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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Empowering Our Children by Creating a Unshakeable Base
Parenting is an odyssey that shapes the destiny of our children, a fact I've come to realize more deeply with each passing day. My experiences have taught me that the guardianship of their dreams, especially in the glitzy but often treacherous entertainment industry, is both a privilege and a profound responsibility. In our heart-to-heart conversation, we navigate the complexities of providing our kids with the moral compass they need to stay grounded amidst the allure of fame. Expect a candid discussion on the paramount role of parents in arming the next generation with values that foster integrity and self-respect.
I reminisce about the delicate dance of upholding principles within the home, a journey marked by the defiance of teenagers and the importance of leading by example. The tales shared of boundary-pushing and rule-setting are reflections of the broader narrative on character building in our children. We peer into the mirror of our actions, as I ponder how our everyday choices become the silent instructions our kids follow, witnessing the impact of our conduct on their development.
To wrap up our session, I share insights into the day-to-day moments that become cornerstones of our children's ethical framework. From a teachable episode at a local Wawa to reinforcing reliability in the face of life's unpredictability, I highlight how these instances evolve into lessons on honesty, respect, and responsibility. As we close, I extend an invitation to join me in embracing the monumental task of parenting, fostering a space within our homes that not only nurtures but also radiates integrity and character, ultimately shaping a brighter future for our society.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
We'll be right back. So We'll be right back, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh. Thank you, you with the purpose. I am your host, donnaelle, where you know I strive to bring back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting. As I say, parents are the bows and our children are arrows, and they will land wherever we aim them. Might not be today, might not be tomorrow, hey, it might not be next year. I don't even know when they're going to land, because right now I'm trying to figure out when my children gonna land where I aim them, but eventually they do aim. They do land wherever we aim them.
Speaker 1:Right, um, as long as we're putting those things in them that we need to. Um, like giving them the tools to be able to be successful in their life, whatever success means to you and your family. Um, because we don't want to send our kids outside naked, right Elected world dressed them. Because we see what's going on now. There's so many things going on now, right now, when we see that, even when we think we're sending our kids off to places where they can be singers, actors, they can go for their dreams, and we see right now firsthand, there's so many things going on behind the scenes of a lot of these things. You going on behind the scenes of a lot of these things, you know. I just believe, if we dress our children the right way, that some of these things that's going on wouldn't happen to our children, because we're building them to a place where they can have conversations with us, they can have conversations with a trusted adult. You know just some of the stuff that's going on right now that's not so good, and I'm not going to mention it all because it's making my stomach hurt just thinking about a lot of things that's going on in society right now with our children, with individuals who we think that we can trust them because they want the best interest for our kids and they just really kind of want the best interest for themselves and their own selfish intent.
Speaker 1:So, again, as parents, though, we just got to make sure our children are safe by any means necessary, and you got to be that parent that's always on the scene. If you got to be the mom manager, whatever you got to do to protect your children, do it, because nobody loves your children like you do, and nobody wants to protect your children to the level where we'll protect your children, to the level that you do. So just wanted to talk about that for a second, because there's a lot going on in the world when it comes to the entertainment business, whether it's acting or music. There's just a lot of stuff that's been uncovered that these children have been going through for a long time just to try to reach their goals and their dreams and aspirations. So sometimes you know, we push our kids so much where they want to become certain things and we're proud of them and we're like we're proud of you, and they feel like they got to hold on to some things, like secrets or even if they're uncomfortable in situations, just so they can make us proud. Sometimes these children are really just trying to make their parents proud, so they're not able to express some things that's going on with them, even if they're in an uncomfortable situation.
Speaker 1:But tonight we're going to be talking about. I thought it was important right now that we talked about so many things this year so far. We talked about vision. We talked about growth in the family. We talked about nutrition. We talked about breaking generational curses. We talked about dealing with narcissistic parents. We talked about so many things. We talked about fostering. We talked about what it's like for young men being raised by a single mom. We talked about we were kind of heavy this year, and we're only we're at the end of March, and we were kind of heavy. So I wanted to go back though.
Speaker 1:I wanted to talk about morals, values and morals, because a lot of things that we see was going on with our children. It kind of stems back from the household of what do we believe. How are we exemplifying what we believe, right, our morals and values? Because I feel like if you don't stand for something, you're going to fall for everything. Right, you know the old saying if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. But I'm telling you, if you don't stand for something valuable, something important, if you don't have a great foundation, you're going to fall for everything, everything, I mean. You're going to be tossed to and from with every wind. You're not stable. You know. It's just a bad thing if we don't stand for something, and what happens with that is that it triggers down to our children, right? If they see that we don't have any values or any morals, then they're in this world without values and morals and then they start having children without values and morals and we're just adding more chaos to the world.
Speaker 1:Our job as parents is which we have. Parenting is like the number one job and I can honestly say it's the best job. It's the hardest job. It is the hardest job. Well, wait, yo, hold up. I said I'm not going to say hard anymore. Right, it is one of the most challenging jobs out there, but it's so rewarding. It has ups and downs, ins and outs, but at the end of the day it has ups and downs, ins and outs, but at the end of the day, to be responsible for raising and help nurturing a child to grow into this world and society, to make a great impact, it's a gift. It is such a beautiful gift, even with its challenges, it's a gift.
Speaker 1:Now, I told y'all I'm at the stage where I got these teenagers and they're very challenging, right, they want to test my inner gangster every day and I told you the one. Now, y'all know her by now, but she really do really want to test my inner gangster. She's done some stuff this week already and I just looked at her and laughed y'all. That's all I did Last night. Matter of fact, she decided she wanted to eat dinner about eight. She was home. She was home from school for about four hours and then, at 845, she wanted to come down in the kitchen, decide she wanted to make dinner. I was confused. I was like what are you doing? She was like I'm hungry, oh really. So just those little things. When she know my kitchen is shut down at eight o'clock every night Right now, she just wanted to challenge me. It's all good, though. So she done a couple things this week, but you know I'm gonna let her slide y'all. I'm not gonna put her out there this week. Just that one challenging thing.
Speaker 1:But as we talk about like morals, like what do you stand for? What do you want your children to stand for? How do you want your children to behave? I have this thing that I wrote right. It says teaching our children moral value is one of the most important responsibilities we, as parents, have. In order for our children to act morally, they need to know what's good and care about the good and practice doing the good. So it's not like we're just teaching them by saying, listen, this is what I need you to do, this is how I need you to behave, but we're exemplifying before our children so that they can pick it up, they can grab it and they can say, okay, this is what it, this is what you're saying, this is what it looks like, right, it's really about being an example for our kids Um and um. And then also, how we treat our kids is how they're going to treat other people, right? Other adults or other kids.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I wonder I'm like who raised you? Sometimes I see some people, I see some adults and I'm like who raised you? Because just the way that, in the manner that people talk to each other, the level of disrespect that people have for each other, it brings me great concern about, like, what's going on in your life. Why do you have to treat people this particular way and to think like they have children? I was on, I had a conversation and this mom literally was just cursing her kids out come get this effing food, do this and do that. And I was like, listen, if you told me to come get some effing food, I don't even want the food. Like, if you treat me that way, like what happened to the love, caring and nourishing? Like I mean, can you be happy you're feeding me? Like, don't make, like you feeding me such a hassle or a chore. Can you get some joy behind that.
Speaker 1:Imagine going to a restaurant right, and the server, right. They come, the waitress or the waiter they come and they throw your food on the table and says here's your food, yo. And you're like I don't want that food. Like I mean, you're going to send that food back. You probably get up and leave the restaurant. You want to speak to the manager, you want to speak to the owner. You're like I don't like this service. This is distasteful. Like I can't even eat my. I lost my appetite because of the way the person's treating me. You know, you ever go to a store, even if it's just not a restaurant, even like a fast food restaurant and a customer service, you like I don't even want the food because I don't like your attitude.
Speaker 1:So imagine how we, as parents, do to our children, sometimes, like when we have an attitude or we have a nasty, just demeanor about ourselves, and then we expect our children to be oh, gung-ho, old joey and accepting what you're giving them, when you just literally treat them like trash. And it it's not. Sometimes it's not even intentional. Honestly it is. We had a long day, whatever going on in our mind and our hearts. We're frustrated. So maybe the light bills do. Maybe you you know you had to work so hard to get that food, maybe you barely knew what you were going to cook for dinner. But that translates to our kids as if they become a burden to us because we have to do these things right.
Speaker 1:So just thinking consciously of how do we, how do we treat our children? Because sometimes you know, like I said, if we're dealing with listen, I'm guilty of it too when I'm having a hard day and I'm just so frustrated and my, my kids you know, two of my kids think that they're like the queen of negotiation. Everything is negotiation. Go turn the water on. I got 20 stories why that water was on, but I didn't ask the 20 stories, right? But they think that they're queen of negotiation.
Speaker 1:So sometimes I get a little short with them and I get a little frustrated, like I don't want to hear it. Just stop talking, stop talking. And I don't say it the best way, though I don't say it nice, and I don't say it the best way, though I don't say it nice and I don't say it kind, because one, I'm frustrated and I already had this long day and all I'm simply saying is. I'm going to need you to next time, just make sure the water is off, because you know we do pay for water. Well, I pay for water around here and I don't want to hear this extra stuff.
Speaker 1:So sometimes I'm very short with her. It ain't just the one, sometimes it's both of them. I'm very short with the, both of the girls, um, but even in that I kind of pull back and go back and apologize and say, listen, this is why I did this or this is why I do that. And sometimes I don't apologize because sometimes, like, listen, it is what it is, it is what it is I. I don't even have to explain to you. I said it, that's it, because some things it's just I said it and that's it. I don't mind, you know, children having an opinion and everything, but sometimes that's just it. Enough is enough, especially when you want to go around the circle 20 times and I just don't, I can't sometimes. So that's what I'm talking about when we talk about morals or behaviors, and things like that Really exemplify what our children need to see. Um, you know, there's a I'm gonna read this, because I I have this um on my wall in my house and, um, it kind of years ago I've seen this, probably about a good 15 years ago, whatever and it says um, be careful of your thoughts, because your thoughts become your words.
Speaker 1:Be careful of your words, because your words become your actions. Be careful of your thoughts, because your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, because your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, because your actions become your habit. Be careful of your habits, because your habits become your character. And be careful of your character, because your character becomes your destiny. That is powerful, right there. Right, because that makes you stop, look and listen. Remember when we were younger they were like stop, look and listen and it all becomes a thought Right, whatever we think about, we begin to speak.
Speaker 1:Right, and whatever we speak, we begin to act. Like. If I think a thing, I speak a thing, and now I'm acting on that thing and that thing, whatever it is maybe it be good, bad or indifferent that thing becomes a habit. Right, how I'm acting is now becoming a habit, and then that habit builds my character. That shows who I am right. When we talked about even the person serving the food being nasty serving the food, like now, this has become a habit in you and now this is your character, this is who you are, right. And then that character it translates to where you're going to go in life, right, it translates to your destiny. That character it translates to where you're going to go in life, right, it translates to your destiny.
Speaker 1:You know, there's a saying where I said a couple times on the show before I talked about one of my daughters, right, where I said that she had an opportunity to go to California to be an actress. She, you know, you know how we do, like the different stages, like American Idol, like you get voted, you do this and do that. She had a great opportunity, maybe about two, about two or three years ago, and she had went to each level, right, she was doing phenomenal, she was acting, she had professional coach people from Disney, nickelodeon, like they, people that was in, like the guy that was in Spy Kids, like she really had some great coaches, right, and she was ready to go. Listen, she was ready to go to California. They already was paying for her to go to California. I was going to go out there. She was going to literally be out there for a week, right, and she had the opportunity to be, uh, auditioning for sitcoms. She had the opportunity to, and not only for just acting, they wanted her to model as well. Right, she had all this opportunity. I was so happy for her because it's something that she likes to do, right, because she do local acting now, man.
Speaker 1:But after I prayed about it and really just watched her and talked to her and I realized her character was not straight, I was like no, and that was like one of the hardest decisions as a mom, because we have to make some unpopular decisions. I was like I was so gung-ho for her to go, I was so happy, I was celebrating her, but after watching her and just, you know, warning her about her behavior and things like that, and realized that her character was not where it needs to be. Now we know that our children are still growing right, but I thought about it if I send my daughter out there to California and her character is not solid even at her age, that she's going to get into that entertainment world, right, and all types of stuff happen. You know what happens? They have drugs, alcohol, sexting, all this crazy stuff. What happened now?
Speaker 1:First of all, you know I was going to be there as a mom manager anyway, but I felt like I was going to be fighting a battle and I just didn't want to do that and I didn't want that for her. I was like, listen, as you continue to grow and mature, there will be plenty of opportunities. Because imagine like you teaching your kid right and they're doing all these great things and we're giving them all the accolades, but they get in the room and they can't stay in the room because of their character. They're treating people nasty. They not. They just being not a good person, right. So you know, you ever see these professional people whether it's actors or sports figures or whatever you ever see them do so great in their talent, right, they're really great playing basketball. They're really great playing football. They're really great. They're the bomb actor, right, the bomb actors, right. They just you're like, oh, they got it all together. And then when you realize, once they start speaking or once you start hearing about some things they do, and you're like that is nasty, that is a nasty character, like the character of that person is nasty. And then you start thinking about you don't want to watch no more things that they've done.
Speaker 1:For example, you know the R&B star that's in jail for having sex with minor age children. Right had some great hits, man. There were some hits I was listening to, right. I grew up on these hits. My mom used to play the album all the time. Right Used to play it. I used to sing it, even as a younger adult I used to sing it.
Speaker 1:But once this stuff came out about what this person actually does outside of the music industry, just who he is on a daily basis, just his character, I could no longer listen to his music. Now we might say, well, what does that have to do with his music? It has a whole lot to do with music, because I don't want to support anybody who character is like that right, taking having sex with minors and forcing minors to do all these different things Like that's. I don't want to be associated with anybody like that, right. So his talent was great, right, he was a great musician, great artist, but his character could not keep him in the industry. Why? Because of his behavior. Right, because he can't stay there. Now he's in jail. I think he served, like he's doing, 30 years, right. But that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:Like you could build your kid up to be the best basketball player, the best football player, you know all these things, and even yourself, as a parent, could be the CEO of a company. You could do all these great things right, but then your character is shot. It's nasty and it's not going to keep you elevating, it's not going to keep you growing. So, as parents, our job is to make sure that we are displaying good character, that we're putting good stuff in our kids, and the only way that we're going to do that is right. If we're displaying good character, if we're putting good stuff in our kids, and the only way that we're going to do that is right If we're, if we're displaying good character, if we're walking the walk and talking the talk, like if we're doing it ourselves, because kids don't just listen to what you say, they watch you, right.
Speaker 1:So I wanted to go over some um, some morals like and and it's. I pretty much have a list here, but it's, it's however you want to do in your house. Have a list here, but it's however you want to do in your house, whatever this means to you, but just something to provoke us thinking about how we should behave and how that translates to our children. Because you know, we keep saying that this world is crazy and these kids are out of control. But, honestly, if we go back to the root of it, a lot of the times it's because parents are out of control and because their parents were out of control, and and and, because their parents were out in control and their parents, parents were out of control their parents. So it has to stop somewhere. So I feel like, at this time in the season that we're in, in the world that we're living in, that there are children really do have a promising future if we get it together as parents ourselves, if we start to invest in ourselves as parents, if we started and then invest in our children. So it's very important that we do a reality check, a self-evaluation for ourselves and say, okay, I don't like how that looks, I don't like how that smells. You know, if you don't like something smelling, right, you're going to fix it. The same thing, if you don't like the way something looks, you're going to try to correct it, right. So we're going to talk about this. So one of the one of the morals um, so here it is. It says uh, what virtues does your family most value Like? Your values guide your decision. Your decisions determine the quality of life. Um, so here here goes some of them to consider.
Speaker 1:So when we talk about acceptance, right, what is acceptance? Um, cause, these are the things that we want our children to display as they grow. Right, acceptance it says an objective attitude towards another idea, practices that differ from our own. Basically, is that learning to accept people for who they are right, not saying that you have to always be in connection with people if you don't, like you know their character or things like that, but really accept people for who they are. You know, whatever gender they are, whatever race they are. You know, a lot of times when we talk about accept people who they are, we always talk about kind of like race, right. But I think it goes deeper than that. It goes gender, it goes whatever ideas that person like, whatever whoever that person is like, accept them. And one of the ways, as parents, that we can teach our children acceptance is how we accept our children. How do you accept your children? Because, as parents, you know, we got an idea of what we want our kids to look, act and think like. Like we own them, you know, and we got all this control, so we have our ideas of how we want them to be right, but there are some things that they do that that's just who they are and it's not a bad thing. That's just who they are.
Speaker 1:You may not like certain things, like, for example, I don't like how one of my kids dress. Right, I don't like how they dress because I'm well put together and sometimes I'm like, what do you have on and why do you have on? But that's how she feels comfortable. She likes to wear loose clothes, she likes to I don't know what it's called, but she likes to dress the way she likes to dress y'all. And I found myself criticizing her a lot because I wasn't thinking. I'm thinking like that's not what I want you to wear. Now, it's not like she wearing no scandalous clothes and nothing crazy and not wearing all black and all this other stuff. She's not. She's not doing that. It's just that her style is not my style, and sometimes we try to force ourself on our kids instead of just letting them be who they are.
Speaker 1:So I'm learning how to accept her for the way she is or the things that she likes to do Like, or or even my son. My son is a very quiet young man and that's very different from me, as you can tell, and that's very different from the girls. So in our household we learn to accept him for the way he is, like we don't have to force ourself on him, force him to um, to do all these things that we do. We can appreciate for who he is. And I think it starts in the household. If we learn how to accept each other in our household, then when our children go out in the world they can learn acceptance. They can be already understanding and says okay, that person may not look like me, smell like me, talk like me, act like me, but I can understand and appreciate a person for who they are and what they're doing right. And then, after you know, we talk about the acceptance.
Speaker 1:It comes along with compassion. Right, compassion is understanding the suffering of others and self or self and doing something about it. So compassion, for you know, I don't know it's like. So teaching compassion at a young age it seemed like it's easier than to do it as an older age kid, so it got to kind of be from the beginning. But just teaching compassion is like when you see somebody's hurting, be the one to go help them, right, if you see somebody who don't have lunch, be the one to give them lunch. Or if you just see a need having compassion for people, right. For example, there's a situation right now that's going on in our city, right, want to give them lunch. Or if you just see a need having compassion for people, right. For example, there's a situation right now that's going on in our city. Right, the young lady you know, she, she uh, ended up in a creek, um, from a real bad rainstorm. Right, and they still cannot find her body. The young lady is only six years old.
Speaker 1:Compassion is people in the community coming together and going to go help this family, going to go, make this family going to go, make sure that they support the family, make sure that they're praying for the family, make sure that they're providing meals for the family, because you know if your child is missing, you're up all night and all day You're trying to figure this out. And even supporting those who are supporting the family, like the law enforcement, the dive team, just providing stuff for them. That is compassion. You see somebody suffering and I think, if our children see us out there doing these things, that they too will learn how to do them.
Speaker 1:There was another situation. It was a lot going on this week y'all. There was another situation in Maryland where the bridge you know, a boat hit the bridge and the bridge fell down, broke down. You know, london Bridge is falling down, literally fell down y'all, and there was the dive team and there were so many people out there and there was groups of people really trying to make sure that these people are fed, make sure that there's water on the scene, make sure there's warm blankets. Like that's compassion, that's seeing somebody go through something and you want to help them.
Speaker 1:So if we could show that in our own household, right, if we could show compassion to one another, compassion to our children we're compassionate to our children, understand that, like something happened, we're not well, you'll get over it, just get over it. Especially to our boys we say suck it up, man up. Or to the girls like, listen, go ahead with that, like I see you. You only need to need to be crying like that or stuff like that, instead of understanding that there there's a sufferer, somebody's suffering at the moment. So how do we treat people who are suffering, right? Um, and also like um.
Speaker 1:Another one is um, courage, courage, like teaching. These are, these are morals that I think that parents should display and then our children will pick up on them. So we're going to talk about it with our children and then we're going to exemplify by our character or who we are or how we live, right. So so courage, like teaching our kids, like, even at difficult times, you can still overcome, right Kids. Like, even at difficult times you can still overcome, right, you know, if you get a bad grade, or you know and I'm just saying for kids if they get a bad, sometimes kids like me upset when you get a bad grade. But just teach them listen, you can still do it. Just have the courage to keep going on. If they fall, hurt themselves, it doesn't matter if, if they, if their friendships didn't end up the way they wanted to encourage them to, to keep it moving, just the willingness to just keep going non-stop. But that's courage, like teaching them listen, no matter how hard it is, how dark the situation may be, you can still overcome that. And the best way to teach these children is life situations.
Speaker 1:I think everything is a teachable moment in your household, whatever's going on, even if you're having a rough time, showing your children that you're overcoming some things. For example, back in 2020, I had three strokes and my children was able to see my courage and willingness to keep moving forward, no matter what. Now they didn't want to see their mom like that and I didn't want to be like that, but they actually got to see me keep moving forward, even when I couldn't walk, trying to walk. So just showing our kids that it the courage just to keep moving forward, no matter what. Um, also one of the things that I don't know like.
Speaker 1:The word fairness to me is interesting, because you always hear people say that ain't fair, this ain't fair, that ain't fair. But fair is just a way of saying like share, act appropriately, share appropriately, right, don't treat one person better than the other, be fair, be across the board better than the other. Be fair, be across the board, be the same. Like don't change up, don't switch up, just because this person is around or that person is around. You know, for example, you know a lot of times people may go to church, right, and they have one behavior at church, right, and then they get home and they switch up and the kids are like I don't know if you're Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde, what's going on, how you're acting one way here or acting another way at home, or acting a particular way around people, other people, but then when you get home is you all discombobulated, you all out of pocket, and your kids are just like how is that fair? You behave this way here and then here you're this way.
Speaker 1:So it confuses our kids of how they should act as well, how they should to be, like it's okay to switch on and off or be double-sided. Um, so just teaching I feel like that needs to be a moral that that we we treat people fairly, like we we're sharing appropriately. We're not just treating you this way because you have money and you don't have money, like just not none of that. Like we really need need to be fair. And then when we talk about the fairness, we talk about generosity right, because it what comes to my mind is that how we treat people who have money versus people who don't have money, or people who live in a house versus people who are homeless right, how we treat people. And so when we talk about like sharing, appropriate, being fair, then we get into the generosity. Right, are we willing to give resources? Are we willing to help others in a time of need, right? So are we teaching our children to be generous, like I know? I want my children to be generous, right, I want generosity to go through my family because that's the way I live. So if they see you helping other people, if they see you treating people well, that literally goes on to them and they're like well, this is just a lifestyle that we have, right, this is what we do. And then they understand why we do it.
Speaker 1:For example, I remember, years ago, my son. He wanted to give all our money to the homeless man, right, you know the people. They come out, the handlers, they come out and they come out with their signs and all that. And I have just watched a documentary right on how some of these people are scammers, right, how they literally had a documentary where people were. They watched them put these clothes on and do all this and make that, make that look like they were really homeless, right. And then, after their shift was over, they went back in their car and they went into a mansion and it was a bunch of people living in a mansion and my heart was hurt and I was like I give money to the homeless, the people who are standing while I'm at the light and stuff, and my son wanted to give. Like I gave a couple of dollars. My son was like we need to give more money. They're hungry.
Speaker 1:But what made me stop, though, is because I was like I don't even know if these people really going to be using my money. So he had said to me he was like Mom, honestly, it doesn't matter what they do with the money, the fact that you help them out for whatever their need is is more important. That you were giving, and I was like, yeah, but I don't want them to take my money and they're not in need. But just for him to understand what generosity is like, he was like I'm not responsible for what they do with the money, I'm just responsible that my heart is good enough to be able to give. Right, yeah, that hit me because I just was like yeah, but I'm not getting all my money. So then I explained to him, because I didn't want his heart to be crushed Right, and said my mom is cheap, my mom don't want to help the people, you know. I really explained to him what happened and why I made the decision, and he was like well, not everybody does it. I said I get it, um, but right now, um, I'm going to give them a little bit and then somebody else going to come along and get them some more too, right, um? Or even just um. If you're like, for example, our church, they feed the homeless, right? They feed them and they close the home. So even taking your kids to events like that, where people actually come and they're in need, and you're being generous, you're helping.
Speaker 1:And being generous is not even about always giving somebody money, always giving somebody food or clothes. Being generous is like even generous with your time, like taking that time for people, like really giving up yourself for a moment if somebody needs to talk to you, if somebody you know and I think my kids does that really well, like, well, the one that touched my inner gangster because you know she out there so she's very generous with her time, with her friends and listening. She's always got a listening ear, because everybody problems seem to be this girl's problem, so she's always generous, in a sense of having a ear, listening, um, and I don't I don't discourage that, I just tell her not to get involved in whatever's going on. You could kind of give some advice, but you don't get in the middle of it, but she does try to be the mediator, so I feel like she's being generous because she thinks that she can help solve the problem.
Speaker 1:A gratitude the attitude of gratitude, is another one. I'm big on that too. Gratitude Because it's important to show appreciation to others, even for the smallest things. And, as you notice as I go down this list, it's really about serving right. It's really about helping one another as we get. It's like the foundation of you know who we are right. And then it goes into these moral things of the things that we do right.
Speaker 1:So when we talk about gratitude, we're talking about our attitude, our lifestyle, how do we live, how do we appreciate others? And I think one of the biggest ways that we can show our children how to have gratitude is we ourselves show gratitude, and not just on their birthdays, good report card or they did well in sport. Really showing a gratitude that the fact that, like you're here, you're mine, I am grateful that you're here. Even it's for the. You know the small things of oh, your room looks nice today, like not always. Oh, why your room not clean, why this or why that? Um, and even when we think about our adult children, right, um, being grateful that there are children and showing them and explaining to them some things that you're grateful for. I'm grateful that you, you're holding down a job and you're doing really well. I'm grateful that you're not out on the street, like just being the attitude of gratitude, appreciate it, like I appreciate who you are as a person. I think that if we start doing that in our own household, that that really will spill out to the world, because there's a saying what goes on in the house, what eventually goes on outside, right, whatever you do in your body, however you take care in your body, you're going to be able to see it on the outside of your body, right, you're going to. It's going to be displayed because it can't just stay in, right, so that's the same thing. Whatever you do at home, you will be able to see the fruit of it in the community. See the fruit of it as your children grow and flourish, right.
Speaker 1:Another one like honesty teaching our children to be honest. You know all I, if I'm as I'm thinking, I'm thinking about you know, whatever my parents used to say, whatever you do, don't lie to me, don't lie to me, and um, and you know that whole little thing, a little white lie, a little lie here, a little lie there, but I don't even know how lies become color. I don't even know, honestly, how these lies become colored colorful or colorless or whatever. Um, but teaching our children to be honest. But you know, the most important thing how we can teach our children to be honest is if we're honest with them.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, as parents, we want to cover things up or we want to keep information from them and we really operate in dishonesty and when we wonder why our kids are walking around being dishonest. So I think there's a way of being honest though you know age appropriate, and there's a way of being honest, though you know age appropriate, but not to lie or deceive or anything like that. Really, think about you know, how do you want to share this information so that it's digestible, right, because we have to do it age appropriate, and it has to be digestible, like honestly, sometimes. Sometimes we can be so honest and we can be so frank when we can damage people, right. So, really, just teaching them how to be honest and how to allow it to be digestible, right, how it displays on the palate, right, for example. You know, I remember one of my kids I don't remember which one, it might have been all of them.
Speaker 1:You know how we talk about the tooth fairy, when we talk about the holidays like, or Easter, like the Easter bunny coming to do this or Santa Claus coming to do this, and as our kids get older, right, they start realizing that those things don't exist right, and they straight up and say mom or dad, you lied to me, why would you lie to me? Even that simple lie like that, really, it's really kind of put some distrust in our children, right, we think that it's small, we want to have the fantasy of it, right, and you know, I don't want to take fantasies away from kids, but at the same time, you know, being honest in an age-appropriate way, so that we don't destroy their fantasies, crush their fantasy, but at the same time, being real. Listen, that is what we see on TV. That is, you know, a fantasy. You know that's the thing that we see. But, honestly, you know mom and dad work really hard and you know why do you think we ask you what you want for this holiday or something like that?
Speaker 1:Just have a conversation where we're just being honest, though, but honest in a good way, and it really does teach our children how to be honest, because any minute they'll be like, listen, you lied to me about A, b and C and you saying, well, I just wanted to protect you. So then they start thinking, well, I'm going to lie to protect people too, right? So you see how that kind of just keep going, going, going. We think it's a small thing, but it can be a big thing. Um, another thing that teaching our children, um to have integrity, man, this is a big thing. Um, I think integrity goes along with character, right, how do you act? Who are you right? What do you stand for? There are so many situations where our integrity can be challenged, right, and again, I'm talking about really making sure that we are displaying these morals in our house and our children know what we stand for. Right, our children know it because they see it in us, and then we're also explaining to them integrity.
Speaker 1:Like, what is integrity right? Like sticking to your principles, sticking to the ethics and the values, right, I had a situation and one of my kids I'm not going to say which one cause, I'm not going to put them out there but, um, we were at the Wawa and you know how you get these slushies right. You got small meat in my large slushies and, um, my one child particularly wanted to get a large slushie, slushie and then wanted me to say, cause you could do them self checkouts right, wanted me to ring it up as a small and I'm like what, what we doing? And why would you do that? Oh, it's cheaper. And I was like, but why? Like, I have the money to pay for the larger one. Why would you, why would you want to pay for something that you didn't have? Like, I just couldn't understand the whole thing.
Speaker 1:So I did an integrity lesson and I said listen, it's you know, integrity is doing the right thing, even when somebody else, somebody isn't looking. It's like who you are, what do you stand for Because? And then I said you know, I go, listen y'all, I go all the way left. Sometimes I can overdo it, I can admit. So I'm like well, if you, if you, if you lie, you steal, you stealing, you cheating, and then you kill it. Like I went everywhere. I was like you know, you lie, you steal, you cheat, you kill.
Speaker 1:I went into the whole thing and he was like this is not a video game. But no, I was being so serious because we think it's little small things. Like I said, listen, it starts by you, you know, being dishonest with this system here, saying that you have a small drink when you have a large, so that's, that's still it, that is still a straight up because you're being dishonest. I said so. Then what happens when there's another situation and you, you try to do the same thing, but it's a bigger, it's a bigger issue and it becomes bigger and bigger. And then, next thing, you know, you're arrested and you in jail for stealing. Mom, I'm not going to jail for stealing, I just it was just a small thing, yeah, but it's not right. It's not right. So integrity is doing the right thing, even when nobody's looking. So teaching our children that.
Speaker 1:So I could have easily been one of those moms like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me save some money on this. You know, let me save some money, so you get whatever you want. I'm going to save some money. No, not around here, we're not doing that. Even if I didn't even have the money First of didn't even have the money first of all, if I didn't even have the money to get it, I wouldn't even be in the store getting it right. If I only had the money for a small, you would have been getting a small. The fact that I got let you get a large showed you that I'm good, like, I don't need you to try save me money. It's just dishonest. So, um, teaching our children not going along with it, because sometimes, as parents like, like we, like, oh, it's just a small thing. It's a small thing, but really that's teaching them how to have good integrity, like, listen, don't do that. Now, you know he, he's never done that. They never did that again with me. Um, because I was just like no, I don't know what they do when they're not with me, but I'm hoping and my prayer is that, because I took a stand and said, nah, we don't do that around here, that they won't do that or they think about what I said.
Speaker 1:What else? Respect y'all know I'm big on respect. I talk about respect every week, right, I talk about respect, man, something about respect, just just. Uh, oh, it gets to me and I'm learning for, um, not to say everything is disrespectful because I don't like it, right, that's one of the things, that's one of my flaws, y'all, and that's one of the things I'm working on, even in this parenting, because I'll be thinking, like when my kids do something that's disrespectful. If, if you come in the house and put your shoes in the middle of the floor, man, why you got to be so disrespectful, right, like everything to me is, I take as it's against me and it's disrespectful. So my kids be like mom how is that disrespectful? And here I am because it is. I can't believe you just put this. I cleaned this living room. You know I go into that whole cleaning thing and feel disrespectful. My dish is not done and stuff.
Speaker 1:But teaching our children to be considerate and respectful is important and really not. I'm learning not to like really mislead them of what respect is Right, because I told you I'm always saying that things is disrespectful and some things is just not disrespectful. Y'all, I just make it like it is because I feel, because again it's me feeling like it's disrespectful but some things just really not respectful. So really teaching them what's respectful and what's disrespectful and having a good conversation about that and one of the things that the kids I often hear kids say, particularly teenagers, though not just mine, but other teenagers when you get into the situations where they're at school and somebody's yelling at them or not treat them so nice an adult and they'll say, well, they disrespected me, so I disrespected them.
Speaker 1:So even teaching our children like, even if somebody disrespects them, that doesn't mean that you change who you are. Like, if you're a respectful, upstanding person, don't change who you are because of the way somebody's treating you Now. Don't let nobody treat you. Just in your way, walk away. There's some other coping things that we can do when people become disrespectful to us. But being disrespectful back is a no like cause that doesn't solve the problem, right? You're literally doing what you don't want them to do to you, right?
Speaker 1:So just teaching them really how to balance that and what respect really mean and how respect should be utilized in this world. And the best way to do that again is, if they see it on us, if they see us respecting people, talking to people, right, um, not not just treating people just just nasty or, um, inconsiderate. If they, if they see us doing these things, then they they'll start picking it up and understanding. Um and again, like I said, they might not even understand today, they might not even get it tomorrow, but eventually that stuff will sink in their head Like their sponges, that stuff will get in them and they begin to start displaying that without even realizing, like whoa and I'm famed by saying, yo, I remember when my mom used to do that or I got that from my mama Um, so, just really just exemplifying just good characters, right?
Speaker 1:Um, teaching them responsibility. Um, this, this is a big one too. Like in my, in our families, we got to teach them to be responsible, not giving an excuse for everything or why they didn't do something, or blaming someone else for something that you did. Like, really take accountability, be responsible for some things, right, and being reliable, like having, if you say you're going to do something, do it. If you're saying you're going to be somewhere, show up, like just being reliable, just being responsible for who you are as a person, responsible for the things that you say, responsible for the things, the way that you act, right, just really being responsible in our obligations.
Speaker 1:And I think one of the ways as parents that we could do that is if we're telling our children we're going to do something and we do it, or if we can't do it, we explain to them why not. Oh, we just not going to do this today, or um, just you know, whatever goes on your household there's different ways that we can say it, but really, just um, just being reliable. Are we as parents reliable? That's the question. Are we reliable because if we display, if we're reliable and responsible, our children will be too, because you can't grow up in a house and you have all these things, and then you go out in the street and you start acting a fool.
Speaker 1:Now you might try it a little bit, but because something that is ingrained in them or ingrained in us that won't last for long, that's like water that just goes away, that evaporates because you have something deeper. There's a substance that's like water that just, that just goes away, that evaporates because you have something deeper. There's a substance that's deeper within you and that's what we're really trying to build in our kids a deeper substance, something that that's weighty, that holds them right um, and when we talk about self-control, right um, control our words, control our words, control our behaviors. You know a lot of it is um we talked about. Be careful of your thoughts, because your thoughts become your words. Right, and be careful of your words because your words become your actions.
Speaker 1:So if I'm thinking negative, I'm going to start speaking negative and then I'm going to start responding negative, right? So just even being even when we upset at our kids or upset our spouse, or upset at another adult or whatever just just being having that control of self. Like you know, I'm quick to walk away. My kids will tell you like I will walk away and I'll start singing Jesus on the main line. I'm calling you up, I'm telling you what I want. I start saying I have all these different sayings to keep me calm, to bring me back in, so that I can take a deep breath and not really be explosive, because there are some situations where you get frustrated, you be explosive. I told you a couple weeks ago about how I was so upset I threw all the pots and dishes all on the floor in the kitchen because I was out of control, because I was so upset that I literally was out of control. And I knew I was out of control because even I had to go upstairs and try to get myself back together.
Speaker 1:But even in those situations, if we, if we teach our children how to respond to things that that we're not happy about, um, things that anger us, things that gets us upset, and how we can control ourself, um, they too will do the same thing. We don't have to worry about teachers calling us, talking about the child and, through the chair, through the table, through the desk, got up the table through the desk, got up in the teacher face balling the fist up, do all these things that. You know, when we are angry and we don't have self-control, that's what happens. So, really teaching our kids to have these, have these morals and these foundations in the house, like as for me and my house, this is what we're going to do around here. We control ourself, ok, around here. This is what we do around here. We love people around here. You know, we help people around here. We're responsible.
Speaker 1:We take, we take accountability for what we've done and what we didn't do right and then trustworthy. Can our children trust us, or or? Or? Even when it's difficult though, are we reliable even in difficult situations? Or are we going off and are we not being true to our own word because of situations? Listen, life be life, right, I keep telling you all this Life be life, and if you haven't learned yet, you're going to learn that life be life and stuff just be happening, right, and because these things are happening, sometimes we get out of control. Um, we, we don't become reliable because a or B or C happened. And all this our children sees period, they see this and when they see this, they start behaving this way.
Speaker 1:So, as parents, it is very, very important for us to do a self-evaluation and say all right, these are the morals I want my children to have. Am I myself? Am I displaying these morals? Am I acting appropriate, according to the morals that I set before my family? Because everybody wants their children to be successful, right? And I believe every child wants their parents to be successful too, right? It ain't just about what we want for our children, it's really what our children want for us too. It's like it's a relationship, right, it's a back and forth, it's a give and take. Our children learn from and take. You know, our children learn from us, we learn from our children.
Speaker 1:So I believe that, in order for us to be really holistic and have a great foundation, these are just. I mean you there's other morals in your family that you want to go by, so be it. There's other things, but I just listed some things that I thought about and what I really want to see in my kids and what other people have explained. They want to see in our kids and it's like how do we do that? How do we, how do we get this in our kids? The number way of getting stuff into our kids is we live it ourselves.
Speaker 1:If we, if we out here cussing, fighting, fighting, screaming, shouting, shooting up, stabbing, doing all this crazy stuff, and then we want our kids to be able to. Oh no, just calm down, just calm down. But you're not calm. You're telling your kids to be calm and you ain't never calm. What's wrong with that, right? So you got to have self-control. We got to begin to look at ourselves as parents, because you keep seeing, we keep seeing all this stuff that's going on in the world, right, we keep seeing all this stuff that's going on with our kids.
Speaker 1:When we talk about violence and we talk about disrespect, we talking about, you know, teachers fighting kids in school, like when we talk about all these things, right, and they're like well, we need to do something to help the kids. And I'm just like well, first of all, the reason why the kids are acting like that? Because there is a disconnect, right, there's a disconnect for whatever reason. You know I'm not coming at nobody household. But what I'm saying is that it all starts from the house, it all starts from home. It all starts from home Because, I mean, you got to see it from somewhere, right? And if you spend most of your time at home, if you're being trained at home, this is the kind of behavior that's going to come out if this behavior is demonstrating at home.
Speaker 1:So, if we want our kids to be respectful, we want our kids to be trustworthy, we want our kids to be reliable, we want them to have good character. If we want our kids to have self-control, control yourself, parents. We, as parents, got to control ourselves, right. So, again, there are so many different things that we can teach our kids, but I feel like our responsibility is to really teach them how to be morally right. You know, because we keep saying that this world is bad and evil. Right, this world is so terrible, but we are in the world. It ain't like. You know, the world is just here by itself. We are in the world. So that means that we are displaying some bad character, we are displaying some evil. We're displaying things that we keep talking about. It's the world, as if the world is just literally separated. That we don't about, it's the world, as if the world is just literally separated, that we don't live in the world. But one of the ways to help the world is to help our own household. Teach our children how to live right, how to act, how to think right. Teach our children how to think positive, how to think about. What type of coping skills do I need so that when somebody does something to me, I don't have to be angry Like teach these things in our own household and then that will trickle down into the world. Because if every household really take a look at the household, if we all take a self-evaluation of our household and say, okay, these are the things I'm seeing, these are things I don't want to see and these are the things I'm seeing. So how do we readjust, right, reconstruct, how do we get there? And one of the ways to get there is really looking at ourself as parents. So that's all I have for you tonight.
Speaker 1:Again, this is Donna Janelle, with Parenting with a Purpose, where we strive to bring back the responsibility. We talked about responsibility today. We talked about being noble, right, nobility, responsibility, nobility and beauty into parenting. Now, I said a lot tonight, but parenting still is beautiful, right, there's some things that we got to make sure that we get in line so that we can have our kids to be successful and and we got to take responsibility for it period, we're in charge of our kids, right, we don't own them, but we're in charge of training them and allowing them to grow to be successful. So, again, we are the bulls, right, we are, we're the bulls. We're there standing and they're there arrows, and we're pulling them back and we're sending them forward to be able to do whatever they need to do to be successful in life. So again, donna Janelle Panther with Purpose, thank you guys for joining me tonight. We'll see you next time.
