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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Braving the Parenting Journey with Grace and Grit
Have you ever witnessed a teenager's unexpected leap into maturity or grappled with the delicate equilibrium of single parenting? Today, on Parenting with a Purpose, Pam and I, Donna Janel, share heartfelt tales and insights that strike a chord with every caregiver. From the surprising growth of adolescents to the gritty reality of a mother's absence when choosing a cruise over her kids, we unravel the intricacies of showing up—both physically and emotionally—for our little ones.
Pam rejoins us to navigate the arduous odyssey of parenting with a purpose, highlighting the story of a valiant mother's struggle to raise four children alone. Together, we delve into the raw emotions of parenting in isolation—pride, fear, and the oft-overlooked self-care that leads to burnout. Yet, through these challenges, we uncover the power of vulnerability and the courage to seek help. Our conversation is a testament to the incredible fortitude found in asking for assistance and the delicate dance of fostering independence while providing nurture.
Wrapping up our earnest dialogue, we emphasize the transformative role of self-care and its foundational place in effective caregiving. Join us as we explore how intentional parenting and moments of guidance forge a stronger bond between parent and child. We also dissect the significant impact parents have on their children's perception of relationships and emotional health. It's not just about raising children; it's about nurturing the future harbingers of change. Tune in and be part of this enlightening journey.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
Thank you, bye, thank you, hey everybody. Welcome back to Parenting with a Purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle, where I love the fact that you guys tune in every week to see what we have to say around here, because, because we know, parenting is not for the weak. It's a hard-knock life out here for parenting, and I'm here to tell you, every day is still a struggle. Every day is still a challenge. I keep telling y'all I got these teenagers testing my inner gangster on a daily. I'm not going to talk about them this week, though I'm going to be good, right, even though one listen. Not going to talk about them this week, though I'm going to be good, right, listen.
Speaker 1:Monday and Tuesday were birthdays 16 and 18. Wow, yes, 16 and 18. The one that turned 16, he's quiet, he's chill, no issues, no, nothing, very quiet, can't even tell it was his birthday. The one that turned 18, surprisingly, she wasn't all bucked out. Wow, I'm 18, I'm grown. She didn't do none of that, she, she wasn't like all bucked out, wow, I'm 18. I'm grown. She didn't do none of that. She just was like I'm so thankful that I'm 18. But is that Lizzie? Yes, she's like I'm so thankful that I. You know, I just thank.
Speaker 1:God that I have my own bedroom she just started going into all this stuff, like you know literally went from 17 to like 25 where you just had this revelation of your life, like 25, where you just had this revelation of your life, like I don't know what it is. But she was like I thank God that you know I have a house. I thank God I have my own bedroom. I thank God I have all these clothes. They may not be clean because I didn't wash them, but I thank God for that. Like she literally started going down and listen. I just was like oh, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:I love this for you yeah, like I'm thanking God that you understand what was going on around here. So that's how it is. But you know what I really want to talk about? I want to talk because I want to talk with you, pam, about it. So tonight's show we're going to be talking about the power of showing up for ourselves first, and for our children second, because, honestly, you can't really show up for our children if we can't show up for ourselves. I want to get into that because there's something happened on the news yesterday that I saw that I really want to have a conversation briefly about before we get into all our stuff. Welcome back to the show, pam.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:You know, pam, you know I'm excited. Last time you was here we rocked out. I kept saying we got to get you back guys.
Speaker 2:Yes, you kept talking about we got to pull up now, definitely, and I had to pull up today thank you for coming back.
Speaker 1:So, listen, I said I don't know if you saw this, but there was on the news a mother. She had two children, six years old and eight years old, and she went on a cruise and she left her children home. No, yes, so you know there was a lot of controversy behind this situation in this that you know a lot of people bashing her, a lot of controversy behind this situation, and it's that you know a lot of people bashing her, a lot of people saying all types of things, different things, and one of the things, um, I I kind of first seek to understand, versus to be understood, because I'm not going to put my mouth on something where I really don't know, right, but the mom, she was a young mom and she literally went on a cruise and left her six and eight year old and the the way that she was parenting I call it parenting at sea, at bay, at bay, right?
Speaker 2:I'm like I'm a water parenting.
Speaker 1:She had cameras in her house, so she was telling them what to do through the cameras. This is how she was communicating with her children while she was out in the water. Way in the water. Wow, we don't have a village.
Speaker 1:No, so I was like yo, that's crazy. So what happened was the neighbors noticed that the mother wasn't around and it's a six and eight year old, right? So the neighbors you know, we got nosy neighbors, which is good, thank God for them. Neighbors, though, right, yes, and they called authorities and when authorities came in, they said the house was disgusting. Right, so that's questioning some stuff, right there. The house was disgusting and there were the two children. Um, that's crazy, what you think about that that just overwhelmed me.
Speaker 2:Number one we're talking about the power showing up, right, yes, and it was like you needed that, that bed, that you was willing to put your your livelihood estate, your children's livelihood estate. That's what I was saying. We don't have a village, we couldn't reach out to somebody. Could you help me with these days? So, and so can you help me with these days so I can show up for myself because, listen, so I'm now you're showing up in court girl.
Speaker 1:You're showing up under the jail now like for real, so like, and then guess what. So what happened is the children got released into the aunt now. So my question is where was the aunt? So here it is, I'm wondering because you just never know what's going on, right like you know whoa whoa whoa flag on the play. It takes a village to raise children and parents in the village too, right, that's my stance, but here it is.
Speaker 1:I'm wondering in my mind, trying to rationalize, trying to understand the situation, trying to, you know, all right, kind of do some dosis calculation on what's going on here right.
Speaker 1:I'm wondering though, because I think it brings shed a light more on. I don't know this particular situation or circumstances, but I do wonder if the village didn't show up for her prior to her going on her cruise. So she felt like she still needed to go, like sometimes, you know, we say it takes a village to ratio, but sometimes either one you burnt your village by you having to watch your kids all the time right or two, they just feel like that's not their responsibility, they don't have to show up for you right until something bad happens.
Speaker 1:So I'm wondering. I'm not I don't know what kind of life this mom lived, right, but I'm just wondering. That begs the question, what really happened?
Speaker 2:go ahead, pam, hold on. I'm not even focused on what happened, because that was a thought, so let me stop right there. It was a thought. Did you burn bridges? Mm-hmm? Or, like we said, they said the house was nasty. So if you living like that, how's really your character, mm-hmm. All right, then I'm thinking we couldn't take the kids on the cruise. It costs money, girl, but they could get babysat on the cruise and all that kind of stuff. I don't know. Right, it's a lot of thoughts. What really was going on? That you booked this trip, booked it Right, and it happened overnight and you didn't have sitters, you went-.
Speaker 2:And now the way the world is set up, they have apps, they have different things where you can get someone to assist you with looking after your children.
Speaker 1:Maybe she couldn't afford it, but here's the thing though.
Speaker 2:But you could afford this thing.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I'm not making excuses for it, but I'm wondering because a lot of times people don't get support in their village though, like I don't know what this young lady was going through or you know, is she listen? Is she like me? She got mom, single mom and four kids when they was only two. And she had a single mom, four kids, she in school full time, she doing this, that and the other and she tired.
Speaker 1:Now sometimes I do just want to go escape, but I know I can't leave my kids at home, like my brain just don't operate like that, but found someone to help you, like now the kids are with the aunt and I'm like, well, where was the aunt at before or where was the village at? The question is, I don't think you know she's definitely responsible for this and and and not saying that her age is is something, because you could be 40 and still be immature, but there sounds like there was some immaturity on her part, yeah, but also we got to think back generationally, right, cause how, why do you think this was okay to leave your children?
Speaker 2:at home? Have you been left at home?
Speaker 1:by yourself. She probably was like I was 8 years old, cooking for my sister and my brother like I walked in the school that happens.
Speaker 2:That does happen and, like years ago, that was okay, a lot of things were okay I don't think nobody mom went out in the water though yeah, that far that's a bit far like I remember being in.
Speaker 2:Like me and all my siblings, we were at decent ages, like we could all care for ourselves. The oldest were like teenagers. My mom's still sending somebody. My mom and dad would still send somebody to the house, like, nah, I need, y'all gotta stay. Y'all gotta stay in house with them making sure they're going to school, because somebody might not go to school, I might not listen, they better go to school.
Speaker 1:I'm in the house, what you talking about. I gotta wake them up 20 times right, think about if I'm not there. Yes, but I keep hearing. This is not even the first time I heard something like this.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you're aware I don't watch tv but you know social media stuff pops up and I get to see different stories and other parents tell me stories like there are situations where a lot of children are being left at home while their parents or their mom particularly it's all it's really there. A lot of times it's their mom, because we have a lot of single moms leave their children home while they do A, B and C. There was another story recently that I read about a young lady. She had a boyfriend and the boyfriend didn't want kids, but she wanted the boyfriend. So she had her kids were in her apartment by themselves, but she was living across town with the boy well, with the man, I don't know whoever he is right. So she was living across town with the man and the kids were at home and they said she would check in another person that had cameras. She had cameras in the house. How you got cameras showing up, but you ain't showing up that just don't make sense.
Speaker 2:Technology. Don't make sense Right Technology. Don't let people take life too far.
Speaker 1:The camera's showing up, but I'm not going on the scene.
Speaker 2:Wow, but there's a lot of.
Speaker 1:There's another one when a mom decided to go, like, to Miami and left the kids at home. So I'm wondering if, again, that that really makes me question, where's the village at to some understanding about parenting and our roles and responsibilities, right, um? So I really wanted to talk in about the power showing up because, um, my scalp is itching because of the time.
Speaker 2:It has my mind going. It's scary no, it really is, and it's like. So the way that you're showing up for yourself or your children, is it because of the way people did or did not show up for you, right, when you thought people should have showed up for you and they didn't. So now this is how you carry and conduct yourself, moving forward.
Speaker 1:yeah or you may not even know how to reach out for help. Like parenting is overwhelming. I'm not like, I'm not even gonna sugarcoat that no. Parenting is over. Whether you're married or single parenting I've been both y'all hello. It is very overwhelming, but I think that's the importance.
Speaker 1:When we talked about when you were on the show previously, we talked about healing our wounds so that we don't bleed over our children because, this is what happens, like if we don't get ourselves together, we then now have that transaction to our children, right, it's transferred to them and now it becomes like a little situation. I am very concerned about the kids being left at home by themselves at such a young age, right, like I mean. Never mind the fact that it's illegal, right? But so just to think that you really thought a six and eight year old like you out in a water.
Speaker 2:Six and a year old, six and eight year old Not a teenager, nah, oh. So, speaking of this, so like my sister, like I love this one thing that she does, so you know, like, if you're the older sibling, how you was responsible for your younger siblings, right, it wasn't the mom or dad asking you. They're telling you like yo go get them something or make sure they got their bed if they don't work it out. My sister literally acts as my niece, like can you go fix your sister's plate? Can you go do this? And she gives my niece the privilege to say yes or no, right, and I honor her when she says, oh, that's fine, and I'll be like no, no, do you know? Like some people don't have this privilege, they literally have to take care of their siblings. And I was like you're really like favored and blessed because people don't have this opportunity. You say no, you're getting in trouble, like you got a problem?
Speaker 1:no, you are like these are your children.
Speaker 2:And my sister always says, no, I'm not forcing her to do anything, because these are my children, not hers. I appreciate the help, I appreciate the assistance and it's to the point now I watch my niece. She'll just like initiate stuff and I'm like, wow, this is awesome. So when we go back to where's the village, do your village see what you're going through? Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? And, like you said, so because sometimes you don't have to ask.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, if we humble ourselves and set our pride aside, people will be able to see certain things Right, but sometimes we. So, honcho, listen, I've been there, I got it, I don't need nobody doing nothing, so I'm not asking you we need to stop trying to be the superhero.
Speaker 1:I'm not asking you we need to stop trying to be the superhero. I'm telling you I've done it. I mean earlier in my parenting, you know, after my husband left and I was raising my two children and I felt like, because his side of the family thought that I couldn't do it because I was working all the time and he was kind of in the house being the babysitter. So I was, you know, always I really didn't want to be in the house so I was always doing something right. So once he left, his mom really said that I wasn't going to be successful as a mom and part of that is because I was in and out of foster care. I was home, like she knew my story, so she thought I didn't have what it took to be a mother right and that really weighed on me because I was like, oh, I'm gonna prove her wrong, like I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, I'm a prove her wrong, like I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1:I'm a make sure this, I'm a make sure that, and I literally poured all this stuff into parenting. Then, two years you know a couple of years two years later, my sister had died. So then I became a mom of four, right, and I'm still like, listen, y'all think I can't do this. I got four kids. I'm a single mom, I'm doing this thing, you know. I got a career, all this stuff, and I thought that I had to show up for them so much where I didn't show up for myself, right, you know, I get into that and my pride was so, like, because I didn't want to appear as a failure, because I felt like, growing up I was fumbled, so I didn't want to fumble my kids, right and.
Speaker 1:I felt I felt like they needed. You know they were already dealing with life situations that I need to show up all the time for them and I didn't want any. I didn't feel like I can trust people to pour into my kids what I can pour into. So it was part of me being prideful, like, look, I don't need no help from nobody, listen, I'm gonna make it. I seen single moms out here, right right. Part of me being prideful, like, look, I don't need no help from nobody.
Speaker 2:Listen, I'm going to make it.
Speaker 1:I seen single moms out here, and that's why I'm going to make it Right. Part of that was that. And then the other part is like do I really trust somebody with my children? So there's two parts to this. A lot of times we parent out of fear. There was a fearful parent. It was like the pride and fear had kicked then which two things that god doesn't like, right? Yeah, like it was. It was real life. So I do understand why people don't want to tap into because of pride. But we got to get out ourselves and say, listen, it's me standing and need help, like who? And I did it for years and years and years and was burnt out, became unhealthy, became sick. Right, because I was doing so much for my children where I wasn't getting the rest. I wasn't eating well for myself, I was feeding them well, but I wasn't doing it for myself. Because I felt like I had to be the superhero in their life, mm Right, and I think sometimes in parenting married or single we think that we are supposed to be a superhero.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We think that these characters on TV we're supposed to show up in real life to our kids. Listen, that's TV. They getting paid to do that. You hear me?
Speaker 2:Don't play with me. They get paid to do that. I'll tell Tori real quick she be like it's, like she knows, like I take a certain breath. She like you need a moment. I need a moment. I need you to back up and give me my moment so I can collect my thoughts.
Speaker 1:Listen these movies. They got crash summies, they got all that. I ain't no crash dummy, I'm about to crash. If we don't talk, we don't get this together.
Speaker 2:You're going to see a crash for real? No, seriously, we don't get this together, okay. You're gonna see a crash for real? No, seriously. And then they sit there look like what's wrong with you like you got 20 heads.
Speaker 1:You probably did appear to have 20 heads in that second, like you know but, it's so important to really uh, think back, but I feel, you know, I feel bad for the children and, um, even a mom, and I'm hoping. My hope and my prayer is actually, although these children were taken away for their mom and she's going to go to jail because, I mean, that's a neglect, um, and that is emotional abuse, right, yeah, although this has happened to her, my prayer and my hope is that someone reaches out to her and teach her how to print, because, even though she's doing time when she get out, she still has to rehabilitate, right, and she still has to. She still she may not be a bad mom and is this the first time she's done it.
Speaker 2:yeah, it's a lot of questions, you know so. But you know I touch and agree with what you said. It's prayers for those children and this uh, situation and environment they're in now, the things that they may endure and don't know how to voice out. I hope that someone's really there to hear them, because it's no telling what else they've been going through, especially the eight-year-old man, no telling the weight that has been on him with him being older. Um, I don't know if, like the mother, even suffers from something. Right to think, yeah, that that was okay, because even, like we said, we go back to generations, but now you're an adult yeah so at some point you gotta know that some things are okay and some things are not.
Speaker 2:And you chose it's no excuses. You chose A over B and now you got C, C.
Speaker 1:D E F.
Speaker 2:J yeah.
Speaker 1:But I still think, like, even though and this is why it's so important we always say that we're not responsible how we were raised, but we're responsible how we raise ourselves. Yes, and it's still very difficult when you have a particular mindset right, like you. Really, this is why parents need healing, man, I'm telling. This is why healing is so important for ourselves, because we are going to damage our children if we don't get this right now. I understand you could be getting yourself right and and parenting, because you know, you realize that some things just jacked up right, doing that, right, um, but then they're like you really have to take that responsibility.
Speaker 1:But I'm just, I hope that she gets rehab because I don't want children to be taken away from their parents because of a mistake or a way that they just perceived the whole parenting thing wrong, right, like, can we teach them? Like? I'm not all for separating families. I want our kids and we're going to get into that to be safe, seen, secure and stuff at the same time. I don't think the answer is always snatching kids and somebody else. Become the superhero in their life and raising these kids.
Speaker 1:I think that parental rehab like we gotta rehab the parents so that they get an understanding and a loving. I tell everybody the story. When I first became a parent, I didn't want to be a mom. The first two years my husband took care of my daughter. I did everything I was supposed to do as a parent but I was not emotionally attached to this child the first two years. So this is how I know that even if you didn't want to be a parent and you have some emotional stuff at some point, something clicks.
Speaker 1:And you got to be like listen, I need to be able to do it, and that's how I was able to change my life into parenting, and I love and enjoy parenting. And one of the reasons why I didn't want to be a parent, though, is because I didn't want to fumble my child, my children, like I was fumbled, it was fear, right. So I think sometimes that's what happens. Some people, you know, don't want to be parents, even though you engage in this act and stuff, right, but some people just aren't ready to be there or take the time and invest into that, so you know I'm always like trying not to say somebody, but I'm just saying I do understand the dynamics behind why people do what they do Right.
Speaker 1:Not to give them excuse and not to give them a pass. But how do we help Like this happened, this bad you, you out in the sea?
Speaker 2:And, like you said, how do we help? But what kind of help do people want? Because there's so many resources out here now. So that's why I'm like the excuse thing. You're like a hot flag on a play.
Speaker 1:There's too much help, yeah, but if you don't know how to get the help or you haven't been accustomed to asking for help, like we said, the pride or being ashamed, like being ashamed of you know, they said they like the house, my house be a mess too. So listen, the cops coming here today, let me say today, no, they good today, but listen sometimes you listen because I feel like the cops sometimes when I come in the house. Why my house got to look like this? I'm calling the people on myself.
Speaker 2:My parents in the week You're going to put that dish in the sink.
Speaker 1:Like why is water bottle? Like my parenting is on a week and a day, somebody send me a rescue.
Speaker 2:So.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to get mad at people's house or a certain way. Right Because if you're doing it by yourself and it gets hard, I get it. But they were saying it's really bad.
Speaker 2:But you know, sometimes people blow things out.
Speaker 1:But I'm just saying sometimes in any given day, I don't know, you know sometimes people blow things out, but I'm just saying sometimes any given day. Hey, I don't know. You might call people with me because I'm and I got teenagers man, an adult in there now, oh, but it gets real. So I'll be so confused I'll be like you know what, my parenting skills is weak today. I'm gonna need somebody to come in and assist me, that would be amazing because this right here, this ain't working out.
Speaker 1:I done drove four hours home. Somebody come do something. Listen what they eat for dinner. Air tonight. I'm about mad right now.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you. I remember my dad used to say that to us. We were like we hungry. He was like, okay, what's up hungry? Come on, stop playing. What we eating tonight? An air fry, open your mouth. You know. He used to do this thing to be so smart. He used to be so smart Like I ask y'all to do stuff, it's a problem, or y'all hungry now come on. He used to put us in the car, right, we'd go for a ride. He'd be like I'm about to let the windows down, y'all ready? We'd be like, yeah, he did this all the time and we still would fall for it. He would put the windows down. He'd be like, oh my gosh, put your arms out, put your arms out. We put our arms out. He over here, man, put your arms out. And we always fell for it and I'm like, dad, you better stop doing that. I'm going to tell Mommy.
Speaker 1:Call the people. You give me air sandwiches when the people at when I need them bad with this one of the people and what I need them, he'd be like that'll get you all right, won't it?
Speaker 2:yeah, that'll straighten you up. Make sure my house clean.
Speaker 1:Yeah man yo that's crazy. I feel bad for the young lady and what, and all the other young people who are, you know, dealing with younger or like, who are dealing with a lot of stuff and parenting so we want to talk about.
Speaker 1:so you know, I got my little notes thing here the power of showing up for ourselves and our children. Because if we take that situation, mom could have just been like I'm showing up for myself Because we tell them to show up for themselves, right, how do we show up for ourselves without jeopardizing or parenting or putting our children in harm's way, like neglect, emotional, emotional neglect, physical neglect, you know, how do we show up for ourselves in a manner of which it doesn't harm our children?
Speaker 2:you got to be intentional about setting that time aside yeah so, like how we made time to hang out with the girls or the guys, um, make time. You know our hair, our nails, whatever it may be, the gym. Make that time for just you to decompress. Because if you think about it, like even, it's like I'm hearing like the soft air. I had to hit like a couple people up like what's the soft air?
Speaker 1:Wait, wait. What's the soft air? I don't know.
Speaker 2:So it's like doing things that are soft, like doing things for yourself. It's almost like to me. Me it kind of sound like self-care. I was gonna say it sounds like self-care. I know a lot of females say, oh, I've been hard or I beat myself up a lot because I'm not where I want to be or doing what I want to do. But pretty much to me it sounds like self-care. But you get so caught up.
Speaker 2:Everybody's self-care is different, right? Some people consider, you know, going to get massages, waxing hair done, nails on self-care, where others are like, no, me taking a walk and me looking at the water or just doing something I don't get to do on a day-to-day basis. That's self-care to me. Which to me, that's self-care. Yeah, you know like you should keep up on your hygiene, you should keep yourself groomed. You know why wouldn't you want to? I mean, some don't prefer to and to each his own.
Speaker 2:But to me it's like being intentional about setting that time aside. Well, I'm going to do nothing, right, whether it's sitting in the car. When I get off of work on Thursdays, I'm going to sit in the car from 5 to 5.30 and just sit there. Yeah, not think, sit in the car from 5 to 5 30 and just sit there, yeah, not think about work, not think about the house, not think about nothing. Yeah, and that's your time, whether it's once a month, once a week, but being intentional about setting that time that way you know you could communicate with whoever helps you or, if you know your kids gotta be at school at a certain time, see if you can get them in the after-school program on Thursdays, right?
Speaker 1:I think being attentional is what you said Like. All of that is really being attentional planning and.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of times we hear I ain't got time, I ain't got time. But really if you take your schedule, like you know I'm big on schedules, y'all Everything is an hour by hour on my schedule. If we really take our time and really map out our day, we you can find time to do things like you got time to be on the phone, you got time to watch tv, and I feel like even I sometimes self-care is tv like I prefer, that. I prefer something else, like adult coloring, oh, but yeah, I do, yeah, oh, but whatever it is, you have to take that time to show up for yourself. What do? And I think sometimes in parenting we miss that part because we're so busy trying to be the best do the best for the best and it's like, really, who are you in competition with what?
Speaker 2:what and who are you competing against? Like me and Tor, one of our things to take care of ourselves is the library. Tor loves books and I like to read. But to me, I enjoy just watching her seeing thousands of books and it's like I can take this, I can look at it now. I can go put it back on the shelf. Or I can look at it now. I can go put it back on the shelf, or I can throw it in the bin. They'll put it back. I could go color, I could go get on the computer. She could do so many different things that are all in her lane. I just enjoy watching her have that freedom At this age.
Speaker 2:She's networking, she's meeting children, they're discussing the different kinds of papers at the different libraries, because we don't just go to one library, right, they talk about the different programs they have. You know what I think your mom should bring you. Mom, what's that library, route 9 or Kirkwood Highway, or the Bear Library, or Brandywine? She's like Mom, which one is the one that has this? See if we can go on Wednesday? Because we go on Wednesday.
Speaker 1:Because she make her own schedule.
Speaker 2:now, that's what I'm saying, and she enjoys it and it's just, it's no structure. I'm not saying it's not any structure because at the library you do have to do certain things, but in this area for the children they can have their voice.
Speaker 1:They free to explore, yes, figure out, who they are. I think so long in parenting, we we based on how we've been raised. We've been taught how to dictate or auto, like, dominate our children like. This is what I want you to do, this is who I want you to be, and if it's not, this is not acceptable to me in my house. You know what I mean. So our children children has been raised to to not think for themselves, yeah, and I feel like in this time, this age, we have to raise our children to think for ourselves, and one of the ways of doing this, we think for ourselves, for our own selves, like we model what they need to see yes because I can tell you all day listen, you're bright, you're beautiful, you're smart, you're cute.
Speaker 1:But if me, as a mother or a father, don't show you that in the household or don't even think about that for myself, mom, you're so pretty and you're like, no, I'm not, I'm not cute, like just those little subtle things that you think of yourself. It comes out while you're parenting, so you're like, no, I'm not, I'm not cute, like just those little subtle things that you think of yourself it comes out while you're parenting.
Speaker 1:So you're telling your kid that they're beautiful and they're like mom, you're beautiful, or dad, you're handsome, you're like no, I'm not, I got this. You start naming all your flaws and then they start to take on that behavior. So when they look in the mirror. They're like oh man, I got this. I'm not what you said, I'm beautiful, but then I got this going on right start having a complex.
Speaker 1:It's crazy, like I'm telling you, I've seen it like no it is done that, because it's like we telling our kids so much stuff, right, but yet we cannot demonstrate it or exemplify exactly who we need to be. Can we show up? And when I talk about showing up as a parent, this is what I'm talking about showing up.
Speaker 2:Oh, let me tell you so something we do. Cool now is, of course, we pray in the mornings on the way to drop a tour off to school, and her, my husband and my daughter started this thing. Like you're strong and fearless, like he always would tell her that he calls the princess.
Speaker 2:And then you're strong and fearless. So, okay, we affirming her. But, tour, how do you see yourself? I know mommy and daddy tell you you're beautiful, you're pretty, you're this, you're that, but how do you see yourself? She said oh, I'm a child of god, oh, I'm blessed, oh, I'm loved. So she gets to going. So we do that in the morning. Now, right. So we had a situation. Tua had a little bully situation going on. So this is me showing up for my kids too.
Speaker 2:So I realized and I identified that the little girl who was doing this act wasn't just doing it to my daughter, she was doing it to other children. And I've realized the children that she was doing it with all their parents show up for them. And they don't just show up. Oh, I'm dropping you off at school and sending you in the classroom, you taking your stuff off. No, we walking in, we greeting the teachers, we may speak to the other children, helping our children take their jackets off, their book bags up. You need this, you need that. You know kissing them, whatever. Her parent, come on, come on, we gotta go, we gotta go. She's always getting rushed. So it was more of an envious and jealousy. It was a spirit on that little girl and I did. I had to grab her. One day. Don't you put your hands on my child. Don't Do not, because I may have to wait for your mom, yeah, I may, please do not do that, okay.
Speaker 2:And the teachers are like you know what? It shouldn't have even came to this? No, it shouldn't have, because you guys should have identified this already number one. And now we need to see some resources that we can get.
Speaker 1:Mom, yes, that part right there Resources, so we can get mom.
Speaker 2:Because now this is affecting my child and my home. I don't teach my daughter to be a fighter, I don't teach her to be nasty and disrespectful, but now she's going into this zone where I gotta figure out how to defend myself because it's not about to keep happening. I don't, I don't experience this. I don't experience at home, at church, at the stores, at the park. So why is this going on at school, where I have to be majority of the week? Right?
Speaker 1:Yo, you just made a good point, so, wow, so one, I think, to recognize. And then we talk about this emotional piece too of how to show up emotionally and physically for our kids being in tune with them right, I'll flip the page because that's on the next page right, being in tune with them. So you recognize the issue, but you didn't. I feel like from what I'm hearing is like you didn't go in and go off and say this, that and the other. You really assess the situation and try to figure out why is this happening?
Speaker 1:right because a lot of times kids show like we don't know what happens in the backdrop at home right and they come to school and either a lot of times kids are being bullied by parents or kids are being abandoned or rejected by parents.
Speaker 1:So when they show up in school they show up a different way than they are at home and I think to recognize and that's why it's so important for teachers to be like it really takes a village and parents and teachers have to work together, because if a teacher recognizes this type of behavior and if someone else has come to you about this behavior, like, let's tap into home now.
Speaker 1:Now, now they might have had a conversation with mom and it might not went so well. But how do we give resources? Because there's not, um, like there's not a perfect parent. You know there are situations that cause us to parent differently. But I also thought about this when you said that pam the, you know the boy when, when Jesus fed the 5,000, right, and two loaves of bread, five fish, right, five fish, two loaves of bread, yeah, you got it. Yeah, two loaves of bread, five fish, right. The only way he was able to do that was because what was packed in a young boy's lunch? Right, the mom packed her son's lunch that day, right, the mom packed her son's lunch that day, right. So I thought about how are we packing our children?
Speaker 1:so that when they enter in the world, they can be a sister to someone else, literally.
Speaker 2:Because after that situation, now we don't just affirm, but now we're saying what kind of people do we look out for? Yeah, Today we're going to look out for people who are mean, people who look like they're hurting, people who look like they're sad, and then now we're going to fill it with peace, with joy, with love. So we're not just going to be looking out for these things, but when we look out for them.
Speaker 1:These are the things we're going to say when we see them Right. We live in such a world where we're teaching our kids violence is the way you show up. Somebody do something to you. You got to do something back. You got to defend yourself, you got to be. It's like we're trying to raise these hardcore kids and then they become hardcore adults and then they end up in jail or dead.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying but then some of them are hardcore towards you yeah like my cousin's in law enforcement and you know he deals with all that kind of stuff. Even my mom I remember when she was in law enforcement, you raising these children to be hard and now they putting their hands on you yeah, really, absolutely so.
Speaker 1:I think, you know, really trying to get to the parents is core, because parents are the first teachers, the first cheerleaders, you know parents are everything yes.
Speaker 1:And we see so much from. We see what not to do and we see what to do, so it's so important for us to show up. So one of the things that you know I have wrote here is um, children, what children need from us mostly is to show up. Now, what does showing up look like? We just said, in different ways. So, with your daughter seeing you go to school and having her back, but in a respectful and honorable way, where she don't feel like when somebody messed with her, she got got turned up Because mom didn't come up to the school to turn up. Mom came up to the school to figure out a solution, right? No, let's be honest, oh, you turned up.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:Hold on Flag. On the flag, Wait. But how did Did Tori see you turn up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because what happened is one day my baby told me you don't have to stay at school, I do. Because I said why don't you just stand up to her? Because I didn't think it was that deep. So she voiced it at home one day and I'm like well, why don't you just stand up to her, like tell her don't put your hands on me or don't do this? She's like okay, then the next day I drop off. She basically like I don't want to go to class, girl, you go to class.
Speaker 2:I don't want to go to class. You go to class, and she looks me in my eyes and tells me you don't got to stay here. I do, oh, wow. So I was ready to turn up right then and there, no, I left and I pondered and I came back and when I went on the playground that day, oh, I wanted to like grip her, but it was like my hands, just my hands, don't do that, sweetheart. And then she looks me in my eyes. Do you know what this little girl said to me? I can't imagine. Not like get off of me or anything. She said can you be my auntie? Wow, I was like pause, pause, what just happened?
Speaker 1:here. So you're right. You're right. Turn up with a kid and they need some love. They leave me love and nourishment and show that they care, because you said that everybody else's parents shows up for their children and her mom rushes her pretty much make her feel that she's invaluable.
Speaker 2:On field trips you're seeing grandparents come, aunts and uncles, moms and dads, and then with her it's just always her. She got to stay with the teacher. Oh man, that is such. And so I'm like, wow, I don't know how that feels. I can't empathize or sympathize with her because my parents always made sure somebody was at the trip. Yeah, I used to want my mom or dad to be there, but they made sure somebody was there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the village.
Speaker 2:And so when I see that, I'm like, wow, this little girl is hurting.
Speaker 1:Hurting and that's what's going on. A lot of kids are hurting and adults aren't recognizing and we're blaming these kids and we're snapping on these kids for their behavior but not understanding. There's a root cause, right, the root. What is the root? Because if the root is rotten, the fruit is going to be rotten. Period.
Speaker 1:There's like there's like no, there's no in between oh, that fruit looks a little good, or that fruit might taste a little good, no, it's jacked up. So we have to really, as parents, be conscious of how we're showing up in the lives of our children intentional and conscious.
Speaker 1:Yes like you know, I think for like so long we live on autopilot, living like all like everything is on autopilot, like, and I understand that we build habits and stuff where it becomes second nature and we don't think about it. But how about those bad habits that become second nature and we don't think about it, like the effect of those things, just like good habits have effects on bad habits and I think that if we don't begin to recognize these ailments within ourselves, it's going to spill over to our kids.
Speaker 1:When we were talking about you said something because kids want to be safe, seen, soothed and secure. I just thought about what you said about tour. Saw you Be her safe haven. She felt like she can finally have the conversation with you and then you show up and not wreck shop like you wanted to. But you seen a greater need and now she knows that whenever she comes to you she's safe.
Speaker 2:She said, mom, you got my back. I was like what she was. Like you got my back. I was like, but what? I always tell you. She was like I know, mom, but on the playground today you had my back. Like it wasn't just words. You put action behind those words. And it's just like the same with my husband, like, oh, you know, you tell your kid I love you or this and that, and when she always can identify it that's what we love. Like when she comes back. No, you did this. This is how I know you love me. Like I tell her all the time To her why mommy love you, how you know mommy love you Because sometimes I'll be like I love you too, and she'll be like I know I'll be like Mommy because you always there for me. Mommy, you make sure I got my clothes. Mommy, you get up in the morning, you get me up and I be being mean sometimes. Like she can identify with. This is showing love to me. This is showing that you care about me Healthy love.
Speaker 1:That is so important because, you know, sometimes for some people love and hurt is always in the same sentence, right?
Speaker 1:You know you love me but you're hurting me constantly. But even showing, I feel like, because that's one of the things that on here when I says discipline through connections, right, yeah, so our job as parents, because you know I'm, I like that, I'm big on y'all. Best, stop whooping these kids situations, right, you know, everybody know me, like listen, come on, like um, but what I thought about is over the years I kind of think about um, like what is the goal? And discipline, right, what is the goal? Because when we show up for our kids, we're not just showing up to give them everything that we think that they want right we're giving them things that we need and that requires some discipline and structure right.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is good, so tell me if I did this right. Then, donna, okay, we at the store getting my niece birthday gift and Victoria was like, oh, mommy, this is really nice. And I was like, okay, is it nice for you or Dally Poo? She was like, mom, it was for me, so I'm like. She was like I know we're not here for me, we're here for Dally Poo, but after we get Dally Poo stuff, do you think we can get it? I said to her. She said, okay, mom. She said, mom, I just wanted to know, would you get yourself something? I said, no, I am not, because I'm not here for me.
Speaker 2:She said, okay, so she did so good with helping picking out the gifts, even the gift bag, and she was like Mom, let's get her one more other thing. I want to get her three things. I'm like, okay, she's very good with gifts too. I want to get her three things. She was like, because she wanted a phone, but I'm married and getting her no phone, but she's going to love this because it's almost like real. I said, okay, we get it, we get in the line. She loved these little eggs. It's the when you open them. They got a toy surprise and then that little okay, they had a three pack.
Speaker 2:They had a three pack for the price of one. So she ain't see it. She was like Mom, I really came to the store and I ain't getting nothing. I said nope. I said because we don't always have to get stuff, right, right, and I want you to know that to her Every time we come somewhere. We got a plan. We got sick to it.
Speaker 2:So when we in the line I gave it to the lady, she was like you got those for pill. That was so nice, but it's okay, right, so we get in the car. I said these for you too. And she said, mom, you're the best, right, and she was like but mom, why did you give them for me? And I was like, because you're really learning and understanding that every time we come to the store, if we have a plan, even if it's not for you, right, you're starting to. You're okay with that. I saw that today. You're okay with that. When I said this is for bill, you were okay with that. I saw that today. You're okay with that. When I said this is for Phil, you were okay with that. You didn't get upset, you didn't get nasty, you didn't throw a tantrum or anything. We went about our business.
Speaker 1:Is that kind of connected? Yeah, it is, it's connected. What I love about it is that the fact that you were the way that you told her which I know, you and your personality you ain't snap on. I said you ain't getting nothing out this story, you know, you see, you know because I see it all the time in the story like people be going off. I said before you came in this story don't ask me, but not listen.
Speaker 2:I used to do with my kids all the time, be like listen I always got a plan.
Speaker 1:Listen, you got four of them. You're trying to go in the store.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like listen here everybody gets three things.
Speaker 1:That's it. Nothing, nothing more. If you want less, that's okay. We I made that plan before we get in the store, because what we're not gonna be doing is having a bunch of people in my ear, you know, not focused. So I think that was good, because it one taught her that through her obedience there's a reward that's bible yeah, through her obedience. That was a reward, so you were able to connect with her in such a way where she was able to obey and trust what you're telling her yeah, and then there was a reward at the end.
Speaker 1:Yes, so that's connection. So when I talk about like discipline through connections, how do we connect with our kids? Because discipline is not meant for punishment, it's for teaching. Say that again. Discipline isn't meant for punishment, it's for teaching. For so long we've been taught that you did this, so I'm gonna do this, but then where's the lesson in that? Now depends on how you have to discipline. But it should never be in such an angry mood because you did this, now I'm going to do that, but I don't teach you. Why am I doing that? And the other thing is if I never taught you at first, how can I discipline? How can I punish you? How can I punish you for something I never taught you?
Speaker 2:because what our parents used to do, right.
Speaker 1:So, when we talk about showing up for our kids, show up in that way. How about teach them? Because here's the thing, this is how teaching works. You study.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You get a test and you get a result, right, yeah, so if I'm teaching you and I'm showing you study techniques and stuff, I'm teaching you prior to the act, then you go and do something outside of the teaching. There's a consequence With this consequence it's going to teach you, reteach you, because if you don't pass the test, you got to go do it again. Right, it's going to repeat. Teach you, reteach you, because you don't pass the test, you gotta go do it again. Right, it's gonna repeat. So now I'm reintroducing this concept of what should be done. So not only am I disciplining you, because you really got out of the teaching mode, you got out of the learning. You, you, you. You're learning wasn't application. Like you, you didn't apply what you were being taught.
Speaker 2:You heard, but you didn't do it.
Speaker 1:You didn't do it right, so now my approach is different. Right, because you have a lack of understanding of why you need to apply these principles to this. So now I'm teaching you, I'm reteaching you, retraining you because there was a hiccup, so it's not to harm you.
Speaker 1:It's not to we look at punishment and stuff so aggressive and things like that. I mean parents do got to kick their kids butt sometimes. Like I understand that. Listen, I've been 25 years in here now so I do understand that sometimes you got pop pop Right. But I'm so much more of trying to get you to understand and the way that we get our kids to understand is through connection. So that's why I say discipline through connection as we continue to have the conversation, as I'm teaching you with having a relationship. This is not just do as I say, do as I do.
Speaker 2:Right, and as the child gets older, you have to relearn your child too, man. So the same as the test for the child, we have to do assessment. It's just like in basketball, you know, practicing your layup, so their discipline, like you said, they make a connection. You went wrong when you dribbled the ball too many times.
Speaker 1:Right Now you're walking, okay.
Speaker 2:So, like you said, assessing the situation Okay, I saw, when we in this environment, you handle this like this, right, but when we're in this environment, you're doing this. Why is that?
Speaker 1:Yes, ask questions Evaluate.
Speaker 2:You're doing this, why is?
Speaker 1:that, yes, ask questions, evaluate, like I think for so long we are so geared to do, do, do, do and not reevaluate. Like I got to, I got to. Got to, I got to cook dinner, I got to provide. I got to do this, I got to do that. Meanwhile, I ain't doing nothing for myself. Remember I got to up for myself at a time where I need to show up for my kids. I cannot because I'm so overwhelmed because I haven't shown up for myself. I don't really know how to.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So then our children start to be modeling that behavior and learn that behavior and then we get kids who become bullies or hide away or secluded Like we get all these emotional things. So showing up on every level for ourselves allows us to show up on every level for our children.
Speaker 1:Yes, I agree, yeah, because I mean, like I mean that's listen. Sometimes I tell you, listen, parents and people. But a lot of times if we just take a moment and it seems like we don't think that we have that right to take a moment, listen, take a deep breath, woo, sigh, sigh, sigh.
Speaker 2:Literally Three deep breaths. Do you something good and you don't even know it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and for real, because I'm telling you some stuff I know back in the day. None of my kids are older, thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Oh, but when they were younger, I tell you, yo my kids, if I had especially Dine, she'd come on here. That's the one that tested my end of All these sayings. If we're out in the store or whatever, and they start cutting up, smarten up, I mean, you know, you got to get your brain cells together, because what?
Speaker 2:we ain't doing?
Speaker 1:is this right? I do, smarten up. I don't scream out in yellow, Smarten up. You know what that means. Or we're around the house and be like I'm overstimulated. People used to laugh and joke and stuff, because when they hear me talking to my kids, I'm like, listen, I'm overstimulated. And they were like, how are you overstimulated from your kids? Listen, it's too many things going on at the same time. Like I'm really over. I'm not going to walk around, say I'm overwhelmed, you're overwhelming. No, I'm overstimulated, because that's truly what it is. Like you're stimulating too many neurons in my brain. So they know if I say I'm overstimulated, they chill back. Or if they know that I'm upset and I'm trying to calm down. Jesus, on the main line, lord, I'm calling you up and I'm telling you what I want. I will walk around our house. Even to this day I'll be like I'm calling you up, where I'll be like lord, these your kids tell me, just like you told Moses, how to handle them children. Right, and I say it.
Speaker 1:I be so loud around my house Like my kids know all my sayings and they literally understand how to behave that way, because I'm not going off when I'm like yo, I be calling God.
Speaker 2:That's who going to help.
Speaker 1:That's the only thing. So I think you know, and even in that I think it was teaching them how to not pop off because, calling where your help come from, lord, I need you right now, because right now this ain't gonna look, this ain't gonna work out for the best of us. So, or also, allowing yourself to take a moment, if your children see you, take a moment. I tell this story all the time, the one that tested my inner gangster, because how I was raised and because I was such a parent out of fear, or so aggressive in my parenting that I didn't understand what she said. She needed a break when she came home from school, because in my mind I'm like what you mean? You was on a school bus for 40 minutes that's your break.
Speaker 1:But there's other people on the bus, there's a lot of stuff going on, and she would come in the house and every day she'd be like I need a break before I clean up. I'm like why? My son gonna say what's this slavery like? Now he talk. When you talk about stuff like that. Right now, josh talk. When you talk about that. He's gonna say, mom, you gotta think about this. Like, right, she can't, we can't, no break. We just had a full day. We had a full day fighting all those things that goes on outside, because a lot of our children are fighting a lot of things outside of our door. So when they come home they just want to take a break. And I feel like the reason why a lot of parents don't get that our kids need break is because we don't give ourselves break. So when we talk about showing up for ourselves, give yourself a break.
Speaker 2:That 30 minutes in the car.
Speaker 1:Even 15. Listen, you know what? I need a moment. So now I appreciate, though, the moments, because my daughter showed me. She showed me why she needs those moments, and I was like, oh, I need a moment, I can have a moment. I was like, oh, I can have a moment too. I'm taking my moment Like, oh, you don't pay O'Pills around here, you get a moment.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm going to get some moments too. I need three. Let me see. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going on a cruise. I ain't messing with you, I'm going on a cruise. What you're going to do is let these cameras babysit you today.
Speaker 2:Okay, oh man.
Speaker 1:I'm done with the cruise situation. I'm so done with the cameras watching the kids these days. I said one of the things I wrote because I talked about empathy and connection or whatever and I said, by showing up and being present teaches our children empathy. By the way we model it right, it nurtures the child's ability to connect with others and develop healthy relationships themselves. Yes, healthy relationships Parents were the key. That unlocks doors. Unlocks doors to relationships.
Speaker 1:So if we teach our children how to have a healthy relationship by modeling it and not just modeling it to while I'm here, model it everywhere, because you know, a lot of times we hear our kids say, oh, you act one way, this, or you act this around somebody else, if we truly are consistent in modeling this behavior, it really teaches our children not to be Dr Heine, jekyll or whatever.
Speaker 1:What do the old people say, dr Jekyll, mr Heine, so you can tell. You know, all the folks were saying Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I didn't understand that, but now I do. Right, well, you wishy-washy, you up and down, you're unstable, and if we really want to teach our kids stability in their emotions and how to really connect with their emotions, we have to show that, and I think by really taking a moment and showing up for ourself, we can better show up for our kids and teach our kids how to show up for themselves, like the fact that your daughter came to you and said, listen, this ain't going well at school, this situation, and listen, you ain't got to deal with this every day, but I got to show up at the playground every day so you can talk what you want to talk, right, we're going to have to figure this out.
Speaker 1:I got to live this thing. You don't understand what's going on in these streets now, but I think just being able to have that connection and be able to communicate in that relationship really affords our children to be open and honest and not ashamed, because sometimes you know our kids, I think, honestly. I think that if we're ashamed, our children are going to end up being ashamed you know, um, I used to be real strong about um, not so much anymore now.
Speaker 1:Well, I kind of do a little bit. I get a little irritated with it. I'm gonna be on front street today. Um, like you know, growing up, see, tour is still young, right? So you don't, you don't have this yet, but I'm gonna tell you what happens when they get a little older. And Thankfully yours won't do that. But, like I was able to pick out their clothes, make sure their teeth is brushed, do everything for them, right, line, you know your appearance is well, because I appear well. Like your appearance is well, your hygiene is on point, all these things. And now that they're teenagers it's a little different and I get frustrated. Like, why are you showing up like that? Like I'm all about, I can't stand when a parent look like they got it all together and their kids look like they just came out the back alley.
Speaker 2:Dora, not letting that go down, yeah like I don't like that.
Speaker 1:And when my kids were younger it was so much easier to be able to do it. But I realized, as they now, that they're 16, 18, I just be like we couldn't put an iron to that because now I don't do it for them, right? So one of my daughters said to me she said think about this. You know the 18 year old now miss. You know philosopher. Uh, she said to me. She said think about this. I don't think you taught us how to, because you did it for us. I said what you mean? Didn't y'all watch? Wow, yes, she said you've done everything for us and now that we're older we don't know how to do it.
Speaker 2:We just go with the flow. I'm like what?
Speaker 1:Your shirt is for me, yeah, and I'm like but do you still see me take care of myself? She said, yes, but you didn't teach me that. And that was a wow moment for me, because I'm thinking listen, I'm teaching you this than the other, but no, I'm doing for you and as parents when we talk about showing up, how are we showing up?
Speaker 1:a lot of times we want to be the superheroes in our children's life. We want to do so that they don't have to. But what is the harm for them doing for themselves, right?
Speaker 2:back to asking those questions, back to that intentional word.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like we want to. You know, a lot of us grew up where we had to like, like a scarcity mindset, right? Or we didn't like how we were parents. Like when I get older I ain going to do this to my kids or whatever. I don't want my kids to go through what I went through. But some of the stuff wasn't as bad as we make it seem now that I'm an adult.
Speaker 1:Like it might have been bad back in the day, but doing everything for them does not offer structure, right? Because we talk about structure and how do we want our children to show up in the world? But if we don't teach them at home how to show up at home, they can't show up in the world. And I don't think any parent intentionally say listen, I'm going to do everything for you, so you ain't, you know, you ain't never got to do nothing in your life.
Speaker 1:It's I want to make your life easier, but Denzel Washington has a quote easy is a greater burden to society than hardship. Now, I'm not saying making kids raise themselves with a video camera while I'm out in the sea, but what I'm saying is that we can make stuff so easy where they don't have to learn, and to put that work in for themselves, because you and I both know doing the work helps us learn better, right Kinetically. If we touch stuff, we can do stuff better. So you know, just showing up in in multiple ways within ourselves allows us to show up to a new dimension, as we were talking about, I would say, last night, to another and every dimension of our children taking them with you when you doing new stuff and exploring new things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, them kids could have went on that cruise.
Speaker 1:You still back to the cruise? Listen, the kids could have went on.
Speaker 2:I don't know, maybe she's trying to get away from the kids.
Speaker 1:I just don't know, because there's times I be like listen somebody else.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, on a cruise ship, you don't have to even be with your kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know what was going on with her, but I'm just hoping. But for any parents out there, don't do it. Don't do it If you need help. I think it's really important to tap into it. You know what? Earlier in my parenting, I didn't Of course I had that pride issue, whatever but when I was working and I needed somebody to take care of my kids I had no one to take care of my kids I hired somebody, like I hired um. It was called my. My son told me that he was like mom, go to what do you say? Kidscom or something like that. I forgot the, the name of the kids care dot com, something like that. There was a. It's a Web site where it's like certified child care centers. They certify CPR, they cost a little on LA, but you know that they're going to be taking care of your child.
Speaker 1:And I was blessed enough to have a young lady who was a Christian and she was a college student, so she would come. I would work overnight, so she would come. I would work overnight so she would come and take care of my kids for me, because I couldn't leave them in a house by themselves while I'm working overnight. You know parents still got to work. So I think, if you don't have the village that we, so everybody, needs, tap into someone that you know that you can trust or even if you got to go on to.
Speaker 1:You know another website that is safe. Secure. It is background check. These people have background checks and everything.
Speaker 2:ABCnanny is like that they go through drug screenings, all that.
Speaker 1:There's so many things that we don't have to leave our kids in, you know, and it's different ranges of pay rate, right, it's really based on what you need. They even have people come in there cleaning up. I got you Come in there cleaning up. I got you Coming there cleaning up and everything. So what do you want? To leave with the people? Because you know our time is running near.
Speaker 2:When thinking about showing up for your children, make sure that you show up for yourself. Be intentional about everything that you're doing, your decision-making, your choice-making, and go from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so thank you, pam, for joining us again, which you know we'll be back, because I'm kind of feeling this with this co-host situation now.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me, I feel like we got something going on here.
Speaker 1:I feel like we laugh most of the time, but it's real. So thank you for joining in Parenting with a Purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle. We thank you for our guest Pam coming on talking about showing up for ourselves so that we then can show up for our children. It's so important to make sure that we are connected with our children at every area of their life emotionally, physically, financially, you know, not just providing for our kids food, clothes and shelter, but really attending to their emotional needs as well. So join us next week again on Panther with Purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle. Bye.
