As a parent, the journey of guiding our children can be fraught with uncertainty and challenges. This week, I'm joined by Bryce Sheldon and Savion Thompson, who offer a stirring window into their lives as young black men and the parenting that shaped their paths. Our discussion peels back the layers on what it truly means to nurture not just the physical, but the emotional and mental fortitude of our children. We reveal how breaking free from restrictive gender roles and addressing the nuanced effects of family dynamics, such as divorce, can impact a child's development and sense of self.
Navigating the tightrope between authority and camaraderie in parenting roles, this episode sheds light on the delicate balance that cultivates respect and openness within the family unit. We grapple with the consequences of inflexible parenting, and how understanding and compassion can fortify our children against the pressures to conform. With personal insights and reflections from literature, our conversation serves as a clarion call for intentionality in parenting—providing children with the liberty to express their individuality and pursue their unique passions.
Wrapping up, we confront the pressing need to equip our sons for a future where they can thrive as men of character. By emphasizing conversation and planning, we underscore our commitment to fostering responsibility, nobility, and beauty in the upbringing of our children. It's a purpose-driven approach to parenting that Bryce and Savion illuminate with their own experiences, from the demands of home life. Join us as we continue to champion the journey of raising boys into men with grace and a clear vision for their tomorrow.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
As a parent, the journey of guiding our children can be fraught with uncertainty and challenges. This week, I'm joined by Bryce Sheldon and Savion Thompson, who offer a stirring window into their lives as young black men and the parenting that shaped their paths. Our discussion peels back the layers on what it truly means to nurture not just the physical, but the emotional and mental fortitude of our children. We reveal how breaking free from restrictive gender roles and addressing the nuanced effects of family dynamics, such as divorce, can impact a child's development and sense of self.
Navigating the tightrope between authority and camaraderie in parenting roles, this episode sheds light on the delicate balance that cultivates respect and openness within the family unit. We grapple with the consequences of inflexible parenting, and how understanding and compassion can fortify our children against the pressures to conform. With personal insights and reflections from literature, our conversation serves as a clarion call for intentionality in parenting—providing children with the liberty to express their individuality and pursue their unique passions.
Wrapping up, we confront the pressing need to equip our sons for a future where they can thrive as men of character. By emphasizing conversation and planning, we underscore our commitment to fostering responsibility, nobility, and beauty in the upbringing of our children. It's a purpose-driven approach to parenting that Bryce and Savion illuminate with their own experiences, from the demands of home life. Join us as we continue to champion the journey of raising boys into men with grace and a clear vision for their tomorrow.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
My name is Fritz. Let's test равiente my full life, my roots. That's why Come on, come on, come on, come on, dance while wrestling movies are going on. You're welcome. Hey everybody, welcome back to Parental with the Purpose.
Speaker 1:I Am your Host and one and only Donna Janell, and you know we are here to bring back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting. As you know, parenting is not for the weak. Parenting is hard as a mug out here. I'm telling you it is not for the weak. And my goal and our vision is that parents are the bows and our children are arrows and they will land wherever we send them. Might not be today, might not be tomorrow, might not even be next year, y'all, because it's hard out here, not just as parents but as children, children with today's environment. So, but we know that if we dress our kids with the proper tools, that we don't send them outside naked, if we close them, that they will be able to be successful in their life, no matter what journey they're on, they will envision land where they're supposed to be. So, parents, don't give up. Don't give up hope. Just keep fighting a good fight of faith and pushing them along.
Speaker 1:So tonight, here, as you know, last week we had an amazing episode. We were talking about vision. I figure we are in 2024. So we should be in January, but we should be starting talking about what do we want our year to look like as far as parenting, how we want us as parents to be and also our children. What can we do to make sure this year is successful?
Speaker 1:So I thought it was fitting to have vision on last week and, as you know, we had Bishop Billy Lane Jr from Christian Youth Ministries. He literally laid out to us the vision of parenting and he was so open and so transparent about his journey into parenting that I know it touched a lot of people. So tonight, tonight, we're going a little bit different Because, as a single mom of a young black male, I've always questioned am I parenting him right? Am I giving him the tools? Because I'm not a male, so it was very difficult for me to understand the perspective of a male. So tonight, guess we have two young men here who's going to give us their perspective of being young black men. Young black men, as I say young, you know, a lot of black men are out here. They're not even on TV or anything like that, but we have them here in the studio tonight, so I'm excited we have Bryce Sheldon and Savion Thompson tonight. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:So the night conversation is going to you know it might get a little deep because, again, I got a lot of questions about the perspective from a male. Okay, a lot of questions because my son is very quiet. He's 15. He don't talk much, but I know that there are some things that we're going to talk about tonight that's really going to resonate with him. So hopefully, josh, you're out here watching because I want you to watch the show tonight. I know my girls are out there watching, but I'll walk to the show.
Speaker 3:I'm excited.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for coming on the show tonight. I'm excited. You guys are excited.
Speaker 2:I'm excited, oh yeah, definitely excited to be here.
Speaker 1:All right. So first we're going to get a little background, bryce, and then we're going to go to Savion. Tell me your age, about yourself, a little bit, what you want the people to know, and then what's up.
Speaker 3:I'm 21. I like a lot of things. I like making music, I like reading, I like swimming, I like architecture, I like marine biology. I like a lot of different things.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right. 21 you said yes, oh, okay.
Speaker 2:And I'm also 21. My name is Savion, she already went over that. But what I like to do is I'm a videographer and I do photography. So I like to step into my creative room type thing. And I also am a cook, but I started off cooking so I got a little bit tired of cooking and I switched over to the different side of art, you know, like the videography photography thing. So that's basically what I'm into now A lot of trying to express myself through photography and video. So it's been going pretty good so far.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, now that's very different. I would say Both of you guys are entering things that are different, but I think in this world right now, everybody is just trying to find themselves and figure out and be okay in the areas that they ball send pretty much Before. You know, when we think about honestly young black men, we think about athletes Like you know, like basketball, football, you know, even going to baseball. We don't hear too much about hockey you know, or even soccer too much.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:We don't really hear it too much but or wrestling or things like that. So we definitely hear about basketball and football and baseball. So I think it's so refreshing to have you guys on here who are sound very intellectual already you know, I can hear that but also tapping into things that you guys like, not necessarily what the culture of our people necessarily have created a narrative for you. It sounds like you guys are out here creating your own narrative.
Speaker 2:Trying to hopefully which is good.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you a question, just a little bit background, about your parents and like what kind of homes you come from, mary single, like how, what kind of homes did you come?
Speaker 3:from. I come from a home. My parents divorced when I was like eight.
Speaker 1:Okay, and.
Speaker 3:I think it's been being a mom ever since. Okay, you kind of.
Speaker 1:you still learn to be a kid too, so you don't really understand parenting. Absolutely not.
Speaker 3:Don't really understand the whole purpose of that type of structuring.
Speaker 2:What am?
Speaker 3:I using a lot of this stuff for, but once you get older, you start to be in certain situations.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, mom was kind of right, all right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now make it.
Speaker 1:Now make it.
Speaker 2:And for me, I know when I was younger I didn't really have my dad much. I mean they, they, my mom, my dad was there when I was, when I was like really, really young, but I say from most of the time, majority of the time, it's been just me and my mom. So I like to say, you know just single family households, you know single parent households and she, she's been doing her things. Like I said, you don't really understand a lot until you get older. You like dang it, she definitely was right. Right, she was right.
Speaker 1:Because, as a kid, like you know, you just want what you want. You know, and, as you grow, different hormones and stuff.
Speaker 1:So you feel like you write a lot of times and you know parents can't be right and even though parents, we want the best for you. You know I've done that too as growing up, like listening to my parents, my mom particularly, because that's where I was. Sometimes, like growing up, I would say, like all this case, I ain't going to be like her, I ain't going to do this, I ain't going to do that. You know, feel like all this stuff in my head.
Speaker 1:And then, when I became an adult and became a mom, I was, like you know, some of her ways are definitely so important Like one of the things that she used to do when I was younger is like we used to have to go to bed really early. Like you know, we lived in a project, right, and you can see it's still daylight outside and I hear all these people playing and like we still do.
Speaker 1:We still daylight, we like it's the summertime, we had no school Right, and I remember, like me and my siblings, creeping through the shade of the window looking at people and listening to people trying to get some excitement because they're playing, outside playing, and I used to think, like man, their parents were so cool, they letting them do whatever they want. But then, as I grew up, realized like when I look back on a lot of those kids like they're not where I'm at.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like it was like their parents didn't really care. It's not just that their parents were, that's cool, and I noticed that, some of my friends too. I feel like I was like yo, your parents are so cool. And then I noticed that they just didn't care as hard as my mom did. Yeah, they didn't have no structure. I thought that was the bomb.
Speaker 1:Y'all can be outside, y'all can be outside and then I look back on them. Now, you know, I've been out of it's about to be 20, 25 years. I've been out of high school yeah, I'm a little old yeah, Much older but I look back on those people that I kind of was like envy and stuff like that I used to be jealous and envious about, like yo, your parents, but now now I'm like yo. That's crazy. It was hard. A lot of stuff happened that shouldn't have happened, but there was a lot of good stuff happened too. Like I feel like that kept me from not being, you know, one of those persons that was out there and potentially getting harmed, being in harm, like jail, or you know anything like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, kept me out of trouble, yeah kept me out of trouble and I think, as parents, in our mind we want the best for our kids and it's kind of hard to like get that through their head while they're young, definitely.
Speaker 2:Definitely.
Speaker 1:So we want to talk about. You guys have sent me the pointers like the topics that you guys sent me was really great. I really was trying to like bring it all together and but we'll talk. The first thing we'll talk about is Talking about. I love technology here because we can pull stuff up real fast, real fast. I wanted to talk about fostering open communication. That's one of those things Because as parents, we think that we're great communicators Like listen, the communication we think that we're great is like you're going to do what I say, pretty much not as I do. That's all the communication you're getting from over here.
Speaker 2:That's about it. Tell them all.
Speaker 1:And particularly coming from a single mom's house. We really got so much in our play. We're like listen, just do it, because I say it, I'm going to say this point and I'm going to let you guys roll with it. I know so many times growing up and I don't know if you guys heard this too is that I put food on your table, clothes on your back and heat in the house. That's all, listen, that's all they told me we had to do.
Speaker 1:That's all they told me we had to do and as a child you're like that's all. You want them.
Speaker 1:I'm like that's the bare minimum, mom, that's the bare minimum. And as parents we didn't realize that, but we really got that generationally. And as a parent I started to learn that it's about emotional well-being, mental well-being and all those things. And it's like I realized, yo, I used to grow up like, all right, at least they put food on the table, at least they I ain't say what kind of food, at least you put food on the table and you ain't say what kind of clothes. Like you clothes on me, okay. And I used to grow up and I remember early in my parenting I found myself repeating the same words, even though growing up I said I was never going to do it. And I was like, oh no, we got tapped in something different, I got to do something different. So let's talk about that communication piece. Or actually, if you want to talk about the food, clothes and shelter, mentality and how it's much more our children needs much more, and then we can go into like I guess that could be part of that communication piece.
Speaker 3:I think the food. I'll say food, clothes, shelter type of thing I think that comes from a.
Speaker 3:it's definitely like an older generation and it's more of like a. It's a necessity type of thing and I think, like with our children, we not so much like shouldn't just give them the bare necessities but more like with just food, clothes, shelter, mess it. A lot of parents may write that off as parenting Not knowing that children have different needs, different, different wants that are emotional or just, you know, a mental thing is to have a conversation and I think when it gets boiled down to food, clothes, shelter it hinders a lot of I guess.
Speaker 3:I guess humaneness, and if you're just like food, clothes, shelter, I don't want to look at you as just where I get those things.
Speaker 1:Right, okay.
Speaker 3:Human as well.
Speaker 2:And I think we as humans.
Speaker 3:We all crave connection and closeness, and that's just an innate thing.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:So when it comes to like that, putting that these three things, that you would essentially just go to jail for if you didn't do it. It's like it's. Like you know, children grow up with curiosities that they have about certain things, Right, and when you were talking about like emotional well-being and bringing children up in a way that is, I'd say, like just fulfilling to a lot of times parents will think that like a kid needs to be this way, but the kid will show you who they are Right, like six.
Speaker 3:So it's just a matter of like, understanding like and also letting them kind of get somebody other than just like, I guess it's like a see, I feel like it's more like a guardian.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, like the genuine parent connection. And another thing, like, because we, we, we think from the kid's side. We also try to think from the parent side too, because it's like, nowadays it's so hard to just even live. Nowadays, like, yeah, like you did get me food, shelter and, and they, because that's all you could do at the time. You know, it's so hard, it's just to make money. Nowadays, it's like, yeah, okay, you did get me food, shelter and some clothes on my back. But I know, like, and depending on where, like depending on where people live at, like, say, somewhere to live in a project or where to live in, like a really nice house, like I know that that goes into it too, because, like, the people, like from where we come from, it's like they just that's all they. That's all they know is work. So it's like, yeah, they work, work, work. They come home, they just want to get, get the iPad and go about their day, you know. So I can't see that from that perspective too. But yeah, that's another thing.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's you know, yeah, I think, just like you said, like the emotional connection and and you know I can, I can speak from a household of, of a married household, and a household of a divorced and single household. And I know like when I was married, like you know, it seemed like it was definitely I can do more. It seemed well in my mind. When I look back at it, I felt like I was doing you know, the best thing in the household. But there was two parents in there, even though the other parent wasn't parenting like the way I wanted him to parent, but I felt like, okay, he's still here and and, but over time has been down. A single mom is like I understand how, you know, parents got to work, work, work to provide because it's it's listen groceries these days, like they have mouth.
Speaker 1:I can imagine that's crazy. Man, I got the all right. So y'all know I got your parents says shout out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, that's like I can't imagine Like.
Speaker 2:I can imagine.
Speaker 3:I have cute. What, what I have cute? I have guys at work, you have cute.
Speaker 1:Okay, I was like wait okay.
Speaker 3:Who are around my age and it's the song. So I'm just like I can't imagine going home from this and like there I need my prefrontal, that's what.
Speaker 2:I said I be said I'm like dang, like. As you get older you start knowing she like dang kids do cost a lot of money.
Speaker 1:Like I cost a lot of money. It costs a lot of money. Wow, I do cost a lot of money.
Speaker 1:And then my kids don't get it, though, because they, like, I guess, when you're so used to providing and they always having the things there, like you know, the food there and stuff like that, and when, like now, my biggest challenge right now in my 13 years now I have four to 13 years the two two are about to be 16 and one about to be 18. They eat me out at home. Like you know, my parents used to be like y'all gonna eat this out of house at home, Like I literally understand what that means because now it's like the dirt between.
Speaker 1:All right, I got to provide some food Like every week. Like yo, those jokers are eating Like I don't understand where it goes at though, like my brain was like so your inner senses didn't tell you to stop eating. Like what is wrong with y'all, like there's nothing cause I'm. Like there's something that's called you know. It tells your brain like you're full.
Speaker 1:Like that part don't work on you, cause you ain't never full, Like sitting there with a whole my 17 year old girl I'm telling you, sitting there with a whole bowl of cereal, not like like a regular bowl, Like y'all know, cause y'all probably got them bowls, those big bowls that we cook, that we use to mix up something to make it cake with bowls.
Speaker 2:My friends used to eat that with a mixing bowl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, mixing bowl, a bowl, the box of cereal and the milk Milk. Never go back in the refrigerator. Right, it is sitting there at the table with the cereal, and if it was just we just about to get it down. We have a company today. This is us Like I don't, my brain don't function that way, but, yeah, definitely different than I grew up in. I asked my mom. I was like yo, did we eat canned goods? Cause, like we ate too much and that's all you can really afford to make sure that we kept eating? Or like what was the deal with the canned goods? Cause I feel like I told my sister the other day I'm about to start going to a dollar store and start going grocery shopping, cause this is crazy.
Speaker 1:I buy good food and y'all eat it that fast. Maybe if I could buy.
Speaker 2:They got some great decent stuff at Dollar Tree too, yeah young man.
Speaker 1:You like, you know what it is now, but help us understand, like the perspective of when we talk about this communication, like how we communicate with our children, particularly our boys. Cause one of the conversations, bryce, I recall we had on our phone and it was about pretty much how sometimes boys feel like they're being valued. They're not being valued based on you know. One of the notions that we had talked about was boys are easier than girls.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know that, that that I want you to talk on that a little bit, because I've been running that and buy a couple of people and they just was like what I said.
Speaker 3:yeah, so you said boys. I read a book called the Will to Change by Bell Hooks. She's like one of my favorite artists I mean authors and she explained a lot of like shit. It's called the Will to Change Men, masculinity and Love, so it covers all these different things and it was talking about what are the main things that she talked about?
Speaker 3:A lot was the patriarchy and like that style of living and that style the patriarchy show well, it, when it looks at people, the value gets diminished down to status assets, money. Yeah, status assets, money, productivity, stuff like that. And a lot of times, and it's even in the same sense, it's like when, when dudes will be like oh yeah, like women are submissive, like that's a patriarchal thing and dudes are meant to be dominant and all this stuff like that. It's a it's, it's a culture that, and in relationships you're not supposed to dominate anybody. You know there's no, nobody's supposed to be on top of each other.
Speaker 3:And I think when, like in that, in that way, hearing it's easier to raise boys than these girls is, it's more so. I want my son to subscribe to patriarchal masculinity. So I will like condition him that way or I will emotionally neglect him and that is the easier experience than having to deal with a more upfront, more externalizing girl and some dudes are more externalizing, but whether it's media or friends, or it's usually media, family members, stuff like that, the notions of patriarchal masculinity is kind of wedged in between a lot of different parts in our culture and it keeps everybody disconnected. It makes everybody think that they're other and that they they have to be this way and it. I think as humans we are multifaceted, like by nature. There's nothing like, like you said, with like the food, clothes, shelter, it doesn't even feel right.
Speaker 1:So like, just be like you know it feels like.
Speaker 3:Oh no, it's like, and I know from working. Now I understand Okay. I just that's a lot of do after work. Yeah, it's a like that's what. That's what I hear when I hear that notion of it's easier to raise boys than girls, or just saying that, like boys are any, boys are this, girls are this notion, I think all of us especially like growing up in the communities that we are in have some form of androgynous nature, even if we don't, even if we don't look at it like straight up like even some dudes that are real street are very reactive, so it's like it's, it's a, it's a thing we don't look at, because when we look at the man and the woman, it's like dude's supposed to be this, woman's supposed to be this, and we can't see people outside of that.
Speaker 3:And when you have a boy who doesn't care to do all that stuff or doesn't care to the kind of performative masculinity that a lot of dudes like like we were talking about with, like the athletes, like being an athlete is like, is like a parent, like peak masculinity or something like that, but it's entertainment and you're being. For the most part, a lot of people get exploited through those things and, yeah, you may play, you may do these things, but there's wear and tear on your body and when you get wear and tear on your body, those corporations, those people who own the teams, are just going to look at you like it's it's, it's, it's.
Speaker 3:They can get two people and a lot of dudes. They grow up like, uh yeah, as soon as there's any type of changing in the body, it's like that boy need to play a sport or something like that, and that's cool. Playing sports is nice, but you know, I want to see more dudes growing up being poets. I want to see more dudes growing up being photographers. I want to see more dudes growing up being like sculptures. I want to see more of that and I think, because it's looked at as it could, some people might say oh, it's dumb or is, and call it feminine and I don't know. I feel like creativity is something that comes from God.
Speaker 3:So it's, it's like it's not necessarily a male or female thing, and I think that, uh, since we don't really look at the language we use and we kind of just like regurgitate certain things, like we don't really understand the connotations of certain language, how how it's framing people, how it's giving the people an idea of who they are as a person, right, Like there's a lot of boys who who can easily just be labeled a knucklehead at an early age, but are dealing with hurt and like longing for closeness and stuff like that. So it's a it's a thing where people, we have to force ourselves to humanize each other.
Speaker 3:Right, like I think like I don't know, Like for instance when I met Savion I was, I was like in kindergarten, he was in first grade and I wasn't like I never was really the basketball guy. You know my dad was in a smooth jazz band so like I knew jazz and like gospel and little TV shows, but nothing about like me watching Naruto when I was a little kid, so it was just like it wasn't even like and they not in it. I didn't really start getting into like middle school. So like middle school is a big thing for like I feel like middle school is a big thing for people to kind of like crack down on parenting, on like maybe breaking a foundation, rebuilding something. But yeah, just being being being able to be open with somebody and respect their interests was a skill that he had in first grade that a lot of people don't have.
Speaker 3:So, it's just, I don't know some at first grade.
Speaker 1:We started early.
Speaker 2:We started early but yeah, I definitely feel like, especially like with moms and stuff, I feel like it's harder to get through the boys too for some. I don't know why it is, I guess, because I mean I could see why, maybe because it's like a male and if people like I guess hard, like we don't go through the same thing sometimes, so it's kind of hard to speak on certain things with your mom sometimes. But you know, I don't know, maybe I need to do more like research on it. For some reason why, like it's hard. I feel like it's harder for boys to get through the moms for some reason, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think you know, from a mom perspective, like and then again it's all about environment. And you know, because our environment kind of really shapes us, like you know, we have that our inheritance right, we have our genes right, but then the you know, nature versus nurture right.
Speaker 1:You know, and sometimes they're at odds with each other, right, but like, from having a young man like, knowing, like the things that I lack from my father and the things that I wanted to see my son do, and I felt like, or the things that I lacked in the marriage of my husband, I wanted I was trying to push my son to do something different, be something different, and then that that was me really trying to make him a little bit more aggressive, right, Make him a little bit like this is what a man supposed to do.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to groom you. I'm not a man but I'm trying to raise you to have these type of I don't know, like, like he's very quiet and shy, but I felt like I have to take that out of him, like, because boys aren't supposed to be like that. That's not how they're supposed to be. And when you think back at slavery, like a lot of you know they were having kids for reasons right For working things like that, and it was always like, so aggressive with the male portion, like, so over time we've learned to be very aggressive with our males and not be in tune.
Speaker 1:And in tune with their emotional needs. Because if you're in tune, I'm not. I'm not raising a weak boy, you know, because our perspective, how we look at it, is like, listen, no, you're going to be better than the other man and you're going to be better than that man. And particularly for single moms, like we want to make sure our boys are good husbands for when they get married, right, so we, we kind of like, you know, based on, again, our environment, how we think things supposed to go.
Speaker 1:But then I started to realize I had to take a step back because I'm pushing stuff on him. That's not even him Like he's showing me over and over again. I'm not that dude Like I like to read. I don't want to throw no football, I'm great at it, you know, I'm really good at it. He's left handed, he's good at it. I'm good at basketball, but that's not my desire, Right, you know? And for me it's like but you're supposed to be ready to do this. You're like everybody else around. You see what's going on with men, and I think, and because our as parents, we want our children to be better than we are, right, so we think that we're doing things to push them into that direction.
Speaker 1:And I realized with my son, because he he has a challenge with social disorder, right, but because I was pushing him and being aggressive for him and putting him around aggressive men, that really made him pull back even more and it's like yo, but I thought we supposed to be doing this until he said, mom, I don't need. He, my son requires a bare minimum. Like he really. He tells me all the time you doing too much, Like we don't even do that and then, like the girls, he'd be like they too loud, Like it's just too much going on, Like we don't need to do it, Like it's not that deep. But my son always tells me mom, it's not that serious, Relax. No, it's like what? No, Like I'm the aggressive one in the house. He's just like not that he weak, but he just like like, think about it. It don't take all that to get your point across. It don't take all that to do A.
Speaker 1:B and C but me like listen, I ain't trying to have you sit on my couch, I ain't trying to have you have no girl waiting on you. I ain't trying to have all this stuff. So what you go and do is like take out the trash now Like it was, type of things.
Speaker 3:It's important to like understand it, like stuff like that is out of fear. Yeah, when you're raising a kid out of fear and trying to implode these things out of fear and anxiety. That's a lot for everybody. That is it's it's a struggle for everybody and I think, like masculinity can be so many different things, I think like I don't know, Everybody.
Speaker 3:I don't know, maybe I haven't watched any or much Idris Elba or Morris Chestnut stuff, but like Idris Elba he's never been like the whole loud type guy, but that's just an example. But like I feel like that performative masculinity is the one where it's aggressive and it's super dominating and black people since we've been here, since we got here, have been hypermasking and allies and a lot, of, a lot of times we are, especially in communities where it may be underfunded. You can't. You can't portray the baller playboy ideal of what's being shown to you as a real man. That's very dominant in all these things. So it creates a lot of insecurity, creates a lot of scarcity and it creates a lot of hmm, creates a lot of like discourse, like people kind of will throw away and he's like um, kind of like throw away, figuring out more who they are for, like the symbol of, like being a real man or being a real woman. It's you kind of get stuck trying to portray the image, that scene and you leave real you wherever.
Speaker 3:And I think you know we see that stuff in in TV shows too, where it's like a dude and they get older and they're like I always wanted to be a dancer and stuff like that, and I think it's important to kind of let people grow up into those things, and especially with like being a dude, the main thing is, like you said, like I don't want you to know.
Speaker 3:My couch is like yeah, the thing with like being being a real man and like having money is seen as anonymous. But I've met a lot of men with money who do not act like men.
Speaker 3:So it's like it's, it's a you know, it's, it's really just like a thing for me to say like I got this. Like it's it's like bragging rights, because if you don't intentionally like try to work on your communication or try to work on your relationships or try to, you know, just reflect and change behaviors, and that's the thing. Like growth happens from a lot of change and being able to embrace fear and embrace change, and that's something we're not taught. Like a lot of times, like it's, especially with dudes, it's like you're going to gotta be that way.
Speaker 3:Very rigid.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's a um, especially, like I said, everything environment thing too. Like, yeah, like, depending on what environment you went in, that's how you gotta grow up, that's how you want you to grow up. You know your mom that the crab by herself. You know she, she's the. They try to make you the man in the house early as they can. They throw that on you early.
Speaker 1:So they throw that on you early, so Right. Now let me ask you a question, because you both pretty much kind of been raised by single mom. How does that cause? You mentioned that. How does that make, how did that make you feel, growing up of you you happen to be the man. You feel like you have to be the man in the house now because you're there. Like how did that?
Speaker 2:I say it was a confusing yeah, confusing and tiring.
Speaker 1:Let's say it's confusing, confusing and tiring. Let's talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 2:Confusing and tiring Confusing more because it's so early in your life You're like I don't even know what's going on, yet, like you're still trying to figure out what's going like. I was told this before. I was even like in high school, so it's like I'm in. I'm still trying to figure out what class to go to when the bell rings.
Speaker 1:You're talking about how to run a whole household. You gotta take care of some kids that run a household. What's he talking?
Speaker 3:about as a boy. You see so much patriarchal image and you're like, yeah, I'm the man of the house, but then, like it, you're stressed out, like you don't even really understand what's the whole purpose of things. Like you were saying like you and that was very cool for you to point that out, cause I never uh, I kind of saw it that way, but the way you put it was very cool about like, seeing things that you didn't want your kid to be like, and you were just like I need and we can like I don't know kids can learn like, and that's another thing Like older generations are very like not into learning new things and some are some are and it's, but that's like we can.
Speaker 3:We can gain so many things just from like embracing change and bracing fear.
Speaker 3:I remember I saw this one video where it was saying you can either live your fears or you can live your dreams, and I have that like little mindfulness part of playlist and sometimes when I feel like I'm acting too out of fear, I'll listen to that because we want our parenting to come from a place of love and a place of trust and a place of patience and a place of courage and a place of support.
Speaker 3:You don't want a parent in a, in a fearful state of mind. We may get that way, for sure, that's a human emotion, but the way, the intention in which we may want our child to do something, if it comes from a fear, a fearful or a scarce or an anxious mindset, it can really disrupt a lot of things. And I think when you are a single mom, that's kind of how you feel and I understand that and it's also like you said. Like you said like communicating it's. I think it's something that happens over time. You kind of your parents are your first relationship, absolutely so like that's where you learn closeness from, that's where you learn what to take from people that you're in relationship, and a lot of kids and a lot of parents who may beat their children are teaching their children. Someone can love you and hurt you and physically hit you at the same time. Someone can, and it's like for years.
Speaker 2:So it feels like yeah, like definitely all everything that's going on. I'm happy we're like the generation. That's kind of like breaking the generational curses type thing, cause I really do feel like everything has just been a big piggyback from slavery to beyond.
Speaker 2:And I think it's just like a slippery slope from right there all the way to right now and like, honestly, I feel like a lot of research, I've done a lot of like the parental practices that's been going on now or just stuff that's been passed down for like years and years and years of like slavery, like people beating their kids, Like that comes from years and years of us being whipped and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:So it's like I don't want to.
Speaker 2:I might be like no, let go.
Speaker 3:There was another thing like that. So, uh, I was just talking about like mentalities that go back to slavery. There's something that I saw it's talking about post-traumatic slave syndrome, which was pretty much when people would people messes, would come to, uh, purchase kids and stuff like that. They'd be like, no, he's this, he's that, he's that, he's that. And there's a lot of parents that they're like oh, uh, when, uh, when encouraging things are said about their children, they're like, yeah, this is whatever. They are, so good at this, they're whatever.
Speaker 3:They're like, I'm gonna take them or like something like oh or this one he, he, he, he don't want this one or something like, but it's it's that from down the line that let's say we don't look at our language, we don't look at the stuff, we so, but it's like I even, yeah, like somebody could be like, oh there's. So this is about yeah, that's a goal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he, you don't want this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know Did you guys see the color purple. I didn't see the new, I haven't seen it, so there's a scene.
Speaker 1:The color purple is one of my favorite movies for so many reasons, but what you just said really resonated with me, because there's a scene where Mr was coming to look for a wife, right, and he wanted netty. Do you remember that he wanted netty? He saw netty and he thought she was beautiful, everything. And the father said, no, you don't want her, you want silly. She could cook for you, she could clean for you, she can do all these things for you. And he really wanted netty, but the father won't steal these odors, so you need to take her and kind of remind me of one of the Bible too, with Leah Rachel tell, but based on what silly can do for him is how he literally sold her to him when you think about it, so it's the same product.
Speaker 3:Yeah, this type of thing.
Speaker 1:And you said something early. Like a lot of times parents do parent out of fear because, again, we want the best for our kids. We want our kids to be better. It's just that sometimes we have to learn, like the tools and techniques of how to make them better without being aggressive. Like you know, I'm going to beat you to you understand what I said. Like that, that master slave mentality and I'm not a parent who to do that and I get a lot of Push back because I don't beat kids.
Speaker 1:You know me like, I feel like you know that it dehumanizes kids sometimes, and I also feel like it teaches them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it never made you a better kid.
Speaker 1:I feel like it teaches them how to be really aggressive. When somebody says something or do something or don't do something, you want them to, you have the right to be violent to them. You know and I understand, you know everybody, I know y'all looking at me, spare the rise for the child. They say, which ride now y'all don't win got some crazy rides.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying and the thing with that is like I don't as a person, as a 21 year old man, putting my hands on the kid because they don't understand something is like like they're a kid. It's like there's the first time they ever been on earth. It's like they first run with this. They still got like default settings and stuff. Like Nobody's really like they don't, there's no foundation, right so? And like using violence to kind of You're gonna do this or you're not gonna do this, right, it doesn't. It just makes the kids scared at these. The kid how to sneak around, okay.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna tell them what I do that or it's like yeah and it makes the kid like that doesn't, it doesn't do anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a lot of anger by say definitely like rented like a Like hinders like creativity to definitely hinders creativity, especially like when I was talking earlier Like how I feel like it was harder for a guy, for guy Sons, to get through to their mom's. It's like a lot of times when you ask around a question It'll be like because I said so you know, that's a big popular answer, because I said so. You know, that's just that's what it is.
Speaker 1:At that point, you know, you're like okay, I'm not gonna ask no more, I'm just gonna do it and see what happened, you know and that's definitely a generational thing, because the children are to be seen, not hurt, and Parents weren't explaining this stuff to kids, really Understanding, because it really was more of a thought, a situation, right.
Speaker 1:And you know, one of the things that I realized Working as a nurse, though, in a pediatric population, is that we've had so there's a clinic called in your recess clinic and that is a bid wedding clinic, right, okay, we've had more it's more males who bid wet than females, right, and a lot of it.
Speaker 1:Once we bought down to realize that the reason why the males were really wet in their bed is out of fear, like they had like some type of Trauma from their parent, not like from being, you know, not necessarily abusive, but beating an aggressive niff and how they're been talked to or how they're been treated, and those things go with these kids at Nighttime or even if they're out, you know something, and all of a sudden they have an accident because they're now bladder, now becomes weak.
Speaker 1:See, a lot of this stuff. We don't realize how it physically disturbs the body. So a lot of young males, even when we were talking to them, because they're so scared, like they have so much fear at such a young age again, that fact that you need to be the man in the house this is what boys do, this is what like so much aggressiveness that it really starts at an early age bother them into. And then it goes and getting Up. Once your mind is jacked up, your physical the body's just on the train, right yeah so you made a good point about that.
Speaker 1:So how, as Parents, um, how do? How do? How do we address our young boys? How do we communicate with them better to to not have this type of outcome where they're scared, they're you know, they're walking in fear, or they feel like they have to be so aggressive to you know, because that's just all they learn? How do we change that narrative?
Speaker 3:as, as moms, Think, but take one straight out of Bill hooks for this one. She says to truly protect and honor the emotional lives of boys, we much we must challenge patriarchal culture and until that culture changes, we must create the subcultures, the sanctuaries where boys can learn to be who they are uniquely, without being forced to conform To patriarchal masculine visions. To love boys rightly, we must value their inner lives enough to construct worlds, both private and public, where their right to wholeness can be consistently celebrated and affirmed, where their need to love and be loved can be fulfilled. And that's like for sure, like break it down.
Speaker 1:Summarize that cuz you know.
Speaker 3:Take an honor the emotional lives of boys. You must challenge, picture. That whole notion of like boys must be this they must Be dominating, they must be the playboy, they must have it all together. They must be like completely stone wall. And I'm saying like a lot of like are we talking about, like the socialization of like the boy and the girl, like when little boy is a young. Well, when little boys are young we're getting trucks and like army stuff and very just like toys, like bang on Something break something and girls are getting like easy big ovens and baby dolls.
Speaker 3:So it's the whole. The whole Mental framing is different. Right, like the whole. Our toys are meant to be shot at each other you know, right, yeah, we play baby, so like, and it's, it's a To Just letting children live.
Speaker 3:like she said, like uniquely, like not Every time you see something that may be Maybe Somebody in your family might not do, or like some somebody you heard or maybe talked to Might have done, that you may see as like Real masculinity and a lot of times, because we don't understand what patriarchal masculinity is, we write that office masculinity and we see, like I have dudes that I'll talk to our work who just feel crazy because they're not like Married and stuff at like 27 and it's like there's, there's there's more to life.
Speaker 3:There's more to life than constantly like being the protective provider. There's more to life than just being this dominating playboy, whatever type of figure, type of symbol. And a lot of dudes, when they talk, when they look at Remastering, they may look at an athlete or they may look at a rapper or they may look at Somebody along those lines. But an athlete Dominates in his field and stuff like that. A rapper is the guy with the money, the jury, he's the top dog and it's it's like the image that, especially for boys who are not, who are in in the city communities, who don't have access to all of these resources that can make them this dominating patriarch right away, it makes aggression a lot more likely when it comes to making money.
Speaker 3:When it comes to Women, it becomes a. It becomes such a dire thing because this is my manhood and it's like that stuff is um, it get, it waste people's time. To be honest, like all the, there was a many times in my life where I've realized like, like the times where I would kind of be like one of the most confused would be when I was looking at like how I Want to live and like the patriarch was stuff that was around me, like I was telling you about my friend Troy or he was like yeah, but you big, you should play football. My, but I don't Care to play it. He's like what's your big, you should play football.
Speaker 3:Yeah it's almost like a waste of your body if you're not being used. And it's like what if I want to use my brain, my mind and other?
Speaker 3:things for other purposes. So it's. It's letting a kid grow up, yeah, uniquely. Yeah, we're holding, and not wholly in a sense and like a religious sense, but whole in a fulfilling sense. And when we say, like, um, learning how to parent Children without hurting them or traumatizing them, it's. It comes down to planning and delivery and intention. If you, you could want this list of things, but how you deliver to your kids is gonna affect the way that they pick it up right.
Speaker 3:If it becomes a thing where it's like you can feel like the shaking and you're like I need you to do this, I need you to become this, I need you. It is, it's overwhelming and it is. It is something that is like it makes Um, and a lot of and a lot of dudes are raised up with that like make somebody proud mentality and it is like I feel like for all people, boys and girls, it's like we need to Let kids grow up in a foundation or they can be proud of themselves, for the, for the things about them, for the things that they like to do right, and it not be, it, not be filtered through what the parents think is Real masculinity or real whatever, or think that they should be doing and it, uh, I think that way, a lot of, a Lot of what's the kind of grunt normally? I think it becomes a thing like a Like bell hooks was talking about, like creating those subcultures.
Speaker 1:I Think a lot, a lot. You know, from the perspective of a parent, a lot of it is. We don't want to drop the ball. We don't want to fumble our kids like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like we don't, we don't want to do that. So we tried to figure out. You know, parenting is not easy or no, like it don't matter, like if you married, single the way the parent is not easy, because to be responsible for another human being who have their own thoughts and Attentions that you can't. You know, one of the things I'm learning in parents is like you can't make a person do anything, like even as parents, I used to think that I could make my kids do a bnc. Now, when they were younger, they were sponges, so they was like really China you know they had the reward system and stuff, but now they change.
Speaker 2:They like this here.
Speaker 1:Because they have their own way of thinking, which we want our children to think. We want you to be free, we want you to think, we want you to have self-expression without harming yourself. We want those things. But it's so hard as a parent because you, you know, we We've we've traveled this road and still do right. We've seen so many things and we just want to protect our children. Well, they're, they're male or female, and I think sometimes you know we're not perfect, but we, we get it wrong a lot of times and it's like you don't really want to get it. As parents, we don't really want to get it wrong because it's somebody, life is involved, but at the same time, there is, you know, as we talked about, growth and pain, like there's growth in children are growing in development, and parents are growing in development and parenthood as well, and I think that it's just so hard to To really parent out here.
Speaker 3:You can't control.
Speaker 1:Like I feel like my biggest thing is like I get so frustrated because I can't make you do this. I do you know how good this is for you? Do you understand the benefits in that I can't make it for you? I remember my oldest is you know she's, she'll be 25 and she had said to me, based on which you were saying earlier, she in it read I didn't get it. Two years later, but she had said she had wrote me a letter and she said that she's taught Her live in a porcelain lifestyle. But it was because I created environment where education was number one and that you had to have straight A's and you had to have this and that became because growing up I felt like the way out of the situations that I wasn't always has been education and knowledge. So I wanted her to have this education and not. But where I fumbled her was what I did and not really Was it in touch with her emotional needs like that? In touch with you know she's the artist.
Speaker 1:You know, in touch with some things I wanted. Listen, I'm a nurse. I want you to be a nurse, a doctor or lawyer, because this is the way to the financial support yourself and and that's the things because growing up I didn't see anybody be able to financially support themselves, right. So these are the things I want my kids to do, but however I feel like because, again, this generational thing is that now I, the three youngest ones, I raised them differently, though I, you know they reaping the benefits of what I've learned from her, but it's certainly a thin line between not doing too much and then doing too much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will say I noticed for like a lot of parents it's the thing that like they don't want their kid to be the failure. You know it's like that. It's really big on scared on their kid, not letting their kid fail. And I'll be talking about mom one time. Like mom, you, you gotta let me fail. Like I got you gotta let me mess up. Like I'm never gonna learn it If you just keep like you're on my back 24-7, like you gotta do this, you gotta do this, you gotta do this. Just let me mess up, he got it. Let you gotta let me mess up once or twice and then that's it. You know that once they mess up once or twice, like I know you said, your kids are what? 17, 18?
Speaker 2:Yeah, they might be 16, 18 round age a couple times they mess up, they gonna figure it out on there and they're gonna get it, cuz I feel like around that age a lot of times it was like you're trying to do so much in your head cuz you're about to graduate school and then you're like, dang, I want to go, do I want to go to this college. Or dog, not want to go to college, want to do this one, do that. When you do this one, do that. And then it's your mom too, your mom's like well, you need to do this, this, this, this and this, and it's just so much going on in your head at one time. You know, it's just like I'll be telling mom like you just gotta be mess up for myself one time. So I learned my lesson and then, yeah, and that's just.
Speaker 1:I was so hard. You said like like telling your mom you gotta let me fail. Do you know what that?
Speaker 2:sounds like.
Speaker 1:But I think also it's the perspective of failure to that that really kind of shifts the thing Definitely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's definitely because failure I noticed it like in my grandma's eyes her failure. It's different than what my mom's think of what I'd be failing is to what I think failing is. It's like all different. It definitely is different discrepancies between everybody else of what they think failing is.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah and you to your point that failure is necessary though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's necessary growth and development when you're a kid when you come out, you ain't just walking and falling.
Speaker 3:You know how many times.
Speaker 1:My niece is about to be one she falls so many times I'm like you ain't even got no bottom. No more you keep falling like this. But to your point it's as as a parent. Well, it's just scared like with fear, you know.
Speaker 1:One of the things that's helping me and parents and though, really is my relationship with God, understanding that you know I Don't get it right. I know God, probably like yo, you just come on like for real, you keep doing this, but Learning that I can't control, control, control, numb or anything like that, like all I could do again is put clothes in with the proper tools you know, like communication, or you were saying teaching them how to communicate by being that example of communication to them. And then also, you know what you were saying we didn't get this conversation. We almost done it. We didn't even get to the meat of all of it.
Speaker 1:I can't believe we was, but the the perspective, though, from the young man, young male is so important Because, as parents, we really think that we be hitting, that we be trying our best We'd be like, but not realizing, on the flip side of that, of how you guys are really being affected and how you know that dictates to how the narrative of your life, yes, I remember in the beginning you were talking about you and you like I would never do stuff like that.
Speaker 3:If you are like I'll never do that, or If you tell yourself a million and you just keep it, it's like perspective on like certain things, I'll never do that or always do this or something like that. Holding too close to something or pushing it too far away can bring it Very much forth in a different way, even if you don't really, if you don't see it right then and there. But yeah, like running away from something or keeping it too close, and that's where, like openness comes in. Just letting things kind of like feel the things, let it pass, and that's like and that's another thing about failure, like we're seeing is like failure. We're taught that like failures like worst thing in the world. But you could learn so many things from failing. Like you can Get into something, a career, and figure out Okay, it's not how I wanted to do this, and now you know that you would have never known that.
Speaker 3:If someone just like go all the way over here, so it's a Because yeah, you kind of everybody carves their own path and I think it's important that we instill that in our children. Like you said, like your daughter, who's an artist, like their artists can make really good. It's just a matter of like. I guess all of the arts and stuff is just really like acting on a curiosity.
Speaker 3:A whole bunch of times we're passionate and you act on it once too many times. And then you it. It reminds me of the book Alchemist and the alchemist. He was saying like the closer Someone gets to their personal legend, which was a word used for destiny, the closer someone gets to their personal legend, the more it becomes their reason for living. So People who get into things that fill them up with a bunch of passion it could be family, it could be a job, it could be a hobby, it could be anything but we're not taught to kind of Figure those things out on ourselves is a lot of like you said, I'm this, so I want you to be this, or I've seen that this is good, so I'm gonna Try this. But it would be easier on everybody if it just started from like ground zero and you may know what you want it for your kids as a parent. But to like Keep those things and under.
Speaker 3:Listen to your kid and how they're kind of just talking, like how they're starting to look at things. You can feed them things what's it called like I'm gonna spoon feed them throughout as they get older and can handle more in depth topics. I think and yeah, apparently and definitely is like a something that I Cannot Understand, cannot fathom, but that's why I'm doing so.
Speaker 3:I just having conversations and like reading certain things because it's to Just to understand certain things. Like I wouldn't want to be the type of dad that places all my value and like my money, or Like my money and like status and assets. Like I, I want to be the type of dad and type of husband that, like, has a relationship with my family, like an open, very close relationship with my family, and it's a. You don't get that when you're just trying to be, when you're trying to do more like a authoritative then, there was more of always.
Speaker 2:Like you know, the thing in like a black family's is more like I'm not your friend, I'm your mom. I don't have a friend now, yeah.
Speaker 1:You have to have a boundary, because I respect and honor because if you, if you begin to be, because you know how you are with your friends. So imagine you think of your parents, your friend, you're gonna talk to them that way, you're gonna act that way towards them and there's gonna be a different level of respect and honor. So that's why we don't say it, as we don't want to be your friend. Is that there's a reason why I cannot be your friend right now? I have to be your mom, not saying that we can't chill. We get the most like we open. That's what the open conversation for, but to the point where that still has to be aligned, because then the the relationship shifts and and you got to be able to.
Speaker 1:I Tell my kids that all the time and I want some of my kids get it, but my one daughter really has a problem with me saying that like, and I can't, I'm for life for me. I'm trying to understand why, but now you just said it. Because what have you? The only friend they got, or Something like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's this but it's also and like you got to have.
Speaker 1:You got to have that that authority Leadership, right, you know, because even when you go to your boss at work, your boss ain't your friend. Like you know it's your friend. Like there's levels to this and just teaching, like later on I know like I'm cool. My mom, like I say, we say everything to each other now that we're older and adult, but as a parent, we really trying to get you structure in and the way where you know that honor is still there and that respect is still there, so that you know how to Talk to other adults as well. It's about respect, really, when we say that, it's not to crush anybody's heart or any feeling, but you're saying that y'all don't like how we say that.
Speaker 3:But there's it, that type of I I guess a rhetoric it it. It's like it shows you that like we're not equals and it tells a kid like, and I get to some extent, but there's some friends that are cooler than your parents, like you can have a easier conversation with a Friend. It's like, and it's because, but that it's not because anything we did you. Every chance, when it becomes something you're like, you're reinstating that and I get.
Speaker 3:And I it's a maybe I'll think like that and I feel like there's other ways to Other ways to lead other ways to like as a kid, you see your parent. You don't just like like there's no. You don't just disrespect your parents just to like mess with them. Like it's like and a lot of what we're taught is disrespect. Is like anything that I don't agree with, anything that I don't uphold, anything that I wouldn't do, anything that I wouldn't say. It's like everything kind of comes from like me and other.
Speaker 1:I agree with that, because the things that I feel like my kid be disrespecting me for, like when I talk to, like. How is that? Why does that make you feel like disrespecting me, like if I clean the house and you come in and you want to be Hurricane Ike, tina, mike, johnny, rebecca like a tsunami. I now feel disrespected.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 1:It's like why would you disrespect me like that? But then other people or other people will. How is that? Why is that disrespectful? Why do you feel that's disrespectful? I'm like cause I took my time to clean it and you came in and be a mess. But again, like you said, like respect with people deemed as respecting disrespectful is really a better perspective. But when we raise our kids and we're telling them listen, this is what I like and this is what I deemed as respectful, so I bore you to line up to that.
Speaker 1:It's like nah, but like really I do get. I definitely get the whole friend thing now, as we even sitting here talking about it I'm not your friend. However, I could maybe word it in a different way or show you that I'm still here for you, as like you could converse with your friends Because, like you said, a lot of kids tell their friends more than they tell their parents because apparently I'm not your friend.
Speaker 1:So that communication is so important so that everybody can feel like they can say stuff in a respectful way. Like some people think my kids talk too much. But cause I'm open, I'm like let's see what you guys say. Like you know, and because I'm open, it helped me parent better. Like my son told me that I was antagonizing my one daughter and I'm like what?
Speaker 2:What, what, what.
Speaker 1:But it helped me, because now I don't do that in my relationship with my one daughter is better, because my son saw that listen you, you antagonize it Like what's going on and he was honest enough and he felt comfortable enough. Now I'm not your friend, but we can have that open conversation Before we wrap this up, cause you guys gotta come back again.
Speaker 2:Cause we didn't even, we didn't even, we didn't get to the, we didn't get to the ice murray.
Speaker 1:But I want, well, before we leave, what I want you guys to tell me is that give me like one or two things that your moms did or said or shown you growing up that really resonates with you and stuck with you, that that made you who you are now. Like, give me some some type of positive, you know.
Speaker 3:I know for me, my mom has always told me, like you can do anything you put your mind to, and as a kid it was. It was so, it was so casual. And this is one of the things I realized like as a kid, you don't really realize the type of stuff that you're around, you don't really understand your environment or how distinct it is. When you're young and I realized that, like hearing that all the time, whenever I cared enough to like really put myself into something whether it be reading or learning a sport or making a song, working on music, picking up a new instrument it was like I didn't feel like, oh, should I do this? I felt like if I was, if I had enough in me to put my mind to it, then it would really like it. Just, yeah, like stuff like that has always helped, so that has always helped. Affirmation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for me same thing. Like him, but also like my mom was big on you. You keep doing what you can until people start getting disrespectful, like you can't just let anybody talk to you any type of way. So, like, especially coming from, like her she was born in. I believe she was born in. She was born a while ago, let's see. I mean so she comes from a different generation to me, so it's like that's a working generation. You know they're real big on work, work, work. So coming from her here and like you can work as hard as you want, but once people start talking out of your name or talking crazy and stuff like that, then that's when you just gotta let it be and then get out of there.
Speaker 1:So that helped me a lot. So make sure you're respected. Yeah, make sure I'm respected. Make sure that you're respected.
Speaker 2:And then, if it comes down to somebody, disrespect you, just don't disrespect them, just try to get out of there as most respectful way as you can.
Speaker 1:So basically, she basically was telling you what your worst. Yeah, like know your worst, basically Know your worth, value yourself, like you don't have to stick around to places where it's not beneficial to you or it's hurting you or something crushing you. You know stuff like that. I like that. That's pretty good Cause I'm always trying to figure out what kind of little nuggets I can give to my son. I mean my daughter's, like you know I'm a female so I kind of like, but for my son is like what can?
Speaker 1:I say to you that it's gonna stick with you as you grow up Like even though you don't like all my parents and now. But I need something that's gonna sustain you and be something to you when you get 21,. You know on the radio show talk about I love you, mom, I remember when you did this.
Speaker 3:There's a book called Black Pearls. It's about affirmations for black people and it's really important to use. I am Cause if saying I am like subconsciously it pulls you closer to stuff that you want to be. So if you are, I am brilliant, or I am the good ones, like I am rejuvenated by my creativity, so stuff like and there's a lot of you could just look up I am affirmations and find tons of them but those really.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure there's an app that you can put on. I am and it sends you affirmations every day. That actually pretty helps out a lot of my girl, Wow, Okay.
Speaker 1:I didn't even you know again that whole mindset of like our boys. You know even affirmations like I'm just thinking like, wow, we really need to be having our boys do affirmations too.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, it's definitely. And like I was put into a lot of like I don't know if he I mean he probably has been like a lot different boys groups, those help out a lot too Like I. What school do they go to?
Speaker 1:Well, military academy.
Speaker 2:Military academy First state First state okay, down at lower Delaware. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but he's home school now, okay.
Speaker 1:But they do have a thing on their home school thing Talks about like socialization and all this other stuff they kind of try to pour into them. But that's good. So you guys definitely have to come back. Like I'm telling you because this conversation is like you don't talk to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh see, I'm telling you this, this conversation. I think you really help, I know you help me and I know other people who are watching. Really, you really help them and it's something that probably triggered like tick, like something like wow, wow, wow. So I definitely want you guys back. I certainly appreciate you coming on a show today.
Speaker 1:The conversation was the engage in, as usual you know, having this as we talking about things that they don't really we don't really talk about, and they're so important, especially when we want to change the narrative of our people and our young boys, because, again, our boys have to become men.
Speaker 1:So, I think it's so important to know, as a parent, of the things that we could do better to help assist this. Thank you everybody for joining in Parenting With a Purpose. I am your host, donna Janell. We thank you for our guest. Bryce Shelton and Savion Thompson Value in our boys and what's necessary for our billies, so tune in weekly at 7 pm to Parenting With a Purpose, where again we want to bring back the responsibility, nobility and beauty back into parenting.