we're going to rock out. I got you, I got you bobblehead. I got you, we got this.
Speaker 2:My mom going to help me. Let's go Now. Once he went with his dad, I'm like you know, I'm ready, I can do this, I can do this. So I'm at Taco and forth to this job. They sending me over there. Oh, different location, yeah different location.
Speaker 2:I'm like I have to get a car, but I don't know how to drive. I don't know how to drive. Long story short, I'm not going to go too far into detail with this. I actually met somebody while I was at work. I was dating for a little while. It was not a great experience. That experience my child had to go through. I'm really not comfortable talking about it because it's just something I like to forget about. But dealing with him in that moment and at those times and it was fast again, because I had an issue with connecting relationship-wise, with disconnecting in my regular life, you know, I guess it was something for me to just like look forward to. Okay, you know I need to smile too. I need someone who's going to make me smile because I am miserable, like I got this going on. I wanted to be this. I can't be that I was going through all of that. Something to not make reality reality, like how some people drink or smoke, right.
Speaker 1:That was like.
Speaker 2:Me, it was Dang. I'm really saying this it was men Not different men but it was a person in my life. Okay, I needed that. For some reason I was needy of that at that time. I said I got my income tax. I said I'm getting a car.
Speaker 1:I'm not getting nothing else. I said I got my income tax.
Speaker 2:I said I'm getting a car. I'm not getting nothing else, I'm getting a car. I went to Philly. I paid for that car. I looked at him and said I can't drive, I'm not driving this car back. Why are you going to get it back? I said you're going to get some money to take it back for me. It parked in front of my mom's house. So I parked my car. I'm walking back and forth to work every day. Still One day it was raining. I lived. I moved from Sharon Hill to Chester and I said I'm getting in the car. My mom said and with who? I said with him and with my niece. I got in the car and rode straight down. It was a straight ride Straight. I made it home and the next day I drove down the street. It was a straight ride Straight. I made it home that night. The next day I drove down the street and ran away.
Speaker 1:You did a little bit more.
Speaker 2:The next day I rode down the street to go to work or to drop my son off and I ran a red light for the first time. I had no license, but congratulate me because I got my license in that same year. Good, I went and got you know that was the first great accomplishment I had was getting my permit. Okay, I treated that like it was my high school diploma because I ain't had that. I treated that like it was the greatest I felt so good to finally do something for myself.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, I got this Because you always felt like you was doing something for the kids. I felt like that. That's probably why I felt like I was just it's crazy, because I say I'm doing it for me.
Speaker 1:In my head.
Speaker 2:I felt like I was doing it for me, but it's like I can't keep letting my drive was. I can't keep letting us go through this and they right there. That's wrong. So now that y'all keep saying it to me. It wasn't for me then, because my words is not matching how I felt, if that makes sense. Or your actions.
Speaker 1:My actions are not. Your actions were different. Right, you're saying it was for you, but in actuality, your actions cared for your children.
Speaker 2:I was being myself, Because walking through that ring you had enough.
Speaker 1:Me, your children. I would be in my house Because walking through that ring.
Speaker 2:You had enough Me and this baby cannot keep doing this, getting caught in this weather. I had to be on the bus to justice, so we got to figure it out. They sending me to this location, that location. It's taking me different time frames to get to work, so I have to do something else.
Speaker 1:And you didn't give up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, never did, absolutely not so with that baby. Never did, um, absolutely not so with that baby. You know, I learned struggle is is not gonna, it's not gonna last for long. But I've, I've always had my a place.
Speaker 2:I've always had that comfort of their own home I always had that, but somewhere, I did not know when, to connect the nurturing way. Maybe that's what it was. It wasn't a nurturing, I wasn't a nurturer. So what do you think of like a nurturer? Yeah, what do you consider a nurturer to be? Um, just the characteristic trait of just caring about others, loving on somebody, affection, you know? Did you hold them? Not really, not really, I wasn't. I don't remember like, of course I held them, but I didn't breastfeed, and things like that so it wasn't something that's regular Right.
Speaker 2:but I'm just saying like something that's very close to me. I held them, but I think it's because they were crying, or I mean I was the mom I had to walk around the house with them on my one hand and do things like that, but right, but I don't think it was like. I've never been a person who sat down to watch TV or to do things like that.
Speaker 2:I was so busy. I was a busybody, since a child like I'm running around the house cleaning and doing the most and going to the market with my mom, so like, maybe doing the minimum, you made sure you did the minimum, so they could be okay.
Speaker 2:No one ever changed my kids' pampers, unless it was my mother. I changed their pampers, I bathed them, I did those things Not of course, but I did those things, but taking that extra step, like she said, reading to them, talking with them, you know, maybe doing card games and different stuff.
Speaker 1:That was down the line.
Speaker 2:That was down the line With those two children never, Never the park.
Speaker 2:No, it was always work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. I had two jobs. All the way up to on my second child I had two jobs, so it was like I was always at work. The first steps my sister was there for baby number two, I was there for my first son but, like I said, at that point of time it was like, oh, he walked. But you know, it was the difference between baby number one to baby number four. When she walked it was like tears coming, things like that. You were in a different space.
Speaker 2:I was in a different because I mean, that was forced on me, that was forced. So, um, I'm trying to think it's a lot, goodness gracious. Um, where were we at with him nurturing, because what you saying like like nurturing, do you think you were a nurturer? What is a nurturer to you? If you don't mind me asking, just spending time with your child You've got to remember the mic.
Speaker 1:Spending time with your child. I'm sorry I jumped up there like that the mic. But just spending time with your child other than you know, providing the necessities, whether you're changing a pamper, just looking at your child, holding them and talking to them, singing to them, even when you're feeding them that was a conversation or something going on to stimulate them and bonding, that's just bonding with your child. I did that with all three of my children.
Speaker 2:That happened with baby number three. I thought experiencing it with baby number three. I started experiencing it with baby number three, so wasn't in the relationship, but his father came home. Baby number two. Father came home. Terrific father. From day one he was with his son daily, every single day. He would come pick him daily, every single day. He would come pick him up, got him off. I got you. We ended up rekindling and getting married. But maybe like three months into our marriage, he got murdered.
Speaker 2:So my son lost a child, I mean my son lost a father and I lost a husband unfortunately, that was a huge.
Speaker 1:It was huge.
Speaker 2:But, like I said, I didn't have emotions. I wasn't emotionally connected to anything. That's how I knew I wasn't. I am now, so to be connected to so many things now and not experiencing those connections, I know I wasn't. I know I know I wasn't. I know for sure I wasn't Because when it happened I was just like Physically you're here, but mentally you're not.
Speaker 1:Where's?
Speaker 2:baby number one. When all this is, is he still?
Speaker 1:with his father.
Speaker 2:Baby number one was coming, all right. So for those, that was two years me being pregnant. He was there, he went with his father. Once I had my son, maybe like three months, and um, he was back and forth, okay, you know, but I only had, um, maybe like the weekend, but that stopped, that stopped and I probably did not see my son for a little while, like a year maybe. I want to, I want to say about a year, year and a half and was that like your decision?
Speaker 2:because where you were at it was I was going through too much and I don't think I stopped and realized how quick I mean that time went by. You were not there. I never really realized these things until they hit me. And this is with everything. I never really realized it until they hit me. Why are you not with your son? What's going on? And his dad wasn't the type of father that would like push to do. He would just let me get myself together. I guess that's his mindset. That would like push to do. He would just let me get myself together. I guess that's his mindset. I would never ask him.
Speaker 1:How he felt in that moment.
Speaker 2:But for me, I felt like I was abandoning my child. Not that I didn't love him, not that he wasn't around, not that I couldn't see him. It was he's young. I had to call his dad. I felt guilty. I got this baby. He's just a child, a young kid, and it was just so sheesh, wow. So let's fast forward. So we got baby one, we got baby two. We know you had the transition of losing your husband. Baby one is still with his father Majority of the time. You're seeing him periodically. My son was coming every weekend, okay, and then that stopped After he passed away it stopped.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you could take some time to yourself. Yeah, and you know, try to recoup regather. So now let's fast forward. We have. We have all four now and all four with you three. My oldest is around whenever. He feel like it calls me every day mom, mom, mom, mom, can I? Can I when you come in?
Speaker 1:how's the relationship?
Speaker 2:with the four of them amongst each other. They love each other. They know each other. All of my brothers are my favorite.
Speaker 1:Who's your?
Speaker 2:favorite Me, everybody, all of them.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:So yes, he's around. I like to give myself a little bit of flowers this year. You should the oldest. I like to give myself a little bit of flowers.
Speaker 1:This year we played football. I was there the oldest?
Speaker 2:Yes, I was there every game for the first time.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's awesome. You should, I was so excited. You should.
Speaker 2:He's like playing different, like, yes, I'm here, I get to show up Because I have to work Fast forward. I create my own schedules, no one can tie me down.
Speaker 1:Oh, because you're management now, right oh no, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:Management is what locked me into jobs. It's not worth it. It wasn't work. My mental I feel like I'm losing out, missing out. I've been through a lot of traumatic things. I had to lose jobs because of Things that were happening in my life, because of my decisions, and my babies was more important. But my real reason of making my own schedule is my son, my baby number three. It's crazy I got to keep saying the numbers. Baby number three was diagnosed with autism, okay, so I had to be there more hands on. Oh, it's, it's time. The time is now. This child needs me more hands on, more being present, more that and another traumatic experience okay, you know, so with that I'm all right.
Speaker 2:So what? What? Baby number two into baby number three. His father passed away and I rekindled with one of my childhood forevers that I felt like was going to be my husband forever. Um, got pregnant again, so got pregnant again very fast. And this is when we have number three. This is the third baby, yeah, pregnant again very fast for the third time. What was going on in Aisha's head? Oh, you are selfish. What is wrong with you? Are you serious Like, is this all? So you like beat yourself up a lot.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, all the time.
Speaker 2:Is this what your life is consistent of? Like just babies, like nothing else, just babies, relationships. I am not ever worried about saying I have three fathers because wonderful fathers I pick great fathers, just not great spouses. Okay, they're wonderful. My children love their fathers, we have great co-parenting and I have no issues. That's awesome. That's not my problem. My issue was I wasn't right to be anyone's wife. In my religion you get married. In every religion, I believe they say get married. But I literally were getting married. Like I'm getting married.
Speaker 2:So having a child so fast, within the death of my ex, was wild to me. The death of my ex was wild to me. I'm like, did I really make this decision to have another child? But with that child I was carrying alone, I wasn't in a relationship. So that was a lot. So was I not connected? I was connected on that baby.
Speaker 2:Although I worked two jobs, I was crying to myself baby, you know, I hope you be good, but I was stressed, a lot of stress and going to work, coming home. My second child was like my caretaker, like he loved me to death, like mommy, I'm dude's mommy. He's never left my side. It was just me and him. Wow, I'm not going to do the same thing I did for nobody with my first son. Nobody's getting my child. His father is not here.
Speaker 2:Thinking back now, my son was with his father. He wasn't with nobody else, he was with someone who created him also. Right, yeah. Now I'm like, yeah, I'm going to big myself up for that, because a lot of people that wants that don't have that. So I had that, but with this one I didn't. And now I'm carrying a child and my baby is helping me. I was extremely, extremely depressed, but not showing it. Oh, I was extremely, extremely depressed, but not showing it. Oh, I was the happiest person on the outside. No one could tell. So do you think you had went to that place for parenting for self versus parenting for your child? At that time you reverted back.
Speaker 1:I did.
Speaker 2:So when do you think the transition happened? Because, as I listen, you were parenting for your children little, do you know it or not, or are you able to recognize? However, when do you feel is that what child? Do you feel as though you were parenting for your children, not for yourself, and what do you consider to be parenting?
Speaker 1:for your yeah.
Speaker 2:Maybe number three? I consider that I switched, I did a switch over, I pivoted. Is it because when baby number three was diagnosed, or did it happen before?
Speaker 1:No, it happened while I was pregnant with him. Okay.
Speaker 2:Because I felt like he was conceived by mistake, because it wasn't a real relationship.
Speaker 1:You guys were just dealing.
Speaker 2:It was just one time and I got pregnant. I pumped out months later and I'm like my baby needs me. This is where I stop. This is where I stop. My baby needs me. Yeah, this is where I stop. This is where I stop. My baby needs me. But going through that process was a very stressful process because I don't have nobody to rub my belly. I always felt like you know, when you feel like, when you have kids with a fairytale life, somebody talking to your belly hey, I always see it on TV. You know what I understand and I'm like this is not what I see on TV. You know what I understand and I'm like this is not what I see on TV, like what is going on with me God, why me? So I used to pray.
Speaker 2:I used to beg God, like please, release all the stress for me, like please. But I know I was stressed and I said to myself God's giving you all these kids to love on something, correctly? Hmm, that's when I had a moment when my baby gonna be straight, although it was still stressed when it came to the physical part because I had to work working two jobs with a baby. Um, going through the situation that I was in. You know it's supposed to be.
Speaker 1:Man.
Speaker 2:I knew it since I was 16. I wanted this man to be my husband for my whole life and I finally got the person that I wanted but no, not right there, hon. So I went through that and I had the baby, and his dad ended up coming back around the day I had him. Was that a good thing? A bad thing it was a wonderful thing at that moment.
Speaker 1:yeah, it was a wonderful thing at that moment, but it wasn't healthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it wasn't healthy. It wasn't healthy in a way that you don't deserve it. I went through all that by myself. You don't deserve to have me and my child at this moment, so why did you feel as though the child didn't deserve to have the other?
Speaker 1:people. I didn't feel that way. Okay, I didn't feel that way.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's when I started parenting for my children, not for myself, because of decisions that I've made. He wasn't the only one who made that decision. I was an acting participant.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So I became pregnant. That's what you get when you do things you ain't supposed to do At the moment you ain't supposed to do it. So I mean I don't blame him for nothing. So when he did come around, I took that, as he wants to be a father, and he never left from that day. He's been there since day one of birth. The birth was horrific. Day one of birth the birth was horrific. So, um, having that baby that day, everything happened so fast. I went into labor. My mother was sick. She lived with me, but she left that day to go home. I went to labor that day on my living room floor.
Speaker 2:wow, after going to the hospital sending me home on my living room floor, I'm sitting there like I'm about to have this baby. Today I went to birth and it happened to be on his father's birthday. I had I had. I went into labor on his father's birthday. I had him the next day. It was hilarious. So on his birthday he was sent in an emergency room After us, not dealing with each other the whole time Wow.
Speaker 2:So, After us not dealing with each other the whole time, wow. So I don't know if that was of course. God made that happen. He was a great father. From that point on, we were parents, we were parents of him, and my second child was living. Of course, we were all living together and my oldest, I'm trying to think, wasn't around yet. Okay, so, still with his father, still with his father, and still today he's with his father. Yeah, but that's because I'm the only child. Mama, he coming home soon.
Speaker 1:I feel that coming he, coming home soon he ready to be with Mama.
Speaker 2:That's cool, mama Bear is what I'm saying so what's? Your husband Is baby four. Your husband now no, baby number four is my ex-husband's. Okay, so my third and my fourth is by the same father. Okay, we were married for a little while and yeah, we stuck it out for a little while. So, how is that whole dynamic? With everyone With their father? Yes, ooh, father. Yes, oh yeah, with her daddy every week, every um he has my son, um baby number three.
Speaker 2:he has some Wednesdays through Fridays and every other weekend and he also have his daughter every other weekend and it's a wonderful um yeah, it's a wonderful couple and he's married. I love her too, so that's all we have.
Speaker 1:We have have a family.
Speaker 2:That's my family, it's my second family. So, with all that you done went through for moms who, because you didn't mind saying like I have child number, this child number, father this number, father that number. You know some people don't want you to know that, that they have multiple fathers, or you know the relationship that they hold with the other parent and different things of that nature. You were able to talk about that tonight to the young lady, to the lady, the female that is going through like a situation similar to yours, not knowing exactly where she wants to go. She knows things she wants to do, but she doesn't know exactly where she wants to go.
Speaker 2:Because when I heard your younger self, it was like I wanted to be a dancer, I wanted to be a backup dancer for Usher, you know. But you didn't say you know, my plan was to do this and do that. You know, when I get out of school, or I was going to drop out, or, like you said, you know right, you know. You said I was expelled, but this was still my goal. I had an audition, but Once I got pregnant, it was like, oh, everything is done now. You know, that was your younger self. What would you say now, in the place that you're in, what would you say to a female that's going through that, whether they be 16, whether they be 25, whatever age it may be? Because sometimes we think we put ages on things like oh, I got to be married by this age, I got to graduate college by this age. Yeah, like that clock that they talk about. Yes, what is that clock they call? I don't know A time clock. Yeah, we put a time clock on things.
Speaker 1:It's not the time clock. It's the Like like what's the name? You're just talking about the clock. When you're having a major, yeah, they put them clocks on everybody, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's like you put a time clock on everything you know. I mean, it's good to have a plan, it's good to have goals, it's good to have vision. However, when obstacles come, when you have to accept your consequences for your decisions, what would you say to that younger lady? At first, I would tell her, if it's 16 or 18 years old, how would I say this? In a very respectful, caring way there's other things out here outside of having babies. You don't have to have a baby young to grow up with your child. We use that. Oh, I want to grow up with my child.
Speaker 2:I would say to the 16 to 18-year-old don't even think about having a child right now. If you are in that situation, I would say lace your boots, stand on business and make better decisions. Don't do it continuously. Again, it's not an easy task and you're not always going to be with the person you have a kid by. Whether you're married, young, nothing you are. You're going to always go through trials and tribulations and can you handle it? Do you have the characteristic traits to even be that mother at that age For someone that's going through it or worrying about saying you know?
Speaker 2:what their life is Not even so much that, except like accepting, like when you got to the point and had to say, you know, this is my situation, this is what I got to do. Accepting what you do, I mean you're not a victim, my situation, this is what I got to do. Accepting what you do, I mean you're not a victim, you're an acting participant. Understand that. Don't be in that victim mindset. Oh, I had a baby and this person ain't doing this, that person not doing it's about you. You create great relationships with the other parent. It's up to you on what you want and if they do not want it, want it. Let them be what they are until they can't be anymore. Don't force it. Focus on yourself, focus on your kids, because if you keep focusing on being a victim, you're gonna always have a victim mindset like you gotta move forward you gotta forward, but for my babies out there, please don't do it.
Speaker 2:Please don't Don't do it. I don't care if you're in love. Love is not everything and, to be honest with you, I was not in love having these babies I wasn't. It had nothing to do with love. So what was it Just? Lust or was it just something to do? It was just.
Speaker 1:Or you just wanted a boyfriend, or what was it. Where were?
Speaker 2:our environment. It depends on your environment. I was in front of it At my front door, that's all that was there. It wasn't when my mom was younger and they had the movie theater or the skate rinks. I was at my front door and I jumped off the porch late. So I was at my front door and I jumped off the porch late. So I was a you know what jump off the porch means no being outside. Yeah, I wasn't outside like that. I wasn't catching me outside at 16. So I jumped off the porch late. So it was like I didn't know nothing about the it's dudes outside.
Speaker 2:You was testing the water, I was just testing it and I was always in a relationship. I was snatched up all the time. Wow, you know a relationship. I got older and said I'm not nobody's girlfriend, I gotta be your wife. But then I learned that being a wife is Not forever If you don't have the tools. Being a wife and a mother. Oh baby, you got a rude awakening. You got a rude awakening believing that you're going to be a good wife and a mother without any work. Yeah, too shy on that.
Speaker 1:So my question to you is how are you and I said because you have a daughter how are you with your daughter? How are you gonna be with your daughter? And she's growing and and now today, her day. Her day is gonna be different, gonna look different from your yeah, yours looks completely different from mine. So how are you going to be present to be able to have those important, crucial, life-changing conversations with your daughter? What's the impartation to her? That's a good question.
Speaker 2:Well, it starts now at four. Oh yeah, my baby. I realized that I didn't know who I was in totality. I was trying to find who I was through relationships. I didn't know who I was in totality, I was trying to find who I was through relationships. I'm happy when I feel good. When Now I had to find myself, you know I didn't start doing like work on myself until about maybe 30, 31.
Speaker 2:I say 31 to be safe. I'm going to be honest 31 to be safe. I had to step outside of everything and say what do you need for yourself? So with my baby she's four has been doing affirmations since she was one. I love it. I need her to know that she's beautiful, she's strong, she's loved, she's protected.
Speaker 1:Every day.
Speaker 2:This is her words. I just added I am respectful because she has to learn how to not, you know, to get at that age they start spitting and things like that.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, you're respectful you respectful people, don't do stuff like that. Um, I am, um, hold on what's what's the other words? She be adding stuff, I, but she's a princess, princess. So I always tell her all the time you know you're worthy, you're worthy of whatever you feel like worthy is, and don't ever allow nobody to take that away from you. Don't ever feel like you have to build yourself up around other people for other people. It's about you. What I do that I don't do with my sons. I don't tell her everything. I'm very transparent with my sons when it comes to communicating in the house, because I don't like the generations. What goes on in my house stays in my house. You are a child staying in a child's place in every aspect of life, because he's not, they're not, they're not just a child staying in a child's place in every aspect of life, because he's not.
Speaker 2:They're not. They're not just a child, they are a living human being that needs to use their voice. I didn't have a voice. I had a mother that I probably could have came and talked to, but I didn't feel like I had a voice because she wasn't the communicator. Like how are you when I got expelled? How do you feel I was devastated? Like girl? Are you when I got expelled? How do you feel I was devastated? Like girl? I'm a straight-A student and they expelled me. You ain't fight.
Speaker 1:That's how I felt. No, I'm with you. That's how I felt you ain't fight.
Speaker 2:What you ain't fight for me for. But I mean, maybe she thought, because I was fighting all year long, you ain't. Can you know? So with my daughter it's like I limit the things that can maybe traumatize her. She asks me every day Mommy, are you happy? Are you happy today? Because I'm happy today and my baby is going to be the future business owner. So look out for her limits then.
Speaker 1:So you encourage and empower her to be her best self at age four.
Speaker 2:All of them and making sure they understand they have a voice. My oldest son is now understanding and knowing what he wants to be, or is adjusting himself to be something when he gets older, because it was always I don't know. My 10 year old he wants to start a hoodie business and things like that, but he didn't know. I don't know. My 10 year old he wants to start, um, a hoodie business and things like that, but he didn't know, I don't know. And finding his identity is now um, mom, I was my dad. I was my dad.
Speaker 2:Honestly, you probably know your dad better than I do. You was around him more and, um, he, you don't know him because he was only with him for a year before he passed away. So he now has my husband to help him build his confidence. Oh, he's more confident now. My husband is amazing. I get a little tear sometimes when I talk about him. He's amazing. So, coming into the household he's still working on my son my oldest son a little bit Because he's more close to me, but I need him to be that to my oldest son because, I want him.
Speaker 2:He's the first man. He's going to be the first man Ten-year-old, got some time. But little man is about to be stepping off them porches and I don't know what to do. When your son come to you, ask you about girls, only thing I can do is don't touch that girl without her saying yes. Don't touch that girl if her mom don't know. Don't kiss nobody. I don't know what they mom teaching them. Right, nell, I'm with you, as always.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for coming and sharing um, and I love what.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love what you said about uh, you're not a victim, you're an active participant and I feel like that goes in a lot that can fit in a lot of different areas of your life. Um, here on Parenting with a Purpose, we've been dealing mainly with education, right? So you know we starting the new year off and then we have a parent coming on here talking about you know your struggle growing up, becoming a parent, when you still trying to figure out like this is what I wanted to do, right, you know like I really I feel like I gotta let this go. All this is going because now I gotta be a parent. So all along you was always parenting with a purpose. You was always taking responsibility of your actions, of your uh, choices. You feel me, no, you didn't want to always accept the consequences, but you learned to navigate through them and now you have four beautiful children that, like you said, be on the lookout, because the youngest already knows she want to have a lemonade stand and I think that's adorable.
Speaker 2:That goes to show when you change up, when you change up your bad habits. You know my habits were not great and it had to be habits and you knew you needed a change, identifying that you need to change. And that's what parenting with a purpose is all about. It's not about beating each other up. It's about coming together, talking Because, as you were saying, oh, I wasn't a nurturer, I'm not. But as you actually talk about it and really listen, you were the whole time actually talk about it and really listen. You were the whole time me. What I define as nurturing may not even be Webster's dictionary version of nurturing, but I did what I knew. Like you said, I did what was in front of me. So at one point you had to learn that I can no longer be a product of my environment. I can no longer say, oh, i't taught this, because now you're responsible for how you raised you as an adult, how I teach them, exactly Because our children are somebody and they have somewhere to go.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't Exactly. I know I didn't do my best because I asked my kids was I doing my best? But at the time you were.
Speaker 1:Because that's what you knew to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what you knew to do were, because that's what, that's what you knew to do. Yeah, that's what you need to do and I'm able to give them the things that they need. They are able to say it right. I go to the floor and tell me mommy, I don't want that, yes, I don't like that, I, I don't like this hair.
Speaker 1:She has her voice, which is awesome, but is there something that you wanted to leave and watch this? Do we own our children? Absolutely we do not own our children. They are a gift from God, so we're just here to steward them the best way that we know how, and I commend you for your transparency, for your vulnerability, and I'm sitting here like man. I could take you as to some schools, talk to a lot of young ladies, look out for me in those schools.
Speaker 1:Trust me, sometimes, even when you said let me say it respectfully, when Pam asks you the question, but sometimes you got to talk to them, little Aisha's that don't want to listen, you got to meet them right where they at and they're not going to be okay, no, you're going to be like yo, what's up.
Speaker 2:Seriously, they do need it.
Speaker 1:So they know like, oh, wait a minute. She's been where I'm going to head if I don't change up.
Speaker 2:I truly believe that these young girls need it. Like I said, our environment. They don't have the female versions of the programs. They don't have all of those things. They don't have the big sister, little sister programs anymore. I mean, I believe we had it when I lived in Darby that was like they used to have them. Yeah, they see. I've never been involved in them here now. When I was in Delaware County, we had those things, even though I didn't attend because I was too worried about myself.
Speaker 2:But they had those things and now it's like young girls are feeling good about getting pregnant, about their little boyfriends.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they have TV shows.
Speaker 1:They have reality shows, yes.
Speaker 2:And what these reality shows are doing for our kids is destroying their minds. Yes, social media is destroying our kids' minds. My daughter will not be able to have a cell phone. No, no, you can't watch YouTube, absolutely not. Oh yeah, I don't play. I made that mistake and I'm not doing it again. No, you're not going to have a video game, Because even when you think you're blocking something.
Speaker 2:read a book, because I'm 33 years old getting it together when Read a book, because I'm 33 years old. Getting it together when it comes down to being able to stay in line five minutes to read a book. I'm reading two pages a day. I can't even get there yet, and I'm 33. Come on, and this is something that I desire. This is something that I truly want, and it's hard to get because I'm breaking bad habits Just to do I don't. I'm going to try my hardest to not allow them to have the horrible habits, because it takes 30 days to gain one.
Speaker 2:It takes forever to break a cycle and we are breaking cycles after cycles. Yes, and that's another time, another conversation. We don't go down that road with me.
Speaker 1:I want to encourage you to continue to be intentional yeah, thank you. Intentional with who you are as a woman, as a mother, as a wife, and setting that example and imparting into your children those things that they'll have need of as they continue to grow. Absolutely Giving them jewels that they can come back and lean on as they're growing.
Speaker 2:That's what I want Absolutely. I would definitely ditto that, that intentional, because I see it all on you and even when those moments come, just think of those other 10 great things, those smiles. Like you said, my mom didn't do this, but your baby girl is coming to you asking how is your day, you know? So that's a point Keep that in your pocket. That's something you put in your pocket for when those moments come, because of course they come. So, when those moments come, make sure you have those things in your pocket that you can pull out.
Speaker 2:That's going to encourage you, that's going to strengthen you. And make sure that you have a village such as parenting with a purpose. Because here we are, here to empower, to uplift, to encourage, like no matter what your story was, what your story is, because we're always in a storm, going through one or coming out of one, but it's always around, like when you was going through that first storm and that stroller got caught and you said I got to do something different. I got to do something different because I can't crash out, I can't, I cannot afford it.
Speaker 2:Because I ain't going out, I can't afford it.
Speaker 1:I've been a lot of things.
Speaker 2:Being homeless ain't going to be one of them. Okay, I've been a lot of things, but homeless ain't going to be one of them.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'll be dead, so it's.
Speaker 2:Because, no, I know people, I'm with you, I know people in those situations and I feel for them. Man, and living in storage rooms and living in hotels with your children, I mean, but listen, lace them boots and stand on business. And my husband where? Nobody ever tell you that standing on business was easy.
Speaker 2:It's a hard job. That's in his words. I'll put you on that. But again, I thank you so much, aisha, for joining us here on Parenting with a Purpose, and then our guest, mary as well. Thank you for sliding on me, mommy, and pulling up. I appreciate you, and shout out to Donna Janelle, who is handling business, parenting with a purpose. But we thank you all so much for joining tonight. We will be back next Thursday, so stay tuned. We have another special guest and, as always, 7pm sharp, and we are on all social medias and all platforms. So make sure you stay engaged, that you stay in touch and, if you don't have a village, come get connected with parents and with a purpose. Again, I am your co-host, pamela, and you have a wonderful evening. Oh, look at my husband, see y'all. Thank you.
