As a parent, have you ever felt like your child's actions are a reflection on your own upbringing, stirring a mix of pride and trepidation within you? This week, Donna Janel opens up about the journey of parenting with an earnestness that pulls at the heartstrings, accompanied by Pastor Charmayne Lane. Together, they examine the highs and lows of motherhood, from the daunting challenges of teenage pregnancy to the nuanced dance of single parenting and the complexities of blended families. Our candid conversation promises to leave you with a deeper understanding of the fortitude and grace required to guide our children through life's labyrinth.
Remember the times when a parent's advice seemed to come from a place too distant to relate to? We've come a long way since then. This episode weaves personal narratives with practical insights on breaking free from damaging familial cycles and the importance of a robust support system. Pastor Charmayne shares her own tale of teen motherhood, which blossoms into a broader discussion about the delicate balance of parenting roles, the impact of male figures in a child's life, and the journey from independence to interdependence in marriage and family units.
Finally, we celebrate our show's one-year milestone by reiterating our commitment to empowering young parents and reinforcing support structures that anchor them. From navigating relationships and maintaining open communication with maturing children to the transformative leadership that parenting inherently demands, we underscore the lifelong influence parents have. This episode is not just a reflection on the past year but an ode to the purpose-driven nature of parenting—a testament to the profound impact of nurturing homes and the enduring guidance we provide beyond childhood's horizon.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
As a parent, have you ever felt like your child's actions are a reflection on your own upbringing, stirring a mix of pride and trepidation within you? This week, Donna Janel opens up about the journey of parenting with an earnestness that pulls at the heartstrings, accompanied by Pastor Charmayne Lane. Together, they examine the highs and lows of motherhood, from the daunting challenges of teenage pregnancy to the nuanced dance of single parenting and the complexities of blended families. Our candid conversation promises to leave you with a deeper understanding of the fortitude and grace required to guide our children through life's labyrinth.
Remember the times when a parent's advice seemed to come from a place too distant to relate to? We've come a long way since then. This episode weaves personal narratives with practical insights on breaking free from damaging familial cycles and the importance of a robust support system. Pastor Charmayne shares her own tale of teen motherhood, which blossoms into a broader discussion about the delicate balance of parenting roles, the impact of male figures in a child's life, and the journey from independence to interdependence in marriage and family units.
Finally, we celebrate our show's one-year milestone by reiterating our commitment to empowering young parents and reinforcing support structures that anchor them. From navigating relationships and maintaining open communication with maturing children to the transformative leadership that parenting inherently demands, we underscore the lifelong influence parents have. This episode is not just a reflection on the past year but an ode to the purpose-driven nature of parenting—a testament to the profound impact of nurturing homes and the enduring guidance we provide beyond childhood's horizon.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
you, you, you, you. You put that music on second.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody hey everybody, welcome back to parenting with the purpose I am your host, donna Janell. As you know, my job here and my goal is to bring back the responsibility and beauty back into parenting. As I said every week, parenting is not for the week, right, it is a hard knockout out here for parents. Children aren't the same, the times aren't the same. I'm gonna take a deep breath on that. We probably should do a moment of silence for that, because these kids are different.
Speaker 2:I tell you every week that I have my one that tests my inner gangster, and that's just like the theme everywhere now, because every time somebody hit me up they be like yo, my kids testing my inner gangster. This week, I'm telling you, when we raised these kids different than we were raised, they don't realize that we can, uh that we from where, we from. Um the other thing. So last week we talked about um narcissistic generational curses. There was a plethora things we were talking about so that we can kind of help one another in this parents' journal. We know that I don't know about y'all, but when I was growing up, all I kept saying is I won't be like my mother, I won't be like my father. Then I went around and had kids and then I felt myself having some familiar things. Now, everything they did wasn't all bad, it wasn't all good, but I felt myself having some of these traits that I had to. Uh. I want to take a deep breath because the other day. I'm trying to tell you that one anyway.
Speaker 2:So, um, parents are the bulls, children are the arrows and they will go wherever we land them, wherever we aim them, as long as we give them the right tools, as long as we close them. We don't send them out in this world, neck it. They will eventually get there. Now they ain't, I'm gonna tell you now disclaimer they might not get there today, they might not get there tomorrow. Hey, it might even take 10 or 15 years for them to get there, but they will get there, they will get there. So, as parents, we have to get our kids some grace to grow. As long as we know that we put those tools in them, that we didn't send them outside, neck it, so the world could, uh, close them. They will get it eventually, just like you and I got it right. It took us a while, but we're here now, absolutely all right. So this week, my guest, my guest, my guest, my guest, drum roll, drum roll, drum roll is the only uh pastor, charmaine Lane, hello. Well, she likes me to say Charmaine, why, lane, how you doing?
Speaker 1:whatever long as you say my name, that's all. It's good you don't have to do the why. You can just see Lane, whatever. Lane, lady, lane, lady Lane whatever one, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me, donna.
Speaker 2:Janelle. Long time waiting. Believe it or not, this show is about to be a year old wow, that's a blessing, yes, a blessing you know it's about to be a year old and I finally got you up here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, finally, and lord, pray for me because I don't know what question she's got, but I'm ready for, ready for you, donna Janelle. Ready, ready, yes, I'm ready all right.
Speaker 2:So tonight topic we're gonna be talking about motherhood and we're gonna talk about team motherhood specifically. Um pastor Lane has such an amazing story about being a team mom and now a team. I'm a one, but now a married mom, a three, a grand mom, a great grand mom girl your name is.
Speaker 1:She is, and that's a blessing though, because some people don't make it to be a grand mom or a great grand mom so it's a blessing all right, so we're gonna get into it.
Speaker 2:So the first thing I'm going to do is just tell us a little bit about yourself well, my name is, as Donna already said, um, lady Charmaine Lane, with the middle initial.
Speaker 1:Why? You know? I'm uh, assistant pastor to Bishop Billy Joe Lane Jr of Christian growth ministries. I have three children, 11 grandchildren, two great two great um. I have six, well, five, siblings, and I make the number six um. What else you want to know?
Speaker 2:now, that's it. I'm gonna get into it, though.
Speaker 1:Oh you're gonna get into it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. Come on with it. Come on with it. Come on with it. I'm ready for you.
Speaker 2:I was thinking when you said Charmaine Lane. Then you said, as Donna said, why? And I thought about it because that's one of your questions all the time. So why, yeah, why this and why that? I'm I'd like to know why, yeah, I don't know that. Why fish you well? Absolutely yes all right, so talk about. So we're gonna be talking about teen pregnancy, right, and I know how, uh, how old were you when you had your first child? I was 15 years old 15, all right, so let's think back.
Speaker 1:That was a long yeah, that was a long time ago, it really was. I'm not gonna say is he saying something?
Speaker 2:you know, you know I'm saying something but we won't get him, because that's okay, I'm not even worried about it.
Speaker 1:It was a long time ago, but I can actually remember all right. So the thing is, a baby, having a baby, mm-hmm. So you know, I'm thinking, I know everything. You know what I mean because you know, when you're 13, you know, you know you're smelling yourself, and then 14, you really smelling yourself, and then 15, you like, oh, I smell good now. I smell good now. Yes, but you know, I was always told by my parents don't do that. You know, they never said I have sex, but they just said don't do that. And I knew what they meant by that, but I didn't understand that, but I did that. So that's how my son, the oldest son you know, came about, you know now let me ask you a question.
Speaker 2:So you said, you came from a two-parent household absolutely yes two-parent household parents was great parents yes, yes and where do you fall in the line of the children?
Speaker 1:I am this the oldest daughter and second to the oldest, because elder laws is the oldest boy.
Speaker 2:I'm the oldest girl, oh wow okay, so you wouldn't like the baby of the group no, I wasn't like the baby of the group, not at all all right. So you had two-parent household and your parents said don't do this. Now let me ask you a question. Did your parents say they never said sex? No, they just don't do that. Yes, yes you know, because I remember growing up, like especially where we're from and the hood, like they always say don't get pregnant.
Speaker 1:Like that's all.
Speaker 2:I hear. Well, that's why all I heard before was don't get pregnant. They never said. They never even said don't have sex or don't get an STD. Yes, don't, don't get pregnant, don't bring no baby home?
Speaker 1:yes, absolutely. And they were very angry at me because I didn't listen. You know, you think you in love and all that kind of stuff until you wake up and you think this person is going to be with you because it's a fairy tale thing. You know you'd be like, oh, he's going to be with me for the rest of my life. And that's not how it goes. And it ended up you, mommy, baby, go home and there you are with my mom and dad, like you know.
Speaker 1:But my parents were great. They were great, our supporters, even though they were upset in the beginning. Okay, my dad didn't even say two words to me until after I had my son, because he was so angry with me. Wow, because that wasn't the plan or the design that they had for me or any of the siblings. They wanted to enjoy life and they made it once and keep us. You know, once I had him, I can't double our blessing. My parents were a blessing. I never had to worry about a babysitter. I never had to worry about, you know, providing. I mean, they made me work. I had to work 15 year old.
Speaker 2:Oh, I had to go to work, so they were upset right, and you know how did you feel, though, while you were pregnant, like I felt good, even though the environment was tense, because now that the pregnancy, there was no other choice.
Speaker 1:Back then they didn't do abortions, that wasn't an option. You did that now you're gonna help me, held accountable with this child and you're gonna take care of this child. So they nurtured me and that gave me more on standards. Whereas more on standards are not the same as it was back then, it is today. So you know I trained with some substance. You know what I mean. My mom taught me and my dad taught me how to provide and nobody's not gonna give you anything, so you have to go work for it. I had to work. I could never be a good nurse at home and late, and all these different nurses 15, you was out here working yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I worked absolutely. And far as food stamps and social services, that wasn't even an option. Wow, wasn't even an option. I had to go to work, you had to go to work, had to go to work. And then, when I did work back then the money that I made was too much. It was too much. So when they said you can have $10 a food stamp, what am I doing with that? Keep that. So you know what I mean. So I just had to keep working to provide. So you know, I had to take his dad to court and all that kind of stuff, but I didn't at first because I'm fearful of what he would do if I took him to court to take care of his child. Isn't that amazing?
Speaker 2:yo, that just resonated so much because, as you know, I'm divorced right and I literally just went last week after 13 years, to go file for child support yeah, you have this, that freedom of taking them and like you don't care what they say.
Speaker 1:You know, because they live in this lavish life and all this kind of stuff, bond what they want and you're trying to make ends meet. Right, you know what I mean, but you know like, oh, no, no, but when I pulled up with that cutlass and brand new T tags on a brand new car, I woke up, I went into him. Yeah, I went into him and the thing was I never went back for an increase. I've said you know this is your only child and you know that it costs money to take care. Especially when you're taking care of somebody else's child, you ain't taking care of your own that's deep there, that's a whole another program.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I don't think that's a hot topic, right yeah so I mean I should. So you didn't in the beginning, you didn't take him for child support because you had it. You like I got this. Yeah, I had him.
Speaker 1:You know, my parents was there, they were provided, I didn't have to pay rent, I didn't have to, you know, do those things because my parents was always there, they provided. You know, I did what I need to do back then I was doing. I'm actually, I made all my maternity clothes because I sewed what, yes, I sewed. Because back, you know, I was young. So my mom said, allow us to go to girls club girls club, pregnant at all, you know, took off this sewing and all that kind of stuff and I used to make elderlaws and my uncle, tiffany's dad pants and everything build on, believe any of that. But I made all of them.
Speaker 1:I asked my mom, I made all of my maternity clothes what? And one day I went in and I had a saw machine in my bedroom. Made it for that day, wow, yes, and I just never stuck with it.
Speaker 2:Never stuck with it after that wow, wow, so that you made your own. That's something new.
Speaker 1:I made my own because you know back then, you know the material and the patterns. They were all cheap and my mom and dad they bought the sewing machine and bought the things that I needed. And I just made it because my mom, you think about this six children, one household. You got one that's pregnant and you got to provide for these other five people, right. So you know, money then was tight, even though we still say it's tight today. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, you know so I. You know back then. I understand the better now that I'm older of the things that my parents were saying. You know, I didn't go out and have this child, so we got to take care of these five kids here, right? So this is something that you can do to help, you know, in the household, because money was tight now was his father involved throughout his life, like as you were raising him no, not at all.
Speaker 1:No, don. Yeah, it's amazing that my son's father didn't get involved in his life until he was about 40.
Speaker 2:Yeah, where my flag at. Yeah, it's my flag on the flag. Yeah, look, I got the yellow flag on the flag here. Yes, wow. So basically you were a team mom, a single mom raising, yeah, wow, yeah, your son. Yeah, now talk about being a single mom raising a boy. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 1:You know what? My son was very good until he got into the senior year because I said, in this world you have to get an education.
Speaker 1:So I stayed on him and I said you're going to pass and you're going to graduate and you're going to walk, because that experience you'll never get back if you don't get your diploma. You know you don't want to go back and try to do your GED. It's good to do that, but I want you to experience when they call your name like evens love, and then the principal says welcome to the real world. Now it's time for responsibility. Now you got to go get a job, you got to do all these kind of things. But when you turn 18 and the principal said those things my son, the key was decided he want to do crazy stuff.
Speaker 2:Hold up Before we get to that pastor. You were a team mom. You graduated high school.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I went to DAPI and then I went to PS and then I ended up graduating from Glasgow High School, so I didn't allow me getting pregnant to stop me, because I wanted to walk with everybody in my class. I wanted to walk with my class, right.
Speaker 2:That is awesome, one of the things I wanted to touch. I really wanted to make a point about that, because when you look at the stats, the statistic is that not only do team moms barely ever graduate high school, but then the stats show that only 3% of them have a college education, so it's even less percent who actually graduate high school or even graduate high school on time. Because a lot of times the team mom is like out here fending for pretty much themselves and they're working and everything, and they're maybe getting three or four jobs or whatever, or hanging out, whatever their job may be.
Speaker 1:I think they don't utilize the resources that are out there. So when I was pregnant, I went to DAPI. So DAPI provided a lot of resources for me. They set you up for the world. So when you leave there, you have this avenue, you have social services, you got this, you got that. You have all them different avenues that you can set you up for life. You know what I mean, but you have to use them Right.
Speaker 2:So it's not a lack of resources. Do you think it's accessibility to the?
Speaker 1:resources or Accessibility to the resources. I mean and a lot of people are like I ain't getting on that, I ain't standing on line you know what I mean? The pride gets in the way, right. So when pride gets in your way, that's when you miss your blessing, right? You don't utilize the resources, because the roots of these are they've been there for all my life, they've been there and they're still there now. They're still there now. They're still there now because I even utilize. You know, once I got on my own, got my own place, I went to social services and I got all my bedding. They paid for it, brandywine furniture, they funded you. They gave me my bed, they gave my son my bed. I did that. So you know what I mean. So the resources are there, right. It's just they don't utilize it, and then they don't have the moral support backing them, like their parents yeah, the parents, because you think about this their parent you got a child that's pregnant and the mom is still clubbing, clubbing. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:So you know what I mean. And see back then when I was clubbing and when my son came in that club I knew I had to leave. I said I'm done. Wait, wait, wait. Yes, I said I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. That is true, that's when I'm done. I can't, there's no way. As a mother, I'm going to party with my son. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's you don't, you don't. Just it doesn't make, that's not a mixture, because when I made, when I need to pour in him, he's not going to, he's not going to listen to me because he see another side of me, right? So I said, well, I'm done, I'm out. And I was out. Yeah, I was out.
Speaker 2:Wow, ok. So you graduated high school and you kept it. So I was like, for what I know and what I hear from you is that from day one, you always was like a hustler. You was getting it in, you had a, you was pregnant. Were you ever ashamed of having Keevis as such a young age?
Speaker 1:Absolutely, because when I had him, they always thought he was my brother. So I had to go through that Is that your brother? And I was like, no, that's my son. So I and years and years, and then I, you know, then I had to encourage myself and say this is my son and you're not a mistake, right See? That's why I had to talk about that part.
Speaker 1:That's when I had to minister to myself and say baby, you're not a mistake, you know, this was preordained by God, because God is a giver of life. Right, you know what I mean. So I said you know, I don't care what people say. So when they used, when they said that for years, after a while I got used to it. No, I'd start correcting him. No, he's my son. Right, he's not my brother and I'm his provider, I take care of him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's so important because, when you think about it, I see a lot of stories about parents. They kind of grew up with their kids, right. Yeah, they consider their kids as their friends. It's like never. We on this show every the last couple weeks we talked about this whole friend and parents. Yeah, it's like I know, like some you know back in the day and I know I heard all the time I'm not your, I'm not your friend, I'm your mom, I'm your parent and throughout generations we have said that right, so I had you know I have four kids.
Speaker 1:I never said I didn't use that because in my household it wasn't like that, because my mom and dad would say I'm not your friend, I'm your parent. Because sometimes, as children, when it's time to discipline them, it's difficult to discipline them because they say well, you my, aren't you my friend? Friends don't do that, you know, and it makes it hard for you, you know, to discipline a child. So I didn't use that.
Speaker 3:It's what it was. I always say to my, my son yeah, I sure did we're going to get into that yeah.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I know you don't like that but we're going to get into that.
Speaker 2:But it's so interesting how times have changed, because I've always heard I'm not your, your friend and I have the four kids and I'm I've told all my kids I'm not your friend, like. I'm stern, I'm not your friend, but the one who tests my in the gangster all the time. She, her feelings are different. So, when I said I'm not your friend, it hurt her.
Speaker 2:It kind of crushed her heart Really, and I couldn't understand that first until I had Bryce and his friend on here and they were having a conversation about how it for my child, who perhaps may not even have friends or connect with friends, really well, or you know they're thinking that you're friend so that they could connect with you. So you don't, you know, say I'm not your friend Instead, of casting them out. Tell them what you are to them not what you're not.
Speaker 2:So I've seen that perspective differently. But yeah, I don't offer only one of them is like, if I say I'm not your friend, like she gets very offended. So now I don't, because her heart, her heart, strings a little different and that's how sometimes, well, no one will get.
Speaker 1:well, you know. You know my friend, are you my friend? You come over later, you know, do that kind of stuff, you know. But you know, I just believe, like when his mom a Brea. You know it's a relationship instead of that. I'm your friend, because I want you to be able to open up to me and come to me. And you know we had.
Speaker 1:At first we were like cats and dogs but, now we can actually have sit down and have a conversation. I can, I'm straightforward. Now Her dad is totally different. You know what I mean, so I'll shift on you. Donna, I know you're gonna bring me back.
Speaker 2:Now you're good because you just talk about different perspective of parents, yeah, so you know Because each kid is the each child. I don't like to call them kids, but each child is very different. So, even though you have this standard of parents and morals and values in your household, that always stays the same, that standard. But however how we parent, each child has to be different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Because I'm the stern person.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I know Bishop. You say I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bishop is that you know gray sky, you know like gray sky, I'm not, I'm just it sounds like the reason why you're that way, though. You had your first child at 15. You had a son, a young black male, at 15, who father was not in the picture.
Speaker 1:Yes, that I had to go down a road with him after he turned 18, that he wanted to decide he wanted to sell drugs, and that's before me and Bishop, even, you know, knew each other, you know. So I'm thinking I'm, you know, this bad girl. So I go down on the corner where he's that, not realizing it's the worst place in the world where people sell drugs at, and say, okay, you going to do this game, you going to sell drugs, let me do this, let me sit down and show me how you do it, show me how to do it. So I became friends with all the people down there where they was like, can you get your mom, get your mom Flag on the plane? Yeah, got the flag Flag. Yeah, when you love your child, you do what you got to do to go get him. Because I said the enemy wasn't getting him.
Speaker 1:And at that time I decided I'm getting back into the minute, getting back into church, right, and I'm like the cover was on me because I was down there. But I didn't care who was down there, I didn't care who had a gun, I didn't care who sold drugs. All I know that the treasure of my son was down there, right, because you know the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy. You know what I mean. And the thief don't come in and get nothing if you ain't got nothing. So I said my son is something. And he would always say why are you down here? And I'd be hung because I love you.
Speaker 2:And people were like yeah, so you raised this amazing boy 18, he decided to this couple of brain cells and decided to go out there and sell drugs. And you was like, listen, I'm not leaving my child. You're already raised them by yourself for these 18 years. You not letting him go like that, Not letting him go, Not letting him go at all that's love, though, because love don't leave you like that. Yes, so you went to the court, so you were in the corner.
Speaker 1:you said show me how to do it. Yes, I said show me how to sell the drugs. Show me how to sell the drugs and they be like can't get your mom so they see my car. I would go there every day after work. Wow, that, like I did, elder when he was on drugs, I went and where he was at, every day after work I went to get what belonged to me.
Speaker 2:Wow, that is so amazing and I want to stay there for a second because I feel like sometimes, as we see now, parents are giving up on their children. You can't give up Like all right, your kid, or not necessarily giving up, or maybe just accepting it or condoning that type of behavior If you're standard.
Speaker 1:Well, they don't know how, because the thing is, if nobody never ran after you to get you, oh man, you know what I mean. So they don't know how to run after and get what belongs to them. But when you had a support system, like I had when I had to work my son to the bus stop, my mother walked him there and my mother went back to get him until I got from work. Wow, you know what I mean. So, my dad, they were this great support, great support. I could just think of one time that I wanted to go out and I couldn't go out. It was a New Year's Eve because my mom and dad wanted to go out. Any other time I could go out. Wow, never had a hindrance, never.
Speaker 2:I think it's so important for parents, which you just said is like go after what's yours and not allow the world to take over what you have already put in that child.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I worked hard. You know what I mean and I can think of when my son got married and his father would say I'll never forget that. When I went into the church hall and where Keefer's got married and his dad said you did well with your child. I said that's yours too, and I don't know if it's lost it. My mom said calm down, we're in the church, calm down, calm down. You know what I mean, you know, but anyway, yeah.
Speaker 2:The fire came up out of me.
Speaker 1:I hadn't had that. Yeah, yeah, it was bright.
Speaker 2:I hadn't had to raise him by myself, absolutely.
Speaker 1:But Keefer's turned out well because the road that he went down he had to go down because it was amazing. After I kept ministering to him and, I believe, bill, he became in the picture and talking to him and then he said, baby, you're going to have to let him grow up, you're going to have to let him grow up. And I'm like, ah, you know, that's my baby and my only baby. We didn't have Brie up back then. You know what I mean. So he decided to and I said Keefer, you got to get out of the game, because only two places you go you have to go to prison, you go six feet under. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So I guess somebody called the cops and said he was out there selling drugs. They had named everything he was on. So he ended up going to prison. But when he got out, every person that he was around, they began to start killing them one by one. Wow, one by one. And then he began to wake up and to see all the encouraging words, the wisdom that we had told him. That is the end of the road. You sell drugs. You either go to jail or you're going to go six feet under, right. So you know when he got himself together and you know, and we got him at the job at the hospital twice, twice twice, twice, twice.
Speaker 1:You know. So the second time I said if you want this job, you have to talk to the VP himself, the president of the hospital. He did, and they let him in, okay, but he ended up trying to end up going back out in the street again. So I helped him get a car and everything, but I didn't know that. And somebody called me and said Charmaine, he was saying that work. I said he ain't. I called him and he said I said what are you saying? He said Ryan. I said bring my car, I repot the car. I repot the car and I sold it Wow. I sold it Wow.
Speaker 1:And then he got back up on his feet again and he bought a car of his own, so it didn't get in trouble again. So he needed his lawyer to $10,000. And so after he got into prison and everything down and so what happened was he said Mama, I need $10,000. I said come here, baby. He comes to this window. I said look at that beautiful BMW out there. It cost about $5,000. You better sell it Wow. As a single mother. I said listen, I'm working every day and you never visit me in the prison, right? You never went to the corner to find me. You know who I am, so you have to sell that vehicle in order to get out, get you to keep yourself out of prison. But what the blessing was? The lawyer said I'm going to take the $5,000 and I'm going to squash the other $5,000. Wow, that's God, yeah.
Speaker 2:Now Pastor, let me ask you a question because there's a lot of young single moms out here who get into relationships because they're looking for somebody to help raise their child.
Speaker 1:I want to touch on that.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you that's what they do Really. Yeah, they really. If the father not there in the single moms, a lot of times they attach themselves to other men to try to replace that, so they won't be single I'm talking about for me personally, women have to be careful today about what man they attach them to, because you don't know where this man came from.
Speaker 1:Right, see, I have a problem with women that just meet a man and then you leave your girls with this man. Right, that's dangerous, because you don't know where this man came from.
Speaker 2:And now Pastor, not even girls. You don't know where he came from.
Speaker 1:Boy too, the boys too, and you leave them with them. You know, I've seen on news many times where a woman with the work and she leaving with this guy, he kills her baby you know what I'm saying? Or molester child. So you know, a lot of women, because of the structure or the foundation that I was built on, they don't have that. So they don't see those morals and standards. All they see is I got this man here, he's going to help me, not thinking about where he came from, right, or what things are that he's dealing with. You know, because you can bring him in a house. He's not looking at you, he's looking at your daughter.
Speaker 2:Right, you got to be very careful. Very dangerous. So, on your journey, as you were navigating through this single mom thing, did you? Did you feel like you needed a man to help raise your son?
Speaker 1:No, I raised my son Right. I was a very independent black woman that I didn't need a man, because everything that a man could give me I gave. I got it myself. I got it myself. You know what I mean? I bought my own shoes, I got my own nail done, got my own hair done. I got my own clothes. I paid my own car. So I had everything. So they had to come correct, bitch you go and get it to him when you met him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm like I, but I'm just saying you know, so they had to come correct because I had it. I was handling my own stuff Right, I paid my own bills.
Speaker 2:Now did you think that you said one of the things you said? You didn't need a man because you handed yourself. Do you feel like you needed any thought? Did you need a man for your son?
Speaker 1:I did because at a certain time in a young man's life they need a man to talk to, because a young man, you know their bodies start to go through a change and start talking to them. So that's when Bill came in and he was able to talk to Key about those things that he would not open up to me. Right, okay.
Speaker 2:So there, you do need that balance. How old was? Key Was when you met um Bishop.
Speaker 1:He was around. What about 13, 11, 13, 12. Oh wow, that's way back when.
Speaker 2:Yeah, way back when you guys been married for how many years We've been married?
Speaker 1:for 27 years, wow, so yeah, wow.
Speaker 2:So he was pretty much a preteen when you met him, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe 15, I'm thinking, I mean you're going way back. I'm like listen you remember, down, down, okay, you know.
Speaker 2:I mean you said you remember it all.
Speaker 1:I'm like I got it.
Speaker 2:I got it. So cause it's interesting because I hear, like you know, I remember when I got, when Matt left 13 years ago right, and in the beginning I saw that I needed, I wanted to find somebody to help me raise these kids. Cause what happened was cause not only was it just my two, a year after he left, my sister had a husband passed away, so I became a single mom from two to four overnight Right, and I just it was so hard Like I literally a lot of things made a little bit more difficult than I had a really bad pride issue.
Speaker 1:But you know, don't get me wrong, you do need help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't realize that's a little one when I was born out. But I was in the beginning. I was like I was looking for somebody to help raise these kids. So, now that they, they are all about. They're about 16, 18. And I'm like I ain't dying, that ain't it? Yeah, I already raised them.
Speaker 1:And I was just very cautious about you know who I allowed around my son. So even though I wasn't you know dated, I wasn't you know, with this person and that person, that person, I had, you know, some integrity about myself as a young lady. So just because I ain't, I ain't just go, no, I didn't roll like that.
Speaker 1:I ain't roll like that. I was very, you know, I was very cautious about who I dealt with and who I wanted around my son, you know, I may have a conversation, but you couldn't come home with me. That wasn't an option. Couldn't come home with me, no that was an option.
Speaker 1:You didn't know where I live at. Probably you couldn't come home. That was an option. You know what I mean, Cause I had to. As parents, we have to protect our children, you know, and sometimes we always say we, we haven't lived just yet. You know, as young parents today, Right, you know, they want to. How you get a break from taking care of your child, how do you get those? You know, nowadays, if young people want to take a break, they always want to travel.
Speaker 2:They always want to do this Because it's hard, it's hard, it's hard.
Speaker 1:It's hard, it's hard, it's hard. It's only hard. If you make your eyes, they say it's tired.
Speaker 2:They tired. Tired of what, tired of what Tired. You gotta have a balanced life, you gotta have you gotta have a balance and I think because a lot of times the majority of people have not taught how to Right.
Speaker 1:Cause my mom taught you know, you know, for us preparation for us food and cooking and preparing your clothes before you go to work. You know what I mean. All those, those, all those things was taught at a young age. Right For us, washing clothes. You know what I mean. I'm just, you know, just throwing clothes to the side and not washing them, just go buy more. No, it wasn't that. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And that's what's lacking. Now I feel like the structure of raising children is very different, like you said earlier. You said something about parents want to party with their kids and all that. Or, you know, even though you had your child, young parents is like listen, I ain't living my life. Well, you got a kid now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's when you decided that you miss.
Speaker 2:make different decisions. You can live your life, but live it healthy, live it okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so. So Kevan's was like a teenager when you met Bishop right? Yeah. So now that that happened and then you became a blended family now because you've had a child already and then he came on the scene as a young man Was it hard, though Like for the. The key was like, because a lot of times, when you bring a man into a house for a kid who may think that they're a man, now right, 13, 14, 15, I'm the man in a house Kevis was he was.
Speaker 1:He was gun whole about the whole idea. Good, wow, he gave up his bedroom when a brandy came over. Wow, you know what I mean. So it was never the issue with the children is more so the parents. Okay, you said, okay, one more flag in there. Wait a minute, you want to call him over here? The parents yeah. The parents. You know, because it was so, because I don't know, Go ahead and ask your question. Go ahead, no, because it's two different perspective.
Speaker 2:I'm absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1:And then?
Speaker 2:you know, a lot of times, you know we as moms so we're raising our sons. And I think one of the things that I read and I see a lot of times that sometimes we're raising our sons to be um, we're not raising our sons to become men, we're raising our sons like we're raising these boys, right.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:And they become you know the old saying mama's boy and stuff like that because the mom has raised them. But there's sometimes there's different, because I try not to have my son be a mama's boy, quote unquote. I'm trying to have him but I can't teach him certain.
Speaker 1:I'm not a man and I don't have no parts Right and I had to learn that, because when my son's father wasn't in his life, I tried to replace his father's life in his life by things yeah, I will buy extra clothing, I will buy all this stuff, and it's still didn't equal up to time spent with his father, right, and it was just a waste of time and I had to grow into that. You know what? I only can be the mom, so I just got into my position, my place, and I just thought, okay, you know what. I can't make excuses. And I have one thing I never did. I'd never downed his dad ever around him. I had he had to find out on his own.
Speaker 2:Say that for the people in the back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't care, I don't care. Women never downed the child's father Because you think about it. It was your, your thinking, your choice. You chose this man. Now you're going down him in front of the children. What makes that how? That make you look Right when you down that man, that you say there's no good, but you slept with him, right.
Speaker 2:And they crushed your kids heart Like yeah, so I never did that.
Speaker 1:I never, never, ever spoke a bad, ill word word about his father. He learned I said cause I tell women, the children is going to grow up, absolutely, they will find out about their dad.
Speaker 2:You don't have to say anything you know, but I had the single men on here, well, the single fathers on here. I had AJ, oh okay, and I had them on here. And one of the biggest things that they kept saying is that what was causing the issues is the moms was causing issues. Either if they didn't pay a certain amount of money, they couldn't see their kids, or if they didn't do a certain thing, like the the that's an immature mom, yeah, like really withhold their children from them. And you just made a good point because you said time is important, like, cause you can buy your kids whatever the dude can give you, whatever, however much you give you a month, but if he don't have that relationship and time with their son right and the thing would keep it to use to spend time with his father.
Speaker 1:But when he came home he would say mommy, they did this to me, they did that to me. So I have to protect him and say you know what, you can't go back over there. So you know, I didn't let him go back over there because every time he went in his father's presence he was always blamed for something. So he came home. He left happy, came home sad. So my job, I need to go out. So I needed to protect him. Because a lot of women still send a child over there knowing that father's abusing them or the girl abusing them. And then you know what I mean. Then you, then you raise in this bitter child. They're mad at you because you didn't protect them. I, you know, we have to protect our children. We have to protect our children.
Speaker 2:I think it's such a line, though, right Cause, when you think about it, I remember when Josh was, he was going towards their every other weekend, right, and Josh would cry, he wouldn't want to go. He would grab my ankle, you know he would do all that, they speaking, and as a mom, I'm just like I don't want my son to grow up thinking I withheld him from his dad. You know I didn't want that. Look like you didn't let me go to my dad's and whatever. I felt like although his dad was an abusive to him or anything like that, he wasn't doing any physical harm to him. And what environment?
Speaker 2:Yeah, he literally when he would go to his dad house, he would always be in a basement. Like he would never. He would never spend that time time with his dad, cause at my house we talk, we do all this. You know social stuff.
Speaker 2:And for years, because I was like, as a mom, I have to make this decision to send him because it's better for him to be around his dad than not to be around his dad. But now that the the older that he become and he has this social anxiety disorder and I think, like did I make the right decision, like he wasn't physically hurt in his child? But at the same time I'm now trying to heal some things because he didn't get the things that he needed.
Speaker 1:Right. The thing is we have parents have to remember when you go to a divorce, the child goes through one as well. Yeah, and sometimes the parents don't understand that. You know the separation, they're affected by it as well. You know what I mean. We don't see those type of things. And then you know I wish dad come home, but now I got to go over here and see him. So anxiety, you know what I mean. We really don't know and all those different types of things.
Speaker 2:I like how you said it, though. Our job as parents is to protect our children.
Speaker 1:We are supposed to by any means necessary.
Speaker 2:Yeah To follow in action. See you in 120. As parents, you have to make those hard decisions.
Speaker 1:You have to.
Speaker 2:It wasn't a good environment for him to go. You ain't getting my son no more because I just made a decision.
Speaker 1:You breaking him down.
Speaker 2:I gotta build him back up when he came here. He was built before he laughing out. So sometimes, as parents, we gotta make that decision, Even because you know parents. Now, like you said, talk about break. What's a break? Parents be thinking they need a break, right? Not thinking parents be needing a break, right, they do parents who need breaks, but you put them for break. They send them into the environment just to get a break, and sometimes that environment breaks the child.
Speaker 1:Yeah because you don't know. I mean because you know. Why do women send their children in environments that you know they don't even know what's going on in the environment? Then you leave your child in it, you know. I mean, is that break?
Speaker 2:worth breaking your child. That's it, that's another, that's another.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is that break worth breaking your child?
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm gonna have to use that, yeah. I mean, is it worth it, Right? So I think you made some good points to just how important it is to protect our children by any means necessary and, even if it calls you, going to the corner and making sure that you're saying get from out of there. Oh, he got out of there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So all right, so that's fast forward. So that part. So now you met who's now your husband. Mm-hmm. And we came a blended family and you start parenting together and you know, it seemed like Keevin started to get his stuff together a little bit more the older he got the maturity set in and he's like I'm not gonna be out there like that. How did you feel? Cause, your kids are, keevin's and Brea how many years apart? All of them are 10 years apart 10 years apart.
Speaker 1:All of them are 10 years apart. Wow, 10 years apart. Cause when Brandon Keevin's is 46, brandon is 36 and Brea is 26. Wow.
Speaker 2:That's a card, that's a game, yeah. That's a hand right there, that's a hand right there. Yeah, wow, so navigating that single mom blended, was it hard for you to adjust to being married?
Speaker 1:Yes, it was After being single so long.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, it was. It was for both of us. It was a shocker cause the day I was getting married I said, oh God, mama, oh no. She said you can't turn around now. I was like whoo, whoo, whoo, you're here now. I was like cause, you know, it's a commitment, right? You know what I mean? The things that I used to do I couldn't do because I had someone to answer to. Vice versa, he had to answer to me, which he wasn't not listening as well, you know so.
Speaker 1:He wasn't listening. So yeah, because he used to do it on his own Back then. So we had to make some adjustment Right Cause you know, I'm just an independent woman and this is guy, like what, I'm going to tell her where I'm going, who I'm going with, when I'm going to get back and all that kind of stuff. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So it wasn't adjustment Cause you know, being an independent woman, we get such a bad rap of we don't need people, we don't, we don't need a partner, you know we don't need somebody to connect with us Because you know we can hold this on by ourselves cause we're strong, right, yeah. And then when you start to date that's why I was asking, because then when you start to date and they want you cause you're strong and independent, you got your own, just any other. And then when they get with you, they just like maybe you a little bit too much, cause now, pretty much.
Speaker 1:Well, that's where you gotta. You know that balance, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:You don't want to.
Speaker 1:You gotta be able to come off as you know I'm, you know I'm better than you. You know what I mean, so you know you gotta give that balance and all that. It's a balance.
Speaker 2:Like I constantly think about like when I, when I, whenever I get in the relationship right, and it's like because I've been doing this so long by myself as a single mom, making it happen, you know, and I just like what I'll be able to. I mean, I've been married before, so I do know how to. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Relation to you know when you're ready, once you got to school and once everything gets settled with the children, and then Mr Wright come by you know when I know little kids, though my kids are old. But you have to pray about yeah.
Speaker 2:They out the house. I mean, tell y'all now, just claim it.
Speaker 1:I don't know when. No man with kids.
Speaker 2:Well, I know, but they gotta be grown.
Speaker 1:They gotta be grown, y'all.
Speaker 2:My kids cause I ain't going back. I ain't going back. I got God kids if I'm going to do something, yeah, I'm sure you gotta be ready. I mean I think you know, as being a single mom raising our children, I like how you said earlier, though I want to get back to the fact that you said that you knew you had to switch your position. At first you were trying to give him everything. I did.
Speaker 2:Because the father wasn't there, and I think we all can relate to that Really, honestly, of trying to fill a void, that we think that needs to happen, but in reality we can't fill somebody else's space. Yeah, we can't.
Speaker 1:But I had to recognize that. Yeah, I had to recognize that. And when I recognized that I, like Bob, went off and I, you know I didn't change the quality in which I was, you know, giving my son, I just pulled back on some of it. You know what I mean. So you know I had to pull back on some of the things because then I didn't want him to go out in the street say, well, she can't give me those things, let me go steal, or let me go do this, let me go do that. So I needed to pull back because I didn't want to create a monster.
Speaker 1:You know, what I mean, Because through the roles that he was went through, he turned out to be a great husband, a great father, a great mentor. You know he's doing an excellent job as a father and I'm just proud of him and Brandon. They both handled it. I just got to get the girl home married.
Speaker 2:Why you should have married her away. See, that's what I'm talking about. You come out, I get home married. In her time she will be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she will be the right one, mr Right, mr Right, mr Right.
Speaker 2:I do have a question for that too.
Speaker 2:What you did so many times. Parents, once your child gets 18, and this is primarily really just in the African-American culture really is once your child gets 18, they need to get You're 18 now, my job is done, you go about your business. That's not true. That's a lie, right, and a lot of times, and this is what happens with that's why these young adults are out in the street doing A, b and C, because most of the time, their parents have kicked them out. My job is done. I got through your high school, you're 18, my job is done. Because I constantly hear oh, I can't wait till my kid turns 18.
Speaker 1:No, what should I take on?
Speaker 2:that Talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 1:My take on it is that love them while they're young, because your heart's going to ache when they get older, because you put them out into a world that they're not ready for. They're totally immature and they don't know what's going on. You know what I mean. So my take is just don't put them out. Let them stay there. Save up their money for their rent or whatever they got to do. Don't put them out. Don't do that. The teaching don't stop when they turn 18. It doesn't stop, it begins.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the teaching begins Because it changes, because now you're teaching them how to live as an adult, because then you know what Keith was like.
Speaker 1:He wanted. I saw he started working so he wanted. I said why don't I start charging you $50 for rent? You know? Oh, you taking all my money. That's what he mean for the life. So he got mad and said I'm leaving, I'm moving out, I'm going to pay $500. I said you know? I said are you listening to yourself? I'm only charging you $50 a month. You got to go pay $500 a month, didn't work. He ended up back at the house. Back at the house.
Speaker 2:Because we let them what he wanted to leave. But a lot of times parents let their children go too soon and think that they're supposed to raise. They're not done being raised. They're not just because you're turned, just because the law say you 18. But they're still. We know that they still need some girls and boys mature at different ages, absolutely. So we send them out there. We send them out there.
Speaker 2:I was wondering. I had a conversation, I was coaching a mom and she kept saying I can't wait until you turn 18. I can't wait. No, no, no. Let me tell you something Don't do that, because they go out. They go out to come back. Yeah, you know, and all right. So, pastor, what would you say to two sides of the question? Give me first side. The first side is what would you say to a young mom who is now pregnant, right, and just don't know what to do? They feel lost, they feel defeated, they feel that they did something that now the rest of their life they have to deal with this consequence and maybe they don't even feel like they can become something besides a teen mom. What would you say to them?
Speaker 1:Well, what I would say to a young lady that is pregnant just because you're pregnant doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Don't let a baby stop you from getting your GED or your diploma, or you even working. Don't let a baby stop you, if anything. Allow this experience to grow you up, To grow you up as a mother. You know what I mean. Take advantages of all the resources. Make sure you ask for this help. Don't sit back and mope in that condition, but look for help. Look for help. You know what I mean. So, because a lot of people don't look for it, they just go without even help. I can do this thing by myself. No, you really can't.
Speaker 2:You can't use your children.
Speaker 1:You need resources because, you think about it, A daycare bill is not cheap anymore. Oh man. Do you see how much they're doing? What man? Daycare for an infant is almost $200 a week. It's more than that.
Speaker 2:That's it. That's for a girl You're dating yourself. It's more than that, really.
Speaker 1:Daycare is more than $200 a week Listen, Listen my player is about to be 25.
Speaker 2:I remember her daycare at that time was $275. It's high. It's like $3.00.
Speaker 1:No you think about the Pampers and see they don't want breastfeed. What? All that? Breastfeed save you some money on milk, but yeah, so all that I mean it's a great responsibility, but I just believe that you, in that condition as being a young lady that's pregnant, you're not alone. You're not alone. Resources are there. In my first place, I would tell you to go to DAPI. Dapi got all type of pamphlets, all type of information that help you through your process, help you get a job and set you up for life, and I just believe those resources are there until you get up on your feet. It's not there that you stay there, right? So that's one thing Don't stay there, because I remember back in the day when women would just have another baby to get welfare.
Speaker 2:Soon as a child happened. Now call it welfare, no more Pastor.
Speaker 1:What they call it. Oh, no, girl, I ain't.
Speaker 2:What they call it. We got to go down to social services. Oh, it's all right OK.
Speaker 1:Social services, not welfare, social services.
Speaker 2:That's how long it's been Now call it food stamps, they call it EBT. Oh OK, but no. But you said thank you for educating me, but what you said is that make sure you tap into the resources, that you don't have to do this alone, you don't have to struggle, you don't have to do things that are unhealthy so that you can raise your child. There's really good resources out there in every state. Absolutely, you just have to tap into that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely D'Asia new mommy, and I love how she's tapping in all the resources that are around her and she has no problem in asking, and that's what I love about her, and you know what I mean. And she's being a and I tell all you are you know, you're doing a good job as a mother, absolutely Doing a good job, and that's what we have to do is encourage, because we all have to say, well, you made a mistake, but life is never a mistake, right, but we know what we did. We don't did anything Absolutely, absolutely, and we act like we never did that before. You know, we don't have no room to condemn anybody, absolutely, if anything, we got to encourage a person, you know, encourage the young lady. So that's what I would do.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:The flip side.
Speaker 2:Chapter in your resources. So OK. The other question is if you have a mother or a father, or both together or whatever parents of a child, a teenager who is pregnant, what would you say to those parents of how they should navigate this how they should? What would you say to those parents?
Speaker 1:Stop worrying about what people are going to say about you, because normally parents worry about you. Know you? Sometimes you put a front up in front of people that we have everything all together and then our child get pregnant. Now we want to hide them because we don't want people to say about their child that may affect who we are as parents. Get past that. Get past that. Get past that, because did you ever look back at your life and the mistakes that you made? Right? You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So you know, and I learned that many moons ago when Brea got pregnant. You know what I mean and I was like, oh my god, what is the people going to say? But you know what Shoes? I tell you I'm Tiffany's aunt. On Audi she said didn't you do it? It was like a light bulb, don't worry about them. And that's when I was like it is not about me, this is a Brea's walk and not mine. Our duty and responsibility, as Bish, well as Charmaine and Billy, is to make sure Brea's good. So that's when we revamped our house, turned our closet walk in closet, our old house into a bedroom and got it ready for a baby in a matter of months.
Speaker 2:So you're saying that parents need to support their kids no matter what?
Speaker 1:Right, stop worrying about what people are going to say about your character, right, I think that's the biggest thing that you go to that project that you get hung up and it's like, oh man, I dropped the ball.
Speaker 2:They don't think I'm a good parent because my dad's pregnant but not knowing that everybody has their own walk, and I think we don't give each other enough grace you know, because, like you said, we were all young before Now. Some people got pregnant young, some people didn't. You just didn't get caught up that way, but you was doing some stuff and I think, that a lot of times. What we see now with parenting is like you got pregnant, you out here doing this or you on your own, but no yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean we all fall short of the glory of God. Right, you know what I mean. We start stop pointing the fingers at our child and you know what I mean and start pointing at our own. Stop worrying about what people going to say about us as parents. Then we'll be a lot better off. We'll be so much better off. You know what I mean, because it's our pride to get in, the way the Bible says before you know, pride then becomes the fall. You know what I mean. Get your ego together. Don't worry about people. Support your child, do what you got to do Yo he be straight to the point.
Speaker 1:I got time playing with you get your ego together, you know what, and the child Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Support your child. So basically, what you're saying is that if you're a child and you're pregnant and a teenager, tap into the resources. If your parents and your child is pregnant. One don't be ashamed of it. Two get your ego and check. Three support your child.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, because there are some people out here that have children that are unable to even get pregnant. They can't even give them a grandchild, and God is blessing you with this child, and it's amazing what a child will bring to your household, something that's very absence of happiness, joy that you probably haven't experienced, but you so worried about what people are going to say about your character, your ego. You missed the whole thing. Let me stop.
Speaker 2:No, because then you got the next swing and stuff you talk about your childhood, because people do get that they do, they get upset and I think we all do, because as parents, we want our children to be better than what we were, but at the same time, I think, just really valuing each other we want the best for them but that maybe at that time is the best for them.
Speaker 1:That would grow them up to get to that place that you want best for them. You know what I mean, because I will not be where I am today and I said I'm not calling them mistakes, I'm calling them growth. Everything that happened to me as a child to where I am today has grown me up to be the woman of God that I am today and I thank God for that. I wouldn't change anything about it, anything.
Speaker 2:One of the things that, as I look back on your life, because I've been connected to you for over 20 years- now and just to see you tell your story about being a team mom and then where you are now. You were a team mom, but yet now you have your master. You have your master. So, just like it didn't stop you, whatever you had as a child, it didn't stop you. You continue to work through whatever hand was.
Speaker 1:I had opportunities to be a nurse, but that was not my career. I don't want. I like telling people what to do I really do. My leadership and management is what I do.
Speaker 2:I like leading people.
Speaker 1:I like telling people what to do. I do it's not in a derogatory way, you know what I mean. She likes leading people. Okay, no, what I do. I like pulling out the best in you.
Speaker 2:That's true? Yeah, because you got that why?
Speaker 1:Why? Yeah, you know, if someone said they can't do it, I want to know why you can't do it, Right, and then when they do it, then they'll say, oh wow, I didn't realize that I had that in me, right, yeah, it's not like you know, you do this, you didn't know. No, it's not like that no. Because I have a wonderful team at work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I think leading people.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry. I've learned a lot EBT social services and I'm leading people how to learn. I got laughed tonight.
Speaker 2:But I think it's so important that parents, I think that you are a testament to a person that just keep moving, no matter what the situation is. Because, like, honestly, a lot of people could, I even think back on myself when I first I had my faith at 19. So I was still a team mom. I was. I just got married. You know, I was married, had no business at the time, man, but I was married and before I had her, I literally was going to get an abortion. I wasn't saved. I wasn't a guy. I literally was going to get an abortion because I felt like I didn't want to bring a child into. I didn't want to be like my parents. I didn't want a parent. Heard the way.
Speaker 1:But do you think that from I'm done, I'm done took over the show?
Speaker 2:Come on now, come on. Flag on the plane, let's go.
Speaker 1:I mean looking back. I believe, from faith brings you to where you are today.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely. You know what I mean. So one of the one of the things the reasons why I do this parent show with a purpose right is because you know, when I was younger I was fumbled. I was fumbled. My parents are the best that they could, but what they had in that situation, and that's all of our parents Right now, we're doing the best we had and if things can happen, if things get fumbled, I love my parents dearly and we have this conversation. This ain't no new news. We have this conversation, but what I love about it is that because I wouldn't take back nothing on my experiences or anything I went to, because it made me become a better mom, though it made me become a better person of the struggles that I went through. So now.
Speaker 2:I can look at parenting from all different angles.
Speaker 3:I've been at the force mob I blend the family with kids, you know.
Speaker 2:So I'm able to see it from all different areas. And no matter what the situation you still compare, there's a purpose in your parenting.
Speaker 1:Absolutely it really is.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we just throw things away because we may not know how to do it, we may not have tapped into the resources, but resources are available. We just got to tap into them Absolutely. And the whole thing is that a lot of times in society we start thinking of looking at our children, looking at the youth we're, their parents, that are, or what's going on with their parents, and a lot of times we give our children resources and we don't give the parents resources Really, because a lot of parents have not been parented. Absolutely Correctly.
Speaker 2:So we want to make sure that parents are parented their children properly so that they can become successful. So we want to make sure that we're giving parents the tools. Because, what's sense and I've always had this question is to society repairs a child, but send them back to a broken home. So then you got it. It's almost like a reentry program.
Speaker 2:So we got to tap into the parents, because that's the foundation. Your parents are your first teachers, your first cheerleaders, your first leaders, your first. Everything is with your parents. So if we don't tap into our parents, how do we expect our youth to survive? Or be successful.
Speaker 2:So, what you just did tonight was showing them. Listen, although this situation happened, you're not blaming nobody, but you were able to walk through life and make sure that your son will have the best life possible and, no matter what, you went to take care, you took care of your responsibilities and you protected him in all calls, absolutely. And things happened, but yet you never stopped giving up. You didn't stop fighting, and I think so many. So it's so important parents to know that, no matter what, you don't ever give up on your child Ever.
Speaker 2:Ever, Don't ever give up on your child and, most importantly, don't give up on yourself. I know Because, because the only reason sometimes we give up on our children is because we give up on ourselves, absolutely. So it starts with you, absolutely.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, it starts with you, it starts with you. They feed off with you feed out. You know what I mean. You don't negative you, You're actually, you're reproducing what you are. You know so.
Speaker 2:And it's not too late.
Speaker 1:It's not too late If you are a parent, it is not too late.
Speaker 2:Who have not been parented. Now you're a dog, so it's time to get yourself together.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and you don't need all them breaks. Nobody need to go away every weekend. You're talking about these things For real. You know why they have to go away every weekend. They gotta go out every weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I mean I don't mind. You know it's our right to go out, but you don't have to go out that much.
Speaker 2:Basically, you're saying and you should be partying with your kids.
Speaker 1:Don't party with your kids, don't party with your kids.
Speaker 2:Don't smoke with your kids. No.
Speaker 1:Don't drink with your kids, don't get high with your kids.
Speaker 2:Don't, don't do none of that.
Speaker 1:Don't. Do none of that with your kids, don't do none of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I understand that parents need to break I did but I also understand that Because you're new and you're in a different. I'm 25 years in parents and what you mean, I'm new.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying no, no, no, I mean, I had breaks, but not like that. No, I didn't.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I didn't let nobody else kind of take care of my kids. I feel like these are my kids and my responsibility and also, when you think about it, our kids. They spent eight hours in school. So basically we don't spend that much awake hours with our kids. Honestly, you wake them up in the morning, say you, getting them up between six and seven o'clock, if that some of them early. They go to school for eight hours. You pick them back up. They may have an after school program, they may have sports or whatever. By the time you get back in the house it might be six, 37 o'clock. Most kids go to bed before eight. Absolutely, you really don't have that much awake time.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:To really pour into your kids. So I get what you're saying. Why do you need a break and why you need to go out so much? What time are you invested in pouring into your child? That's, I feel like, where the gap is, because we're not spending enough time with our children.
Speaker 1:So nobody wants to teach your child. Yeah, no, you know what I mean, but I was raising. I know our time is winding up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we about to close it out, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my mom always said we never spend the night over other people's houses.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, never back in the day I just had that conversation today.
Speaker 1:Never spend the night and they didn't come to our house Never. I like you didn't have that.
Speaker 2:If you're, if you, I like the kids friends because I need to keep an eye on people. Yeah. I need to see what you're out here doing now, my dad always kept us on a punishment.
Speaker 1:God bless us, so that I miss you. My dad be going a year this year, oh, wow, I mean this a month on the yes a year Wow. Yeah, I missed that dude. Yeah, pop loss yeah.
Speaker 2:My dude, my guy, my buddy. Wow, what's the heck Time.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:That just shows you that time doesn't wait for anybody Like time. Just keep going and going, and it's so important to make sure that we live the best life that we possibly can, absolutely, and I'm not talking about material. But also, I don't want you to have your kids going hungry either.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But just make sure that it's so much. It's so important to invest into their spirit or soul because, remember, parenting is just not about food, clothes and shelter. It is about their emotional need. There are mental needs, you know, and back in the day it's like I put a roof over your head. I put food in your belly.
Speaker 1:I heard that back in the day.
Speaker 2:And now it's like it's more than that, because, even though I hear a lot of parents say, listen, I turned out well, well, well, well. You've been in therapy for 30 years.
Speaker 1:So what you mean you?
Speaker 2:turned out well. You know things happen. So I think it's so important for us to make sure that we're in tune with our kids, no matter what age you are. To have your kids tap into the resources, Ask them how was their day.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. Sometimes the kids come right home. Parents don't even say hi, how are you, how was your day? I mean, we do that with no doubt. How are you day? How was it? You know what you do? Interesting, what was different about today? Yeah, that's how we get into and find out what's going on.
Speaker 2:Exactly, you got to be able to talk to your kids, absolutely so. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:And thank you so much for having me, Donna Janelle.
Speaker 2:Thank you guys for joining us. Parenting with a purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle, where we want to bring back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting. Absolutely, our lesson tonight is tap into the resources, be in support to your children, invest in your children, talk to your children, hear from your children, communicate with them. It's not all about material things. It's so important to sow into their spirit. Absolutely, thank you for joining. Thank you, donna Janelle.