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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Savoring the Spice of Life Nurturing Family Bonds Through Diverse Diets
Ever found yourself locked in a hilarious stand-off with your sixteen-year-old over shower rights? Me too. It's moments like these that remind us of the joys and challenges of parenting, a theme we unwrap along with special guest Stacey Woodson, a registered dietitian and nutritionist, in a heart-to-heart talk on family dynamics and the role of nutrition in our lives. We share a laugh and delve into the serious community issues that touch our everyday lives, with Stacy offering her expert insights on the often overlooked essentials of health.
Parenting isn't just about managing the household chaos; it's also about navigating the complex narratives of food, culture, and mental health. Stacey and I break down common myths about the nutritional value of foods from diverse communities, and we chat candidly about the 'love it or leave it' philosophy, helping you enjoy those holiday treats guilt-free. From the cultural significance of soul food to the power of plant-based nutrition, we tackle how the choices we make at the dinner table can shape our family's health and happiness.
But we don't stop there. We also tackle the practicalities of meal planning for busy families, offering tips and personal anecdotes on how to keep your family nourished without the stress of striving for perfection. And for the parents out there, we explore strategies for respecting your child's food choices while keeping mealtime manageable. It's an episode packed with laughter, empathy, and the shared goal of nurturing informed, healthy communities. So, cozy up and let's chat about making those nutritious choices that allow us all to thrive.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you best figure me out or try to like irritate me or something, I don't know what it is. I feel like this is, this is our aim.
Speaker 1:So Sunday I was getting ready for church, I said I'm about to take a shower. She says I'm about to take a shower. I say, well, I'm about to take a shower. And she says I'm about to take a shower. And in my mind I'm like, is she playing games with me? Like I'm laughing in my head, like I know she can't be serious, telling me, basically, is she telling me not to take a shower, like I got to wait for her, or what is she doing? So then I just bust out laughing y'all, because I was like I'm not doing this with her today. Well, I'm not doing so. Then she proceeds to say well, what time will you be done to shower? Yo, I just bust out laughing. I said this is a test, this is a test. This is a test because there ain't no way a six year old is about to challenge me about a shower, the water I pay for, the house I pay for, the soap I pay for and I'm going to have to wait for her. That's crazy, right. This is why I tell you I think that she purposely try to figure something out to say let me see how I can get her off her game, but she ain't going to give me because I laughed at her. I bust out laughing and then my son turns around and looks at me like he I think he was just shocked that she said that, or he was trying to figure out what I was going to. Anyway, that's one of the things she did a lot of things this week, but that, that was the thing was the craziest because I just laughed at her.
Speaker 1:So you know, parents in this challenge, and they will test your in a gangster, my kids test my in a gangster all the time. But guess what I'm going to win? I'm going to win over them. I don't know if it's them, if it's me, if it's me, if it's them, they trying to figure me out after all these years, I'm trying to figure them out there. I don't know where is the disconnected. But let me tell you what's going to connect me laughing at you because I'm not fitting to argue with no kids. Okay, because they not, when I'm going to win.
Speaker 1:So, parents, stay, stay, listen, stay your ground, stay strong. Don't let them beat you, don't let your kids take no shower before you If you want to take your shower. That's the more less story. Okay, that's the moral of that story? Don't listen, just don't. Now, when they little, you give them the shower or baths and everything like that, then you go get yourself. Listen. At this age of the game, they 18, 16,. You're going to wait. Okay, period, I don't like taking a shower after my kids anyway. The bathroom be foggy, the floor be wet, stuff be all over the place. I don't want none of that. So you're going to wait. So moral of the story Don't let your kids take a shower before you. Anyway, I'm back, really back in, donna, okay.
Speaker 1:So tonight, you know, is a conversation that we're having it's very near and dear to me about holistic living, about health, nutrition, about wellness, about so many things by my body, mind, body, mind and soul, okay, so many things that we don't talk about, that we need to talk about, particularly in our community, because when we look at the stats that are are are people are dying at rapid numbers for a lot of health reasons, right?
Speaker 1:So tonight, my guess is, stacy Wood said she is a registered dietician, a nutritionist, and she is here to talk about what we don't talk about. Basically, you know, here at Panther, with a purpose, we have engaging conversations and we talk about what we, what, what people don't want to talk about, because we I believe here that the more information we share, the more we help each other out, the better outcomes we have in our community. So welcome to the show, stacy. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for coming. You know this is a topic that's very near and dear to me and throughout the show I'll share a couple of reasons why it's near and dear to me. But just tell us who you. We already know who you are. But tell us a little bit about yourself and then we'll get into some nutrition and wellness and all those things.
Speaker 2:Sure. So as, as you mentioned, my name is Stacy. I am a mom of three. I have a 12 year old, a 10 year old and an eight year old to be next week. I'm a homeschool mom. I'm a dietician and nutritionist by trade. I'm also a entrepreneur and children's book author. Yes, I fell into the career of nutrition nutrition almost 20 years ago. At this point I wanted to be a physician Okay, I was actually interviewing for medical school and then one day I read an article about nutrition, specifically about calories, and so, as somebody that's always been interested in health, I cared about what I ate, but I never really thought about how much, and so in this article, one of the things that it mentioned was that 3,500 calories was equivalent to one pound, and so I started paying attention to how much I was eating, right.
Speaker 2:That's coupled with I had just graduated from like undergrad and kind of taken that gap year and working at the University of Pennsylvania. So I was living in West Philly and in the parking was just terrible. So I was walking to work, so more physical activity and paying attention to my portions, okay, and I dropped a significant amount of weight. I don't actually know how much it was because that was never my intent, but if I had to guess, it was probably around 20 pounds, because people would come up to me like, oh my gosh, what are you doing? And I was just like, um, just living, yeah, just living. And that's when it really clicked to me that this is so important and a lot of the things that I wanted to do as a, as a physician, I could do in this world, which is, you know, help people improve their health and prevent chronic disease, and so that's the way I went.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, that's, that's interesting. Wow, so you wanted to be a physician. Wow, what kind of was it? Like peas, or like adults, or like what were you thinking Like, I mean?
Speaker 2:I feel like when you go into medicine you really don't know. But I was looking at derm dermatology, okay, um, I've always had an interest in skin, and skin Most people don't realize is the largest organ of your body, right?
Speaker 1:Wow. So now you're on on this food, but you don't just talk about food, though. Like you are so holistic, like in, in, in, very intentional of how, how you treat your body and things like that. Um. So what one of the things that you know, when I, when I met you um at an event and just heard you speak, and one of the things I kept hearing and it was more so about our community, the black community, and um having our pre-conference call, we were talking about um, a lot of things that were told that we can't do um as African Americans, that this is the reason why you're this way or this is the reason why you're that way, and there's so much about taking away so much from you where you literally it's like a restrictive diet and you really can't even like do that, and then you fall into the traps of doing other things and just messing up even more, right, um? So I want to talk about um, particularly for our African American community.
Speaker 1:I was trying to think about how I wanted to spend this thing, but we'll just start here.
Speaker 1:You know, we like fried chicken, right?
Speaker 1:We like fried chicken, we like collard greens, we like cornbread, we like all those things and for so long, like that's how most of us grow, have grown up, and then when we get into our adulthood and where we started to learn now that or we're told that stop eating, or that actually just stop eating, or that it's not even like you know. We know that food consumption is based on moderation too, but a lot of times I know for me, being diabetic my grandfather was a diabetic, my dad's a diabetic my grandfather actually died. He had his leg amputated and then there was some other throughout the years because he still was eating hot kind of what he wouldn't eat, you know. But I even see now, like even with my dad, like my dad is not as bad as my grandfather was, but there are some things that goes on with him being diabetic and then I was a diabetic. So it's just like it's these generational things. It's like how do we we stop it from hitting our generation after generation, but kind of in a healthy way, Right?
Speaker 2:So the first thing that's coming to mind as you're talking is we really have to look at the context of our society, right, and so our society is very different than it was for them. And so often I often hear people talk about, like my great grandfather, they used to eat, you know, this and that and that, and they live to be so long. Well, guess what? They didn't have the exposure to pollutants that we have. They didn't have the sedentary lifestyle. So you really have to look at the context of when, when we're living, right, and so the thing that I'm saying now is, I feel like the generation before us, they were trying to, they were trying to survive.
Speaker 2:You know, we had a conversation about, you know, that clean plate club. Like you eat, you eat everything that's on this plate. Why? Probably because they were worried about us going hungry, right. But now we don't want need to necessarily worry about. Some of us are still worrying about surviving, but a lot of us are worrying about thriving. So we're having different conversations than we, than we were having before, and so when we have these different conversations, we have to realize that it's not just about our physical health, but it's also about our mental health right. So if you were told I always use this, this example, because I happen to love sweet potato pie, like if somebody told me I could never have sweet potato pie again, I think I would die inside a little bit right.
Speaker 2:Because I love it, it brings me joy, so it boosts my mental health right, and to think that you could never have something that you, that you enjoy, that's really problematic and I feel like the way that people present nutrition specifically in this society is very it's, it's very I can't think of the word that I want to say but it's not looking at the big picture, it's just looking at this thing individually and how this thing interacts, and they don't think about how all these other things tie in when we talk about food.
Speaker 1:Yo, you just made a good point about, like you know, if somebody told me I can't have sweet potato pie, like I'm gonna be sad.
Speaker 2:Right, and is your mental health more important than your physical health? Right, and so if that's the case, if you're going to be, you know, distressed and all these other things, you have physiological responses from your mental health. So eat the pie. Don't eat it every day, but eat the pie.
Speaker 1:Yo, I never even put those two together Because you know we always hear like we're emotional eaters, right, we always hear that you know a lot of us Like we eat when we're happy or eat when we're sad. What we're eat, we just eat, eat, eat right. But I never really thought about until you just say, like how there really does tie into our mental, though, if you tell somebody they can't have something that they enjoy and it's not like that that thing is detrimental to their health, is like I mean you, you tell me to do something, don't do something. That's really bad for me. Okay, I get it, but understanding that even just moderation, like not, like you said, not every day, not even every other day, maybe like once or twice a month or whatever, because it brings you joy, it brings you peace.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so one of the things that I always say these foods that you were talking about you really think about how important they are. So I have this thing especially around the holidays a saying that I always tell to my clients love it or leave it. So oftentimes there's so much I could, so much I want to impact, unpack, but oftentimes when we end up in a situation where there's a bunch of food, we feel like we're not allowed to have it and it's not gonna come around again. Then we feel like we have to eat it all right, because it's present. I don't know when I'm gonna have the opportunity to have it. I'm already not doing the right thing. I might as well just eat it all now.
Speaker 2:So it's the scarcity mindset right, but if you give yourself and you allow yourself the, the, the space to have it and you give yourself ground rules around it, you know what I'm gonna eat? Piece of sweet potato pie once a month. Mm-hmm and you now have permission. You don't feel guilt, you don't feel shame and you didn't overdo it, because you've already set those boundaries for yourself right, you said something interesting like the scarcity mindset.
Speaker 1:Like I don't I'm trying to figure, I guess that must. It's just something that's just engraved in us just from, you know, years of slavery, even though we, it ourself wasn't directly impacted, but technically we were impact by slavery. So, like even when you think about the holidays, like I feel like the challenge has always been like who's gonna have the most place, or who has the most, like who's gonna eat all the food? Like it's like you can see, like it's almost like it's a competition. I feel like like, oh, you go off around three, you go around for it, but it's like not even in those rounds are actually filled with food, like filled to the top and as if the food was gonna go somewhere. Or you know, I remember just growing up watching people All right, you eat the first. Like we eat three o'clock, right, you know, on a Sunday or holidays, right, you eat three o'clock because at five o'clock you need to eat again. Or Like I seen it and I just was wondering, like why do we got to keep eating again, though we don't?
Speaker 2:Like. That's the reality. It's something that has become our norm, and this is where the conversation is. You know, before we were surviving, before, maybe holidays were the only time we had the the capability to do something like this. You know, we saved to be able to have that Christmas dinner or that Thanksgiving dinner, right, and it wasn't just something you could just do on a random Tuesday, right?
Speaker 2:And so now you really got to pack it all in, because you don't know when this is coming again, except for the next holiday season. So now we want to really think about shifting that mentality. Like I could really have this whenever I want, I need to set some guidelines for myself, specifically if it's a food that I struggle with, right you know if it's not a food that you struggle with and you're just like, oh, I could have that anytime.
Speaker 2:That's different, but a lot of us have our triggers right. Right, like for me. I really like sweets and I know that sometimes I do too much with sweets, so I have a rule that I don't make a lot of sweets in my house, or I don't keep a lot of sweets in my house, right, so when I'm out and I see something, I can have it and I don't need to feel bad about it.
Speaker 1:That's good. It's that feeling bad part right.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's that shame, right, that shame and that guilt because you're doing something wrong, which goes back to our mental health piece, right, and so people always want to say, not just, not just in the black community, but in communities of color, that, you know, our foods aren't, aren't as nutritious, which is a lie. Right, most most indigenous Communities have extremely nourishing foods. Right, like when you really think about that and I'll just talk about, you know, food that came, the soul food that came from slavery. Right, when you think about it, it's not, it's not all the foods that that we think about today. Right, they weren't frying chicken. You have to think about the time. Remember the context of the environment. They didn't have time to do all that, they didn't have those resources. So when you, when I really think about soul food, and I think about those really nutrient dense foods, I think about sweet potatoes, I think about black eyed peas, I think about greens, I think of all these plant-based foods, right, that often get vilified. And they didn't understand when I say they, this would be like the medical community. They really didn't understand the synergy or the magic that was happening With soul food, like some of those ingredients are put in there to pull out as many nutrients as possible. So you really think about this. This cuisine is a cuisine of maximum nutrition with minimal resource in in.
Speaker 2:In February I was doing like workshops called soul food, superstars and really some of these things that we add in, like we don't know why. Some people put a little Pinch of sugar in in the greens. Well, guess what? It increases the iron absorption. Some people don't know why you're doing doing these, why there's a little bit of meat in there. It helps with the plant protein, it helps the absorption of the plant protein. Like there's reasons why these things happen, but you don't hear about that in the literature because then the things that are studied, they're not about us, right. So you know, we have all these, these articles about kale and how great it is and I'm not knocking kale, kale is is amazing, right. But when you don't hear that same positive reinforcement with collards you assume there's a inferior, when indeed they're not inferior.
Speaker 1:Wait flag on a place they see, hold up. You, you just done hit me with a lot of stuff. Yo, wait a minute. We got a back up a little bit. You, I'm, I'm almost speechless. Oh, so let's go back to Putting a little sugar and stuff. Wait, what is you?
Speaker 2:you gotta go back to what you just said about how Things were added in so we can get the maximum nutritional benefit with the least amount of resources right, yes, so I mean, if you look, if you look at Traditional soul food recipes and once again, I'm not talking about things like mac and cheese, I'm not talking about Fried chicken, those would be what I like to think of.
Speaker 2:It's special occasion foods, right, but these plant foods that they would have access to, they, they have ingredients. So when you think about the spices that we use, you know and this is once again, this is not just with the black community, this is with any cultural community you use a ton of spices. What? What is one of the things that spices do? It helps with digestion, it helps with when you think of things like pepper and onion and garlic all of those things also support our immune system, right. So they're in these recipes purposefully, right. And so then you see people be like oh you know, take this out and this isn't so great for you. They don't understand why they were there traditionally.
Speaker 1:Whoa, wow, so there was a purpose behind it. We just didn't understand a purpose. You didn't understand the purpose. Now, wow, that's that y'all. Y'all hear that. People that wow, because you know, one of the things that I hear a lot of older folks say is that, oh, we can't have none. Y'all told us to eat vegetables and stuff, and now we eat vegetables. Y'all like how we eat them, so you know. So what is the point? You're gonna die from something.
Speaker 2:And I get that like, if I don't know what to do, I'm just gonna do what I want to do. Yeah, everything is wrong, I'm just gonna live my best life, right, right. And so that that's where that piece is. You're gonna determine what you can do, right, and then you're going to work with that, because there's there's a lot of things, you know, when we think of our lives, we think of the things that we could do to improve them.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of things that we could do, but some things are gonna be a lot harder for us to achieve than others, right, and so you do the ones that Actually you think you can do and not bring you a lot of pain or anguish. Once you realize how beneficial those things are and you see the change Maybe you're losing weight, maybe you feel more hydrated, maybe you're having better bowel movements, maybe you're sleeping better, whatever it is then you have some buy-in like, oh man, these changes really matter, they work, but just starting off the top with something that's that you don't enjoy, you're not gonna stick with it right.
Speaker 1:Wow, this is a lie. Oh, it's a lie because even you know I watch what I eat and things like that, but I just never Looked at it that way, I think a lot of times. Most of our issue is that we don't look at Traditionally why these things are happening or why you know, like it would ignore lack of knowledge. We based on what other people have told us About, and most of the time there's the people who don't look like us or telling us stuff about ourselves and not because their lack of understanding our knowledge and then we take that on and Continues to carry that and think that we are being burdensome to ourselves, mm-hmm, by what we eat right and not to say we can't make better choices.
Speaker 2:So I won't say that. There isn't a piece about you know, just being more mindful about the decisions that we're making around food. My piece is that we're often led to believe that our foods are solely the problem for the way we see you know, statistically, how people in certain communities their health outcomes. That's not the case. You know there are so many other determinants of health, whether it's the neighborhood that you're living in and the exposure to, you know, pollution, whether it's the lack of access to doctors or even if you go to the doctors. I'm not taking your, your complaints or things seriously. There's so many. There's, there's just layers upon layers.
Speaker 2:But people want to point the finger at you and like you have high blood pressure because you eat all this salty food or you have this because of this when it's. It's not just that one thing.
Speaker 1:Wow, so talk about how, because we talked about a little bit how the mental food it, like what we eat, and how does that affect our mind, like the mental or mental status, like, how do you correlate those two together?
Speaker 2:Like, because I feel like they can't really be separated because, well, our bodies is based on chemicals right, and so there's so many different directions that I could take this one with the first thing that you said. When you first said it, it made me think of gut health immediately. So you know, our immune system and so much of our mood is related to our gut. We're not feeding our gut appropriately, we're going to not have the optimal mindset right, and so if we are being a little bit more Consciousness about the choices that we're making to support our mood, we're gonna feel better and and specifically one of the things that so gut health is gonna be something that we hear more and more about. It's gonna become the norm conversation when it comes to nutrition, and one of the things that we're seeing is that we need to diversify our gut microbes. Okay, and we do that. The easiest way to do that is to diversify the amount of different plants that we eat, the unique plants that we eat.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm and so right now, the research is saying that you want to shoot for a minimum of 30 different plants per week, and most people are just like what? That sounds insane. But, um, one thing that I will say about it is not as hard as you think, and I'll give you some examples. But often we see people get in, even people that eat well, they get in a very regimented way of eating, right, and so like, oh, I have this and I have this vegetable, and I have this vegetable, and so they're always eating the same thing and they're not getting that variety in. But, once again, if you're not getting in that variety, you're not exposing your gut to as many microbes as possible, right?
Speaker 1:okay.
Speaker 2:And that's really the key to with mental health as well. And so, going back to this 30, this is going to include all different types of plants and other things. So you know you're going to get microbes from all types of things, so not just plants.
Speaker 2:But when you think about if you were having something like oatmeal and you'd be like, okay, I eat oatmeal for in the morning, that's great, but could we put some cinnamon in it? That's another plant, you know, cinnamon is bark from a tree, right, right, maybe we want to put some berries in there. That's another plant. So we're already up to three and maybe we decide if we like nuts or seeds, we're going to throw in some nuts or seeds. That's four right there, and you haven't even got out of breakfast one day.
Speaker 1:That's just breakfast, wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we're talking, you know, fruits, vegetables, herbs, spices, nuts, seeds, all of those things. So it's not really as hard as we think. We just have to be intentional about it.
Speaker 1:Right, I think, because I mean, when you just said 30, I was like whoa, whoa. But then something that just hit me is like cinnamon. Like we don't realize, cinnamon is a plant, though. Like you know one of the things we started putting cinnamon in my oatmeal because it's good for respiratory. It helps with your respiratory and I've noticed that. So but I didn't think, I don't know, I don't think that we think, realize that spices and stuff are plants too.
Speaker 2:And so, going back to what I was talking about, ancestrally our ancestors knew spices and they knew they were powerful and they knew they were potent and that's why they were putting them in stuff. It's not just to make it taste good. It does make it taste good as well, but it has other functions as well.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's good. Wow, so just breakfast alone already had us at four and we had to meet, we just one day, just breakfast, wow, that's good. Because I think I don't think we talk enough about that, about the things that we should add in, and one of the things that you said thing that I love is your best advice is not to subtract but to add. Right, add but not subtract. I thought I was like wait, but we've been told to subtract so long.
Speaker 2:Right, and how is it going? Yeah, not very well and it ties back in today.
Speaker 1:You're mad, you're angry. They be like you know the commercial. Or when somebody was, I think it was like a snigger commercial right.
Speaker 2:And it was like she's angry, Like she was hungry and she's angry.
Speaker 1:And wow, that's now that I'm looking at it, like that was just showing how, if you don't have what you want, it can affect your mind, like she was angry, or you know. I know it's like, if you know, if you didn't eat something, or you become more upset, a little bit more aggressive, a little bit more angry and like we don't, I don't, I didn't realize that, even though it's happening, like how that really does correlate to what you eat, like wow, it moved.
Speaker 2:And just to give everybody a little bit more clarity when I say I want you to focus on adding and not subtracting, that's my most basic nutrition advice. When somebody asked me, like what could I do to improve my health? And so what's really happening if you like look behind it is one. It's that psychology, is that mind piece again. So I'm not taking anything away from you. Nobody ever likes to have anything taken away from you, right, right. But if I tell you you know what, you know, I have a conversation and you tell me you need to eat more vegetables, well, let's, let's focus on having you know, depending on how many times you're eating vegetables a week, maybe you're eating them two or three times a week, or maybe even less and let's focus on having them serving vegetables per week. Right, you're like oh, I can do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, you see that shift and like that's doable for me, that's not painful, right. And so once you do that and we go back to seeing those changes, those positive benefits, like, oh you know what, when I had that, it was really easy. I just threw it in something I was already eating. I'm doing it three times a week and I've noticed that I have better bowel movements, I'm not as constipated, right. And then, after you've done those, those adding of those simple things, when you realize how important it is, you're more likely to take away some of those things that maybe you shouldn't be doing.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:But you don't feel the same way anymore because you see the benefit you got to get that buy in first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that. I was just at my sister's house today it doesn't have anything to do with food when you just said that buying my niece is 13 months and she had grabbed at the monitor, right, and I'm like you know, the diamond temp is it's pointed, it's not short but it's pointing, and I'm like you can't have that. But I was like normally, you know, you take something from a 13 month for they ready to go off. So one of the things that my sister and I have been doing is like whenever we take something, we replace it with something, right. So she so the way that I did it like I was like come on, give me the monitor or whatever, and she has this. My sister got it these two brushes that she loves so that we can get her to start being okay with brushing her teeth. So it's cute and it's fun and she loves it. So I was singing to her. I was like give me it, let me have this, you want this. You know, switch it off. And it was so easy to buy. It was so easy because I gave her something to replace it. So when you just said that, I thought it made me think, wow, if we, if we replace it. Like, we feel much better if we replace it with something that we enjoy and we like. But it's learned over time. Like this me taking something away from you is not hurting you because I'm adding something good into you, Right? Wow, let me ask you a question, because you have three kids and they're the ages where it was kind of a fun ages, but that's not the teenagers now.
Speaker 1:It was so grown raising my kids it was much easier for me to get the things in them that they need. Like, they trusted me with making sure they have the right nutrition Right, we read labels. That's how I kind of did. The education is like we were reading stuff. That's how they knew how to measurements and things like that. So they was in the kitchen with me all the time.
Speaker 1:Now that they're a little older, though, it just seems like it's a little bit more difficult to keep them on the right path when it comes to food Right, and I think part of that also is because, like, I stopped cooking like I used to because of me traveling to school and stuff like that. Like I was the mom that always made their meals like breakfast, lunch and dinner. You know, pack their lunch and stuff. But once I pulled myself away from doing those things, I feel like they lost what it is sometimes like, particularly my son, like he just like just give me some chicken nuggets and some fish fillets and you know things like that. But I feel like how do we we keep our kids on the right path of like wholeness and wellness?
Speaker 2:So there are three things that came to mind. Hopefully I'll remember all three of them. But the first thing is, I think that it's really important to have conversations about what food does for us. Oh, ok, and so I'm big on not using terminologies to give food classifications or hierarchy. So I don't like the words good, bad, I don't like to use the words healthy or unhealthy, right, because if we're not choosing the right one, then we feel that shame and that guilt.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So instead, I like to describe food about what it does for your body, ok. And so the example that I always give is if we had a piece of candy and we had a piece of broccoli, right, we're not going to shame the candy, because if, if nothing else, candy has energy, right, ok, so OK, that piece of candy provides you with energy. This piece of broccoli, it's going to give you fiber, it's going to give you hydration, it's going to give you some vitamin A, it's going to give you some vitamin C. The list goes on and on about what the broccoli offers. Right, we want to be whole, we want to be strong, right. And so our kids aren't stupid, they're just like oh, ok, yeah, I guess I should eat some broccoli or whatever vegetable. It is Right, we don't have to eat.
Speaker 2:And that's another thing that I think parents get like really hung up on, like you have to eat this specific food as long as you get in all the nutrients. Don't force your kids to eat anything, right, that the whole forcing, that's another conversation. But so, you know, we talk about these conversations like oh, you like that. Ok, that's great. Have you thought about, you know, making sure you have your iron, your magnesium, your calcium? Like, what foods are you choosing to get those in? And they might be like, oh, like you know, I used to think about when I was younger and you see, like the little old ladies with the hunchback, uh-huh, like, ok, how are you getting your calcium in? Have you been thinking about your calcium?
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And so having those conversations with them from being small and as they grow, this is going to be really important, because then you can be like oh, you know, that's that's cool, like that that's going to give you energy, but where is that? You know you have a big game coming up. You need those vitamins and minerals to support you.
Speaker 2:You need that energy, um, and these other things, these antioxidants that these types of foods are going to provide. So which ones are those are you going to choose, right? Wow, I like that, um. And then the other thing is we, especially as adults, we have this picture in our head of what what nutrition is supposed to look like, and if I've learned anything as an adult, most things don't go how, how we expect it, right, and so I'm a big fan of what I like to call grab and go. Grab and go type of items. And so it might be, you know, an apple, it might be some Greek yogurt, it might be a boiled egg, but having those grab and go items readily available that they can literally grab and go is going to be important.
Speaker 2:And so the other conversation that I would have is you know, if it's meal time, you want to strive to have two to three different food groups, so you might put a boiled egg and a Greek yogurt, if those are things that you like. You got some protein, you got some calcium from the Greek yogurt. You also got more calcium because it's Greek yogurt or it could be traditional yogurt, right? Maybe you throw an apple in there. That's actually a pretty balanced meal. You can have a snack when you get hungry later, right, so it doesn't have to be like you sit down and you eat all these different things. Or maybe it's going to be mixed into something, maybe it's a soup or a stew, you know, you put them in a thermos, like it really just depends on the kid, it depends on your lifestyle. But the whole thing is, it doesn't have to look like what we think it's going to look like.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's good, that's good, right there. It doesn't have to look like, you know, because as parents, we have this, everything in our mind of how we want things supposed to be, because, like right now, definitely my one, that's great. Term 18 next month Wow, she's going to be 18. Oh, she is going into the Marines, right, and she's tall, she's sensed. However, you know, they have their certain criteria of what they want people to go in as right. So she has been challenged to lose some weight, even though so what she did was over the summer time, she had lost a mass amount of weight so that she actually got enlisted. She's enlisted now, but now that when she graduates to go to boot camp, she's supposed to have us be a certain weight.
Speaker 1:Because what happened was she put herself on such a restrictive diet over the summer time when she lost a mass amount of weight, but then she started binging afterwards Like she's like, all right, I've got a list. She started eating a lot of different things. So now she has to lose the weight again, but she's not, she doesn't. She's very conscious of what she eats, right, but then, because I feel like I put so many restrictions on her, like she just feel like she got to break loose and like, and when she breaks loose, she eats things like and I probably it's probably not a big deal that she eats some carbs because, like the Donna, carbs are energy and we need them. So why are you mad that she's eating carbs? Like she can't just eat vegetables, right. But I'm like, because you need to be a particular way and I think that's going to the lifestyle versus just doing it for a moment, right. So, like, our biggest challenge is like I get frustrated with her right now because I want her, I want this for her, so bad that I'm restricting her and so my sister has taken over her nutrition now because I was like I can't do it. It's too painful for me. It's too frustrating because, like, when I see her get a pack of crackers or eat two packs of crackers, I'm like why are you eating that? Why would you eat that? You know that you shouldn't eat two packs of crackers. You're supposed to be doing A, b and C and I think it's so much pressure for her and stressing her out.
Speaker 1:And now, as we were talking, I'm thinking about her mental now because she can't have, like certain things, like I literally went to restrictive, like you can't have nothing but fruits and vegetables and protein. That's all you can have and you got to be working out every day because I wanted to do so. Bad for her. But now that I'm thinking about her mental because, wow, I mean to the point where it was challenging my mental though I'm like, listen, I can't talk to you about food, no more.
Speaker 1:You talk to your aunt because call her. She said can I get a pack of? Call your aunt? Because I can't answer that because I'm going to say no. But then my sister has teach me who's very conscious and she does a lot of herbs and stuff. She makes juices and things like that. So she talks to her and she's trying to tell me, but I don't want to hear it because I'm like I want this for her and this is what I think she needs to do. So when you just talk to me as you keep talking, I keep thinking about the mental health of us, of our people, when it relates to food, like that's powerful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I have to say I think you're doing the right thing. Sometimes we are not the best person to teach someone. You know, I was just having a conversation with with my kids earlier today and I was in my home school and I was telling, I was telling each one of them of like, if they're just you know how kids ask you these crazy questions, like if you could do this, if you and they're just like, if you got me a tutor in any subject, what would it be? And I was just like, well, you know, I know you in ways that you don't, you don't understand about you yet, like I know what it's like to be an adult. So I would really want to choose something that is going to to spark this love and curiosity and something that I see that you might be interested in the future.
Speaker 2:You might not right Cause I don't know everything. But and then then it got me to talking and the one that I chose for my son was like outside of like textbook. But I was just like, if I had to choose something for you, it would be language arts, because you and I we have a little bit of a tussle about that right and it's not good for either one of us. So if I could outsource that, that is what I would outsource, because then it just put a strain on our relationship. So I think that you're doing a great thing in outsourcing is something that you know.
Speaker 2:It becomes, becomes problematic. And also this is where you know we hear about eating disorders and we think of like bulimia and anorexia, but there's also this huge like category of things that we call disordered eating, and so they're not like a actual quote, unquote eating disorder, but it is a disorder where you have difficulty with certain groups of food, so you are disordered eating and often people that have been on strict diets have problems with disordered eating. So we really don't want to set our kids up for that and I have to say most adults, at least in our generation, we probably have some touch of disordered eating.
Speaker 2:We talked about the clean, clean plate club, we learned how to ignore our hunger cues because we were told we had to eat. Right, right, I can't tell you how many times my middle daughter, she, just doesn't eat and I'm just like I don't, I don't understand, like she'll just like skip a meal and I'm like um, um, right. And then like I was so concerned the other day that when we went to her well visit I had the doctor like do all this blood work right To make me feel better?
Speaker 2:and everything was normal, right, and I was like how is this possible? But she's following her hunger cues. And another thing that I want to say about food, which I feel like often blows people almost mine, and I was, my mind was really blown when I kind of like figured this out is, um, specifically in oppressed communities, you know, people often say like I don't have willpower, or I have difficulty with this, like I'm so bad, I'm so terrible. One thing is you're not so bad, you're not so terrible, you don't lack willpower. You don't have the support to make these recommendations that you're given a reality for your life. So that's, that's one thing. Right, so if somebody's just like, oh, you should cook at home more, well, maybe you're working two jobs, maybe you're driving to school every day, right, hello, so if I had somebody cook in my meals, yes, I would gladly eat them, but I don't have that support, right, so, um, so that's one thing.
Speaker 2:The other thing is, um, there's very few things this goes back to the oppressed peoples there's very few things that we can control in the world, like when we, you know, when we walk out our doors. There's a lot that we can't control. So oftentimes we use food as a form of control, a form of power, right, yeah, so when you really think about that, when you think about food as power and this is the power that we have access to I can choose to eat this, I can choose not to eat this, right? That is when you, when you really like, start to peel back the layers and you're just like, oh, okay, I don't have a problem, right, so, with the food. It's this power struggle that I feel powerless, so I'm choosing to eat.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, Whoa whoa, whoa, whoa Right. This is my way of exerting my power that I do have Right.
Speaker 1:Do you know what you said? That that's interesting. You said that because the one that's going to be 18, she said that to me. She was like I don't have control of anything, right? Yeah, she was like I don't have control of nothing, so if I want to eat this, I should be able to eat this, like she really, now that you said but it not even just her, like just talking to other people, when we talk about food and things like that, like we don't, we don't feel we have power or anything else. So I think that makes sense. So, as parents, so you know, as parents, we want the best for our children, right?
Speaker 1:And I think you said something earlier that kind of a lot of us, our parents, a lot of us get caught up in one of the things the way we want them and seeing things the way we see them, you know, not seeing it from our children perspective Like, like you said something about your daughter she missed a couple of milk and you thought it was something wrong because in your mind, right, this is what you're supposed to do. And then in her mind was like, well, I ain't hungry, so what's the problem? Um, but I think that goes back to something that traditionally is like we talked about cleaning your plate. What I put in your plate, um, you eat, and if you don't eat this, you don't eat nothing. I even find myself the one to test my intergates, like I'll be finding myself telling her listen, this is what I cook, and if you ain't eating, you just won't eat. And I think now I think back on, it was like that's not right.
Speaker 2:So I think so. Uh, I think you know that I have children's books, right, and so the one that I was mentioning, um, that doesn't eat sometimes. She was the reason why I started writing children's books. So my very first children's book is called the princess of picky eating tries new foods. So she is my inspiration. So this has been going on for a long time, right, different iterations. She's definitely better now, but, um, I got to the point where, um, there's actually another dietician in the. The verb it she uses is kind, not um kind, or consider it not catering. Okay, so there is this what we like to call in my field a division of responsibility. That means, as the parent, it's your, it's your job to decide what, like, what foods, choices that you're offering when, like dinners at six, and where, like we sit at the table. It is your child's responsibility to decide how much. It might be the full plate, it might be half a plate, it might be nothing.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you take that and you're just like all right. So my, my, my daughter was often choosing nothing. So I'm like all right, this is. You know we're eating this. You don't want it, fine. And she'd be like, okay, and she would go to bed two, three nights a week, just go to bed. And I was like I can't believe this. You know, how you talked about the beginning of the show. Like I'm not going to let her win.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I would be like, oh, she's going to break at some point. Never broke, she just didn't want it. So then I got to the point where I would make sure that I I made something at least once or twice a week that I know she enjoyed, so she could choose to have those as leftovers. So that that was kind for both of us. It was considerate that I'm not cooking this upper meal because I don't believe in short order cooking either.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, um, but I have something that you enjoy. Or making sure that there's a familiar food on the table, even if it's just fruit, um, so having those things readily available is what I would recommend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you know it goes back to that. You know pan. You know I say to my kids mother knows best, but we really don't know best all the time. So you're saying that if if she's not going to eat it, it's okay. But make sure that, being considerate when you be planning the meals throughout the week, that it is something that you know that she will eat.
Speaker 2:Right, so you don't want to make more more um work for yourself, right, right, like this is not something that we're going to like. You're not just going to get a special meal. You're no more important than anybody else in the family. That's important to understand what. We do care about you and we do want you to eat as well, so there's leftovers that I know you will enjoy. You're welcome to choose that.
Speaker 1:It's this or that, you can get with this or you could get with that, but that's it. I think that's good. I think that's for so long, I think. When we talked about control thing, though, I think as parents we think that we're supposed to control our kids. Control. You know everything about them, even their food choices and things like that Cause. Even so, what do you say to a parent who who, if their child just doesn't like certain vegetables or certain fruits and like, do you? Do you think that's good? Do you think that parents should keep introducing it to them and say listen, this is what you got to have. Like, I don't care if you don't like it.
Speaker 2:No, but yes. So we want to keep. We want to keep reintroducing it. One of the things, as parents, the mistake that we make is we offer something once or twice. We know food costs money and we're just like they're not going to be wasting my food, and so then we don't offer it again. But I want you to think of food like an experience that an adult might have, something that can be unsettling or frightening, Right. The more you do it, the more you will be comfortable with it.
Speaker 2:So, the more exposures your child has with that food, the more likely they are to try it and the more likely they are to like it. So I would offer it in different variations. So, like for me, I've always liked vegetables. I couldn't stand Brussels sprouts because the way that I had them prepared they were boiled and they were bright green and they were disgusting. But one day, when I was in my twenties, my best friend, who also didn't like Brussels sprouts but happened to be coming home from work and saw them at the farmers market, she got them and she prepared them, she roasted them.
Speaker 1:Mm.
Speaker 2:A little bit of olive oil, a little bit of salt and pepper in the oven and they were delicious. And now I love Brussels sprouts. That option was never presented to me.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay, so variation is important.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, because you might not like it one way. Some people, like you know, cooked carrots, some people like raw carrots. But if you're always giving it one way, you're just like, oh yeah, right. And so it's important to keep introducing these foods and, even if it's not on their plate, for them to see it at the table, for them to know that it's not scary. And when we introduce them, instead of giving them this heaping pile of a serving that we think they should eat. The thing I love to talk about in this regard is like peas. Don't give them. You know, if you know your kid is finicky. Don't give them a serving of peas. Give them one or two peas, right, mm-hmm. Let them roll it around. Ask them what does it feel like, right? Is it smooth? Is it wrinkly Like? What do you think it might taste like? So, if you have a discussion about them, get that buy-in from your child, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, and you're not mad because you didn't just waste all these peas, because you only gave them like two. Mm-hmm, but you know that this was a non-threatening experience for them with this food. So then the next time they see this food they might be more curious.
Speaker 1:Right. So what I'm hearing from you, stacey, is that we really have to be intentional about you know, I always talk about being intentional in the way we live, right the way we talk, the way we act, and really being intentional about our life. But when it comes to food, we really have to be intentional about that as well, mm-hmm, because everything is here for a purpose, right? There's a reason behind everything, and you just explained so many different reasons of why we do what we do with food. Is that so? What would you say to the parent?
Speaker 1:Because a lot of parents that I talk to, a lot of the things that they say is that I don't have time for that, right? So what do you want me to? We get up in the morning, get your kids ready for school, you get yourself ready for work and you go to work. You drop them off, you go to work and then you come home, your dad be tired and you're trying to figure out something for your kid. A lot of times it's microwave stuff or whatever, or unless you know. One of the things that I did earlier on was learning how to use a crackpot, so I started doing crackpot emails and didn't realize that there was so many different things that you could do, but a lot of things that we hear now is that how can I really give my child nutrition food when I don't have time to, like between, don't have time to end the cost of food?
Speaker 1:Like, what would you say to a parent who say, oh, I just opened up a can of straight beans and throw it in the pot Because for so long we're talking about even canned food. It's just terrible for us, right? So you have parents who are really trying to figure this out, but they're kind of giving up on it. They're going to eat what they eat. You got to die from something or something. You know, like that whole mentality, because it's really between trying to really be intentional of planning that and you don't have time and that, even once you, if you do have the time, do I get canned versus fresh? And how am I going to do it? Because fresh doesn't last as long as canned? What if I can't go to a grocery store every week? What if you know, like there's so many things that come into play of why people eat the way they eat?
Speaker 2:I absolutely agree and I mean, I feel like this is also a part of the society that we live in and I will say, as a busy mom, I have these same struggles. So I don't think that there's one specific thing that you can do, but there are a few things that I would suggest. I would suggest that you have foods like. This is you're going to need to take some time whenever you have some time down, and I would say, make a make a meal like plan for at least two weeks, right, okay, so you have to consider days where you're dog tired and days where you have a little bit of energy, right, and have this as like your kind of like your background operating system. You don't have to use it all the time, right.
Speaker 2:But when you just don't have the ability to think anymore, this is already done for you, and use that as your guide and once again, think about these grab and go meals. It doesn't have to look like what we think it looks like. So we're striving to have two to three different food groups when we have meals, right. I have absolutely no problem with convenience foods If that's what gets food on the table. That's what we have to do sometimes, and I do want to say also that we need to recognize that sometimes we might be going through things. Maybe we have an aging parent, maybe we have a sick kid and we just need to feed our kids, and those days happen and it's okay, like it doesn't have to be perfect.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, it just has to be good enough. That's one of the sayings that's now like my mantra it just has to be good enough, right.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:It's going to be days where you give your kids whatever you give them, and that's fine, but we're talking about, generally speaking, I'm a big fan of microwave, of frozen vegetables that you can throw in a microwave. If you got to do can, you can do can. Well, the thing that I love about frozen vegetables is, once again, they store long term. You can buy a bunch when they're on sale, but they are usually what they call flash frozen, so as soon as they're harvested they're frozen. That locks in some of the nutrients, so they can often be more nutrient dense than your fresh, than your fresh produce, because your fresh produce is often not grown locally. So you know it's grown in Peru, it's harvested, it's transported, it's taken to your local grocery store, then you bring it home and you cook it. When you cook it as it sits, it's losing a little bit of its nutritional value each day. Right?
Speaker 2:I'm a huge fan of frozen vegetables, that's right. Yeah, you get a protein that that you know works for your family. And the other thing that I didn't say is I would have my kids involved in this conversation. You know like what? What type of proteins do you enjoy, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Have a list. What type of vegetables do you enjoy? Are there any things that you would like to try? You know you can even get the circulars Like does any of this look interesting, right? So they're more inclined to try these things when they have buy in. So go through each of the different food groups and see what things interest them. Create this master list and start just pulling stuff together. If you have it in your house, it's going to make it a lot easier when you come home in those days and you got nothing. You know, I got a can of, I got a can of tomatoes, I got some rice, I got some microwavable vegetables and maybe I got some tuna. I mix them all together and there I got a meal Like it might not be the most exciting, but you've covered all the bases and you didn't do much and you could have already had those things at home, right?
Speaker 1:I have a friend of mine, a classmate of mine, and she has five kids and you know she busy, right. One of the things that she told me was like you know, growing up on Salisbury Steak for me, which is like a no, Like I was like I'm never getting my kids Salisbury Steak, ooze and noodles, all this stuff that I grew up on, right, because I'm like so. But one of the things that she said to me she was like she had made a whole meal and I'm like what she said. I made a meal with Salisbury Steak and I'm like well, why are you giving your kids microwave? Like what you mean? So what she did was like she cut up some onions, some green peppers and some garlic and all that and she, she microwaved the Salisbury Steak for a little bit but then put it on the stove right, and then she, she cooked it on the stove when she put all this stuff and made her like, increase the gravy. And then she has some rice and she put on top of it right, and like it literally looked like a gourmet meal. And I was like, how did you do that? Like, and she said her kids love Salisbury Steak and I'm like, what kids like Salisbury Steak.
Speaker 1:But the way that she presented, the way like they smelled her cut, cutting up the onions and don't all that, and it wasn't like it took a long time. It literally didn't take much time because she nuked it in the microwave a little bit, she just put on the stove and she added all this stuff and her kids love it. So I just was like because sometimes I feel like when we think about frozen meals and things like that, it's so bad but you could put your own spin on it. And I learned from her, like I mean, my kids, my the one that's about the 18, I tried that because I was like I'm never giving them like stuff like that, but I was so dead, be tired and I was like, well, it looked good on the plate that she sent me, so let me try it.
Speaker 1:The one that's about to be 18, she adored it, she loved it. The other ones, no, they just like no, we never had this, don't want this again. We ain't trying this, but it was something different that I tried. Oh, but yeah, just small stuff, like I think sometimes as parents we beat ourselves up so much of trying to make sure that we're perfect, we're perfectly feeding our kids. We're perfectly, you know, not even thinking about ourselves. Again, we talked earlier about like being a sacrifice, so we we won't even think about what we're supposed to eat, but we're saying that we need to give our kids all this, this perfect plate, and even if they don't want it, we're forcing it on them.
Speaker 2:And then we're mad because we put in this effort and you're not eating it and you disrespecting me now.
Speaker 1:Like I'm so quick to use that word disrespect when I'm learning, I'm trying my best, but like I feel like if I, if I put all this effort into something, the least you could do is respect me and eat it or something. And in our kids minds like how is that disrespectful? You're disrespecting me because I don't want it and you're forcing something on me, right? So then you got that conflict going on. That's the one that's testing my inner gangster. Like I'll be telling her I'm like I don't cook this meal because sometimes she doesn't want to eat it and I'm like, why would?
Speaker 1:you not eat this? That's disrespectful. But I think that sometimes we're we're putting stuff on our kids that we shouldn't, like they don't mean, not even have the capacity for that, and because of what we think again as parents, like sometimes we just need to chill out, like we just need to chill out, and I feel like what you said tonight just kind of helped me a whole lot. Even at this age of being parenting for 25 years now, I still need to chill out on some stuff, yeah, and it'll help you too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how? My mental state? Because right now I'll be stressed, because I'm like what you mean? You're not eating this, or why are you eating that, for example? My biggest thing is like I don't buy a lot of junk food. So when I do, though, I'll buy it for the month, right? So like, I'll buy peanut butter crackers, right, I'll buy a case of peanut butter crackers, and that's like 30 crackers in there.
Speaker 1:Now I think sometimes also, we don't realize that our teenagers are going to eat more than when they were little, and I think, especially boys. I think that in my mind I'm still thinking that my 16 year old, that he's about to be 16 next month too, that he's a little boy and he shouldn't be wanting to eat a lot, right? So sometimes I get mad at him. I'm like why you take like how's this box of crackers going? Like tell me where you got? Like a bottomless stomach.
Speaker 1:And then I get mad and say, listen, now you disrespect me. I don't spend all this money on food. I'm telling you it gets bad in the house, like I'm keeping it real y'all, because these are the struggles that I've been deal with, but with the kids it's just be like. I feel like if I'm telling you this is what we have for the month and then you eat it all in a week. And I'm mad now because I'm like, why would you do that? But that's something like he enjoys. He enjoys crackers, like he, he enjoys crackers, but he don't eat like a lot of other things. But I'm just like, why, why, why you disrespecting me now?
Speaker 2:Because he doesn't have a job and he doesn't understand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's what it is too, but I think also that I'll be putting my expectations on what I believe that this is the way I think it's part of being controlled. So I said don't eat this, this is what you eat, and when you don't do it now you're disrespecting me. I think a lot of us parents get to the point where, like because we're providing, because you know we're making the money.
Speaker 1:We're bringing the food in the house and we get the kids things that the kids like, and then when they eat too much of it or you got to go spend some more money, we mad now because food costs a lot of money A couple. We're about to finish up, but a couple months ago I had asked my mom because I'm like all fresh fruit vegetables right, and my kids would just get in my nerves Like they weren't cleaning up like they're supposed to. I feel like I was being disrespected by the house not being clean. Yeah, you know I got disrespect and I said like I don't want to go buy no fresh fruits and vegetables because it costs too much money. I don't feel like they deserve me spending this kind of money.
Speaker 1:Like, and I had asked my mom. I said to my mom did you give us canned goods because we was bad? Or did you give us? Or like like I was trying to say. I was like, did we not get fresh fruits and vegetables because they cost too much and you ain't full like spending that kind of money on us because we were disobedient?
Speaker 1:Because that's what my mind said start being like, listen, I don't want to spend all this money on this fresh food and you making me mad, like. So she was like, no, that's all we had, that's all I could afford. I said, okay, all right. But she was like, donna, you got to give your kids good stuff. Like you've been doing it all this time, so don't take it from them now because you mad at them. Like that's crazy. Like you trying to withhold good stuff from them, that's like. Like that's crazy. Like, but as a parent, you started trying to rationalize this in your mind, right? Like you made me like, do I feel like spending all this money on them, even though it's good for you and it's healthy, right?
Speaker 2:But you just have to remember they're. They're in a different space. I know that when I was younger, you know I would get a lunch pack all the time. Somebody cared about me, right, spending their hard-earned money to give me lunch, and I didn't want the sandwich. I would throw it away every day, say every day, did they know?
Speaker 2:No, they didn't know Right, but like I think, a back of all that money that they wasted and as an adult I'm clear that I probably should have been like you know, I really don't want that Right, I'm not going to eat it Right, and saved us, you know, saved them a whole bunch of money, and then I might have had something that I enjoyed more, but like I didn't know what I was doing to try. I was just, I was just being a child.
Speaker 1:And if you told me that, if you was one of my kids, you told me that I'm like you're going to eat it, like this is what you need to eat. See, that's what I'm saying. So we so basically what you said we have to give our children space enough to be able to say what they like and what they don't like, and don't force things that they don't like, especially if they tried over time, because it saves you frustration and saves them frustration, as if you're not hearing them now. Like again that forcing them to eat something that that they don't want. And they tried it like in several different ways. But, to be honest, like I really don't want this. Like my one kid was like I don't like sandwiches. I'm like you ate sandwiches last week, but this week I don't like sandwiches. I'm like, well, how can you change your mind? Well, I mean, I change my mind too. Like yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think the most important takeaway that I would say is we do have to treat our children like people, and it's it's important to do that because then you know you treat them like children. You got to have this, you got to have this, and then they go into the world and they don't know how to be, Right. So if we want them to be able to make these nourishing choices for themselves as adults, then we've got to start one, including them in the process. Right, they're not going to get everything they want. Like, once again, we run the ship. Right, but when it comes to vegetables, instead of making stuff that we know they don't like and then being like ah, you could at least be like what vegetables? Like? Give me two or three vegetables that you might want to eat this week, right, and maybe you choose the one that's most cost effective to you, Right, but at least you had thought about their preferences.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think once again it's not always going to be about what they want. Sometimes things are going to show up and we need to expose them to them because we don't want them to be pigeonholed and only eat certain foods. But you know, if you ask them, okay, I'm going shopping, what's two things from your wish list? I'm not saying you're getting them, but what's two things from your wish list. And then they feel seen, right.
Speaker 1:That's good and that's good for the mind, like all this is back into the mind, like you know. All right, so what are we going to wrap this up? But there's so many things that we could still be talking about because I feel like you know, open up a whole can no point in saying that can of stuff. So what as parents? You just you just had some takeaways here, but how do what would you share with parents who really really are struggling with wanting to have the best, be the best, for their kids? Like, I feel like we're so hard on ourselves, like you said a couple of things earlier tonight, but what would you? What would you let them know?
Speaker 2:So I would say, give yourself grace once again, because if you're struggling, they're struggling. It's not pretty right. So give yourself grace. What I said before, it just has to be good enough. It does not have to be perfect. We want to think about our different food groups. We want to strive to have at least two or three different food groups each meal and snacks. I love to see at least two food groups, if we can make it so, like you know, instead of just the apple, it could be apple and peanut butter if your child doesn't have any peanut allergies.
Speaker 2:But things like that trying to bring in that plant diversity that we talked about and the biggest piece is to keep introducing those foods that your children might be fearful of or that might be new to them. Even if it's not on their plate, it needs to be around. And then the last thing, that most basic information that I gave you, is we want to add and not subtract. Think about those things that really matter, that are going to make the biggest impacts, that are doable, and add those things in. Does your kid need more hydration? Find out a way that you know they're going to consume that hydration. Do they need more protein? Figure out a way to get them more protein. Don't start just taking stuff away. Don't take away their fresh fruits and vegetables. Add in those things that you think are going to make their diets more robust and more nutrient dense. Thank, you.
Speaker 1:I'm learning, I'm learning, I'm learning, I'm learning. Even 25 years later, I'm still learning. Thank you so much for coming on the show.
Speaker 1:Stacey, I feel like you opened up so many different things. Just you know, when we even thinking about our food and tradition and why you know certain things are added into our food and that you know, I think most importantly is like we have to do our own research on our food and not just go by what somebody says to us, really figure out why. You know, why grandmama did this or why why great daddy did this and how beneficial it really can be to us, and that there's so much more than just like a couple of fruits and vegetables Like they're like. I mean, you know you said 30 plants and we literally had four or five plants and just one, one, one bowl of oatmeal. So just, um, um, open us up to more things, like to be more diverse than on our eating. Um, I think that was important. So thank you again for coming on the show.
Speaker 1:I really enjoyed it and I think the audience really enjoyed it too, because it opened up you opened up my eyes, so I know that you open up other eyes. So join me again. Parented with a purpose. I am your host, donna Janell, where you know that we have the conversations, uncomfortable conversations, conversations that we don't want to have. Um, and remember, parents are the bows and our children are arrows, and they will land wherever we aim them, Um, as long as we give them the right things, the right nutrition, right, the right uh for their mind, body and soul. And remember, um, don't add, don't subtract, keep adding. Right, I'm getting it. Don't know, because I'm a subtracted person, I'm trying to tell you. I know you can't have this, so don't subtract, just keep adding um to live your best life. Thank you again. Join the parents with a purpose.
