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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Guiding Arrows: Embracing Parenting, Early Intervention, and Educational Innovation
What if parenting could be likened to the art of archery, where children are the arrows needing careful guidance to hit their mark? Join us as we navigate the beautiful responsibilities and joys of parenting, weaving through personal tales like my daughter's newfound passion for wrestling and my niece Lizzie's adventures in grocery shopping for her dorm. The post-pandemic evolution of shopping habits adds another layer to our conversation, as we weigh the convenience of online shopping against the irreplaceable experience of selecting fresh produce in person.
We are thrilled to welcome Kimoke, affectionately known as Kim, an inspiring special education educator whose journey was sparked by a childhood encounter that led her to embrace sign language and special education with open arms. Her innovative teaching methods and dedication to early intervention offer a wealth of insights into creating nurturing learning environments. Through engaging stories and strategies, Kim highlights the crucial role of parents in addressing developmental delays and emphasizes the transformative power of active parental involvement in child therapy.
Our conversation doesn't stop there; we explore the critical importance of early childhood education and intervention, challenging controversial viewpoints with personal experiences and professional insights. Programs like Creative Connections Virtual Preschool emerge as game-changers, offering affordable, comprehensive educational tools for young learners. As we conclude, we're committed to empowering parents through our Parenting With a Purpose initiative, inviting you to connect with us via CMP Radio and our Facebook page, Parenting with a Purpose, for ongoing support and guidance. Thank you for tuning in, and here's to embracing the parenting journey with purpose and joy!
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
The Voice of Chester. Thank you, hey everybody. Welcome back to Panther with a Purse. I am your whoa, panther with a Purse. Yo, we got that bag. Yo, what's your bag? Welcome back to Panther with a Purse. I am your Whoa Parenting with a Purse. Yo, we got that bag. Yo, what's your bag? Welcome back to Parenting with a Purse.
Speaker 1:I am your host, donna Janelle, and I am your co-host, pamela, and you know our Yo. I can't believe. I said the purse. That means that somebody needs to be filling up this purse right now. How's everybody doing? We are here back in the studio with another episode of Parents of Purpose.
Speaker 1:As you know, parents are their bowls and our children are our bowls and they will lay in wherever we aim them, as long as we equip them. You know our job as parents is not to send them outside naked, because the world will close them. As you can see now they're closed with all types of stuff I mean you can identify as a cat these days, y'all. So you just don't know what's going on with our kids in this world. So it's our job and our responsibility to make sure that we close them well, so that they be tight and right and successful right. As you know, our mission is to bring back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting right. And how do we do that? Several ways, like holding parents accountable. You know there's a mandate on parenting right now. So we're holding parents accountable to stand up for your kids. Do what you need to do. Parent is your responsibility to parent your child. Now, there's several resources out here that we can use to help us different tools, but at the end of the day, matter of fact, at the beginning of the day, the middle of the day and the end of the day and the end of the day, it's our responsibility, right? So we want to hone on to that responsibility. So today we have a oh wait, do I want to talk about did she talk my inner gangster this week? What did she do this week? No, she's been pretty good. She's wrestling, y'all. The one you know, the 16-year-old Dane who's testing my inner gangster. She's been good this week. Y'all she's wrestling. She's taking all that energy out on the mats. We've been good this week.
Speaker 1:But I do have guess what? You know? The one, lizzy Marines. She hit me up today. She's like Titi, because she called me Titi. She was like I went to Walmart, I went shopping. I was like what? She sent me a picture of all these groceries because now that she's in a dorm and she was like, listen, we ain't finna be cooking, we ain't finna be buying food every night. We ain't here cooking.
Speaker 1:I heard that she was like Cece I got a rice cooker. She said I got one of to be spending all this money out here. She said my friend said that you went down the aisle so quick Did you shop all your life? Lizzie said she went down every aisle, got exactly what she needed. She was out. They was like Pittman, you're moving too fast, you're moving too fast. But she literally got all the fruits and vegetables and everything she needed and I was like, look at you out here bending the door. She was like look at you all here bending the door. She was like I am, I am Nice. And I thought that was pretty cool because she sent me a picture of like a bat, like all these groceries on the floor, like it is when at home, when we get all the groceries. And I was like, wow, she smart, you be taking longer in the grocery store. No, uh-uh.
Speaker 1:So the way I shop y'all, we need to introduce Kim first, because I'm going to tell y'all Because the way I shop, I do online. First of all, covid done spoiled me. I do online Because, listen, I ain't got time. So I shop online and sometimes I pick up, but I get my groceries delivered. The only thing I pick up is my BJ's. I go pull up my car pop out my trunk.
Speaker 1:Pop out my trunk. They put it in the car for BJ's, but other than that, y'all are bringing this to my door. Listen.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be like you For real. I need to touch my own stuff Me too. It's starting to suck.
Speaker 1:Now fruits and vegetables and stuff like I go get and stuff like that, but the other stuff, no, I ain't doing that.
Speaker 2:All right, we need to introduce guys. We have an amazing guest. Her name is Kimoke, but she's known as Kim, a special ed educator. She's also a loving mother, a devoted wife. She's just like very awesome. She'll tell you a little bit more about herself. You said say your name, kim, it's on you, okay. So.
Speaker 3:I am Kim, and often when I say I'm Kim, they say okay, and I'm like yeah, that's my name, Kim. Okay, but anyway, I have been a special educator for more than 20 years. That's all you're going to get, and I love it. It's what I do. It's what I've done since a young child. What I've done since a young child actually, what got me interested in special education was a birthday party that my cousin had my younger cousin had.
Speaker 2:Oh, I should have shared this with you, and that was.
Speaker 3:there was a young girl there who was deaf. She was, I may have been 10, she might have been 6. Wow, and I was just so concerned about making sure that she could communicate, interact, engage, because she wasn't. So she became my best friend and I just helped her and it inspired me to learn sign language. I know some now, but I haven't been as consistent.
Speaker 2:I was going to ask you is that how you know sign language?
Speaker 3:That's where the interest sparked Yep oh wow. Yeah. And then from then on, I just became everybody's teacher. Oh, wow, yeah. And then from then on, I just became everybody's teacher. At 12, I was a live-in babysitter for one, but like 10 kids would be at the house because they knew that I can handle them. They were sitting down singing a pile of spaghetti all covered with cheese. Kim let me find out. You got a voice.
Speaker 2:Uh-uh, hold on, hold on. Kim sing Kim surprise her with something. What a song. No, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3:Oh the baby. Oh, yes, I do voices too. You want to hear one? What Ready? Watch this Yo. Oh, that was supposed to be a secret for the Christmas program, but anyway. Wait, the Christmas program, but anyway. So I just do whatever it takes to make kids feel comfortable and learn, and if I have to cry like a baby or talk like Elmo, I do it.
Speaker 1:Yo flag on a flag.
Speaker 2:Who wouldn't want them in their living room?
Speaker 1:Right that is awesome.
Speaker 3:It's my defense if a kid doesn't vibe with me, so I'm going to do what I need to do to make it happen, wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me least two.
Speaker 3:Even though adults are a little harder, I don't understand them as much as I do the kids.
Speaker 1:I guess not.
Speaker 3:I have. I have to do it because ultimately what I do now with um, my everything I do is part-time, but um, with my main job, is early intervention. So I go into the homes with the babies. Usually it's birth to three. I usually have two year olds, two year olds, but anyway you know it's really parent training. A lot of them like to sit and watch me like I'm a TV show, but I'm like no.
Speaker 1:Can you, can you blame? No, I mean, unless you just did.
Speaker 3:But go ahead and they do, but it's like okay, I do it. Now it's your turn, because I'm there for one hour once a week right and I want to come back and I'm going to say, oh, did you try? Did you try? And they might like well. Well, can you do it this time? All right, let's practice it together. You want to act silly too. I, I just love. I love what I do.
Speaker 2:It's almost like teaching and therapy.
Speaker 3:I want everybody to feel comfortable, but first I have to make them feel comfortable. I take my shoes off, I sit down on the floor. I don't even mind if it's stuff around, I just pretend like I don't see it, unless it's a bug. I might say oh excuse me, Can we stop, you know?
Speaker 1:but she said it's a bug, we stopped playing on a plate.
Speaker 2:There's a bug club over here.
Speaker 1:It's not part of the group.
Speaker 2:It's not part of the session.
Speaker 1:This is not part of the session today.
Speaker 3:Okay, and I've learned over time how to say it in a way that it still makes them feel comfortable.
Speaker 1:to let me back in next week because it all says come over and get this. But the truth is the truth, right? Yeah, yeah, I get it because I'm in home care. So I'm in people home. Yes, yes, and it's not an hour camp. I'm in people eight hours overnight I'm in, I'm out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now let me ask you a question because I love this about you um, can you tell us the importance of, uh, early, early intervention? And the reason why I'm prefacing this question first is because I got a follow-up question. Well, follow-up question statement after that, tell me how, why early intervention is so important.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, one learning starts in the womb talking to to your child, talking, singing. My son got scriptures read to him and he was born premature, so he had that for 80 days straight right on me. But it's like they can hear, they can understand, even though they're not communicating yet. They're able to understand and they're able to hear and they get that connection with you. And why wait?
Speaker 2:and if let's say there is a delay, a delay.
Speaker 3:You want to address that delay as soon as possible, right, therefore, when they get older, it's gone it's gone but it's like the longer you wait, the harder it is for them to try to master skills that they've already lost or have been behind on. So that's why I think.
Speaker 1:So I was listening to. You know I deal with medically complex P's, so the preemies and all that. And then Joshua himself was born preemie and he had a lot of different speech delays and things like that. So I was listening to Dr Umar. Are you familiar with Dr Umar?
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm familiar Okay.
Speaker 1:So I was listening to. He was on somebody's podcast and you know they deem him as a black guy pretty much and he has said that we got to stop letting people evaluate our kids early you know, give them some time and saying all this crazy stuff. And it's like I've been doing peace for 24 years and I see the importance of early um, like knowing, awareness and things like that intervention and he was just saying that our black community got to stop letting these people diagnose our kids and stop. You know, you shouldn't be diagnosed or even evaluated for autism until they like six, seven or eight. And I was like I don't know where he's from, what planet he's from like we had this talk because like I'm, like that's ridiculous you do, I do.
Speaker 3:Help me understand that Because when I go into the home, Well, not particularly just for autism or anything.
Speaker 3:Well, put it this way yes, I do feel like if there is a delay, then it needs to be addressed. Birth to three is free people Get those people in there that your child does not have to be diagnosed, but the need is going to be addressed. Like I had a family today ask about diagnosing for autism and I said I don't care. My focus is on what does he need. Does he need to interact with others? Does he need to follow directions? Does he need to label? Does he need what does he need to do? That's what I'm going to address. So it doesn't matter what the disability is, I'm addressing and focusing on the delay.
Speaker 3:So if there is something that your child and everybody is everywhere, all over the developmental spectrum, but if there's something that you see that your child should be doing and they're not or you know it's, get those people in there, get right in there.
Speaker 1:Evaluation is important. I'm not saying dying because we don't diagnose under three anyway with autism, right, some families do and I just say well, the doctors do with the families, because there's a, there's a rule.
Speaker 3:Well, the doctors may suggest, but oftentimes I get the families wanting to know yeah, but we don't as a doctor's office, like they will not diagnose you for autism depending on where you go because it's some private practices do.
Speaker 1:But evaluation is important. Yes, right, early evaluation, because I've seen firsthand what early evaluation do and I think a lot of people get hung up on different diagnoses. Yes, right, yes, um, because I do. I remember in different situations for development, growing up, um, for parents.
Speaker 1:But a lot of times what we try to at least as a nurse, what I try to emphasize is that the diagnosis actually helped you get more resources. Yes, like you know, I have parents who crying and upset that their child is diagnosed with like CP or something like that, and what I try to explain to them is that now you're able to get the extra resources because if they don't diagnose your child like I'm not talking about like early, early, but they don't diagnose your child you're not getting those extra resources. So a lot of times people get hung up. So when Dr Umar was saying, the way he was prefacing is that you don't get your child evaluated, and that's my concern is like if you as a parent know that your child has a speech delay or just not communicating well or something's off, why wouldn't you want your child evaluated? Like that's what early intervention is for, so that we stop it before it becomes a problem.
Speaker 3:So evaluate it, not diagnose it Right. Yeah, because you want to give them a chance.
Speaker 1:Right, so I get. But he was saying don't let them evaluate. Don't let nobody evaluate your kid at such a young age.
Speaker 3:Well, that's how they get the services, yeah, so, and then they're like but what we supposed to do?
Speaker 1:Like, just let Just let them be, like, not like. I'm confused. And did he say what his reasoning was? He was saying because you know, they want to do all this extra stuff to black kids, this, that and the other. And I'm just like, dude, what planet you been in? I understand that. But I've seen both sides, right. I've seen my own child, right. Actually, I see three sides. I see my own child, I see how other parents think about it in their perspective and I see the medical side, yes, and I see firsthand what early evaluation do so that these kids don't grow up with it. And then here's the other thing so if we don't evaluate these kids and get these kids early intervention, now they're growing up.
Speaker 1:They got delays and stutter, then they again teased and all this other stuff because the parents dropped the bomb like it comes more than just oh, something's wrong, my child, or there is some type of delay, because delay is not denial. First of all, and I.
Speaker 3:Just something more has to be addressed yeah, my son was born at 26 weeks fast, but anyway, um, I I knew what I knew, but I knew I learned more because of him, yeah. So the speech part really came into play because he was delayed with language and they were like no, he's fine, okay, because I'm working with them, but come on, they didn't want to give him the speech services. So I went to a program through Easterseals and it was the Hannon method, which I I used today.
Speaker 3:It was awesome because, it forced me, as a parent, to look at my child differently, based on what I usually do. Nope, you sit back and watch you. Let them come to you more so I'm able to help other parents more so because of what I had to go through with him, yeah, I.
Speaker 2:I get that, but I wanted the services.
Speaker 3:I wanted them to say look at him because he was premature, but they were like he's fine, but his elbow you couldn't really tell with a lot of things, though His elbow was kind of, and you know, somebody just said you know what I see what you're saying it wasn't that he was delayed, so to speak but he just helped. But that's my role as a special educator, especially, especially for early intervention is to make the parents be their own right, best advocate for their child absolutely jump in, jump in there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So if I can, do that, then you're own best advocate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I know like, because why not? Yeah, why not? And I get what you're saying. I know having Joshua being premature and as complex as he was it helped me be a better nurse. Yes, but being a nurse also helped me be a better parent. It kind of like hand in hand. I grew so much in my nursing and then I grew so much in my parenting. And when you talk about being an advocate for your kid, like you really really got to advocate for them just to make sure that they get all the things that they need, yes, that's the important. Like we all want our kids to be successful, right. And like sometimes what I found and I don't know if you see this, or not.
Speaker 1:In parents it's like they a lot of times parents are embarrassed that's what I was and they kind of like ignore it or avoid it, and and then next, you know, it's like a bigger problem when they're in school and they actually go to like elementary school and then they present a problem and then we need IEP because this kid needs all this extra attention. And the parents was like well, well, what? No, baby girl, it's been going on, yeah.
Speaker 3:I know and then like for me, um, my services is so popular early childhood special educator, because it's easier to swallow than speech, or you know physical therapy or it's easier to swallow, but I do a little bit of everything and then if I see the need that someone else needs to come in, I'm coaching the parent. I'm like guess what? It's early, let's get as much as they need right now so that when they get older and usually they go along with it.
Speaker 3:But I mean, it's a lot to have someone come into your home, yeah you know, and it's like they want to say oh baby, I'm not doing this, right, you are, and that's why we're going to do it together when I come in.
Speaker 1:Oftentimes, I like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, no, no parent involvement, come on, yes yes, they look at me like and then when I train people too, they come and they observe and they get involved Like if they have to take over the session, nope, I don't do that. I may play with the child for like 10 minutes and then I'm just like here, give the ball to mommy. And if I see the parents excuse me trying to stray away, I'm like go give this to mommy, come on, let's go.
Speaker 3:You know, daddy go get that Because you have to you know daddy go get dad Because you have to, and that's my, I guess, biggest challenge is to let the parents know that it doesn't stop with me. I think I'm pretty good, I like that, but I need your help because you have to do it and I really want to know did you try to have them pull apart the block when I wasn't here, right?
Speaker 2:And if not, what can I do to help you? It if they, if you did do it and they didn't.
Speaker 3:What do I need to help make them be able to do it? So I saw a question do you interview them before you go into the house? Um, not interview. So they'll say would you like this client? And I'll say yes, usually based on the address, because I like to travel close to where I am. Oh and but my first impression when I do the evaluation, it really is just paperwork.
Speaker 3:And then I ask them a whole bunch of questions about the different developmental areas. I paint the picture of what it looks like Even when I'm not really working with a child because I'm doing paperwork. But it's like the whole time I'm saying oh, can you stand him up like that, let me see if he can do this. Oh, can you give him that cup, let's see if he can do this. Oh, can you give him that cup, let's see if he can tap it together. So I'm already building that standard that you're going to be in here doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that, because so many times and I don't know what it is, but a lot of times parents they pass the buck to someone else. And we see that in early intervention, we see it earlier childhood, we see it in earlier childhood, we see it in a lot of different things. It's like all right, here it is you fix them, you do this and that and the other. And here at Parented with a Purpose, like we've really since September, been honing in on parental involvement and how important it is.
Speaker 3:And it is probably personality too, because there are many, many therapists and a lot of times parents say, oh well, they don't do that or they don't you know? Well, guess what this is, Ms Kim, Come on, get in here. Kim hit her with a smile.
Speaker 1:Wait, Kim hit her with a smile. Wait, did you make the noise too, Do you do? Sounds like hey, does this care If I have to?
Speaker 3:Like today I work with a child. She is very medically fragile with a vent and everything. If you could not see her, you would think I was working with a child that was running around the room, because that's how I feel that they're gonna be. So that's how I do. I was like go girl, come on up. Up, you want to go up? It's just like I have to live it for them until they can live it themselves.
Speaker 1:Wow, you can tell that you love this too, kim, like you're like your cheeks are like no, but that's good because you find, I like, because it's not conventional, it's not one way. No, you, you really meet them where they are and bring them up where you what they need to be, and I think that's a word right there meet them where they are and bring them what they need to be yes they have somewhere to go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, shut up, look you going, come on, you going.
Speaker 1:But that is so important. I love your approach, kim, because parental involvement is so important, because at home we are the first teachers, we're the first lovers, we're the first everything Cheerleaders, and a lot of times, you know, we want to pass the buck and I think that it's such a mandate on parenting right now that we have to, from womb to the tomb.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I never thought about it like the personality thing.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Like even with certain dads like I'll hear them tell my husband like, oh my gosh, you do this with Victoria, you do that, whoa. I ain't start doing that till my child was like six and he's like what? There are daughters. Why wouldn't you want to do that with your daughter? Why wouldn't you want them to experience that from their father? Right?
Speaker 2:and everything's in their life. I guess I never looked at it like there, hasn't been exposed to me like that because it's a little girl. But if it's a little boy then it's okay. But then you still have fathers who will be standoffish until the child gets a certain age, right like I have a family member who in their relationship it was mom takes care up until fifth grade, like she deals with them to the same and after fifth grade it's all. It's all that, oh.
Speaker 2:She said, because they had boys and she said it's certain things after they say they need you hands on If I need to show up here and there, but for you they need you hands on it's together.
Speaker 3:I get the dads involved. They're not on the couch. Give it to daddy, or you know like the dad will say he's not going to do well today.
Speaker 2:Says who Right.
Speaker 3:That's it, that's feeling out. Okay, he might be tired, and then he's like oh, you did well. Okay, now go give this truck to daddy. Now, when he gets it, you go ready, set and wait, go. It's like coaching him. And then they're involved and now they come and sit. I have one day he's like wait a minute, we didn't do the songs. That's the best part.
Speaker 1:I'm like, okay, let's do the songs, don't be sure, changing us today.
Speaker 3:Kim, we're all in this together and a shameless plug. But which Birth Creative Connections Virtual Preschool, which is just up and running, because a lot of my babies, when they turn three, they may not qualify for anything.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:But it's still those opportunities for the parents to get in there and coach and teach and train with support from a special educator that's going to push them to do it and give them tools to do it. So you know it doesn't stop there. They still have to. After they turn three. They have to get kindergarten ready. Still have to. After they turn three. They have to get kindergarten ready when they get into kindergarten right, they always get ready to go somewhere.
Speaker 3:Yep yep, my son is 14 in high school now and I am so thankful, thank you god that I can back off of him because the work was done.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, he knows the expectation.
Speaker 3:He knows the expectation, he knows the routines, he knows the consistency. And you know teenagers, they try you.
Speaker 1:And he got run over, don't they? Yes, he does.
Speaker 3:Do he touch you in the?
Speaker 1:gangster.
Speaker 2:You got in the gangster. Yes, he does.
Speaker 1:You got in the gangster. I know you do Never mind, as told.
Speaker 3:But you have to. And I tell him now Kaiai, do you understand what mommy's doing? Do you understand why I did this? Do you see? Now? And like when I said he gets, if he gets an 80, I'm like, oh, you need to go study. You you're not failing, kai, but what I'm telling you is that you are 100 material. So if you don't get that 100, then you're gonna study until you do get it. And if you don't get it, at least you know you put your best effort in.
Speaker 1:Right, I like the best effort thing I know. Like and it's probably we switching the subject a little bit I had a conversation with a friend and we were talking about, like what we pour into our kids and how we education-wise right, and I remember, with my oldest daughter, who's 25, like I push education, like you need to be the best of the best, the highest of the highest, the greatest of the greatest, like you have to work twice as hard because it this than the other. And we had a conversation because she did that with her oldest daughter. But now, uh, with the election, this is what what came up.
Speaker 1:It's because you know, kamala she's, she was always at the top of her class, she was the great of the great, the best of the best, and it still didn't work out for her to be president. So it's like sometimes and I had another conversation with somebody and we were just saying that we are so geared as African Americans to teach our children to be the best of the best and it adds a lot of stress on them we want you to have the best that you can be right Getting them to say you got to work twice as hard because of this and that like it adds so much stress on them and then if they don't get it, it's like, it's almost like well, they didn't put enough effort into it. But that's not true.
Speaker 1:Right, because I feel like that's how you approach it too, yeah we put so much pressure on our kids, and I'm guilty of it because I've done that with my oldest. I don't do that with the other ones. Now, what do you want to be? How do you want to show up in this world? What impact do you want to be? Because then we're going to work towards that.
Speaker 2:Let me expose you to some other things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because a lot of times, and it's because we've always been taught you gotta be just as twice as better, you gotta work twice as hard because of your skin color, right? But that adds so much pressure on our children, it's like they're not enough, right?
Speaker 3:And see, I'm sorry but my baby is the best, but right and I know him and I know when.
Speaker 2:yes, Because there's a difference when I'm doing too much and when I'm not.
Speaker 3:And he will get too lax a daisy on stuff that you know he's like.
Speaker 1:It's just easy to me Right, but that still doesn't mean, you don't have the strength to work, yeah Right, but you have a relationship and a lot of times parents don't have relationship with their kids. They're literally just saying I need you to show up in the world a certain way because we put our expectations on them, not how they really need to live for themselves.
Speaker 2:Mom, I need you to show up Mom.
Speaker 3:I did my best. Yeah, that's all we ask.
Speaker 1:But it takes a relationship with your children. You know how far to push them. I know how far to push my kids now. For example, when Lizzie was talking about the military, she had already signed up. She wanted to go, but towards the end it started getting harder and she had so many different challenges and then she was like, never mind, I'm going to work at Panera Bread. I said who? No, she didn't. I said who, but I had to get indignant to tell her that's a no.
Speaker 1:And because now, mind you, she was hot out of society, she was, you know, doing all these things and she was like I'm just gonna go work at Panera Bread and maybe take off for a year and go back and just say who, where, how. And I was so and I literally was like you ain't living here doing that, like I literally had to go there because I knew what was in her. Yes, I knew what she wanted. Right, it wasn't like I was forcing something on her that I wanted for myself, because a lot of times parents do right but because of our relationship and I knew what she wanted and I had to show up as a mom, because as parents we make unpopular decisions, right and I don't care, because I'm not your little friend right, so I don't get to be your friend until you move out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, because now she was on the phone away here like we was vibing, you know, but you got to know your child.
Speaker 1:And when we talk about parental involvement, I said all that to say because that's why parental involvement is so important, because as you have a relationship with your children, you're able to know how much to push them and then you're able to say, okay, is this for him or her or is it for me?
Speaker 3:and then even thinking about my son in his early years. You know he got the caffeine when he was in the NICU. You know he was a little busy. He was busy.
Speaker 3:Same thing, josh, but oh man, very smart, you know, but the teachers didn't see that yeah so I had to make sure that they saw it yeah so I'm like kai, come on, let's go. And he knew it. That was what structured him throughout life thank goodness, because that's what mommy knew but so that he can show his best self. And they were like kyron who he was seriously wait that.
Speaker 3:Kyron said like he was moving around all the time, whatever oh man, take the teacher in the back side, like they had to be so yo, joshua was so busy, like you know those weighted uh vests?
Speaker 1:yo, because they had, yes, I love those. Do you know what those? Yo, because they had. This boy would not like they had to wait a minute. Listen, he went to nursing kids and medical daycare, right, yes, and they had him doing laundry and everything because he could not. They were like he carrying his like and he, literally this boy, would not sit down. He carrying a little girl oxygen, like, let me tell you babies are different, but they give him what he needs, you know.
Speaker 1:But I say all that because you said something about that caffeine, right, and because it does have lasting effects on our children and sometimes we don't think about it when they're doing this and the other, and the first thing they do is want to diagnose them with ADHD and all this other stuff. But then you have to look at Joe Clyde settle down, folks Settle down. Yes, lock the door. Settle down, get the chains off.
Speaker 3:What is his thing? What? Is going to help him focus more. What is it? Is it video games? How can we channel that? So it's still academic. Yeah, I, like you said that.
Speaker 1:Find out what works best for them.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:I like how you said that, because I was so against video games and stuff but I didn't realize it actually was helping him. Yes, um, he did a lot better um, because he had um fine motor skills issues he had fine motor. He had a lot of different things, but by him doing that because I mean he didn't tie his shoe, I think, so he was like nine or ten because he really had difficulty. Um we, we talk about it now that he's 16.
Speaker 3:He was like yo, I ain't even tying my shoes my son was a puzzle maniac, like on the tablet where you had to fit the pieces he was a puzzle maniac, he could do like the fitting puzzles, so we have a puzzles then it was legos now he's like he's too big for that, but okay yeah yeah, and it's like you got to find what they're great at and let them be great.
Speaker 1:Yes, I like that because so often we try to put more pressure on them than they really have the capacity and we should be stretching our capacity right but at the same time, there's a particular way that it needs to be done and I like your approach with it. Yo, you funny. I'm just sitting here like I'm looking at you and I'm just thinking about 50 different characters right now. I probably can do them all I can't even look at you and Kim, no more, I'm just playing.
Speaker 3:Do I have to be, sometimes even to as an adult you? Know, to get through things. I got to be somebody else. Right now I'm still me, but I know that, whatever it is the reason that I'm here, for the message that I have to give, I'm willing to do that. Put myself back so that I can help you increase or move to where you need to be.
Speaker 2:And then I'm going to be myself again.
Speaker 3:And every now and again in between that I might got to be myself, because it's too much, you know but you know, and I'm learning, because I can tell you the hard truth but I'm a little bit more catering to people, so I'm learning those things still now right, but I think there's times where you need to be accommodating right, and then there's times where you need to back off.
Speaker 1:I wasn't going there, sis, that's what.
Speaker 3:Right here Even with my parents being a little bit more forceful you know they're cute and they want to feed me and everything. Okay, but can you? Stay here for a minute and they're like oh well, we're going to let you take over. When you get here, I'll be like I don't know what to do. I don't know, and you know.
Speaker 2:I got to play another role.
Speaker 3:They'll be like can you show me what you do when you do that, and they'll be looking at me like come on.
Speaker 2:Do you have a parent who was like, just like not engaged at all. And then you like, now when you come, it's like they're ready to learn something new, to help you, help them be more active, proactive and show up better for their child.
Speaker 3:I would say about 80% of my caseload, because they don't get that I'm here really to teach you to work with your child. Not that I'm going to play, because some therapists may do that, but 80%. I would say, wow, they are like oh now, oh, what are we going to do now? That is excellent, yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that speaks volumes, we'll leave because they're crying.
Speaker 3:Oh, you care that they cry. I don't care that you cry, You're going to get used to it, so you know it's fine. No, I don't feel safe with me just yet. That's okay. Make them feel safe, and now you make them do what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 1:So, you can be the bad guy too. I ain't going to be the bad guy by myself around here. And then I have parents.
Speaker 3:Sometimes I can see it in them or on them that they need to take a break.
Speaker 2:Right, you know okay.
Speaker 3:Well, we're going to sing this song. We're going to do this because I do routines. I always have to sing hello. Don't you stop me from saying hello, because they'd be like, oh nope, he has to wave or she has to wave. That's what we do, and I'll do a few things and let them go and I'll say you know, mom, it's like it's time to come back. Oh, look at this.
Speaker 3:Let me show you how to do this so we can work on it next week, not making them feel bad, for sometimes it is a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is Two years, man listen. Two years, listen, ooh, kids.
Speaker 3:But I get to leave, you don't, right? So you don't have to deal with this.
Speaker 1:I I have to learn how to deal with this. I like that I get to leave when you don't. So my job is to get you to a place where you're comfortable enough to be able to do this for your child, because you are your child's first teacher.
Speaker 3:And I always say I'm exaggerating.
Speaker 2:The kid can see that.
Speaker 3:I'm exaggerating. You're not going to do everything that I'm doing while I'm here for this one hour. Girl, because ain't nobody making them, we just ain't doing it girl, I said I want you to get a snippet, and then I want to leave them with something. Okay, that didn't work with him. Okay, he can do this. So now he can work on taking things out Because, as always, I want to leave a takeaway I give them homework.
Speaker 2:I love it, yeah, because you're not just giving tools. I remember when we was with the girls and they're like they just give us all this stuff and expect us to do it Like what?
Speaker 1:And these are adults.
Speaker 2:They're like 19 to 24 young girls who we mentor and they were upset that people were just handing them stuff and not instructing them or telling them all right, I'm going to give you this packet, but in this packet, this is what you're going to find. The first three pages are this We'll do the first one together. We'll go to the next chapter Exactly, and that's what you do. You're not just giving them the tools, you're not just showing them. You're helping them be able to apply it for when you're there and for when you're not.
Speaker 1:And I love that I got another question Do you teach people how to do this little voice thing? Because I'm just like I'm a nabber right Ex Kylie.
Speaker 3:Kylie, I'm giving you a shout out. She came to me and she was like how you do that baby voice? So I was telling her how I said it. It's in the throat and she was sitting there trying to do it. So, yes, it.
Speaker 1:So, yes, because I'm just thinking right, kim, you know I get your services right and you doing all this with the kid, and then you leave and they look at me, think I'm supposed to make some noise. I'll be like yo, we need to get kim on speed dial because we need this recording, because I'm listen they look like you're like, uh, the platform right like google.
Speaker 3:I taught students with autism right a class of children with autism and they all had a different sound and I'm like I'm the teacher so I would go. Hey, I'm the loudest person in here and they sat down and looked at me like what in the world? Hey, it works. Alright, look. One, two, three go and they'd be like she's they're like flying on a flight.
Speaker 1:What do I?
Speaker 3:need to do I'll do If I need to get down, like I sit on the floor when I come in I sit on the floor, even when I do my first visit, and I'm writing the notes and they're like you can sit in the chair. Nope, this is where I'm going to be. This is where they are. Put them down here.
Speaker 1:Come on down here Right, meet them. That whole thing came about they are is just really blowing my mind. And not just seeing it but demonstrate it by even just physically, like going on the floor, like not just you know, developmentally, emotionally meeting them where they are, but actually getting down. I call it getting in the mess, like you get in there, you know, if you want to know how sand feel. It's one thing you see up here, but it's something else when you sit down in there and you're doing it.
Speaker 1:It's like just you can make all these little angels in the center.
Speaker 2:So not just sitting on the surface but going below. So there you go.
Speaker 3:I learned that when Kai was in speech therapy. Well it was. I would go and learn something. I would go home and practice. Then they would come to the house and video. Well, first they would videotape what was happening before the lesson. I go get the lesson and they come back and videotape after I implemented it. And that's my mindset. Okay, let me show you. Then, when I come back, I want to see what you did and then if we need tweaks, we're going to tweak it. So it's like getting they called it getting down on the child's level.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So, okay, I can be down here too, and then it's more fun, right, and?
Speaker 1:down here too, and then it's more fun, right, and it's not intimidating like you're standing up, like.
Speaker 2:I mean, like when somebody's six foot and they stand over top of me, I'm just like and I learned that being in early education, uh like, even when the state comes and evaluates your classrooms and different things for certain age groups, it's it's for you to be in their eyesight on on their level.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, when you're not.
Speaker 2:It is intimidation. They will step back. It does bring fear and different things Versus when you're on that carpet doing carpet time. The kids always love carpet time. I remember they used to be like what y'all really doing in here? Yeah?
Speaker 3:I used to be like get in the job done.
Speaker 2:And guess what they would say. We know who kid that is even parents would be like can she please be my kids. They're like them. Kids act just like you to all the other kids. They're so mature, they're so prepared, but they know what they needed to know right, they were on point because, like you said, meeting them on their level, not I'm the'm the adult, not I'm superior.
Speaker 3:No, we're doing this together.
Speaker 2:We're going to learn this together. Guess what I accidentally skipped four what comes after? Three what comes after four or five you messed up.
Speaker 2:Yes, adults mess up too, and when they would see that and then they would start doing it. I said no, no, no, you do the right thing. No, no, no, no, no, don't do that, but just showing them that transparency, being there with them, like. So I really love that you brought that out, because when I would get down on the floor, sometimes I would sit in the chair we had, like the big chair. Yes, and I noticed the response I would get. I felt like I was always having to redirect.
Speaker 3:Yes, redirect.
Speaker 2:Redirect. It would get so tiring the after circle time. It's like let's just go outside for a second Right. But when I would sit down on the carpet even when I was pregnant with Victoria sitting down on the carpet with them it just was like spectacular, it was like they understand.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, I can relate to this person. They're down. I have a client. She's at a daycare because I see them in the community wherever they are. I tell parents we can meet at the park. But when she sees her other therapist the teacher told me she cries the whole time. I come in Sometimes she'll cry. I'm like who?
Speaker 1:No Girl, this is your best friend, she'd be like okay, all right, all right, yeah, yeah because it's like look, you're not gonna outdo me, you're gonna have a good time again. Like what y'all ain't gonna do, I'm gonna be the longest running around today and then the other kids all coming.
Speaker 3:I was like I love y'all too, but let me get my kid and if I don't engage with them they're like uh uh, they hitting me and stuff okay fine, guess what we gotta do a group activity let's go the teacher's like I don't care, go ahead.
Speaker 1:I like that. One of the I know like I have medically complex babies right now and one of my baby. I read to her right she's watching everything, and so I didn't know this. But the grandma had told me that Dottie Parton gives free books, right, so that's how she gets on her book Imagination Library.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Thank you. Imagination Library, and that's how she get on her books. So books come in every month. So I was sitting there reading. Now, Mind you, this baby she's on oxygen and now, but she was born in 26 weeks and she's only like 14 pounds or something right. So I'm sitting there reading to her and she's so attentive, she literally as I'm flipping, she's learning how to flip, she's doing what I'm doing, moving her hands, because she's in all types of therapy too and flips. So then I sat her in her chair, Don't you know? This girl sat there and held the book like she was reading it.
Speaker 1:Nice, I took a picture and sent it to her mom her mom was crying and I was like, wow, like just because a child has these delays right developmental delays, premature, things like that that don't mean that they can't learn right. That don't mean that you wait until they get to a certain place where you think that they really understand it. Like you got to do it from birth, like in the womb actually, so you got to keep. Like it really blew my mind, Like she literally was like like with the pages and consistency.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and let's say she couldn't do this with the pages. She can hold a book, you can hold her hand, so it's something she can do.
Speaker 1:I started with that. Like that's how she started with. Like we were holding. I was holding, I was like, hold it with me and then I'm talking to her. I don't do no more of them other things, I'm talking to her. I don't do baby talk, I talk to these babies.
Speaker 2:Like.
Speaker 1:I've never to speak English.
Speaker 2:The whole baby talk got to go.
Speaker 1:We need to get away from this baby talk as soon as possible. I need to understand what you. We need to communicate effectively.
Speaker 3:You're not going to parent teens. Now, little babies, you're supposed to go hi, You're supposed to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know I'm not the one.
Speaker 2:I'm like listen, I'm telling you Hold on.
Speaker 1:What's the movie with the emotions inside out? Oh yeah, yeah, listen, I'm not baby talking to baby, and I know it's crazy. I'm a pediatric nurse. You would think that because, because in my mind, in my mind, donna's giving all the emotions. I'm like, listen here what we doing, like because I need you to, I need to be on this, be able to understand you eventually like all this so it worked out.
Speaker 1:All the kids, my kids been reading early age and all that, so anyway, but I thought it was amazing that, even with being so complex, that we still need to pour into our children yes, and and they can still like, like you said, consistency of routine really can do it like don't let and that's the other thing I wanted to tell people, don't let a diagnosis or what a doctor say or what anybody say about your kid. You still put in the work with your kid yes, you do and give them all the resources possible so that they can be successful and whatever success is for them in their capacity. But don't be afraid to stretch their capacity either.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 1:I have a question. I know, pam, you got your finger out, because I know that's a question no, it's not a question.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, wait, that's not what you're doing you know she went like that. You're saying that, speak in the mic and say, like what it is that you do, that's yours, that you birthed. Oh okay, she birthed Kai yeah, he's always gonna be be mine You're being disgusted right now.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, sis, I'm sorry, sis.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to be here.
Speaker 3:So it's Creative Connections Virtual Preschool, and what it is is a preschool readiness program. I'm virtual. It's different platforms. Parents can access the video library ad-free, and they can access me for live teacher as well as the video library ad free, and they can access me for live teacher, um, as well as the video library. And what I do is I introduce the necessary skills to get your child preschool ready with, uh, the parent in mind. So what I give them is an outline of what they need to do, and then the parent takes and takes it and runs with it. So I'm giving them, uh, okay, so we're going to work on a letter, a color, a number is always the same routine Um, social emotional skill, a life science skill.
Speaker 3:So I give them the outline of what it's supposed to be and, um, I introduce it. I give them homework. I don't play about my homework.
Speaker 1:So when.
Speaker 3:I see you the next time. I need to see your color. You need to be showing me something your color, what arts and craft activity you did, what letter. You need to go around the house with your child and find things. So I'll give them things to do to get their child to master that skill.
Speaker 2:She makes them be involved.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, to master that. She makes them be involved. Yes, yeah, yeah. Because you think oh, okay, you know I'm a stay-at-home mom I might work on online, so your child, yes, for 30 minutes, may be watching me, but that's just the intro. You need to watch the video too, and then you need to go around and do these things because when they come back, I want them to have that vocabulary to discuss it.
Speaker 3:So, yep, so I am a home, a stay-at-home mom-dad tool to get your child preschool I mean kindergarten ready, right? Do you have a website? Yes, it's creativeconnectionspreschoolcom. Okay, I like that because not Connections with an S.
Speaker 1:I like that, because not all kids actually can go to preschool. Well, they all can go, but not for free. Is what. I'm saying Like parents are really paying a high amount of money for these kids to go to preschool and the only way that you go to some of these programs if you have a delay or something like that, and I think that that is utterly ridiculous. It is.
Speaker 3:That's why I had mine. Yeah, when you're three, if you don't still have a delay, it has to be a 25% delay.
Speaker 1:That is in.
Speaker 3:Delaware, you don't get services.
Speaker 1:You don't get services, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I said hey, miss Kip can go somewhere else.
Speaker 1:I like that. Yeah, so it's called Creative Connections Virtual Preschool $45.50 a month.
Speaker 3:What?
Speaker 1:Ain't no way.
Speaker 3:This is the introductory 70% off, a no one live class and access to the video library. If you just want the library, 1950 a month you can't yo and see.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing, because a lot of times when we want additional resources, we can't afford them. Yes, right, and it's like well, I'm out here trying to do something strange, for some change yeah. I mean like full parents be trying to do what they can't do for their kids. Pam, don't look at me like that.
Speaker 3:That's what they be having no and, as it really evolves, I'm gonna be reaching out to others because I like this 50 is still a stretch. 45 a month is still a stretch. There's other people who can help and support that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I like that because you're giving a resource, because one of the things that we hear from parents is like lack of resources, and here at Parents with a Purpose, like our goal and our aim is to make sure that we get the resources in the hand of the people that need them, and I think your program is phenomenal. I think that that you know a lot of times we don't really think about the preschool age. You know a lot of times we we don't start until they get in kindergarten. It's like what? By then it's late. Okay, yes, we need to be doing it from birth, that way that you know your child can get the best. And I like the fact that I wanted to go back for a second. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:When you were talking about emotional, you were, you even tap into that yes because a lot of times when if a child hasn't went to a traditional preschool, they don't know how to deal with their emotions and things like that when they go into kindergarten, a lot of these teachers are dealing with more emotional and behavioral issues than academic right. So I like how you incorporate, like all the needs to make sure that these kids have the tools to be successful and well-rounded and then again helping the parent who you know they're thinking abc.
Speaker 3:Okay, it's more than just abcs when it comes to being school ready, because, especially if they're home now, they're going to have to deal with all the ins and outs and you know the routines and everything that comes along with school and that's waiting. Your turn is not all about you that's saying please and thank you all of those things that you need, right as, as well as getting used to, uh, what the world has to offer, transition yes, I like that because you introduced the sciences.
Speaker 1:I had um. I watched it. I watched a lot of things, but I had it was an educator on there and she was talking about um. That we think sometimes that we're teaching our kids by just singing them abcs and then.
Speaker 1:But then you recognize that outside of that song they don't know it and can't identify, can't identify, or if you say one letter there, they may be able to go forward with the next letter but not be able to go backwards with the other letter. And the same is with numbers. So just teaching them a little deeper than the surface, that we've learned for years, you know, and it's crazy because they took all this time to figure out that math. The way we was taught math, like I said this, is it because it's it and not being explained. So now our kids is trying to learn this math where you have to explain it, and then the parents who we were told not to explain JAG, and now we are confused with this math. Now it's so crazy how things go backwards. It's crazy Like when you were trying to explain. I don't know, you might not know this, pam.
Speaker 2:Don't do laughs.
Speaker 1:Just don't do laughs Like when we were growing up, kim, when we were trying to do math, and they're like no, you have to do it this way or you have to do it that way. One answer right. And now the kids can do 50 answers. And then we were wrong when we were trying to do it 50 different ways. And now these kids can do it 50 ways. And now, because they done stunt our growth, and now we don't know what to do with these kids. They smarter than us these days? No, you have to think of it this way, right, I know. And they walking around, well, I'm smarter than my mom. No, your mom knew this back in the day, but they stopped my girl.
Speaker 3:Hey, I got through high school I pat my son on the back because he was like I thought. He said to me I don't know how to do this and I looked at the thing and it was like a number and two letters and I said what'd you say? But he would say I'm doing this now. I said, oh cool.
Speaker 1:I had to help you. I had to help you. Okay, man, we had fun. Kim, our time is pretty much up and this has really been exciting and really eye-opening because, you know, I think everybody has their different perspective right. So I kind of like, even when I brought up the Dr Umar thing, you came with your perspective of how you were processing it and I came how I was processing it and we both were processing differently, but we were still kind of getting to the same goal and I like that.
Speaker 1:Again, here at Parented with a Purpose, we have uncomfortable conversations. Everything is on the table here and not just my perspective, is not the only perspective I want you guys to hear, and that's why we bring experts in here and people who, just you know, live the life, to have some experience, not just by trade, but actual life experience. So we certainly appreciate you coming to the show and breaking it down and showing us parents how we can connect with our kids and how we have to be advocates for our kids. Absolutely, and I really appreciate that. What you got got, ma'am, did you roll your eyes?
Speaker 3:she tell them about me being a great auntie she is.
Speaker 2:She is an excellent aunt, like I love her so much. But one thing, one reason I don't like her sometimes because I wanted her to like teach Victoria, like the whole time, and she said I can't just do her, but I'll get her on the weekends and stuff. But she's very excellent. Anytime you have questions, you're just unsure of things, she's reachable. She'll meet you where you ask. She doesn't make you feel like, oh, I'm being a bad parent. It's like, oh, you were doing this. She's going to acknowledge what you are actually doing.
Speaker 2:So, like we said here, parents and purpose is not just about giving you the tools or the resources, but showing you how to utilize them, when to utilize them. And even if you're unsure things, we are available for you to connect with us. We can set up zooms meets, whatever you want to do, um and also Kim. Like she said, set up zooms meets, whatever you want to do, um and also kim. Like she said, she's available not just by um, her program and her business, but she's available for, however, and whatever resources and help that you need to help your child be the best that they can be. They'll dig in on below the surface to help bring them up Because they have Somewhere to go.
Speaker 1:Alright, I like that and Kim Information will be On our Parenting With a Purpose page. So every guest that we have on here, we will list their Resources on our page so that you know how to connect with them, because we're here To help you. We thank you guys again For joining Parenting With a Purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle, and I am your co-host, pamela, and this was Kim.
Speaker 1:Okay, come okay, or miss Kim, miss Kim so we certainly thank you for tuning in again Panther Purpose every Thursday live and CMP radio net on YouTube, facebook. You can follow us on Panther Purpose page on Facebook and just stay connected and reach out to us, because we will. If we don't know how to do something or we don't have the resources, we will find those resources for y'all. We work day in and day out to try to make sure that parents get what they need to be successful. So thank you guys again for joining Parents with a Purpose. You guys have a great night. Have fun parenting.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
