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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
From Struggles to Strengths The Journey of Parenthood
Parenting comes with its unique set of challenges, no matter the circumstances. Have you ever wondered how incarcerated parents maintain their roles or how cultural differences shape parenting practices worldwide? Join us as we navigate these compelling topics and more in Season 3 of "Parenting with a Purpose." We promise to shed light on the struggles faced by parents in various situations, including those parenting after prison, and the significance of community support in raising well-rounded children. By sharing heartfelt insights and real-life stories, we aim to equip you with the tools and resources needed for effective parenting.
Whether you're married, single, divorced, a foster parent, or any other form of caregiver, this episode offers a wealth of advice on navigating parenting dynamics and communication styles. I recount a personal story about my 16-year-old daughter, who recently tested my patience by constantly calling to be picked up from school for minor reasons. This experience underscores the challenges of teaching appropriate behavior in different environments and highlights the resistance some children have to modifying their behavior. We emphasize the importance of being intentional and responsible in our parenting efforts to foster better communication and break generational patterns.
Our discussion also touches on the broader societal impacts of parenting, from exploring the root causes of behaviors to the recent Alcapachee school shooting. Through personal experiences and expert insights, we highlight the responsibility of proactive parenting in shaping well-adjusted children who contribute positively to society. By investing in family support and parental education, we can address societal issues more effectively than through punitive measures like building more prisons. Ultimately, this episode aims to empower parents, encouraging grace, trust, and belief in the good we've instilled in our children. Join us as we explore the true essence of parenting and how to nurture the best versions of our kids.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
Thank you, welcome to Season 3 of Parenting with a Purpose.
Speaker 2:I am your host, donna Janelle, and I'm your co-host, pamela, and this season we have some exciting sessions. We got parenting from prison, parenting after prison, cultural differences in parenting, financial literacy.
Speaker 1:We got all this exciting stuff coming this season and we're taking parenting with a purpose around the world. My name is Omar Skinner. My name is Brielle. My name is Renea Chapman. My name is Pamela.
Speaker 3:Expecting father. I'm kind of nervous. Don't really know what to expect for it.
Speaker 4:I am a single father of two, one boy, one girl.
Speaker 1:I have a husband of almost seven years. We have one child, which is a baby girl. I have been a godmother for five years now.
Speaker 4:Just show parents what a purpose gives you great information to learn and see other people's point of view from different perspective. Just take it and take heed to what they say and put it into your lifestyle.
Speaker 3:Parenting with a purpose for me would be leading my daughter into the world, showing her that she's not in this world by herself.
Speaker 1:We all know that it takes a village to raise a child, just being there for other individuals to know like you're not alone. There's resources out here, there's villages out here for you to be a part of, and when you're connected with Parents With a Purpose, you have all those things right at your front door.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody, welcome back to Parenting with a Purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle, and I am so excited to be back at season three with the podcast. It has been an amazing past seasons one and two, like we have dived in so many different topics. You know my motto is we talk about what they don't want to talk about, things that affect us that we really don't talk about, because you know, if you, like me when I grew up, a lot of things you aren't supposed to talk about it's supposed to stay in your house. Nobody's supposed to know anything. But here at Pants with a Purpose, we take off the veil, we break that veil and we talk about things that's affecting our community, our household and our nation. Parents are the bows and our children are arrows and they will land wherever we send them, as long as we equip them, we give them the tools that they need right. So I am super excited for this season, y'all, because the topics that we're talking about is like I will call them hot topics. Like these topics is going to get you out of your seat, right.
Speaker 2:For example, we're going to be talking about parenting from prison. Now we don't even like hear much about that. We know we hear so much about the mother or the father going in behind bars, right, but we don't think about what's going on with the children, those caretakers or who are taking care of the children while the parents are incarcerated, or even the parents while they're incarcerated. Just because you're incarcerated doesn't mean that you shouldn't parent, doesn't mean that you're not a good parent. It just means that you got a situation, circumstance, what makes parenting a little bit more challenging, a little bit more difficult, right? So we're going to be talking about that. We're going to be talking about dads who went to jail, right, was incarcerated, did their time, they come out and then they're not still allowed to have relationships with their children. Now, I'm not talking about dads that have been molesting people or raping people. I'm talking about dads that went burglary, car theft, like different other things. That's not, I guess, harmful to our children, right? Doesn't stop them from being the perfect parent that they could be for that child, right? So we're going to be talking to some dads who aren't even able to see their children. They're required to pay child support, but they're not able to see their children. They're required to pay child support, but they're not able to see their children for whatever reason. You know, not that the state said that they can't see their children, it's the baby moms, right? Or then we're also going to be talking to some moms who aren't able to see their children as well after they did their time. Maybe they were on drugs and alcohol and they may screwed up a little bit in their parenting right. A lot of times that it's because of whatever they were dealing with, right? So even though we make mistakes in our parenting, does not mean that we should not be parenting right. Listen, they are our children and I believe in redemption right, that we can get ourselves together and we can parent the best way that we know how right? And we get help, we get tools to do it.
Speaker 2:So this season, I'm telling you, this season is so lit Like we will be talking about all this stuff, right? We're going to talk about the good, the bad and the in-between and co-parenting right? Listen, I've been single mom for over 14 years now, divorced, right. And when I tell you, the co-parenting thing is a challenge. So we're going to talk about the good, the bad and the between. Can people really successfully co-parent? I think so. Is there challenging co-parenting? Absolutely, but can parents get together for the sake of their children? I believe it can.
Speaker 2:What else we're talking about? We're talking about the cultural differences in parenting, right? You know, I've been around multiple different cultures and I've observed and noticed like there is a real clear cultural difference in parenting, but the goal is still the same. The goal is still love, the goal is still nurture, the goal is still for our kids to be successful. So we're going to dive into cultural differences because, you know, maybe what I do in my culture is different from your culture and what you do in your culture is different from mine, but we can maybe blend some things. We can learn stuff from each other. Right, we're going to be talking about that.
Speaker 2:We're going to be talking about child support. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know this is a topic that most people don't want to talk about. Child support, what is it used for? Why we get it? Should you take the person to services? Sorry, should you take the person? Listen, y'all, I need to calm down because I'm excited right, because I'm really excited about season three. But should we take the mother or the father for child support legally? Right? There's thoughts on both sides of? Should we, should we not? Why do you have to pay somebody to be responsible? Why do you have to take somebody to court to be responsible for their child? There's different topics, different discussions regarding child support we're going to talk about. There's just a lot of things that I'm so super excited and I know I keep saying it, but listen, this is season three. Y'all. We are in the building paired with the purpose here at CMP Radio, the voice of Chester, and I am just super excited.
Speaker 2:This season I have a co-host, y'all. I have a co-host. Her name is Pamela Chan. You guys know Pam. She's been on the show multiple times. I think I've had on a show about three or four times last season and she was a hit. Everybody loved her. The chemistry was great, her and I. And what I love about Pam right is that we don't agree on everything in parenting. Right, pam is a little bit younger than me, but we don't agree on everything in parenting, you know. So we do have some parenting debates, some healthy debates on parenting, and I see her side and she sees my side and somehow we still able to do it healthy. But this season she's going to be on here and bring in some more insight into this parenting thing. You know Pam is married and she has a daughter. I think her daughter is now six, right, so she's married. She's early in the game of parenting. So I like to hear her perspective on parenting.
Speaker 2:And you know me, I'm an OG. I've been parenting for 25 years. 14 years I've been parenting as a single mom. So I come from that point of being married, know what it's like to parent while married, of being married, know what it's like to parent while married, and then know what it's like to parent while I'm not, well, while I'm single, right, um, so that's exciting. So we I kind of want to talk about um tonight. Tonight is really just like kind of going over what we went over the first two seasons and what's new this season, um, coming, um.
Speaker 2:So, as you know, when we first started Parenting with a Purpose, my job and my goal is to show parents that you could parent out of any situation. It don't matter what it is whether you married, single, divorced, widowed, foster parent, adoptive parent, it doesn't matter. Parenting is, if you're responsible for a child, if you're responsible for a child, if you're responsible for the upbringing for the child, you are parenting, right? Um, now, some of us chose to be parents and, like we, we plan to become a parent. You know, uh, some of us had parenting planning sessions or whatever I'm gonna have this kid at this time, and this some of us was going to do, and then we end up pregnant, right? So then, but it doesn't matter how we have become a parent or I can speak for me a mother, it's the fact that we are now right. So what are we going to do?
Speaker 2:And I found that, through coaching parents and just having a conversation with them, I found that it's very difficult to parent when you have not been raised, or parent in such a way to help you become successful. No shade to any parents that were struggling raising their kids, but the truth is the truth, parents that were struggling raising their kids, but the truth is the truth. Like, a lot of times, parents fumble their children and it becomes a generational effect, right? So I'm parenting how my mom a parent, she's parenting how her mom a parent, my dad's parenting how his dad a parent, so on and so forth, right? And then that trickles down to our children. So I found that a lot of times when you have a conversation and you ask somebody like why do you do it that way? I don't know, my mom did it or that's how my dad did it.
Speaker 2:For the point of I'll talk about, even when we talk about corporal punishment, everybody knows I don't be beating kids. No, I don't, and everybody knows that and everybody who knows me will know we will have a serious conversation, a debate, a healthy conversation regarding that. Now, when I say beating kids, I mean like there's, you know, there's a line right where it becomes abuse or it becomes like discipline. So I don't believe in abuse, right? Um, I was a child that was abused, so that kind of. I kind of look at that a little bit differently, but I do believe in discipline.
Speaker 2:Now that I have four kids Now, when I had the first two, I'm just, like you know, time out here, time out there. But when I got those last two that I heard from my sister man time out there, but when I got those last two that I inherited from my sister man, one of them touched my inner gangster. Now, oh, I didn't tell y'all the story this week about her. Pause, we're going to pause right there. I'm going to tell y'all about her. Y'all know I got a story about this one. Now I got four children right 25, 18, 16, and 16. One male, three females. My 18-year-old is off in boot camp in marines, y'all. She got five weeks left, right.
Speaker 2:But the 16 year old girl who tests my inner gangster she called me um from school the other day, right, she was like mom, mom, can you pick me up? I'm not feeling well. I was like no, what do you mean? You're not feeling well? She said, listen, I feel really bad. I said, listen, explain to me your symptoms. Now, first of all, my kids know that you're not even supposed to go to the nurse office, because if I sent you to school, that means I know that you are well enough to sustain yourself throughout the school day. Right, you don't need to go to the nurse's office. I'm a nurse, I don't need you going to the nurses. So my children knew for years not to go to the nurse offices unless they're bleeding or they couldn't breathe or they're halfway dead period. Because if I'm sending you to school, that means I know that you're well enough to sustain the rest of the day. Anyway, so she's calling, she's being extra dramatic because that's what she does and I'm like no, I'm not picking you up. She was like no, I really need you to pick me up. I said, no, I'm not doing it.
Speaker 2:And here's the thing you got to know your kids right the day before she went to a soccer game with her friends. She was having fun at the soccer game. She, she came in the house, she was bubbly and everything. We had a conversation regarding her getting in trouble in school, getting put out of class because of her mouth, right. So I'm'm explaining to her and she knows I'm gonna tell you guys about this because I talked to her about it. So her teacher told her that she needed her to quiet down, that she was too loud. My daughter, my 16 year old, lovely daughter, says to the teacher I can't help it, I'm just loud, that's who I am. So the teacher put her out the class.
Speaker 2:So she gets home and we're talking and and I'm saying to her she's telling me what she said. She told me the whole thing and I'm like okay, so what part do you think? That probably shouldn't happen? Nothing, because that's who I am. I said okay. So there, I said so there, this is part teaching y'all we got to teach our kids because they think they know everything I said.
Speaker 2:So there are certain ways, certain environments. You need to kind of switch up a little bit. Not change who you are, but maybe quiet down or just certain behaviors in certain environments. She says to me oh, so what? You trying to tell me the code switch? I said essentially she said, oh, I'm not doing that, I'm not changing who I am. Now y'all got to know her, to understand this body language and everything. Now she's small but fierce. Y'all I'm like well, I think you might want to reconsider that. She's like no, why should I change who I am? People need to accept me. So then I go on.
Speaker 2:I said listen here, if you have a job and your, your boss tells you that you are not, like you're too loud, like it's just causing a corruption, like it's chaos right, nobody wants chaos and you tell your boss this is who I am, take it or leave it. I guarantee you they're going to leave it. They're going to tell you you're fired. She goes. I just think I'll find another job. So it's so crazy, because this is how our kids are seeing things on social media, like attitudes and everything, and even if you're teaching them, you know, by example and then the right attitude. They still can. You know they have their peers, social media and things like that.
Speaker 2:So but honestly, this has been a challenge with this one, like all the time, like she does. Just that's her personality. So I had to think about a way to teach her where it doesn't crush her spirit, doesn't change who she is, but also just tweak you a little bit for the environment. I said to her listen there, there's times I can certainly get loud and, you know, obnoxious, like I can do a lot of things, but I got to be professional in certain environments. So she gets upset with me y'all. She walks away while I'm talking. Now that gets under my skin. I feel like it's disrespectful. If I'm having a conversation with you, why are you walking away, all right? So now I'm getting upset, right? I'm like calm down, donna, don't don't, don't do it, cause you gotta be the example. So I called her back downstairs. I said listen you, you walked away while I was talking. She said oh, you were done. I started laughing. I said all right, you have a good night, cause what I, what I thought at that moment is I choose peace today because that situation was like really so anyway. So that happened the day before.
Speaker 2:Next fast forward next day. Now she's calling me from the nurse's office saying that she's sick. Now, you got to know your child. I know that if her and I get into something, she's going to now act like there's something wrong with her, like she's going to be dramatic, she's going to be sick, da da da. So she got upset with me because I wouldn't pick her up. Oh, you're gonna pick me up, fine, the nurse asked can she get some ibuprofen? Fine, later that evening she come home and she's still upset. Y'all, she's still she mad. Right, we go back and forth for a second or whatever. I called her older sister who helps me out a lot. I'm like listen, this is what's going on. We take a break from each other because the conversation was just getting way too heated. I needed to go to work the night before, so it just was a lot.
Speaker 2:The next day y'all this is what I'm telling y'all you got to know your kids, kids and you gotta just be stern, like, don't even be questioning your parenting sometimes, because these kids will make you feel like you're crazy and that that you're making up stuff and that they're right and you're wrong. The next day she calls me from school, says can I go to a soccer game? Now? I'm like I thought you were sick. Oh no, I'm perfectly fine now. I'm perfectly fine now.
Speaker 2:And it's crazy because the night that we had the heated debate, when I sent her over her sister's house for us to have some part-time, I really started questioning myself like yo, was I too hard? Was she really sick? Am I too hard on her? Man? The next day, that was my confirmation this girl is playing you. And this is why I said you got to know your kids, you got to have great relationship with them, because you got to know when they're trying to play you and when they're not.
Speaker 2:And it's hard sometimes to tell. So that's the story for her. So, yeah, she's perfectly fine y'all, there's nothing wrong with her at all. She went perfectly fine, y'all, there's nothing wrong with her at all. She went to the soccer game, she had fun with her friends. She came, she came home from the game, gave me a hug, hey, mom, hey, mom. And you know I said hey, daughter, and I gave her a hug.
Speaker 2:But I said all that to say is that sometimes these kids, man, they, they make you think that you're going off like, but you have to. We have to be stern in our parenting. We have to be flexible, but we have to be stern in our parenting. We have to be flexible, but yet we have to be using wisdom in situations, because these kids are very manipulative, very even my own child, and I'm going to tell you that. So, anyway, so that's that's what happened. So, so, anyway, so, parenting with a purpose. So situations like that, right, parents question themselves over and over Am I enough, can I do it? Am I equipped to do this? Um, I only know what I know, right, I only know things from what happened to me in my past. I only know things by people that I see. Um, so there you know.
Speaker 2:They say there's not a handbook in parenting. For me it is. It's the bible, right, that's my handbook. But it's not like detailed, detailed, very detail oriented, where it's like A, b and C. It is literally giving you some things that you should do and this is better for you to do.
Speaker 2:But each part of parenting is really, because each child is different, each parent is different. It really comes to really working on what's best for our children to be successful and whatever success looks like for you and your family. So is parenting challenging? Absolutely. Can anybody parent Absolutely? Do everybody have the tools to parent? No, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:So the goal of parenting with a purpose is to equip you with the tools that so bring back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting. We have to be responsible for ourselves and we have to be responsible for our children. Our job is raising up the now generation I'm not even going to say the next generation, because our kids are so smart. Their intellect is just amazing and it's like blowing me out of this water of the things that they understand and what they bring to the table at such a young age. So down goes the days where we don't really have much conversation with our kids. Like I love having conversation with kids now because like they get my brain tricking, like you know, and I consider myself a little OG now that I'm getting older but these young, these young children, these young parents, they say stuff I'll be like, wow, you know what that makes sense.
Speaker 2:So the purpose here is to make sure that we, we all, parent our children in a way that they're successful, in a way that they don't have to be like 30 years old sitting in a therapist's office talking about my mama didn't love me, my dad didn't love me. I didn't get to spend time with them, like all the things that we as parents probably have endured throughout our life. I know me I'm 44 and I'm in a therapy office still dealing with some parent stuff that I've dealt with growing up and really didn't even know how things affect me until I became an adult and I start having certain behaviors and I couldn't understand where these behaviors come from, came from, and then the root cause was me being fumbled as a child. There were some deficiencies in parenting, for whatever reason. I'm not pointing a finger, I'm not blaming nobody, but the facts are the facts that there were some dis-efficiencies and there was some fumbling going on. So we're not responsible for how we're raised, but we're responsible for how we raise ourselves and how we raise our children, how we raise ourselves and how we raise our children. So part of this is knowing what the root of some of our behaviors are and so that we can correct them, so that we don't pass them to the next generation. When you look at the world today, a lot of things are going on and, honestly, when stuff go on with children or young adults, the first thing they say is well, where was the parents at? What was going on? What happened to the mom or the dad? And when we look at it, there's a lot of deficiencies going on in parenting and this is why the children are behaving a certain way. Now, that's not to say that everything is because of parent good or bad parenting no, because kids become wavering and they go astray. But what I'm saying is that if we're not setting a foundation, it's more than likely we're going to have some issues.
Speaker 2:For example, the shooting that was just recently in Alcapachi. Right, the young fellow who killed the people and shooting people up at the school Did you know? The father got arrested? Yeah, because this particular child had an issue, was already kicked out of another school. A previous school went to this school. The parents failed to tell the school that there were some concerns and some issues. It was almost like the parents just ignored the fact that this kid was very dangerous.
Speaker 2:So because the parent it was the father who was arrested because he put his son in this situation of school and put everybody else's lives in danger. He was arrested and I think he's going to be he. He was charged with um, a child endangerment. Um, it was probably about 12 different charges they charged him with and basically, essentially what they were saying is that you are a father, you knew your child was a danger to society and you did nothing about it. Now let's let that sink in for a second. You knew your child was a danger to society and you did nothing about it. Listen, I love my children with all the love possible, but let me find out that my child is a danger to society.
Speaker 2:As a parent, you got to do the safeness of your child and the society. You don't want other people's children dying because you didn't address the issue or you didn't warn somebody about something. And that's not the first time. This has happened A lot of the school shootings recently over the last couple of years. The parents are really getting in trouble for it, which I think is right Because you know. You got to know what's going on with your kids. You got to check their room. Even if you have like the most quietest kid, you still should be having conversations. You should be checking their room. Even if you have like the most quietest kid, you still should be having conversations. You should be checking their room. You know you should be making sure everything is cohesive, everything's good, um, so that there's no surprises.
Speaker 2:And I think, um, a lot of times we're letting our children parent themselves so that they're getting into whatever they want to get in, do whatever they want to do, ordering whatever they want, want to order for Amazon, and then we have the results of these school shootings or these school stabments or just a lot of things that could be preventable. So that's why parenting is so important, because I believe that parenting is the key. It's the answer to a lot of societal problems. I think, proper parenting if we equip our parents. Because instead of here's my thing I keep saying that we're building more prisons. Right, building more prisons. So my thought is, instead of building more prisons, can we put that money into the homes of the families? Can we put that money into the parenting? Give the parents the tools, equip the parents to parent the best for our children. Instead of oh, the thought is you're a jacked up parent, you're not parenting right and your kid is suffering and I'm going to put him in jail now. That's essentially how it's going right. So, instead of like investing in prisons, we should be investing in schools. We should be investing in parents and family.
Speaker 2:You know, I hear a lot and I see a lot. A lot of times, investments are after school activities, right Sports I'm not knocking sports, I'm not knocking clubs. I think kids need something to do. I think they should be able to express themselves however they want to, in a healthy manner. If they like sports, let them play sports. If they like to draw, let them draw. If they like to read, let them read. Whatever it is, I'm all for it.
Speaker 2:But my question still is what are we doing for the parents? We don't want after-school programs to be a babysit and play something for them to do. And then what are the parents doing? No, can we perhaps have parents in groups? Can we teach the parents? Can we help them? Can we have like conversation? Like you know, it takes a village to raise children and parents need a village too, right, so can we have conversations and parents, and maybe you have an idea that works for your kid, that may work for my kid, but I never even think about that.
Speaker 2:So I think that if we make time to invest in our parents, society will be better because ultimately, we see what's going on society kids are killing other kids, teachers and things like that. Um, and then also, I think that if we, we invest in the parents, it's going to help In every area. I even think about education, right, if we give parents the proper tool Of how to parent Not screaming all the time, not cursing their kids out, not beating their kids, not ignoring their kids Because you have the opposite of you do too much, not enough. It's crazy. But if we equip our parents of a better way of parenting where our children become successful.
Speaker 2:Think about the teachers don't have to yell in the classroom. They don't have to deal with behavioral issues, they don't have to threaten I'm going to call your mom, I'm going to call your dad and they're going to come up here and beat you, like they don't have to take the time to deal with behavioral issues. They can really only they can really focus on academics, right, if we give the parents the tools of parent in a way where our children are growing and developing appropriately, our teachers don't have to deal with so much at school. Now, there's going to be challenges at school, right, because that's just what it is. But a lot of times these teachers are dealing with so many behavioral issues and then when they call the parent, the parent comes up and you see why they have these behavioral issues right. So it's a clear indication to me is that you only can do what you see. So if they're seeing this and they're behaving this way, let's get to the root of that behavior, which stems from the parenting side.
Speaker 2:Now, do our kids do stuff that we ain't supposed to? Listen, we were kids and we did stuff that we weren't supposed to do. Period right. But being able to be guided and taught and trained so that these behaviors that we have don't grow into something else that we won't be able to control or handle, is important. I think that the reason why a lot of teachers are walking away is because they're not getting support with these children. It's like they're babysitting the kids all day. Don't do that, stop doing that, do this, sit down, do it all day, like how are you supposed to learn? And even the kids that are in the classroom who are not having these behavioral concerns that they don't get what they need because we're attending to a behavioral issue. So, again, I think parenting is so important because if we get it right in a home when they're outside at home, they're going to be able to get it right.
Speaker 2:So this season we're really going to be digging into what it is to be a parent, what it is to parent on purpose, what it is to raise up successful heroes, what it is to be responsible, what it is to be accountable for our children, what it is to really like go deep into this parenting thing. I don't want this to be a season of surface stuff oh, it's cute, you're parenting. Well, no, you're not. No, you're not. No, we're not doing that. We need to get to the real deal issues so that our children are going to be better. Right, parents are the first teachers. Parents are the first cheerleaders. Parents are the first person or people to show you what real love is. And if parenting and love and pain and hurt are all in the same sentence, we need to do something different, because then they'll inflict that pain on someone else.
Speaker 2:So, basically, this season, right, is parenting with a purpose, the real deal. How do we get our children to be successful where the criminal system do not have to take care of our kids? Because they want to Believe it or not, the criminal system want to take care of kids, they want to take our kids and they want to lock them up, they want to throw away the key, they want to take them out of society. Right and I'm not just even talking about black kids, right? I mean, we know what's going on with that but just kids in general. It's almost like they want to take out this whole generation. For what? I have no idea. But it's up to us to say listen, not on my watch, not on my watch. My kid is going to be successful, your kid is going to be successful, this community is going to be successful, this state is going to be successful and, ultimately, the country is going to be successful. Why? Because we're raising our kids appropriately.
Speaker 2:So this season also, though, again, we're talking about how to raise our kids to be successful, but in order to do that, there are some things. We're talking about how to raise our kids to be successful, but in order to do that, there are some things we need to do on our own. There are some things we need to have for ourselves, so we're going to get into. You know, last season we were kind of we went into dealing with our own personal issues, right, healing our wounds so that we don't bleed on our children. We're going to dig into that again this season, right, because it's so important that we heal. We heal so that we don't bleed on our children, so that our children at least have an opportunity to be successful. A lot of times we're walking around wounded and broken and really don't even know the next move and we're literally just like on this autopilot life. We're in survival mode.
Speaker 2:Parent parenting is not about being a survival mode to these kids. Get 18 to get outside of our house. That is not what we're supposed to do. We are responsible for the upbringing, the nurturing, um, so that they can be the best who God has created them to be, um and that they can contribute to society. Because here's the thing I don't believe that you should show up somewhere and leave it worse than it was. So if we bring our children in this world, we should have children that create a better place for people in this world, a better world for us, not bring in to be a menace to society or detrimental to the community or even the state or the world. So I think it's so important that we get ourselves together so that we can parent effectively and efficiently.
Speaker 2:Is there such thing as a perfect parent? No, but I believe that I'm perfect for my children. I'm the perfect parent for them. Why? Because God has given me my children as a gift, so he saw fit to give me these children. Now, with that being said, did I have to go, look and research and find tools so that I can parent Absolutely? Because I really didn't have great examples in my life. So I had to say, okay, I want something different for my children. So what do I need to do? I had to do a self-evaluation for my children. So what do I need to do? Had to do a self evaluation and still do to this day, y'all, because I told y'all last season man, they be testing the one that test my inner gangster.
Speaker 2:Like I have adult temper tantrums. Sometimes in the house I'm throwing pots and pans on the ground. I haven't done in a while, y'all, but I was throwing pots and pans, having an adult temper tantrum, because it just seemed like I couldn't control my emotions when I felt disrespected. And that comes from something I've seen growing up. Right, is that healthy? No, are we able to express our kids that we're upset or we're frustrated or something? Absolutely. But if we want them to behave a particular way. We have to be the model for that.
Speaker 2:So when I cut up or when I'm upset, or if I go off, I cool down and then I apologize to my kids. Why? Because this is not the behavior I want you to see, because I don't want you to do this in your own life. But let me explain to you why. I did it and I'm sorry, did it and I'm sorry, and I'm working on it um to be able to communicate effectively without causing any um danger or concern or um giving myself a headache, y'all. Because when I go off, then it takes me time to calm down, they're upset, it's just, it just way too much and it's not necessary, y'all.
Speaker 2:So what I'm saying is that I still have so many flaws in my parenting and so many times I ask God why, why, why, why, why, why? Then I say when will they go away to college? When, when, when, right, when will they be adults? Like I'll be asking out all types of stuff with these kids, because it gets heated. So, even though I'm teaching parenting with a purpose, I know that my purpose is to raise my children to be successful, right. My purpose is to make sure I'm giving them everything they need so that when they leave out of my presence, they're able to sustain in life right?
Speaker 2:So even in that I have my own flaws and I get frustrated and I question my parenting sometimes, like, am I doing the right thing? Am I good enough to be their parent? Listen, get somebody else to do it. It's a conversation I'll be having with God. Y'all. Get somebody else to do it. But then God reminds me listen, these children are a gift you have in you which is necessary to raise them. You're doing an excellent job. Your kids are amazing kids. Sometimes God even tell me stop focusing on the small things, stop nitpicking, stop getting upset over the smallest little things. They have to grow. Give them grace to grow right. You don't have to keep micromanaging their life. That's why you've trained them and raised them. So then they begin to take hold of their own life and make their own decisions. And because what you put in them, you have to trust that what you put in them was the good stuff and that they're going to come out fine.
Speaker 2:A lot of times, at least for me, because I was parenting in fear. I was micromanaging my kids like trying to tell them every move so that they don't mess up. Let me tell you how that is so unhealthy. Not allowing our children to mess up or even face adversity is a disservice to them. Denzel Washington, there's a quote that says ease is a greater burden to society than hardship. So basically, the more like not saying everybody needs to walk through hardship, a lot of hardship. That's not what I'm saying. But we can take that hardship and learn from it and be a help to someone else in this society.
Speaker 2:So, as a mom who was parenting in fear, I was not allowing my children to be who they are or who God called them to be to think for themselves, to walk for themselves, to talk for themselves. I felt like if they did, they weren't going to make the right decisions. So I had to humble myself. I had to do some work so that I parent them in a way that they can grow and prosper. Like you can't smother a flower, like it's never going to grow. If you smother a seed, it's never going to grow. If you keep that seed in darkness all the time, if you don't bring that seed to any sunlight, they're not going to grow. Like they're literally going to die.
Speaker 2:So sometimes, like it's like either we're not parenting enough or we're parenting too much. We need to be able to have a balance y'all. We need to be able to allow our kids to grow but yet give them the structure to grow um, not just send them out there naked so the world can close them, but close them enough where they're able to sustain themselves right and able to come back and get advice. So I said, all that to say is that parenting is so important that I believe that if we get this thing right, that we can change the society, we can change the nation, and for the good right.
Speaker 2:A lot of the issues that we're dealing with is really the deficiencies in our parenting, and I'm the first one to say like there are some things that we do that's just not right. And I'm not just saying from the side of me parenting, but from talking to children, talking to other parents, talking to adults who were parenting and they felt like they were fumbled or they even feel like there are some things that they could do better in their parenting. So, basically, this season, I'm just like I'm just so ecstatic about this season because we're really going to be hitting the things that can help us grow. It's all about growth and development. We can't stay the same, y'all Like I mean, we can't just keep generation after generation doing the same thing and expecting a different result. No, there's something needs to shift. There's something needs to change in our parenting, and I'm the one here to tell you we need to get right so that our children don't die, so that our children can live and have a prosperous life and have a successful life and be able to change this world Like man. I'm telling you, the intellect for these youth right now is just mind-boggling. Like the things that they can do, the things that they can say. You know, it's just like wow. I know for a fact that I wasn't doing that as a kid, or even early in. My parents and my children wasn't doing that at all either. So I think there's so much potential with the youth that if we get ourselves right, that we can tap into that potential and they can be successful. So, yeah, so join us this season on Parents With A Purpose.
Speaker 2:I am your host, Donna Janelle, pamela Chapman is my co-host and we will be digging in. We're going to be talking about things that you don't want to talk about. So I'm telling you it's going to get uncomfortable. You're not even going to be able to sit and eat some popcorn when you watch the show. You're going to sit there. You're going to be like, wow, you're going to be taking some notes. You're going to be like questioning your own parenting. Am I doing things right? Maybe there are some things that need to. There's some light bulbs that's going to be clicking, I'm telling you, with this season, because I think one of the the um sessions that I'm looking forward to is the parenting from prison thing.
Speaker 2:I'm looking for the parenting from prison and parenting after prison. Now the the other topics are amazing. They're great, I'm telling you. They're going to blow your socks off. But really, hearing the perspective of somebody who's in prison and trying to be a dad, somebody's in prison trying to be a mom, somebody is post-prison and still cannot see their own children, I'm excited about that. So join me this season every Thursday, thursday at 7 PM, with Parenting with a Purpose, where we strive to bring back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting. We parents are the bulls and our children are arrows, and they will land wherever we aim them, as long as we give them the proper tools. See you guys, thanks for joining in to Parenting with a Purpose.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Parenting with a Purpose.
Speaker 2:Be sure to follow us every Thursday night at 7 pm at Parenting with a Purpose. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcast. Be sure to look up Parenting With A Purpose.
