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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Nurturing the Next Generation Amid Complex Social Challenges
Navigating the tumultuous waters of modern parenting, I open up about my personal journey through the highs and lows of raising teenagers, bringing a touch of humor to the real emotional rollercoaster that comes with the territory. There's a profound weight to the role we play as parents, likening ourselves to bows that launch our children—our arrows—into the future. The conversation takes a sober turn as we confront the harrowing issue of youth violence, exploring the tools we, as parents, can offer our children to help them not only succeed but also act as agents of positive change in the world.
Joining me is Lashira Council from Chester Community Coalition, who brings an invaluable perspective on community intervention and the long-lasting ripple effects of gun violence. Together, we break down the Coalition's comprehensive strategy, from immediate action in hospitals to ongoing mental health support, emphasizing the importance of healing and engagement for affected families, including those of perpetrators. This dialogue doesn't shy away from the hard truths about violence normalization, survival mentality, and the imperative need for emotional literacy in breaking the chain of trauma passed from one generation to the next.
As we wrap up, I stress the vital importance of intentional parenting, fostering open conversations with our children about topics such as gun safety and substance use, and keeping these discussions age-appropriate. The narrative touches upon the complexities of gun ownership, the nuanced connections between trauma and youth violence, and the profound influence of social media. The commitment to creating a nurturing environment goes beyond just meeting physical needs—it's about emotional support and preparing our children for the world they will inherit. I invite you to continue this meaningful dialogue, week by week, in 'Parent through the Purpose', as we strive to shape a brighter, safer future for our homes and communities.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
mostrar show demonstration. I'm laughing right now because you know when you you have live things going on, something's always happening. You know I'm very silly, right, so you're going to always catch me either as soon as I pop away at my own, is it on? What's going on? And I'm going to bust out laughing because I'm going to bust out laughing because I'm going to bust out laughing because I'm going to bust out laughing because I'm just that type of person. But anyway, I'm glad you guys are joining me back here at Panther with the Purpose Podcast, where we aim to bring back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting. As you know, parents are the bows and our children are the arrows and they will land wherever we aim them. They may not land today, they may not land tomorrow. Listen, honestly, it might even take a couple of years right for them to land, but eventually they'll land right, because if we give them the tools, if we equip them that eventually they'll end up going where the place, where we aim them right.
Speaker 1:Life be life. And out here I keep telling you all right, right. It's hard, not life for parents. It is not easy out here, especially in these days, and I know people probably said that back in the days too, but I can't account for those in the back of the days. I can only account for right now. Life, be life, man. It's a hard night of life out here from parents. It's hard not like out here for children. So what we want to do is inspire and encourage you to live your best life as a parent. Be the best possible parent that you can be, right. Live your best, you and what it takes for us to create successful kids. What tools are we putting in our children? What tools are we grasping for ourselves so that we can parent property right? So you know, here we have engaging conversations. We talk about what they don't talk about, right? So I am not afraid to have any conversations. So tonight the conversation is going to be on youth violence. Let's talk, right. We're going to talk about it because there's so many things that's going around about youth violence right now and they're always talking about where's the parents? What's going on with the parents? Why are these? Youth are out here. You know, shooting, stabbing, fighting, whatever it is. What type of violence it is? Violence, is violence right? Where are the parents? They always talk about the parent. So you know, here, panther, with a purpose. My aim is always to figure out how we can best help the parents so that they can parent properly right, and not just they. For me to y'all know I got some kids right. I'm in a team, oh Lord. Everybody, take a moment of silence. You know I got these teenagers right. They too about to be 16 and one about to be 18. Not only are they eating me out of house, at home, but they starting with the little attitudes y'all. So sometimes I'll be in prayer, I'll be in my prayer closet. I'm telling y'all it is a hard, not life out here for me. I'm struggling, okay, I'm struggling because one minute I want to just turn around and say who you talking to and next month, listen here. We just need to calm down.
Speaker 1:I'm going to admit, two days ago I flipped out, I went off. Y'all Guess what? Y'all hear it all the time they ain't clean, they wasn't clean. After the stuff I didn't clean. The refrigerator on a bleach, the refrigerator on a bleach, the kitchen on a wind, grocery shopping, and let me tell you, within an hour it was six bananas going. I was living, I could, I was like that, or that's the disrespect, right, because they don't understand how much food cost these days, right. So you know, as a parent, you're going out there. You come home, the kids been home an hour, at least two hours, before you get in. So you expecting them to do stuff.
Speaker 1:This generation, they want to take a break. I don't remember, listen, by the time my parents got home the chores had to be done point blank. Period. This generation, I got to take a break. I told my listen, the one that test my interganger you had a break on the bus ride. Ok, from school to home. That should break. But you know I'm still trying to be that intentional, that gentle parents, right.
Speaker 1:So I kind of let them take that little break. But they take advantage of it. Two hours, three hours, come on now, stop playing with me. So then I get upset. So I was upset and I had an adult temper tantrum. I'm not going to lie, I did. And did I feel bad afterwards? No, I didn't. I didn't feel bad after this adult temper tantrum because I'm easy going, I don't really want expect a whole lot. But when I start feeling like you're taking advantage of me or you know better, you need to do better, even though as adults we know better. We don't do better sometimes, but I was hot, I was upset. I didn't drove two hours from school, I had an exam that day. It was hot, it was a little bit, traffic was crazy and they just was not holding up to that end of the bargain. And I don't even know if it was the end of the bargain. It was just they didn't do what I expected them to do and I kind of I told you, I kind of went off, I start screaming and yelling. I think I threw a couple things around the house, like I think I was in the kitchen, in the counter. Stop, don't laugh at me, I'm not going to lie. I know I did. I threw pots on the floor because you know pots make a lot of noise. I did that just to scare them. Then I went upstairs but I ended up hurting my own self, hurt my thumb and all that. So needs to say. Let's say I get it. I know what you're dealing with. Okay, I'm still dealing with it, all right, thank you.
Speaker 1:Tonight, our guest is LaShire Council, right? Yes, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. And what we're gonna be talking about? Like I said, we're gonna be talking about youth violence. Let's talk because, again, I don't think there's a whole lot talk around like preventative the outcomes of what's happening, like I think sometimes we see something happen and we talk about it for five or 10 minutes and then we don't talk about it anymore, right, until the next thing. Until the next thing happened which is not too far along the street, right To the next thing happened. So I wanna get into a conversation of you know, one, preventive two, the outcomes when this does happen, cause even we can't prevent everything, right, right, but then what happens when it does, when something violent happens to our neighborhood, our communities, our families? What are our next steps? What are we supposed to do so that maybe we can prevent it for the next time or even support families in that? Absolutely. So give us a little. Tell us who you are. I already said your name, lashira.
Speaker 2:My name is Lashira Council, I am from Chester Woo woo and I'm also a graduate of the first HBCU, chaney University.
Speaker 1:Woo, woo, like history. My Chaney in the house, that's right.
Speaker 2:We still love you, lincoln. Um, and I'm also a program director for Chester Community Coalition here in Chester, pennsylvania, and what we do is provide supportive services for individuals and families who have been impacted by gun violence. So that could mean you've witnessed the shooting, you've been shot yourself or you've lost the family members of gun violence. We have a plethora of programs to include our hospital violence intervention program and we have that program through a partnership with Crozier and in that we have a case manager, we have a therapist and we also have what we call also have what we call a violence intervention specialist, and that violence intervention specialist is stationed in the emergency department. So anytime a shooting or stabbing victim comes through, we try to engage them.
Speaker 2:We provide immediate support, no matter what it. Do you need us to call somebody? Is there anything that you need? Do you need a cell phone charger? We know that you know events like that can result in trauma. Is there anything you need at this time? And then, with the goal to connect them to services and maintain communication, engagement post discharge, we also do our mental health excuse me, training to community members and other community organizations, as well as our teen mental health that we do within the school system and youth serving organizations. We go into the schools and provide trainings to the teachers and administration and the staff there as well, because we know that there is a such thing as compassion fatigue.
Speaker 2:There is such thing as burnout and vicarious traumatization.
Speaker 2:So, sometimes just hearing about what just happened in your community even if I don't live there can cause a level of trauma for those who are hearing about it as well. So we offer that training. We do have our annual peace walk coming up in June and it's during gun violence prevention week. So our peace walk schedule set take place on Saturday, june 8th and that walk typically happens from 9th well, 7th and Curlin and then we walk all the way down to Memorial Park and then, once we get to the park, we have activities planned and there's tables and there's a lot of information that we share around how to get support and what you can do to be a part of the gun violence prevention.
Speaker 1:Wow, you said a lot there. There's a lot you do, and I think the first thing that just hit me when you said that the victim like anything around Lottie Dolly, everybody.
Speaker 2:No, seriously. So it's hard when I say we provide supportive services for individuals who have been impacted by gun violence and then this is like well you might as well just serve everybody because we've all been impacted in some way by gun violence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think, man, that's something, because, when you think about it, a lot of times though, services are maybe just for the victim, and I don't even feel like, at times, even the perpetrator, whatever family they're impacted as well, absolutely, because, as a mom, even if my child entered in some type of violence, that they did right.
Speaker 2:They were the perpetrator.
Speaker 1:I still would need some type of help. I would still need, like because I don't know. I feel like it's kind of like a line where you feel for your child right, who's done this, Whatever act it is, but then you also feel for the family that the person's done it too. So it's like you're here for your family, but you also want to be there for their family. Like that's a hard place to navigate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it absolutely is. I mean, I think the results of gun violence is a hard thing to navigate, right? So if we're talking about the perpetrator, has that perpetrator been impacted by gun violence? Has that perpetrator been shot? Has that perpetrator also lost someone to gun violence? So these are the things that we would talk about the layers of trauma that contribute to gun violence that we often find ourselves trying to navigate through. So we can be supportive and provide that support and services for everyone.
Speaker 1:I pulled up one of the things that I have pulled up right. I have pulled up the stats right and I think I'm going to say what those stats are because I think it's important, because we kind of hear we hear gun violence so often like I feel like it's almost like drinking water.
Speaker 2:No, no, really like it's normalized, but it's not normal Right.
Speaker 1:It's like, cause you like you know we'll hear about it and you're like, oh, that's sad something. Okay, all right, we're going to pray for the family, we're going to do a candle, we're going to send some balloons in the air or we're going to do a candlelight, but then you kind of don't hear about it no more, until something else happens to someone else and you don't really realize the impact of them. It's on everybody and it's like it became so normalized, like it's like literally drinking water, like one of the reasons why I stopped watching the news is because of the violence Cause. I'm like it got to be more stuff out here than that, but they only, and I'm like they got to be just trying to find this violence and show us all this. You know, this black history month.
Speaker 2:I'm going to keep it real right.
Speaker 1:I'm like they got to be trying to say this is what black people deal with. This, all this violence, right, and I thought a lot of it was made up because I'm like they just going into the worst, the worst neighborhood and really try to figure this out but not realizing gun violence affects so many people and that they're reporting it cause it's happening.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think that, even with the work that we do, what I've learned since joining the team is that there's so many events that you don't hear about.
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 2:So when I say we support individuals who come through the hospital being shot, some people come in, go right back out, right they're treated and released. That's not making a paper Right.
Speaker 1:So it's even more than what we see.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Wow. So here it says. I'm going to read this right. It says um Did you know that worldwide, over 176,000 homicides occur among young people aged 15 to 29 each year?
Speaker 2:Those numbers are staggering. They're staggering, but I don't wanna be hopeless, right. Cause I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think that there was hope and there was an opportunity to. Of course, my goal would be to put me out of a job. Put us out of a job because there's no more gun violence. Give me somewhere else. Don't just have me out here with no job, but put me out of a job. But that is the reality and I think that we see it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we see it, and I think we kinda ignore it a little bit. But what we?
Speaker 2:don't do is talk about it.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So we definitely need to start talking about it.
Speaker 1:Right. So if you had like, well, I was gonna say if you had the privilege of talking about it, well, we're here, okay, so let's think about it All right. So you said earlier there are so many layers to this. Can we get into the layers Like, talk about? I mean cause. When somebody here at gun violence like they don't immediately start thinking about the different layers involved in gun violence, again we're so like victim based right, right, or why we don't even ask why this person do it or why did they do it. We don't go back into history of the life, not giving an excuse, but reality is that things you just don't wake up in the morning and become violent. That's just not how we've been created to be right. So let's talk about the layers, right?
Speaker 2:So you said why did you do it? Or what happened to you, like what happened? Because I mean, I think that there's many reasons why individuals, youth and adults engage in violent behavior. Right, we talk about the normalization of it. We can talk about the trauma. I mean, we have to talk about the trauma that connected to it.
Speaker 2:Whether that's grief of losing someone to gun violence or just loss Period. How do I manage and cope with that? And there's a lot of built up anger that can come from things that happened to us when we were younger or growing up or any traumatic experiences that can lead to gun violence. We can if we're talking about a community right Like this is for some of our community members, it's like we in survival mode Right, right. I think I was on a podcast. I was on a podcast with JP and we talked about those young community members who were out here who just ready to die.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So I want to be able to transform that to like to be ready to live Right, like we want to live where they, just out here, like whatever happens, happens.
Speaker 1:That is so scary when you're for anybody who say I'm ready to die, right, but for young people who haven't even lived yet, right, I'm ready to die.
Speaker 1:Like where does that? I guess that mindset comes from trauma, it's life experiences, I mean, but they haven't lived that long. But there's so many people that deal with so many things as children and they carry into younger adulthood that are not addressed, Like on the podcast. We have had people in here and we were, and one of the things that we were talking about was held in our broken pizza, so that we don't bleed on our children that part.
Speaker 2:That is the part Cause. Then what happens when we bleed on our children? Right, it is our job. I have a nine year old.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So it is my job and her brother's job to teach her how to cope with certain situations Right, or how to express her emotions. If you said, go ahead and cry. If I'm sad, I'm going to cry, right, right, I just lost one of the closest people to me in my life. One of the closest people to me and I've had a conversation with my daughter about it. Like I'm sad I'm going to miss her you might see me crying.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And if you want to cry, you can cry too, because it is sad and we are going to miss her, but just having that dialogue with her and I'm not going in my room, closing the door and then crying because I'm trying to hide from her and not show her how to cope with grief or sadness.
Speaker 1:That part right there. We talk a lot about emotions and growing up, a lot of times you weren't really able to express your emotions. People really didn't talk about emotions. Kids would be seeing, not her, and adults never really showed their emotions. The only kind of emotions you kind of really seen at adults, honestly, was a lot of anger, a lot of violence and frustration, but not all the different Like there's so many emotions, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I think sometimes we do a disservice to people by telling people stop showing your emotions. You're too emotional. Stop crying.
Speaker 2:Tell them oh boy, stop crying.
Speaker 1:And it's like well, emotions can be good or bad. It depends on what you do with them. But we're supposed to be able to. That's one of our like guys. Give it to us. Happiness is an emotion, right, joy is an emotion.
Speaker 1:So if we start telling people stop showing emotion. It's like you want them to cut everything, you don't want them to be happy. Then, like it's not. You're saying that don't allow your emotions to overtake you. Right when it takes you to an area where you begin to do some harm or harm someone else. Right that if we're talking about those emotions, fine. But when we're talking about emotions that God has given us, like can we use these emotions, people he gave us these?
Speaker 2:tears too, right? Yeah, god gave us tears, so we're not crying. Where are they going?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So where do they go, though? Like, where do we learn to, where do we manage what we're feeling, right? And I think, when you mention even happiness, I think, like, even like riding through the city or even engaging with some of our young people, it's like are you happy, right, you know? Do you know what, how, what, that, what it is to experience like genuine happiness.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And I don't want to say they don't I'm not the judge of that but just to be able to engage and have a conversation about emotions or violence or anything. But it's up to us to create the space.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Parents yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, communication, yes, yeah, you know, I think sometimes, from what I see a lot, when, even when we talk to some of the youth for even even adults, who engage in violence, right it all seems like it's string back to like childhood, right, how they weren't able to show emotions, or how they may have been abused, or like all they seen was violence. This is how you handle something, right? So then that transgenerational right, right, and it just keeps going on and on until you know. But I also think, like not to have it as an excuse, but childhood trauma is a thing, but I also believe that we can't choose how we were raised, but we can, or how we, how well we choose how we can raise ourselves as adults, though, right.
Speaker 1:So, even though we may be trauma afflicted, right, at the same time, I just believe there's something innate feeling about something, that something's not right. So then it's like were the resources for me to reach out for help? Like I know something not right? I know I don't really want to be aggressive like this, or I know I don't want to, I didn't like how I was treated, but it seems like I'm still on the same thing. So who do I talk to who do I reach out for help? Because a lot of times people don't reach out for help because of fear, right, right, you know, especially particularly African-Americans.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. But when we talk about a stigma too, what does it mean for us to go to therapy? What does that usually indicate? Something wrong with something wrong with it. Boy, you're crazy, girl you're crazy. Something is wrong with me, but that's the total opposite. I recognize that there is a need for me to get some additional emotional support, or not even that to prevent me from needing, to you know, more support. But I mean, therapy is something that I think everybody needs to do.
Speaker 1:Listen, I think everybody needs therapy, Like I mean just life, be life and OK.
Speaker 2:And I think we can definitely attribute you know, the stigma as it relates to black and brown people and therapy, to our experiences. Right, for those who have had therapy and may not have not so pleasant experiences. Right, but that doesn't mean give up, right, because there are some good therapists out there and some organizations that do good work as it relates to therapy. Therapy is not the only answer. When you leave therapy, you still got work to do. Put in the work you got to put in the work too. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think that is so important because when we think about it, you know even just because therapy is a form of health care right. Yes, and when we think about the distrust between black and brown people and the health care system, I think that sometimes we don't put that in play of why people don't seek out therapy. So it's so important for black and brown people to become therapists. Right Say a word, say a word.
Speaker 1:So that we can help treat our people. That's right, Because if we know pretty much everybody needs therapy right, Even if something terrible is not happening again in that preventive like if you sit life, be lifeing, Life be lifeing and not everybody has the proper coping mechanisms right. So I mean there's times where I'd be ready for, like, I'm about to lose my mind. I told you I had a dog temper tantrum in that kitchen right.
Speaker 1:Because it just be like the weight of the world and so much is going on that like. Sometimes I don't feel like using my skills. Right now I just want to scream and shout right. And so being able to do that in a safe place right. Because you can scream and shout. Yeah, listen, throw pots around.
Speaker 2:I hit nobody with the pots y'all, I didn't throw them at my kids.
Speaker 1:Let me put the y'all know how I am. I don't like that anyway, but I throw them at the kids. But I just was so angry and so frustrated that I literally had a dog temper tantrum. But what happens is somebody who don't, who don't know to reach out or who don't know how to cope, right to bring yourself down, like I knew, to go back in my room, go talk to Jesus moment right To bring myself down right. Or listen to the media. But some people don't have those skills and that's when violence happens.
Speaker 2:That's right the inability to regulate what's going on inside, right. So then, it comes out on the outside. But I think another piece of this whole process is learning about what am I, what I'm experiencing? Right, because you're not the only one right who has these experiences. They do have names. Like there has been research, there's evidence to support that these things happen for a reason, and sometimes it's been like, oh, you know what I think? I do have anxiety.
Speaker 1:Right, yes, I can't sleep.
Speaker 2:I can't eat. I don't know why. Right, because there are so many other things happening. But, I just might have anxiety.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And if you don't feel safe going to a therapy they have a monophonies days.
Speaker 1:How?
Speaker 2:to cope with anxiety, oh right. Or, what is anxiety? What are symptoms of anxiety?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I think you can use this to say I'm angry, I'm mad. I've been mad for three days and I don't know what's going on. Ask Google what is going to tell you some things?
Speaker 1:Google will tell you, matter of fact, even if you say it out loud, your phone picking it up, you're on Facebook, you're getting on.
Speaker 2:I'm going to have a whole bunch of recommendations for therapists who were specializing in anxiety by the time I leave her, exactly. But yeah, that can be a tool. But again back to the point of like learning about what we're experiencing, I think that understanding also could lead to, you know, seeking some additional support, right?
Speaker 1:So let me, let's get it so as a parent right, because, again, I'm a strong believer that the home is the center. Yes, everything stems from that, and that not necessarily saying that your parents are bad, though for that to happen Right. We've known people who've been raised in quote, unquote, good families and still took the other way.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So I'm not saying by no way I'm judging on anybody's household. However, I do know that home is where things your first teacher, your first leader, your first cheerleader. There are so many things that is needed when we're do growth and development Right, and I think sometimes we forget those things that are needed because we're so busy jumping over steps and steps or whatever, and that when we lack certain things, this is some of the outcomes that happen.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So you know I'm a huge fan about modeling. You know it's not just what I say, right, it's what I do, absolutely. Because even when I got angry with my kids, like, and I had that dog temperature, I apologize. Okay, I did. And they like, oh, my you, you had every right to be mad. Yeah, I did. Okay, you know, I'm glad you agree with that. Okay, however, how I did it? Okay, didn't settle well with me, okay. So, because I don't want you going around thinking that one you can lash out like that even though nobody was hurt in the process, right, but you can lash like that and then, or somebody can treat you like that, absolutely, absolutely. So I recognize hey, whoa, whoa, this is not without. This is not even me, this is not, I mean, been me lately, y'all, I ain't gonna lie, I ain't been me lately, because it's a hard not life, but I recognize it's not so, I think at home.
Speaker 1:tell us about the home, like what, how do, how do we as parents prevent, or what do we need to give our children so that we don't have these outcomes or at least kind of curve the outcomes or lessen the outcomes, or you know?
Speaker 2:a safe space to have a conversation or to talk about anything, right? Not well, anything.
Speaker 1:Anything goes in this house.
Speaker 2:No, but seriously. A safe, a sense of safety, or a space where they can really express what their think, say what they're thinking and feeling, right and not in a way that is disrespectful, but in a way that is honest right.
Speaker 2:There you go, Honest Right. So I asked my daughter the other day because I knew I was coming over here and I was like I never, ever asked her what she would do if she was to somebody's house and she saw a gun. Whoa Right. So that's, every child parent should be asking their children she's nine, right? I don't care what age they are what would you do if you went to someone's house and saw a gun? She said I will run. Where are you running?
Speaker 1:That's the first time I'm running, so wait.
Speaker 2:And then I was like, and then what? I'm going high. And then what? Right, never once saying that she would tell somebody, oh my God, or like getting into the door. So then I provide that education, right. And then I asked her what if you were on the couch and somebody just left here and you found a gun in our couch, what would you do? I would run upstairs. And then what? So I know you want to avoid the gun I get that part You're fearful of guns.
Speaker 2:But the part that I wanted her to connect it with is let somebody know what's going on, Right?
Speaker 1:So if I go to her today and ask her, my hope is that she would tell me that she's going to run and tell yeah, I'm going to run and tell an adult.
Speaker 2:So just again, creating a space that we can talk about almost anything, right, right?
Speaker 1:I think that was good. Like I don't think I know I've never asked my kids about guns. Like if you found a gun, if you were, I'm always asking about drugs. If somebody offered you drugs, what you would do, right, you know what I mean. I don't even I've never even thought about like we tell our kids that guns are bad right. But, creating a plan because life be life and things happen.
Speaker 1:That's right and even earlier as nine years old, like probably even a little earlier, creating a plan like not you know, putting this out there, but what if this happens? That's plan Right, Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Education, education and a plan.
Speaker 1:Oh, I never even thought about that. That's good.
Speaker 2:And even like some of the video games that she plays. I'm going to kill, kill, kill. I don't. I don't like those type of video games. But just having a conversation about that, yes, it's just a game. These people come back, these characters come back. You get another life, you're getting a life right, but in real life you don't get another life.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You don't get another life. So yeah again, just creating that space to have those types of conversations is important for us as parents.
Speaker 1:I think that is so important. I think that it is so important to be a intentional parent. Yeah, because, like we literally can't have autopilot life, because the streets are going to raise our kids, the games are going to raise our kids, but really having open, honest conversations about everything. You know, I know sometimes parents me and one of my home girls they say we parent, we talk too much to our kids, but I think we don't talk enough. Because now that you're saying this, I'm like well, maybe I don't talk enough.
Speaker 1:But I asked them what's going to happen when they see a gun or a knife, or what happens. And I think it's so important to be intentional so you can plan to have these conversations, you know, not just when something happens, like the preventive stuff, like building the communication at an early age, like you said, a safe space so that even if they'd have not encountered a gun, but if they're having a conversation with their friends and their friends is talking about it, right, right, you know but I think that also comes back to us.
Speaker 2:Because I know it, like there may be some parents like I talk to my kids about guns. I ain't talking about drugs. They don't want to do it Right. So I think that, but thinking of being intentional right and thinking about the long term and thinking about your intent behind having these conversations.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:The intent isn't for them to go out there and find out. It's for them to make an informed decision if they encounter these things.
Speaker 1:Because because you have honestly, I really like you have some parents that will teach their children how to use a gun.
Speaker 1:Teach it because I don't want nobody to hurt you or, you know, always be bright and teach there.
Speaker 1:And I think that sometimes, even when you're teaching your child, they don't have the mental capacity to actually process these things at such a young age in real time, in real time, right.
Speaker 1:So I think you know I've had a conversation with the only reason why I mentioned that part, because I had a conversation with several parents and they were talking about they want their kids to drink with them or they want their kids to smoke marijuana with them so that they don't have to do it when they go out there. And I had said to them I said, listen, they may get the good stuff, quote unquote from you, but that doesn't stop them from still hanging out with their friends or going out with their friends to do something more, just because they don't do it from you. But you're exposing them to that, right? And I think the same way with guns. It's like if we expose our kids to that, if we showing them that, we're teaching them how to use it, even though they're my understanding, the growth and development right that their mind is not even able to process that really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm like on the fence because I think that gun safety is important, right, and. But there are some parents who don't want their kids to be scared of guns. I'm okay with my job being scared, but I have a sense of understanding as to why. But for me and this is just coming from the shire, I don't know I think you also have to know your kid. You gotta know your kid. You do have to teach them some level of safety, not training. I'm not training my nine year old how to use a gun, but I would be open to safety if she ran into a gun. Okay, so that's different, right?
Speaker 1:Safety If you ran into a gun. I think my concern about parents teaching their children of how to use a gun. It scares me, to be honest, and I think, knowing growth and development, absolutely stages of development. That we may think that our child is ready for something, and they're not. They just don't have it in them and it's no farther there. They're still growing right. So I totally agree Safety straight up. Yeah, this, if you that conversation, but I think it's tensionally for me. It's just so scary.
Speaker 1:It's gun violence itself is scary, right, but I don't know Like I just feel like I'm kind of on the fence of like knowing that I don't want my child to really know how to use a gun, right, right.
Speaker 2:Are you a gun owner? No, Right, but if you're a gun owner, you better be teaching your child some safety. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:I get that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, I'm gun owner.
Speaker 1:Cause. You know why I'm not a gun owner now? Honestly, because life be life. Yeah, okay, yeah, don't be a gun owner. No, I'm trying to tell you, I'm telling you and I'm not, the snap crackle pop type person right. But, like, honestly, like, because there are so many bad situations in life, right, I'm gonna give an example Back in July, july 2023, right, I was raped. Right, and I was, I thought about it, if I had a gun, I think I would have killed him. Right, she said that's fair.
Speaker 1:But you know, like me, cause I'm thinking and I kind of thank God I didn't have a gun, even though it was terrible, it was bad. That's not who I am. To hurt somebody Like, I feel like if I actually would have killed, I probably would have been living with that pain the rest of my life. Would have killed somebody, right, because I'm such a person that forgives. So you know, immediately, you know, when I told a couple people, they was like yo, if you had a gun, you could have killed them. But and in my heart, in my mind, was like but that's not even me, like I don't, even even in the worst situations I wouldn't want somebody to die. You know, even though that happened and I always said it's something like that happening, I'm a kill, this joker you know what I mean, like in your mind, but when I think about it me as a person I don't know what I would have did that day if I had a gun.
Speaker 1:If I had a gun, would I actually use it Because of my heart even though in a situation I love forgiveness and would I actually use it? Or would I pull it out, don't use it, and then he uses it?
Speaker 2:on me.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right.
Speaker 2:Right. So that's why I'm not a gun owner, because I don't know, not that I ain't got no heart. Now I got a heart. I'm from Chesapeakea. I got some heart.
Speaker 1:But at the same time, I love so much and I care so much that and I practice forgiveness, that I don't even know if I would have put myself in more a dangerous situation because of me owning a gun, or I don't know if I would have snapped out and click, click. You know what I mean. Well, it ain't click, click, pop, pop, pop, right, right. How Pop, pop.
Speaker 1:So that's why I don't own a gun and that's just a personal problem, because I don't know what I would do, Even with the amount of teaching and all that. I don't know. You don't know until you're in a situation. So I just to avoid that and I don't really want to hurt people. That's why I don't own a gun.
Speaker 1:And then I know that there's people like you. Now, I mean afterwards, though, honestly I thought about maybe I should own a gun, but then I thought about who I am as a person that just wouldn't, and not saying that owning guns are bad or whatever, because you got to protect yourself and everything, but you just got to know you Right, absolutely, and I don't want to put myself in more danger like a worse situation, because I was like, nah, nevermind you, okay, just go ahead and leave my house.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so I do definitely think that education is important and you got to kind of know yourself. Yeah, you know yeah Because I think one of the other things, though, what we see a lot in gun violence is that people with who are not stable mentally stable, having access to guns and using them, and then and we're just like, well, they, why did they?
Speaker 2:they didn't even have the right mind to even have a gun Right. So that's on the legislation side that we also do some advocacy work at Chester Community Coalition just around some of the gun laws that are out there when we talk about universal background checks to you know check or mental people's mental stability.
Speaker 2:When we talk about untreated mental health in addition to trauma, I think that there is a recipe for gun violence as well, right. When we talk about inability to manage to regulate our emotions. It's a recipe if I have a gun, right. So when we talk about our young people and inability to regulate emotions, social media, we having our young people in the uproar, some of our adults social media have it so many social media beefs that end out in the streets?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's unreal. I would be interested to know how many gun related violent incidents started on social media.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And at 15 to 29,. And that demographic I would just be interested to know.
Speaker 2:Now, I know it's not 100% but I'm sure that there is a large percentage that started or were perpetuated with the social media beef Whether it's because I'm embarrassed, whether my homies or homegirls like you better do something about it Right. The peer pressure, the disrespect after a young person has lost another close friend, the disrespect and the death of that person leads to additional gun violence. Joe, I didn't even think about that. Those are some of the layers, right, which is like more traumatic? I mean we've seen at funerals Right Like there has been an uptick of gun related violent incidents at a funeral for somebody who lost their life to a gun.
Speaker 1:Right. So then now we had a funeral, yeah, and we all about to lose our lives in there to a gun Right Like wow, that's something I remember growing up, seeing a lot of violence, different projects against other projects.
Speaker 1:You couldn't walk over here, you couldn't like. I remember I've seen a lot of violence in my family. I've seen my family has been hit multiple times for violence and I used to like, growing up, you see it all or whatever, and it literally almost was like normal right. But then once I grew up and graduated and kind of got out and seen something different, like yo, this ain't normal Right, this, this, this ain't normal, right, but are young people in the city?
Speaker 2:most of them see this as normal.
Speaker 1:You know what I saw? I saw it was a rapper, he. He was on. I don't remember the name of the rapper, but he had a conversation and he was saying that my fact, the gentleman that was on my show last week we were talking about this as well. He was talking about even like all the gangster rapper or whatever, like don't the people who are watching and the young people are watching them not even understand? They're not even real guns that they're?
Speaker 1:using Right that even who was it. It was. Somebody said that they were rapping a lie, like it was one of the rappers who said that all the stuff that he was rapping in his lyrics was literally just him rapping that lyrics.
Speaker 2:Like he wasn't living With entertainment, entertainment.
Speaker 1:He wasn't living that life and I think that if we express and educate more of the fact that that's entertainment, like, just like. And you want to. When you watch a movie, you watching Mission Impossible, you think that they want like. This is a daily thing, right, you just jumping off a building, like every day. You just jumping again, blown up. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But they rapping somebody's life Right. So that is the life for some of the people who were doing it before they heard the music. Yeah, and for some of our young people it's a lifestyle, whether they're doing it or not.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And then music supports it, right. So how are you telling me that's not normal? And they rapping about it? Right, they got it, it's real.
Speaker 1:It's real life. It's real life, all right, so we're going back to the layers and home and how to prevent it. So create a safe space.
Speaker 2:Create a safe space to talk about it, develop a plan, yeah.
Speaker 1:I got that. Now Develop a.
Speaker 2:I'm going home and have a conversation and make sure that it's age appropriate, depending on the age of the child. So if we're talking to a five-year-old, you can still name the gun a gun, but you don't want to give them too much information that they won't understand it Right. But if you're talking to a high schooler, you want to have a real transparent conversation about it. So you want to make sure that the conversation that you're having is age appropriate. You want to normalize feelings that come up after a gun violence event in the community.
Speaker 2:Right you scared to go outside and they just going out there and playing and you are all right. No, let's have a mom. We did that. We got to talk about this. I don't feel safe, right. But again, creating an opportunity to also ensure young people that adults are responsible for their safety Right. We are responsible for their safety and, I think, being transparent about the fact that we can't guarantee that it won't happen again.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So you can lie to them, and this is never going to happen again.
Speaker 1:Right, that's true. You know we say some stuff, don't we? Yeah, but I think we try to say it to one kind of get our kids to do what we want in the future, right, right. And then two, not even to actually have to have the conversation again, like you're going to be OK, it's never going to happen again. And then a week later it happened again Right Well mom lied and said this was never happened again so really being honest yeah.
Speaker 2:Because that impacts the trust.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But then being honest about how it makes you feel Right. If you scared, you could say that Right In certain streets. Yes, I'm from the city, but sometimes after a certain time I got 10 in windows. I'm like I'll probably just go down nine today I don't think I would have done it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I need to get some lights out. Yeah, got it.
Speaker 2:But just being honest and transparent about how it makes you feel and what you think about it.
Speaker 1:I think, right there is so important Because, for some reason, we as parents don't really want to be transparent about what our kids like. That Like. I don't know if it makes you I know. Part of the reason, though, is that we don't want to put more on them than we think that they can handle, but kids can handle that more than we think.
Speaker 2:Way more than we can.
Speaker 1:And it's crazy because we put the craziest stuff on our kids right, but stuff like this, having a kind of listen, I'm a little nervous like this is going on. We talk about this, but then it's other stuff that we put in our kids that they not even old enough to process it and we do, it's like that's why. But who taught us?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:True.
Speaker 2:Who taught us?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Some things we learn after we left in this right.
Speaker 1:Right, Right yeah.
Speaker 2:So who taught us? Sometimes we find ourselves educating the people who brought us up. You know what? And that's sometimes what our kids do for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we can learn a lot from our kids, we can learn a lot from our kids Kids you talk about.
Speaker 2:talk to these kids.
Speaker 1:Listen, I'll be here, you don't think they want to talk.
Speaker 2:These kids want to Ask me a question, ask me something. I got answers and I think that that is the assumption. Is I have to they not going to say nothing. Talk to these kids. I used to do a team talk group at the Boys and Girls Club. Just created the space they want to talk. We got to want to talk to them. We got to want to listen when I talk to them. We got to want to listen.
Speaker 1:So that's another one, listen.
Speaker 2:Listen.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:And don't listen to respond. Listen to your kids and what they're saying.
Speaker 1:once you create that space, Wow, ok, so create the space Listen.
Speaker 2:Listen, be transparent and honest, develop a plan. Yeah, I'm playing.
Speaker 1:I'm not playing at all. Definitely nothing got me right there. I'm trying to tell you.
Speaker 2:I'm like wait, Develop a plan. Being open to honest and be willing to learn, yeah and be, and revisit, revisit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, follow up. I Think so many times, like as parents, like we're so busy Thinking that we're supposed to do. You know again that food, shelter, closing has always just been at the top of the list for everything and not really addressing emotional needs, and you know things like that which we're now starting to have those conversations, because before those conversations wasn't out there and you know that whole, I put a roof over your head and close over your back and food in your mouth and I'm like well, did you know?
Speaker 1:that's the bare minimum, that's the part that's not going to arrest it, right, the other stuff.
Speaker 1:And I think that as parents we really got to take the time. Like, as you're sitting here talking, I'm thinking like we really have to take the time out and really Pour into our children. That time, like it's not all about Making sure I mean you better close your kids, but you know it's not about buying the $200 person, you know. It's not about making sure you know that they look this way on Easter or this than the other. It is really about pouring into our kids and providing a safe space, providing a place where they can actually have some, teach them how to have great communication skills and.
Speaker 1:And develop coping mechanisms within the household right Kind of make that a standard of living that we can Curve some of this and don't be, don't be so close off to the option of seeking some support.
Speaker 2:Yeah don't, don't, don't, don't rule that out as an option. So also be be a little more open-minded as it relates to seeking some ways. We all need help don't I know we all need help, and and if you don't feel like you're equipped to be that person at, even as a parent, it's okay to ask for help.
Speaker 1:That part. Let's repeat that again.
Speaker 2:If you don't feel like you're equipped, as a parent to do those things we mentioned as it relates to the violence, don't be afraid to ask for help.
Speaker 1:Yes, help is there help? Is there people really want to see you, me, all of us as parents, be successful in our parents and we want. I know, because I don't. I really don't believe that anybody wakes up and feel like I want to be the worst parent or I don't want to support my kid or I don't want to. You know, do all that like. We want our kids to be successful, whatever successful means in that family household.
Speaker 2:But we got to do better so that it makes the city a better place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because I think if every household do that right, doesn't we become because you know, we could be one of the things that we're doing right now. The topic that we're talking about in church this year right now, right and with within all of it, is really been together, this right, okay, and you being unified.
Speaker 1:Because when you think about it like we can all be together in a space but we're not unified. So it's the unification that where we lack at that's where it's deficient and and a lot of times it is because of lack of love, or no one would love as a hot of love, or how to treat people, how to value life or mistrust yeah. So if we can kind of figure out how to heal our broken pieces right, then we can Help our children and then we can create a better community.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I 1000% agree.
Speaker 1:We can be the hope dealer.
Speaker 1:I'm out here dealing hope. I Mean we're gonna do anything For real. I think that is so important and it's not that I Don't want. I don't want anybody to think that we're knocking the way that People are raising their children, or a parent or not. It's just we want to help Elevate right and it's like at this point the rate of the way that life is going Within our and the cities, within our communities, within the state, within the world. We got to pull up. We, we are the, we can't wait till right. The government Governess, right.
Speaker 1:No we can't wait to. I mean, they they need to be held accountable because they get in our money. But at the same time, though, I'm responsible for mine. Yeah, I'm responsible for my neighbors, I'm responsible for my neighbors, neighbors right, because it takes a village to raise children in Paris need a village to that's right, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I 1000% agree. So.
Speaker 1:My hope is that with this conversation tonight that it opened up something that people feel safe. Listen, if you don't know how to have proper coping, so that you don't even know how to respond, you don't even know, like sometimes you just stuck, like I'm just stuck, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But then I go have a conversation with one of my friends right who provides support around how I can navigate through this, through Whatever she wants to know about that. I was didn't feel equipped.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I'm quick to tell my kids, let's table that. Yeah, come back around to it. Um, so, all right, so let's try this. So show, tell us again the services that you provide and how to get in contact with somebody, like how to okay.
Speaker 2:All right. So again, we provide supportive services for individuals who have been directly impacted by gun violence. That includes in Free of charge, not even through your insurance company, because we are a nonprofit, grand funded organization Therapy, individual therapy, family and family therapy sessions, and we also do community trainings around mental health and trauma. And in the way that you can make contact with us is through our website. Adds up, use up, use up you dot. Chester, community coalition all one Word dot org.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Now if somebody here we go, if somebody is not from the city of Chester, right and they they Are from like a different state or you know things like that. How do they can they reach?
Speaker 2:out to you and then we could connect them to someone in their area. Yes, we are definitely a resource. We're never going to say you got a role, now we can't do that for you, we got. We have a case manager who is great at, you know, connecting them to people to other organizations that can better fit what their needs are. Good.
Speaker 1:So if you need somewhere to start reach out, the shire as she just gave you the website, she just gave you the name of the coalition so they could reach out Even if you're not from here, so we, somehow you're going to get some help. Okay, so you just take the step to reach out. Um, have them conversations with our children, right, have them conversations with ourselves. Yeah, what's your friend like talk?
Speaker 2:about it. Let's talk about it.
Speaker 1:Um, because nothing can get done if nobody talks. So let's talk about it. Reach out to somebody, um, just so that you could have an open conversation. And, um, you know, talk to our kids like again, invest that time in our kids. You know the time that we can spend with our kids in their most valuable time and just having those courageous conversation.
Speaker 1:That's right because that's a. This is a courageous conversation, and I'm trying to think how I'm going to have this conversation now about, if you saw the gun, what would you do? What would you do? Um, but just having those courageous conversations with our kids and our family members. And you know, again, it takes village to raise children. It takes village to raise, um, parents need a village too. So everybody needs everybody. I need you to survive point blank here. We really need everybody, okay, um. So as we go forth from this year, like really, let's just unify, let's just figure this stuff out together so that we can make, you know, this world a better place, and it starts at home. Thank you, thank you for coming on.
Speaker 1:Um, you really did. Uh, I know you helped a lot of people because you certainly just helped me just thinking about it, and I've been parenting for 25 years, so, yeah, it's a hard not like you all right playing Um and and with these, the younger group that I have now, the three youngest ones I you know more conversations.
Speaker 1:I need to have more open conversations and and and being able to listen. You know, as they speak, not to respond. Yeah, all right. So hopefully next week y'all I ain't got to talk about no uh throwing no pots and pans, getting upset y'all, because I'm gonna have some nice leveled out conversations. Um, join me. Parent through the purpose. I am your host down in janell. We are here weekly at 7 pm. You can find us on Uh any social media platform. I am parenting with a purpose. Or you can find us on anywhere, podcast or listed. Um, thank you again for joining us tonight. Thank you again, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
